Life Stops Here

My computer is in a coma right now. The battery is gone, and I left my adapter in the hinterlands of Guelph. Most of my support stuff was on that computer so now I am stalled even more in the raising of my support. Luckily a few things were written down on paper, and Terra was kind enough to allow me to hijack her laptop for MPD purposes. I just like to point out how sickeningly dependent I am or dare I even say "we are" dependent on technology.

The Great Romance

Yesterday I spent half the day at Rockwood chilling with God on top of this gorgeous lookout point. It hit me that the places that appeal to me most for quiet times are really quite romantic. Like the lookout point for example.

Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
PSALM 73:25

Cultivating a Thankful Heart

Today I am thankful for...

1. Rockwood
2. Red Leaves
3. Extra Strength Tylenol
4. Cool Coworkers
5. Sales
6. One Time Gifts
7. Answered Prayers
8. Family
9. Old Roommates
10. My Car
11. The Bible
12. My Mom
13. Free Movie Tickets
14. Hillsong
15. New Friends
16. Good Health
17. Ryerson C4C T-Shirt

Summit, The Fourth and First Edition

This past weekend was my fourth and first Summit. My fourth in general and my first as staff. It was fun as just as I expected, no matter how much I tried to deny it before I went. I was sad that I was missing out on the Mac-Guelph spirit, but one day UT, Ryerson, and York will give Guelph and McMaster a run for their money.

It was a great weekend working alongside the other staff, not that I had much to do, getting to know the students, and connecting with Jesus. God hit home some very important points that I need to digest before going on campus. I can't wait to go on campus. This weekend definitely confirmed that THIS is where I am suppose to be. Not at law school, not in the states, not in church ministry, not in Guelph doing a victory lap, not even in East Asia. Toronto is it.

Waiting

I don't wait well. I wait better than I did two years ago, but I know I don't wait well. So the following passage from Girl Talk came at a good time.

"Waiting on God isn't about the suspension of meaning and purpose. It's part of the meaning and purpose that God has brought into my life. Waiting on God isn't to be viewed as an obstruction in the way of the plan. Waiting is an essential part of the plan. For the child of God, waiting isn't simply about what I'll receive at the end of my wait. No, waiting is much more purposeful, efficient, and practical than that. Waiting is fundamentally about what I'll become as I wait. God is using the wait to do in and through me exactly what He's promised. Through the wait He's changing me. By means of the wait He's altering the fabric of my thoughts and desires. Through the wait He's causing me to see and experience new things about Him and His kingdom. And all of this sharpens me, enabling me to be a more useful tool in His redemptive hands."

However even though I know what it says to be true, part of me is getting really tired of waiting for my support to come in. The issue is not whether it's going to come in, but WHEN. And the when isn't happening fast enough for me. I feel like such a tool sitting around waiting for contacts. Just what exactly am I suppose to be learning here? I wish I knew. Then I'll rock that lesson and get out of here. But again not my timing but the Lord's.

Stress Response

Lydia Elder was in town this week for a conference so tonight I had a chance to get together with her to go over my Birkmann. It was a really enlightening experience and it definitely helped me understand my behavioral patterns lately. In a nutshell most of my behaviors right now are all stress behaviors.

Some of the patterns I already knew were stress responses, but others I didn't. Yet I still continue to operate in stress mode. What I really need right now is, at the very least, one solid day away in a lonely place to just sit, read, draw, listen to music, stare off into space, or whatever. What's happening is a few days of driving around to support appointments and then Summit. Hello stress.

Next week I will go hide out at Rockwood or some other conservation area for a day.

On a similar note in good fun, we confirmed the fact that I absolutely cannot marry a pansy with me having an authority score of 91. This is the chick who is most likely to be the dictator of a small island. I will run over the guy...twice and then once more just for good measure. But I already knew that.

Please note: I know that submission is a choice, etc...but let's not get into that. It's not one of those posts.

Gross

I hate having to hork. It's pretty much one of the grossest things in the world.

Bed Snob Travelled Out

Usually I'm a low maintenance sleeper. I pretty much can fall asleep anywhere on anything even a hardwood floor. I'm not that picky about where I sleep, but recently when I've been traveling for support appointments I've found it sad to leave my bed and my room. I would say I miss my bed. It's so comfy and custom tailored for...me with all the pretty pillows and canopy. After thinking about it more I think it's just a symptom of over-traveling. I never thought I'd say this, but man I think I'm traveled out. I haven't slept at home consecutively for more than three weeks since May. I'm getting sick of moving around so much. I would just like some stability and structure in my schedule. Although being in this line of work...

Sanctuary

I'm in Guelph's library right now, and it's so peaceful. It's funny in a place where I went during the most stressful times of the past four years I feel at rest. My heart rate slowed down from the coffee and I am ready to relax and dig into work. Weird, but good.

Rarities of All Rarities

Single men who actually want to learn how to dance,
who aren't sketchy or creepy,
who are friends,
who won't get the wrong idea about being your dance partner are hard to find.

They're rare, but they exist!

My roommates and I saw an advertisement for free salsa lessons at the local pub. We wanted to go, but we had no partners and who knows what kind of random guys would be there. Luckily for us a few of my guy friends actually WANTED to learn to salsa. I didn't even have to cajole, cast vision, list pros, or doing anything else to persuade them. It pretty much made my day.

We were talking about guys leading in any kind of social dancing and one of my friends said something to the effect of, "Even if I suck you still have to let me lead." That really struck me as a good example of the complementary roles of Biblical manhood and womanhood. When dancing the guy has to lead and the girl has to follow in order for the pair to dance well, period. The pair won't move in unity if either steps out of the bounds of his or her role.

I had more to say, but I'll save it for another day. I left this post sit on the backburner for a long time as it were.

1. Violin concertos
2. The chill of fall
3. Downtown Toronto
4. Tea tree oil
5. The sound of Japanese.

...make me happy. ^_^

When You Wish Upon a Star

Well in exactly a month it's going to be Thanksgiving Sunday AKA my birthday so I decided to write a wish list because...I've always wanted to write one. For those of you who like giving gifts, I like gifts! It's one of my love languages. For those of you who don't, just read and be amused. Really.


I'll Tell You What I Want...What I REALLY REALLY Want.
~ Gackt's new single Returner 闇のしゅうえん。(If you can't read the font don't worry, it's in Japanese anyways.) I am pretty much in love with this man...or rather his voice...actually his whole image. But he does have THE most amazing voice ever. His range is so wide, and his voice is just so...rich. Beat that Josh Groban!

~ Jay Chow's very very very first album. It has all of the ballads that I like on it. Yet I can never find the real copy at Pac Mall.

The Bookworm in Me
~ Shopping For Time by the Mahaney Girls
~ Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye? by Carolyn McCulley
~ The Art of War by Sun Tzu

Suscribe!
I would love a suscription to any of the following magazines...I know I'm a total geek.
~ "The Economist"
~ "Foreign Policy"
~ "The Globe and Mail"
~ "Real Simple"

Life Imitating Art Imitating Life!
~ Shimmery eyeshadow from M.A.C. :P
~ Anything from M.A.C.

The Practical Side of Things
~ Ribba 4X6 black pictures frames from IKEA. Lots and lots of them.
~ Photo Albums in general.
~ A Chinese-English dictionary.
~ Coasters

My Pie in the Sky
~ Roundtrip vacation to Japan to visit Hiuks AND see Gackt in concert...with backstage passes. When pigs fly. I know.

In Hindsight Jesus' Always Right

I don't know when exactly, but I do remember in the folly of my youth I ranted online to the entire world wondering why I couldn't have met someone in university, got married, and then joined staff. Might I emphasize the fact that this happened during the FOLLY OF MY YOUTH. Henceforth known as "FOMY".

In hindsight Jesus is Sovereign, and I praise Him that He is. MPD is enough work as it is. I can't imagine adding the stress of graduation, transitioning to another stage in life, beginning a marriage in addition to MPD. That would have been madness. I think I would've died or killed my new hubby. Praise God that He knew and knows best. Props to my friends who have done it, and thank God they're still alive. I'm completely content as a cheshire cat to do MPD alone. Less stress and more air time. Can you imagine doing the VACA on half the time? I speed talk as it is.

It's a similar story with STINT. For three years I had planned on going overseas right after graduation. Praise God that He is sovereign and that He thwarted my plans. As much as I love Asia, graduating, raising support, and moving to a different continent all in four months would've been too much for me. Granted yes, I could've done it on the Lord's strength, but I'm so glad He didn't ask it of me.

I like my new apartment. I like my new roommates. I like my new staff team. I like Toronto. I love Jesus.

So what about my current situation? Well, I would love to be on campus right now, but the Lord is Sovereign. Something good will come of this, like an increase in my Japanese vocabulary and hearing comprehension due to an increased consumption of J-drama, anime, and J-pop. That'll definitely come in handy if and when the Japanese partnership goes through. Yippee! Please Lord, let that be soon.

Side Note: The traditional Chinese in me is so going to go on a guilt trip if and when my Japanese literacy exceeds my Chinese literacy even though my Chinese literacy will increase as a by product of learning Japanese. But there is just so much more incentive so study Japanese.

My Inner Nerd

I am fully embracing my inner nerd.

Things I do for fun:

1) Read my Japanese textbook from high school.
2) Read online research journals on the assimilation of Muslim immigrants into European societies.
3) Read www.foreignpolicy.com
4) Watch Shakespeare
5) Listen to Classical 96.3
6) Browse tutorials on html, dhtml, css, and etc.
7) Watch anime
8) Watch Japanese dramas
9) Sketch

Things I plan on doing for fun:
1) Read my Japanese dictionary to boost vocabulary.
2) Borrowing a calculus textbook from the library because I miss doing math. (Where was this love in third year when I needed motivation to get through econ math?)
3) Making flash cards to relearn my Hiragana (A Japanese script)
4) Finish reading my economics textbooks from last semester and third year since I didn't have time to do it when it mattered.
5) Salsa lessons!
6) Copy recipes from the internet so that I can expand my cooking "skills".
8) Paint

I think I just miss school and learning.

Let Go

"moving on will be great...just not right now."

Tonight I missed the annual Guelph Pep Rally, and all that it embodies and entails. Let me just sit and let that sink in.
I missed my friends.
I missed the excitement, the thrill, the anticipation of a new school year.

Four years ago I was one of those wide-eyed frosh staring out onto the field wondering what the future beheld. Four wonderful years. Now I'm here in that future. A bright treasure chest of a future that's still opening to reveal its mysterious contents, but a part of me still wants to go back to the comfort of the past four years.

I feel like I'm in mourning.

"moving on will be great...just not right now."

Carmen

Before I die I want to see the opera Carmen live.

All Around the World

My diverse week/weekend included:

A few episodes of anime. (Japanese)
Some Gackt music videos. (Japanese)
Two thali brunches. (Indian)
Two arias from Carmen. (French)
One Shakespearean play. (English)
A visit to the furniture store. (Swedish)
One yummy family dinner. (Chinese)

Without planning. Imagine the possibilities with planning and creativity. We could go all around the world in one city.

It's ALWAYS Thanksgiving!

Please Note: This one is PURELY self-centered.

You know how the saying goes "Always a bridesmaid, NEVER a bride"?
No, this is not a rant about never getting married, it's about my birthday.
It's about how it's NEVER my birthday. It's ALWAYS Thanksgiving. October 7 is always inevitably THANKSGIVING weekend. No ifs, no ands, and no buts. ALWAYS Thanksgiving. I'm always second fiddle to Thanksgiving.

I never had an issue with this until university. You see in high school the majority was the minority. We were all Asian. Thanksgiving to us was a foreign holiday. It'd just be one meal with the parents and that's it. The rest of the weekend was ours. It also helped that none of us were living AWAY from home. So at that time all of us were trying to get OUT of the house, which meant I got my fete.

At university my friendships "diversified". Most of my friends were Caucasian and Thanksgiving was a BIG thing. Even the Asians left because once you leave home, you miss home. EVERYONE went home at Thanksgiving to celebrate....you know it, Thanksgiving. Which left me pretty much alone with no real celebration on the day of. {insert "All By Myself" by Celine Dion here}

I know we'd celebrate a week later. Or some friends would do things with me to make up for the day either before or after October 7th or some friends would call or would call AND serenade on the day of, and I appreciated all of that, but I longed for a party with all my closest friends on the day OF. Which at this point is pretty much impossible anyways since two members of my SWAT team are now out of the beautiful country of Ontario. It just doesn't feel like my birthday anymore a week later or a week before.

This is all to say I wish Thanksgiving was in November like the USA so the poor souls who are born the weekend of November 24-26 would have to deal with this, not me. Because I actually do enjoy Thanksgiving. I love stuffing, but it's ALWAYS on my birthday! But since this won't change unless I move out of the country (i.e. STINT...kidding) I will suck it up...now.

Another Disclaimer: I know I'm not the only one whose birthday lands on another major event. I feel the pain of my friends whose birthdays are ALWAYS Summit, Day of Evangelism, Christmas, project, and etc...

What prompted this? Trying to figure out when to host a shindig for said birthday and realizing that good dates are few and far between. 22 may have to pass quietly.

And puh-lease don't pity me. This is not me wanting attention or extra special stuff or sympathy or whatever. This is me wanting to get it out of my system once and for all.

The Reality of Yellow Fever

Y'all have probably seen WongFu Production's "Yellow Fever" making fun of the "phenomenon" of white guys dating asian girls in North America.

Well here's the reality of it called "The Hunt for Foreign Husbands" on CBC's website on why white guys who are social pariahs in their native country automatically achieve stud status the minute they set foot in Asia. For example one lanky acne ridden dude dated 30 women within a month. Think Screech with the magnetism of Brad Pitt.

I haven't fully fleshed out my thoughts on this one yet. My first reaction is that of disgust and repulsion because I automatically assume that these men are just sexual predators preying on the unsuspecting and the innocent. But wait! What kind of girl dreams of having a forty year old balding white man with a beer belly as her Prince Charming? A gold digger!

The CBC shines a light on the motives of the women as well, and these motives aren't snow white either. The Asian women want to marry foreigners because they think they're richer and that the white guys can get them legal access to G8 countries. Read: permanent residency or citizenship. Apparently the trend nowadays is not even to marry for love, just the wallet. A person's character isn't even on the top ten.

In the end I guess it's all even in a warped sort of way. An eye for an eye. A tooth for a tooth. Everyone's using everyone else. Tis' a sad state of affairs.

For the record I am NOT against interracial marriages just in case someone random stumbled onto this page. My mom married a white guy. I know some beautiful interracial marriages where the couples married for the RIGHT reasons. It's just the warped reasons that irk me greatly.

I also know that I went to the polarized extremes. There are probably tons of motives in between.

Cooking Conundrum

This entire summer I cooked an astounding TWO times excluding the times I boiled water for cup noodles, dumplings, and wontons. What a feat. Once was scrambled eggs. The other was your typical tomatoes and egg, red-roasted chicken, and stir fry. Thus far it doesn't look like my goal to become a great cook is off to a good start. Sadly enough I think my cooking skills have actually regressed.

To break out of the poor eating habits of a bachelorette I hit up T and T again today. (INSERT HALLELUJAH CHORUS FROM HANDEL'S MESSIAH) I needed inspiration to start cooking. The items on on the shelves were just screaming, "Cook me!" I bought some much needed ingredients that were hard to find in Guelph, but there are others that are still missing. I was so tempted to buy those prepackaged jars of sauces to cook with, but I am resolved not to cop out. Seriously how much authentic Szechuanese food can you get in Toronto? All those signs and labels claiming to be from Szechuan? LIES!

Aye, there's the rub. I long for the delicious food from my childhood, and long to make them, but I lack ingredients and an authentic teacher. Even the best cook in our family can't make REAL food from our province because of the lack of ingredients. No matter how much those labels claim to be from Szechuan, they're not. There are some ingredients that just can't be imported. Like Panda liver. Just kidding. So until the day China really takes over the world I'll have to make due with pseudo Chinese food whilst outside the Motherland.

Read: If my cooking sucks it's because I lack ingredients.

The Warmth of Family

Sometimes I get so caught up being Miss Independent that I forget about how much warmth family brings, and how much I need family and community. Today during a bout of loneliness I got a call from my aunt in T.O. inviting me over for dinner. That was great in itself, but I think the best part was when she used a chinese term of endearment that mums use for their kids. It felt like a hug. I love family.

Homesick

I miss Guelph.
A lot.

Not just the people, but the city and the school itself.
The beauty, the memories, the dreams and the aspirations the university embodied.

Not that Toronto is worse. Not that Toronto is better.
Toronto is just different.
Not that I don't like Toronto. I do. Immensely so.

It's just that Guelph holds a special place in my heart.
It was the place where dreams came true.
Where I came into my own. Where I grew up.
My home.

Final Stretch

I've got around $1,300 in monthly support left to raise. Jesus totally brought in lots of monthly supporters this past week from previous support appointments, and I didn't do anything at all because of the busyness of moving. Praise God. I could totally be on campus by early September.

Goodbye. Hello.

Goodbye Guelph. Hello Toronto.
Goodbye 519. Hello 647.
Goodbye small town. Hello big city.
Goodbye uni-cultural. Hello diversity.
Goodbye blue sky. Hello smog.
Goodbye open streets. Hello congestion.
Goodbye Zehrs. Hello T&T.
Goodbye instant foods. Hello planned meals.
Goodbye house. Hello high rise apartment.
Goodbye mismatched furniture. Hello IKEA.
Goodbye sweats. Hello fashion.
Goodbye student life. Hello staff life.
Goodbye stressful studying. Hello fun learning.
Goodbye carefree (relatively) life. Hello life of responsibility (yet still fun).
Goodbye Guelph. Hello T.O.

I'm officially back in Toronto.

Thwarted

I came home "early" from the staff BBQ to do some MPD tonight to pad my weekly update when I promptly fell asleep on the couch after a shower and a yummy dinner at 8 something at night. Doh. I'm going to go to bed, bed now.

Eat Those Words

For every major decision that I had to make I've had to eat my words.

When I was in high school and my friend Dave was heading off to university I scoffed at the fact that he was going to go to the University of Guelph. I thought to myself, "Who the heck would go to Guelph?!"

Then I actually CHOSE to go to Guelph.

My last year of high school I spent most of my economics class making fun of BAs. We mocked BAs because we thought it was such a useless degree. They'd end up filling up all the Mickey D's.

Then I CHOSE to switch to a BA program from a BCOMM.

When the Lord first called me to missions I adamantly said no. Missionaries don't make any money.

Now I'm on staff.

Tonight looking back at the archives of my old blog I found this:
meanwhile.....i have got to stop saying that i dislike canadian ministry. that might as well be saying "hey sign me up for canadian staff!!!" i've got to be open to anything and everything at any cost. my mouth goes shut now. i wonder if i already sealed my fate. oh geez more words to eat.

Yeah for Canadian staff!

Now I've learned to seal my lips regarding any major life decisions especially since the next major one would be marriage. Unfortunately I've already sworn that I wouldn't marry several guys. The good news is that I can't marry them all unless they all died one by one. So...here we go. We'll see how this all turns out in a few years.

And how

Speaking of cracking twigs and rustling leaves. Carolyn McCulley just unleashed a timely article over yonder at Crosswalk. Click here.

AMEN SISTAH!

"Allow a man to win your heart, she would say. And if he doesn’t want to, then why would you want him?"

Wow. How refreshing. That quotation was from a recent post from girltalk.blogs.com. (In case you're wondering it's the Week 6 Book Club Discussion) It wasn't anything new, but it was so good to read it and be reaffirmed in my convictions. It's tempting to want to flirt, to want attention, to feel validated, and to feel in control of one's marital status instead of waiting on the Lord. But I firmly believe in that men are called to initiate.

Call me prudish. Call me uber conservative. Old-fashioned. I'd actually delight in that.

A woman's heart is precious, valuable, and worth being sought after. I'm not going to throw mine at someone who barely cares, or even someone who cares, but not enough. Been there done that. Not doing it again. It's such a lie when guys say they need a sign that the girl is interested before they ask. In Aban's words, "MAN UP." Who wants a coward for a husband?

End Rant.

Footnote: I know John Ensor suggested "crackling leaves" so to speak. Fine, but I'm not talking about that. There are times when girls take crackling leaves to mean chopping down the tree and watching it whack the guy on top of the head.

The Very First Campus Ministry Days and Staff Conference

I.
LOVED.
IT.

It was pretty much awesome chilling with THE coolest people alive, fellowshiping, learning from Jesus, having fun, worshipping, and of course eating lunch with Mark Driscoll. I had a BLAST.

Campus Ministry Days Highlights
~Laughing at all the MET jokes during Module 1. Then as I was looking around I noticed it was only us young 'uns laughing. I felt immature. :P 'Tis good to be at the bottom of the food chain again.
~Being back in high school in the Module 1 classroom.
~Daily walks with B. Mitts with synched iPods.
~The CUTE babies
~The older staff that just ooze coolness, wisdom, and godliness. "You're so cool! I want to be just like you."
~Ticket to Ride. My new favourite game.
~The food! It was sooo good. I was so sad I couldn't eat more because of my silly stomach.
~The P and W. 'Twas so refreshing.
~Hanging with THE funnest staff team ever. YEAH Toronto. I love my team.
~The list goes on...

Staff Conference
I just have to say that having Mark Driscoll as the speaker for my first staff conference pretty much made my entire year. Yeah that's right, year. It also helped that two friends and I got to go eat lunch with Mark and his personal assistant on the last day. Jesus really spoke to me through Mark's sermons, and I took away a lot from those talks.
I'm still munching on them in my head. That man just loves Jesus, his family, and knows his Bible. I pretty much want to be like him. So in summary, I really admire and respect Mark Driscoll. Listening to him speak in person was the best way to kickoff my staff career.

Other comments.
~I am in dire need of exercise because I had to walk up all the hills when Lyds and I went biking.
~I love having my own bed at staff conference. Woooo-hoooooooo. No sleeping stiffly because I'm scared I'm going hurt someone with my violent tossing and turning. No profuse apologies the next morning for tearing the blankets away. That said no need to give disclaimers to potential roommates. Just me and the pillows. Yay.

50%!!!

Halfway there!

Well actually a wee bit more than halfway there, but I always promised myself I'd celebrate by blogging about it when I did hit 50%. I was at campus ministry days when I hit 50% so I didn't really have enough concentration/energy/time to sit down and write a decent blog post. But praise the Lord! It came in such a wonderful way. One of my project supporters just sent me an email after getting my last newsletter telling me they were encouraged by my passion and that they were coming on for a significant amount monthly starting immediately. I was blown away. It was so totally cool.

Now for the next 50%. It's so close I can taste it.

I'm CANADIAN.... chinese...

There are times where I emphasis the Canadian part of my identity more so than the chinese part for very good reasons. For example in such times as these. Courtesy of Miss Mitts.

They built a four story restroom in my hometown complete with open air Virgin Mary themed urinals among other specialty toilets. How did we go from tea, silk, and porcelain to...glorified urinals? Sometimes I really wonder...

It's just so ridiculous, but when I visit my hometown I will definitely be going there for photo ops. Oh Chines.

New York

This most recent visit to New York has been the best visit by far due to two factors. One is that I've gotten to know the people here better so I have friends! Two I got to drive around the new CRV so I'm not cooped up in the house all day.

Highlights
~The semi-surprise grad party
Mum told me a few people were coming to dinner on Sunday. By a few she meant 30-50. Her and dad got a tent.

~The art lesson
After a hiatus of four years from official art lessons, paints were dug up, canvases were found, and off I went for a relaxing and therapeutic afternoon of learning the "sfumato" style of oil painting used by Leo Da Vinci. This has inspired me to lug my easel and my hoard of art supplies back to Canada. AND...oil paint is much MUCH better than acrylic. I am now an oil paint fan.

~The mini LAN party
Spent a few hours on the computer with family friends playing Age of Empires. Another thing I haven't done since high school. Technology's gotten much better I have to say. :P Gee really? Been trying to figure out which hobbies will resurrect now that I have more free time. I don't think gaming's going to be one of them. I just can't get into them that much as I once did, but I am bringing my classic playstation one back with me. Just a few more RPGs to finish up...maybe. There are just some days where you're so brain dead that you can only play games.

~The massive balloon fight
Was not at all good for my right shoulder, but I think I have more confidence in my abilities for the softball tournament at staff conference. Hopefully the soreness won't persist.

~The food
My maternal grandma's visiting so the food is 100% authentic. I can't emphasize how good it is. I might as well be in China. Ohhh homecooking. YUM!
To Canada I return on Sunday.

War

7,000 water balloons.

2 teams.

1 glorious hour of fun.

i can't wait for tomorrow.

Wall

The rubber has hit the road. I've hit a wall in terms of support-raising. I am pretty much out of contacts in Ontario. I've a handful of contacts left to contact, whom I just can't seem to reach. Referrals are in short supply. I didn't expect it to happen this early on in game, and I was definitely hoping that it wouldn't. This new development brought with it a plethora of feelings.

It's a mix of relief, helplessness, fear, and excitement.

Relief, because Ministry Partner Development is proving to be stretching. A challenge has come up. Not everything is honky dory. I was starting to think I was a bit abnormal for not really been challenged. My situation is not weird after all. Now I have a chance to put my faith into practice. To have the opportunity to stay true to my commitment to the Lord to be joyful, grateful, and faithful when the hard times come. To bless His name when the sun's not shining.

Helplessness, because well really what can I do to change situations and move hearts to prompt people to gather courage to give and to refer me to others? That is only something God can do.

Fear, because the unbelief in me whispers, "What if He doesn't come through?"

Excitement, because I know He will faithfully provide for all my needs, in wondrous ways. The unknown makes it even more exciting. I can't wait to see what twists and turns God will take me through to bring me to full support.

Pray with me for more contacts, and to God be all the glory.

Running on Empty...Literally

I had a support appointment in Newmarket. As I pulled out of the parking lot at the end of the appointment I noticed that I was a few notches away from empty on the fuel gauge. Sitting there at the red light I was flanked on both sides of the road by a gas station. Going against my better judgement I decided to wait until I hit the 400 to find an Esso just so I could rack up more aeroplan points. Little did I know...

As I drove further away from Newmarket and closer to the highway the roads became darker and darker as there were less street lights and less buildings. There were no gas stations. By the time I hit the 400 the fuel gauge was nearly empty, but I calmed myself with the fact that the fuel light didn't go on yet. I still had time. As I was gunning it down the highway I was trying to decide whether I should go slower to save more gas or go faster to try to get to the next gas station on time. I turned off at nearly every exit to try to find a gas station, but each exit was as dark as the night with no blinding white lights nearby to signal that there was gas nearby.

I was starting to get nervous. I drove around a bit at one exit only to use what little I had left to find a closed gas station. The fuel light went on, I started praying like mad, and at the same time started scolding myself for, one: stubbornly wanting those aeroplan points and two: never calling CAA to get a membership for the past four years. As if that would help matters.

I went back on the highway praying that the next exit would bring a gas station, but the darkness just seemed to loom on forever. Who knew that such a major highway would be so deserted?

Finally a sign announcing the existence of a service station relieved my fears and answered my prayers. It was an Esso to boot as well. In the end I didn't get stranded, got my gas, AND my aeroplan points. Oh God is good.

I should get on that CAA membership.

Family

My whole extended family on my step dad's side came up to Canada to celebrate my convocation and my grandparent's 50th anniversary along with my maternal grandma and some of my mom's cousins. To make things easier I always referred to them as either the "white" side of the family or the "yellow" side. It was a good system.

It was a great time of family bonding; the joking and teasing from the uncles, the bantering, being spoiled by the aunts, the antics with the cousins, and just the unconditional warm family love that you could feel emanating from everyone. It was beautiful. It made me treasure my family more. I absolutely looooved it.

With the family I finally got to hit up Niagara Falls as a bona fide tourist. Did the whole boat tour thing and we took THE funniest group photo. Everyone has just got the wonkiest expressions on their faces.

We also went to this sleepy town east of Kingston and chilled at a B& B there called Sleepy Hollow. That was a first as well. I loved it. It was so quaint and cozy with a delightful country feel. It reminded me of my Stillwater, Oklahoma days. My oldest cousin, who's my age and I got to share a room with a massive king size bed. We could've fit another one of our itty bitty cousins in between us or two.

One of the funniest memories from that trip was when we went across the border to New York state to see this old castle a la Casa Loma. I was a bit nervous since the last time I tried crossing the border without my passport we hit some troubled waters. This time I was driving with my cousin and we were blasting the music. The customs officer asked us a bunch of questions, but the best one was "how do you know each other?" We gave each other a look thinking...would this guy actually buy the fact that we are indeed related? It was plain from appearances that there's no way we can be biologically related. She's blonde and blue eyed with a pale complexion, and I've got black hair and brown eyes. So we threw it out there tacking on "BY MARRIAGE," at the very end hoping for the very best. In the end he believed us to our great relief, and we went on our merry way.

The castle on Heart Island was beautiful, but a bit disappointing on the inside since it was never finished. As we toured the islands we found out that some people bought some of the islands for as low as $24 way back in the day. Now they go for about oh... a few million. Dang! What an investment. I should be buying myself real estate like that. What with global warming and everything I should buy some dinky little island in the Arctic Circle or something. Maybe that'll pay off.

On the way back to the Great White North we stopped by a go-kart track and roared around the track. It was great fun although I will never will wear a skirt to go go-karting in the future. We also hit up the batting cages where I got whacked by a 70mph fast ball. That put me out of commission, and I didn't even get a war bruise to show for it.

Oh fun times with the family.

My Very First Wedding Present

I know a few years ago I posted an entry about how my mom bought me a gift during Christmas vacation, but she wouldn't give it to me because she meant it for my wedding. I can't find the post anymore, but...

This weekend she brought it with her in honour of my convocation and so that I can wear it to Ashley and Ryan's wedding. It was a Swarvoski necklace and earring set. It was beautiful, and I can see why she initially bought it for my possible future wedding. I joked that she gave up on the hope that I would ever get married, but who knows? :P Only the Lord. :D

Iron Foot

Be Aggressive, Be, Be, Aggressive
You'd think the last thing your mom would tell you is that you're not aggressive enough when it comes to driving or at least when it comes to switching lanes. But that's what mine did. When my mom was here this past reading week she was getting annoyed with the cowardice that I displayed when I was attempting to get to the other side of those dotted lines. I guess compared to the way New Yorkers drive, anything less is cowardly. Plus Guelph took whatever edge I had out of my driving skills these past four years.

But I am a wimp no more!

After four weeks of MPD, weekly trips into Toronto, and more than 1000km on the highway, coupled with mom's New York way of switching lanes, I am a confident, bona-fide lane switcher, and city driver. (But not a jerk.) I no longer balk at the thought of switching lanes multiple times to get to an exit, nor am I doomed to drive as slow as a turtle if I have the misfortune to be stuck behind a slowpoke. Nor do I wait until there's absolutely no oncoming traffic or wait until the traffic's 10 km away before I switch.

This girl's got her city driving groove back! YEAH! Now I fully enjoy driving. I think before I gave off the idea that I didn't enjoy driving, which was somewhat true. I didn't enjoy driving only when I was driving under circumstances that scared me. i.e. snowstorm, rainstorm, heavy traffic. But now I fully enjoy it because I have so much more control over my car. The only downside is coming back to Guelph puts a cramp in my style because of the sudden increased numbers of police cruisers coming out of the woodworks. I remember thinking to myself that I needed to go online to familiarize myself with the Impala logo so I can identify police cruisers easily. Sigh.

I need to obey the speed limits.
I need to obey the speed limits.
I need to obey the speed limits.

Hillsong United

Last Saturday I took the night off and went to the Hillsong United concert with Becky, Hannah, Amanda W. , Shona, and we met up with Selina, Aban, and Amac at the Molson Amphitheatre.

It was...uplifting to be there praising the Lord with 12,000~ other people. It's the one "concert" in my memory besides Passion where I actually came away feeling full instead of empty. There's something about the lyrics to Hillsong songs. I was praying them as I was singing them. My favourite song of the night was "I Stand". I think it was the other girls' as well. "Take it all" was a close second for me.

Aside from the spiritual aspect it was uber fun to hang with the girls. There's just something about them that even if we were just bumming around the couch it would be tons of fun, but throw in the concert and the fun factor just skyrockets through the roof.

Highlights
~ the awkward moment with the random teenage boys from NY. Awkward, but funny so it's a highlight. Besides I've had worse.
~ getting free CDs
~ getting V.I.P. seating courtesy of Miss Wong
~ headbanging in the car and showing those high school girls in the car next to us just how cool university grads can be.
~ blasting "Mighty to Save" at the loudest volume that my little Honda's speakers can play because sadly it's not a "United" song. *tear*
~ afterwards we went to Korean BBQ at Commerce Gate where we had all you can eat for $8.99. What a steal! It was really delicious and I had unlimited plum juice. Yum. The best part was when at the end when the waiter was clearing our table Becky started to sing "take, take, take it all." Hahahaha

Lowlights
There was just one lowlight. Very frustrating. On the way down to Ontario Place we were guessing the price of the parking for this massive event. We speculated that it couldn't possibly go higher than $15. That would just be ridiculous.

When we got to Ontario place we drove around looking for parking close to the entrance, but we eventually had to turn back to the parking lot farthest from the entrance. As we inched up to the ticket attendant to pay for our parking, we saw the sign say $12. We rejoiced because that was $3 lower than what we had expected. BUT! Just as we were one car away, the attendant came out of the booth with a big magnet sign, took off the $12 sign, and replaced it with the magnet that said $20. Booooooooooooooooooooo! So in the end we had to pay $20!

These Things Happen, Stories of MPD Bloopers

Bust Out the Awkward Turtle
Friend A was an acquaintance who I haven't seen or talked to since high school. When I called her up I caught her at a bad time. As I was trying to build rapport I found it to be hard. From my POV there were long awkward pauses.

"Awkward, awkward, awwwwwwwwkwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaard," I chanted to myself in my mind until my real voice followed suit and blurted out,

"Awkward!"

Needless to say I immediately tried to finish the conversation as fast as I could then and there.

Chinese Time
This past Saturday I had three appointments scheduled back to back. Despite being stuck in traffic for a tiny bit I had made it to my first appointment on time. As I waited for my friend I begin to remember the concept of "chinese time" meaning that chinese people usually showed up 15-25 minutes after the appointed time.

I kept this in the back of my head as I parted ways with my first friend to meet my second. Standing in front of Second Cup I was sure that he was going to show up. After all we confirmed over Facebook. But as the 15 minute mark passed and then the 25 minute mark passed, my confidence wavered. Worst of all I had forgotten to ask him for his cell phone number and I didn't give him mine. At the 40 minute mark my stomach was aching for food, and I was pretty sure he wasn't going to show up. In any case I just couldn't wait any longer. I hadn't eaten a thing all morning except for a few bites of stale croissant from Second Cup. So I left. Moral of the story? Confirm by phone and get the cell number!

5k in 1.5 Hours
The same day that Divine Appointment #2 happened, Blooper #3 occurred. In between the two Doris called for our weekly phone appointment and I had asked her to pray that the appointment later that night in St. Kitts was going to happen because so many things could go wrong on the way.

Well to start off with I left a bit later than originally planned because my alarm clock didn't go off for my nap. I was still going to make it on time though if I drove at a decent speed. I hurtled down highway 6 towards Hamilton all the while torn between a desire for more speed and the fear of the sign that said: 100km Fine: $95. If I got a ticket would that be reimbursable under MPD? I consoled myself with the fact that once I got on to the 403 I would be able to go much faster. Little did I know...

Two lanes on the QEW were closed due to an accident. This meant that the 403 was backed up from the QEW all the way to highway 6 where I had turned off. As my car inched along the 403 at a whopping 0km per hour the road signs again taunted me with: QEW 5km. Finally after 1.5 hours I got to the turnoff for the QEW. Straining to see ahead I could tell that the traffic wasn't moving much faster there. By this time even if the QEW was moving along smoothly I would have arrived 2 hours late. At the very next turnoff I left the 403 and doubled back to Guelph.

But it wasn't all for naught. When I got tired of the music that I had in my car I tuned into 680 news where I heard all the juicy gossip I mean news from this past week. Apparently the Governator and some dude in Ottawa have a bet going on who's going to win the Stanley Cup, and Toronto wants to put microchips in its garbage bins.

Moral of the story? Listen to 680 before leaving.

Divine Appointments

I love MPD because a person can witness God do crazy things and see prayers answered.

Last week I was praying for more contacts. That same week I had my newsletters printed up.

"That's good work you're doing there Shelly," the printer guy said to me when I went to pick it up. We spent a few more minutes chatting, and then I leave. As I drive away in my car I realize...
"Hey! That guy was a Christian. He seemed interested in campus ministry. Have I not been praying for contacts?"

"Go back and ask Him!!!" One voice in my head screamed at me.

"No that'll be so WEIRD," another one protested.

(Please note, I am NOT a schizo)

I pulled into the parking lot of my next appointment debating with myself whether to go back or not. Finally gathering all my courage and blanking my mind to block out all my fears I drove back to the printers and asked for an appointment. He gave me a business card and asked me to contact his dad. End of Divine Appointment Story #1

This past Monday I was anxiously online doing some administration because well, I didn't have much else to do. My contact list was starting to dry up like a creek bed at the beginning of a drought. One of my friends who I've been trying to meet up with came online, and we tried setting up a time. It just so happened that he was very free at that very minute for the whole day. Well so was I! I quickly jumped into the car and drove to the Loo area. When I walked into his apartment to meet him who should be there but another one of my friends who I haven't seen since high school. We set up a time to meet up on Tuesday, but in the end he tagged along too.

But that's not where God's hand on the whole thing ends. Two weeks back I had been referred to a pastor in T.O. I was just told to call the pastor up. To be honest...I was a bit apprehensive about calling up a pastor point blank, but I was going to do it. It just so happens that friend #2 goes to said pastor's church and was close to him. Who do I ask for a favour? Friend# 2.

Mmmmhmm...God is gooooooooooooood!

The Fat Duck and Tofu Burgers

If I could only eat one type of food for the rest of my life it would be burgers. I love my burgers.

There's a new pub in Guelph called "The Fat Duck". It has the MOST delicious tofu burger ever. It's not a mish mash of stuff thrown in to make a veggie burger. It's just one huge honking piece of mhmm...tofu with spicy mayo. Delicious. It is my newest addiction. I'm sad that I just discovered it. Becky had it first last Monday when we were having our sabbath together. Only three more months to enjoy its bean curd goodness. Well technically two since I'm gone for half of July and God-willing moving into Toronto by mid-August. Another thing to say "See you later to," when I move.

Shifting Into "FAITH" Gear

Faith gear.

Get it? Faith, sounds like fifth? I know cheesy.
I don't even know anything about driving a standard transmission although I would like to learn.

The first 1.5 week of MPD was "easy" in terms that I could live more by sight than by faith. I had all these appointments lined up so spiritually it was somewhat easy to just coast. But now as second week draws to an end along with my contact list, it's time to start really living by faith,

Things I Enjoy About MPD

1. Catching up with people, and getting the down low on their lives
2. Driving everywhere with the music blasting
3. Sharing my call and my vision
4. Seeing other people get excited about the ministry
5. Being able to try a lot of Starbucks' drinks
6. Witnessing God do a lot of fun, crazy, and unexpected things
7. Getting closer to the Lord
8. Learning to improve my listening skills
9. Being able to pray for others
10. Buying lots of pretty thank you cards

Confirmation!

Dear Shelly:

On behalf of the University of Guelph I am pleased to inform you that your application for
the Summer 2007 convocation has been approved....

I am graduating for sure with HONOURS!!!
How did that ever happen?
Must totally be a God thing.
I'M EXCITED!!!
HAHAHA

I Heart T.O.

I've been going into Toronto every weekend thus far, and the frequency of the trips will only increase. I'm getting to love it more and more especially now that I'm a "working girl", I'll be able to explore more of the city.

Things That I Love About T.O. As a City
1. Being able to go 70+ on major roads and still be ok.
2. BBT and T&T
3. The arts scene
4. Ashbridges Bay
5. All the cool restaurants

Things That I'm Looking Forward to in T.O.
1. Celebrating my 22nd birthday at the Panorama restaurant
2. Trying to get rush seating for the Ballet
3. Going to the TSO for $10 a pop, and great seats at that
4. Getting involved in a church
5. Shakespeare under the stars
6. Beach volleyball at Ashbridges
7. Karaoke
8. The occasional DDR...although I AM out of university now...
9. Being close to my fave Japanese restaurant so I can get Sushi Pizza more frequently now
10. Taking piano lessons

Getting Back to My Roots

Saturday night I had a chance to hang out with my high school friends again. Things I like about hanging with my high school crowd:

1. No one cringes when it comes to squid.
2. People know what Initial D is.
3. The history and the inside jokes.
4. The azn jokes about stereotypes.
5. The way we celebrate birthdays.

Limitations

I. am. so. very. exhausted.

I think I've pushed myself to as far as I could go in terms of Ministry Partner Development this week. I was three appointments away from the all-time record number of appointments in a week. So close yet so far. I'll try for the record again another week, but now that I know my limits, it's time to work out a schedule that would actually be sustainable for the next 2.5 months.

God has been so good in big and little ways this week. I am thoroughly enjoying MPD, but I definitely need to catch up on some R&R.

I loved how God showed up in little ways yesterday. It was so sweet. In the morning I dashed out of Guelph, running a bit late for an appointment in Toronto. In my bag was a stash of thank you cards that I had to mail out that day. The area I was heading to was not part of my "hood" when I lived in TO so I had no idea where mailboxes or post offices were. Plus I had three appointments scheduled back to back so there was no time to stop in between anyways.

Upon finishing my first appointment, lo and behold, what should be parked outside the building, but a Canada Post truck!

Then later in the day I was running low on gas, but I had no time to stop and fill up since I was dashing between appointments. I was looking for an Esso gas station since that's the only place that I fill up because of their aeroplan awards, but I didn't know of any Essos around the place I was driving to. As I pulled into the plaza, what should be there, but an Esso gas station?

Truly, truly God is good.

Three Words

My cup overflows.

I am so happy right now. My heart is just brimming over with joy. The more I practice my VACA, the more I love where God has placed me.

Placement

I am going to Toronto!

I was so nervous before I opened up my placement because never has such a major decision been made for me, but I am so ecstatic to be a part of such a cool and fun team.

I literally jumped, screamed, and cartwheeled when I found out. I was outside by the freeway so it was all good.

God is good!

Ministry Essentials Training

Well we are half way through MET.

I can't believe I'm here. After gunning for staff for all these years I'm here. These past four days have blown my mind away. This really is Ministry ESSENTIALS Training.

There was this one point when Dave was addressing us at lunch as staff, and I remembered looking up expecting to see the staff that I knew. I blanked for a minute before I realized he was talking to us. I definitely don't feel like a staff. What's a staff suppose to feel like? Hahaha.

Loooooooove it!

Building Into the Next Generation

Carolyn McCulley often encourages women on her blog Solo Femininity to build into the next generation even as singles. Being in Arizona, I have the rare opportunity to hang out with my CUTE cousins, and build into them. They are THE sweetest, cutest, loveliest, most tender hearted kids. So I love them to bits and pieces.

Today I got to go to their school and have lunch with Drew, my little boy cousin who's in second grade. We had subs and then we watched him play soccer with the rest of the boys. Man, are they rough! I was shocked. That's definitely something I'd have to get use to if I ever have sons.

Then tonight I got to take Jordan, my little girl cousin who's in fourth grade out on a date after dinner. She reminds me of me when I was her age. She loves books and arts, my two favourite hobbies. We went to Barnes and Nobles, the States' equivalent of Chapters, and hung out there for 1.5 hour browsing books. It was fun being in the kids' section and reading all the books.

Afterwards we went to Starbucks for some awesome coffee and settled down to read a few stories out of Jesus Freaks, this book I bought Jor for her birthday. It was so cool. She sat in my lap. We read the stories and then we talked about being persecuted for our faith just a wee bit, and we prayed for people who were being persecuted around the world. I wish they lived closer so I could hang out with them more!

Discipline VS Pruning

Yesterday my Aunt Mel and I hiked up to the Romero Pools in Catalina State Park. It was an AMAZING hike. We were in the desert, but there were all these cool vegetation around. As we hiked I got to pick my aunt's brain about marriage, children, and family. It was really cool to hear her stories and her perspective on stuff. Sort of like an informal discipleship time.

When we got to the pools she read to me from the book The Secrets of the Vine by Bruce Wilkinson. It just so happened that the chapter was on pruning. The main wisdom that I gleaned from the chapter was that there's a significant difference between discipline and pruning even though both are uncomfortable. The Lord uses discipline to bring us out of sin while He prunes to make us bring forth more fruit. There was a whole chart on it.

It struck a chord with me because this whole time I've been viewing Ministry Partner Development (MPD) as sort of a disciplining process. Coming at it from that perspective, I was trying to think of all the sin that I could possibly commit so as to avoid them so that I could finish MPD faster. But now I realize that it is more of a pruning process that God uses so that I would be more fruitful in the future. This makes me so much more willing to endure the discomfort and so much more willing to go through a longer process. I thank Him for this lesson learned the easier way.

Mars Hill Church

I usually try to avoid the latest fads because I hate being a "bandwagoner", but I always end up jumping on the bandwagon anyway. Case in point: Mark Driscoll, and Mars Hill Church. Many people around me were raving about, listening to, and reading Driscoll. Eventually my curiosity got the better of me. I listened to one of his sermons, and I loved it! So solid AND culturally relevant.

One of THE highlights was the chance to visit Mars Hill Church during my visit to Olympia/Seattle. We went to the 7pm service. I was so giddy, excited, and really trying hard not to act like a teeny bopper tourist.

The sermon was on Nehemiah Chapter 5:14-19. It was SO good! Kinda weird seeing Mark preach live though after listening to all those sermons. I really wanted to meet him afterwards, but I guess there's enough yahoos in Seattle for him not to be available to the general public. There were security guards at the service!

So instead of talking to Pastor Mark Driscoll, I headed for the book shop where I almost cleaned them out. I also got two cds of their live worship. Amazing.

This guy and this church is just so inspirational. Being there stoked my passion for Christ and the desire to reach out to our culture instead of just being frustrated with it.

I am so excited to see him at Staff Conference, and I am most definitely planning a return trip to Mars Hill when I hit up Seattle/Olympia in July.

It Just So Happened...

Before I left Guelph for Olympia, I had asked my mom to ask her friend if I could speak at their church, meet their pastor, etc... to develop ministry partners. The answer that I got was that usually they don't allow random people to speak, and that they didn't have a pastor yet as they're a church plant. So I just let it go thinking God had other plans.

When we arrived in Olympia it just so happened that on one of the nights that we were there someone had to deliver the program for Sunday to my "auntie". It just so happened that, that someone turned out to be the "leader" of the church who was introduced to me, who asked me for my testimony and calling, who then invited me to speak at the college/careers group, and at the end of that meeting, invited me to speak at the service on Sunday. Praise God!

By the end of the visit, various contacts were made, plans were cemented for a return trip in July for official MPD appointments, and I was fully supported for MET. I had left Ontario with about $500 in cheques and pledges for MET. I was assuming that the rest would come in after I left, and Becky would bring them to MET with her. I also brought my MasterCard just in case...But in Olympia, my auntie and her husband gave me a cheque and the church gave me a cheque that just pushed me right over. I definitely didn't see that one coming. God is SO good.

Around this time I was going through Mark Driscoll's series on Ruth, and one of the themes he was teaching on was the theme of God's invisible hand of providence. I definitely saw God's hand of providence in Olympia. Praise the LORD!

Check!

Things I've Always Wanted To Do That I've Done:

~See Port Angeles
~See Mt. St. Helens'/Volcano
~Go digging for oysters

Today we went to the cove for FREE fresh oysters. There were piles and piles of oysters just laying there for the taking. The sad thing was I couldn't take the saltiness and the fishiness of it without any cocktail sauce. The thing stayed in my mouth for a few minutes while I debated whether to swallow or spit. In the end I had to spit it out. It was making me sick. Sad, as I love oysters, and they're usually $20 a dozen. Snifff........
















I got greedy just seeing all of these oysters. I wanted to take them all home, but now I'm feeling somewhat sick from eating a dozen of them at the Buffet. God-willing, I'm not getting food poisoning. That would...SUCK.














Here's the picture of me trying to decide whether to swallow or spit. Notice the look of utter disgust.














My dad and I took off our shoes to get close to the oysters. Later he scraped off the mud with a clam shell to put his shoes back on. He found me a shell too, but I made him carry me over the rocky beach back to shore to wash my feet off at the faucet because I didn't want to get the new shoes that my mom got me dirty. I heart my dad. Yes, spoiled indeed.

Impromptu Speaker

I've been asked to speak at the college group of my Auntie's church. They asked to me say something to encourage them to live for Christ. So I've decided to speak about the Spirit-filled life.

Please pray for me!!!!

Sleepless in Seattle

Well I'm in Seattle and sleepless too. It's a gorgeous place. Very Vancouver-esque as expected. Absolutely lush and romantic. Sigh. The greenness is so refreshing.

When I was flying over Houston, the trees looked a bit odd to me. Then I realized it was because they were green and fully of leaves looking like spring instead of the deathly gray that is spring in Guelph right now.

We're going to Mark Driscoll's church on Sunday hopefully. A taste of what's to come at Staff Conference. I'm so excited. We're also going to find the very first Starbucks. I'm totally teefing Vanessa's plans for Seattle, but I'll find more of my own.

Rambling Reflection

I am sitting at my laptop at 2:21am in the morning waiting for 3:00 to arrive so that Becky, Ashley C/K, and I can drive me to the airport for my crazy flight to Seattle via Houston.

Today I woke up and thought to myself I am no longer a university student. I am in the real world now, and it scared me.

The thought of arriving home from MET to an empty house, to moving again to a new place, to starting new friendships freaked me out. Loneliness is a scary thought.

Life is clearer but at the same time more mysterious. I know Who and What I live for, but wherever that takes me is veiled.

But I'm glad I'm not in this alone. The Lord has blessed me with such awesome friends to make this transition with. I felt much better talking about the big changes in our lives with Ashley.

I had a crazy busy day today having one last dates with some awesome friends, reliving our friendships.

Had a last DG dinner. My girls Emily specifically made me a scrapbook. Oh what a treasure. Everytime I have doubts about my calling, I'm going to look back to that book. Discipleship is so hard to measure...but it's good to know that God is using me for some good.

It has been an amazing four years. I enjoyed and treasured every moment of it as I walked across campus for class, studying, meetings, appointments, campaign blitzes, prayer walks, evangelism. God knew what He was doing when He directed me here. I wouldn't trade it for anything else. Not even Harvard.

Officially Done

Macro in an Open Economy
11:30-1:30
MacKinnon 117

That was my final final of my B.A.

I am officially done my undergraduate.

Weird...

Eureka

Yesterday I had an eureka moment. I brushed off the cobwebs and pulled out my tablet. For once I was itching to sketch. Followed a tutorial online to CG, but it just wouldn't blend properly. Then I figured out that I was on the wrong pressure setting. Eureka. I am now on my way to CG awesomeness.

[szechuan dialect]
xin sua hua diao la

[literal translation]
heart play wild lost la (no translation for the "la" it's just a sound)

[translation]
your heart's gone wild because of all the fun you've been having and now you've lost control...

...something along those lines

Always used as a rebuke when I was growing up whenever I spent anytime away from scholastic endeavours. Always thought it was overrated and didn't apply until now. Mum just used it on me and for once I didn't counter it. Tis true. Tis sad but true. I was more disciplined when I was younger...quite possibly because I didn't have a license or a car to drive to the bookstore to read manga the day before an exam.

Reinvention

Not of this blog, but the topic of reinvention of oneself. Wednesday Becky, Vanessa, and I hung out talking about cabbages and kings. We touched the topic of reinvention and whether people we use to know have changed and how we've changed ourselves.

Looking back to high school I was definitely a geek. I was into anime, manga, gamed-RPGs, went to cons, and cosplayed. If you didn't understand any of those terms, that's ok. You just don't know the full extent of my geekdom. And if you understood without me explaining well all that...then we're in the same boat. So apparently I reinvented myself. At first I thought that wasn't true.

It was just a lack of disposable income that stifled the expensive hobby:
1)FF carried over to PS2. No money for PS2 much less the games.
2)Convicted about pirated software so got rid of Photoshop. Did not have 700 bones to get a real copy.
3)Once you use Copic you can't go back, but I was too poor to buy them anymore. $7 a pop for an uber nice marker is too much. Unless I was a professional. [In my dreams.]
4)No time to earn money either.

But then as I thought about it maybe I did reinvent myself. Or rather Someone reinvented me. Something bigger grabbed ahold of my heart. Even if I had the disposable income would I have spent it on those things? Probably not. I've also chosen to spend most of my spare time in ministry. Priorities have changed.

Still a geek though. Not going to lie. Definitely still got the otaku within. <3 Still got the love for drawing and daydreaming stories. In fact I filled a third of my sketchbook with solid sketches this semester. Quite a feat considering I've had artist's block for about two years.

Now what?
I want to create a manga to stimulate thinking on spirituality and point people to the Truth instead of all the pseudo po-mo stuff out there, and I want to create a manga for girls addressing relationships/beauty/contentment/singleness, etc...Not that I am an expert, but...

Stay tuned.

Discretion

May I direct your attention to the little disclaimer to the right of this post?

The timing's apt coinciding with a decrease in my blogging. I use to be the avid blogger, blogging whatever came to mind with no discretion. Now the folly of my youth is up for the entire world to read until I find a way to archive without deleting everything.

Reflecting on this blogging phenomenon, it just shocked me how easily I spilled everything to the world. I've been reading a book on the Cultural Revolution lately. One wrong word in those days could very easily mean death. Yet here I am throwing words around flippantly.

In the beginning I definitely did it for the attention. Read: Ordinary People Afterwards it was just used to keep my friends updated. Then...there was nothing blogworthy. My thoughts just seemed silly.

On My Own

In my head I keep thinking that I'm "moving out on my own" this year even though I pretty much have been living "on my own" for the past four years. I guess I mean that I'm going to be fully independent, cutting the last apron string that ties me to my parents.

The one thing I'm looking forward to most is getting my own place. Setting up house. Just thinking about me gets me excited. I can't wait to go to Ikea or Wal-Mart and get dishes and plates that match! Woo-hoo! Or buying a full set of quality pots and pans that won't burn...easily. Or getting a wok and steamers, and really cool spatulas. There's also blenders, bread-makers, and etc...Ok, now I just sound...nerdy and materialistic.

I've been planning out an imaginary apartment in my head. Today I designed an arts studio in my head also known as the other half of the living room or maybe even the full thing assuming I get a one BR apartment. I'd like a really modern one with a really wide table with a glass top with my laptop and Wacom tablet (I pronounce it "Whack 'em"). One that gives lots of elbow room for large sprawling sketches.

That said I probably wouldn't invest in all that much with the potential of a STINT still looming in the future or be able to buy all that stuff at once, but man is it ever fun to dream.

But burn proof pots and pans....those are a must.

Reversal

May 2006:
I had just finished my third year of university, and was still a student. It was my first time out in the wild wild west of Canada in the beautiful city of Calgary. The second week of national project was almost done. I had just been hired by Home Depot to be a paint mixer for $10 an hour.

Beth had just graduated from the University of Guelph with a BA Honours. She was no longer a student, but a newly commissioned staff member with Campus Crusade for Christ. MET had just finished, and she was just stopping over in Calgary for a few short hours with other fellow new staffers from Guelph and other places.

We met up at Calgary's airport while they were on their layover and caught up on who was placed where.

May 2007:
This time Beth is in Calgary, also as a Rocky Mountain project participant, but with the slight difference that she is staff. She'll be the one driving in to the airport and the one with the nice bed to sleep in for the night.

I'll be the one flying into Calgary for a layover. Freshly done my fourth and last year I'll no longer be a student either. Coming from MET, I'll be a newly commissioned staff member with Campus Crusade for Christ.

But again God-willing we'll meet up at Calgary's airport to pass the time during our layover to catch up on who's placed where.

It's so weird how things change and don't change in a year. It's really cool actually. It just blows my mind the stuff that God can orchestrate, and the sense of humour that He has.

Deals

I love bargains. It must be the chinese in me. Why pay full price for something when you can get it for a lower price?

Some of my favourite deals:
1) Getting an authentic $90 (excluding tax) Paul Frank watch for $15 BRAND NEW
2) Campus Crew pants for $10 for two years now, but not consecutively
3) Paying $7 for a brand new skirt that was about $30-40

Then today I paid ONE loonie for an orchid. They usually go for about $40+ per plant. There was a clincher on the this one though. The bloom broke off, but it's still alive. The trick now is to make it bloom again.

MPD Resolutions

Resolved to be always joyous throughout this process, maintaining a cheerful, a grateful, and a faithful attitude.

Resolved to always persevere, praying harder, and working harder especially when the going gets tough.

Resolved to live free of the fear of men.

Resolved to live and work diligently.

Resolved to love everyone that I meet.

Resolved to keep my eyes on Jesus.

Resolved to enjoy this season of life...

through God's grace.


I am excited to begin this journey and discover what God has in store. It's such an exciting time of life. W0000000000~

Warning: Failure is Imminent

Last night when I returned home, the title of this blog was a part of a message that alerted me to the fact that my hard drive was about to sputter and die. No kidding! The guy was taking 45 minutes to boot every day in the past week. The humor of it just hit me this morning; the message aptly described my dread as I was desperately cramming for two "quizzes".

New Addiction: Photo-Imaging

My newest addiction of choice: Picasa 2. It offers a user-friendly photo-imaging system for free. It's nowhere as extensive as Adobe Photoshop, but for something that costs $0 you're definitely getting a lot of BANG for your buck.

Today I spent a few hours "doctoring" the 100 or so pictures that I took at College Royal last night. Pictures that once would have been designated for the recycling bin were salvaged. The lighting was horrible as can be expected from a formal. Framing was really hard since people were dancing, and my little Nikon had only so much power, BUT with Picasa, quite a few of the rejects were turned into my favourites.

For example this picture of Rachel D. and Silas walking down Old Quebec Mall. The lighting was so poor that in the original, which I don't have anymore, you could barely see the outline of Rachel and Silas. I added some light, turned it into a black and white with a bit of focal colour and voila, one of my favourite shots. I really like the contrast between the colours themselves as well. That definitely wasn't planned on my part.

The Black and White focal colour feature is definitely my favourite feature from Picasa. I love the splash of colour amidst a black and white photo. The contrast is gorgeous. You get the best of both worlds. Lydia posted a picture like this on her website, but it was a feature on her camera. I really loved that picture of the green standing out amidst the graytone. I thought I had to save up for a Canon to get it. It is a bit different than Picasa's feature because I think Canon just filters out certain colours; in this case it seems to be the green in Lydia's room. I could be wrong. But Picasa is just as good, and it's free!

I used the B&W with focal colour again in this shot of Tom. For this picture I cropped it a bit so that the eye would move from Tom to the light in the upper left hand corner and back. It also gives an impression that the light is shining on Tom, basking him in living colour. Since it was a really classy yet modern pose, I again did the whole B&W with the focal colour. The pastel blue, pink, and green really made the picture stand out. This was a mediocre picture in the beginning in terms of framing and lighting, but now in terms of composition this has got to be one of my favourites.


Another pauper turned prince picture was this self-shot picture of Sarah, Katie, and me. Again the lighting was horrible, well actually cruel. It had no mercy on our skin. The glare was really bad. The framing was typical of a self-shot; boring, because my arm movements were limited, but hey, I had to capture memories some how... Katie had a killer outfit on. One of my favourites of the entire night. I wanted to focus on that, so with the handy dandy B&W focal color tool I was able to bring out the red accent of Katie's outfit.


Of the 100-ish pictures there was only one photo that I didn't "doctor". It was a winner the first time around. A rarity at College Royal. Presenting Alex Wong. For one thing, Alex was willing to hold that pose while my camera was charging so there was no blurr. I used flash, which usually kills a picture, but it was surprisingly nice to Alex. I think the boy just has good skin.

Of course after all that shameless promotion for photo re-imaging, there needs to be a little caveat. I don't think photo-imaging is a replacement for good photography skills. I blame it all on the lighting of course. ;)

And if you were wondering if I doctored my profile picture. The answer is a resounding yes! My skin is not naturally that nice.

One of the Best Things in the World...

One of the best things in the world has got to be the relief felt upon finishing a paper. There's nothing like the joy in your heart as the last page eases out of the printer, the bounce in your step as you go to hand it in, the weight off of your shoulders. Definitely one of the best feelings in the world, but of course you have to go through at least a week of agonizing stress to reach that point.

Friday was the day that I finished my very last paper of my undergrad. Hip hip hurray, and an extra huzzah! The sun was streaming down on me, as I thoroughly savoured that moment. It seemed like everything in the world was ok.

Just When You Think You Know a Person...

...you find out that you don't.

Silas tagged me for "5 Things People Don't Know About Me" chain. the deal is that you list five things people don't usually know about you and tag 3 other people to continue the chain. Well hopefully my list of five things will boggle your mind. That's my underlying agenda.

1. Throughout all of high school, most of my preparation for post-secondary education was for art school. I was planning on going into animation or design. Business was my second choice, but I chickened out at the last minute because a college education was not as "prestigious" as a university education in my head. No pressure from mom. And I was scared of being a starving artist on the street because I had confidence issues. Sometimes I question this decision, but I have no doubt that God brought me to the University of Guelph for a reason. Now I don't think I would really care if I had a prestigious education or not--probably due to the fact that I'll get my pricey piece of paper in three months, so I think I would go to art school. Perhaps art still will be in my future someday.

2. In high school I tried out for the Miss Chinese Toronto beauty pageant, and when I was rejected, I was REALLY REALLY upset. In fact I threw a hissy fit. Literally. Sometimes it still hits a sore spot.

3. Sweet "girly" girls usually irritate me before I get to know them well because they remind me of what I am not, sweet and "girly". I know there are issues here. But who doesn't have them?

4. I have a barely visible, but still visible nonetheless scar on my right cheek [of the face not of the rear] from a dog bite that I got when I was in grade 3.

5. My worst fear is that someday I'll walk away from my faith not because I don't think it's true anymore but because of exogenous reasons such as temptation, hardship, torture, etc...

I tag Low on the Go, The Fish, and Kijirs

Mid-Night Poetry

Awakened in the night,
By a wee bit of stage fright,
I sit here bathed in computer's light,
Stomach grumbling and rumbling for a bite.

In early morn wake ups I do not delight,
For at midday heavy eyelids I must fight,
By drinking, nay, chugging caffiene with all my might,
Stomach churning and twisting from butterflies' flight.

Oh what a night, what a night.
(c) 2007 Shelly Chen

Woke up @ 4:30am this morning, and couldn't go back to sleep. Major presentation today. Although the butterflies are most likely the result of the mug of green tea downed at 9:30 last night. A bit of the jitters are probably for the presentation. On a brighter note, it seems the creative juices seem to flow better at 4:30 in the morning.

I.S.A.D.

In honour of the Hallmark holiday most popularly known as Valentine's Day, but a.k.a. International Singles Awareness Day, I give you:
DTR: Defining the Relationship; The Conversation We All Dread.



My favourite is "God has a wonderful plan for my life...and you're not part of it." XD!
ENJOY! and a Happy Valentine's Day to all.
v^_^v

Roses are...black?

Baccara. Baccara roses. Black roses.

Technically they're not black. Dommage. I actually thought that they were genetically modified to turn black, but they're just an intense deep shade of burgundy. Nevertheless the 2 feet Baccara, Pierre, in my room is simply regal. It's absolutely breathtaking. I can go on and on...

Driving to church yesterday I noticed the quaint flower shop near the Salvation Army church advertise these black beauties and I knew I just had to get one. One cool thing about growing up is that I can finally achieve some childhood dreams o' mine. This being one of them. I took a zillion pictures of Pierre, because sadly he's not going to last, and Guelph doesn't come by Baccaras easily. Nor can I justify filling my vase with one weekly.

Not Again

So you're standing there listen to her talking....it's more like ranting. She's rehashing the same thing over and over again. The exact same topic, but said in slightly different ways. Yet not different enough to be interesting. "Come on I get the point. Really I do." She's run over the subject till it's dead and six feet under. You want to get out of the conversation to talk to someone else, but how do you do it in a polite manner? You shift your eyes. You nod, but oh that just got her going on another mini rant. How long is this going to last? It seems like the minutes are dragging....

Ok friends, I know for a fact that I have put you through this. If you've known me for an extended period of time, i.e. more than a day I have put you through this. Thank you for your grace, patience, and friendship, and for listening! :) I really appreciate it, and I'll try not to dwell on things too much.

For the Record

Hey Me in the Future,

For the record in the last semester of university at the age of 21, I was into, in no particular order or any semblance of organization.

1. watching HOUSE with Chelsea
2. the colour green, preferably a shade of lime with some turquoise thrown in
3. puzzling over sudokus in class
4. eyeing things at different angles to see if it would make a good photograph
5. plain black tea with milk and lots of sugar
6. the song of WC '06 "Mighty to Save"
7. laughing uncontrollaby at "farq-u-harson"
8. indian food

Tagged!

Katie V has made my day, I've been tagged.
So...here we go!

The Rules of Tagging
-grab the nearest book to me,
-turn to page 123,
-read 4 lines down
-record the next 3 lines
-tag 3 people

"...ordination of the apostles Jesus' first concern was with the multitudes while afterward the emphasis shifted to the disciples, and especially to the Twelve (Henry Latham, op.cit., pp.188-269. Whether such a deci..."

p.123 The Master Plan of Evangelism By Robert Coleman

To give context the book is a wee book, not even an inch thick so the excerpt is actually from the footnotes. Not the actual text. My DG's reading it this semester.

I tag: Lydia of the Low, Zoe, Lady of Klintberg, and Dan the Man Richardsen

Application for Graduation

Signed, sealed, and....waiting for it to be delivered. I have applied to graduate.

Shelly Chen
Bachelor of Arts, Honours.
Major International Development
Emphasis Economic and Business Development
Minor Economics

No turning back now. It's terrifying. Graduation is like this oncoming massive locomotive that seems to be rushing towards me. I've worked to get here for the past 16 years of my life. Now that the end is looming, it's like, "So this is it?"

I know I'm on staff and all, but that's the real world. A part of me wants to stay on being a student just so I can stay in the nest.

Grad school anyone?

Staying Put

It's settled. I'm staying here in Canada for this coming year. STINT is a no-go, at least for this year. I'm a bit disappointed, but not really. Both options had its perks and challenges. There's a part of me that's a bit relieved that I won't have to support-raise my entire salary within two-three months of graduation and then jet off to another continent. Although I'm still praying that I'll be on campus by next September.

No need to sell off the furniture. No need to pack and move everything back to New York. No need to miss out on experiencing the "firsts" of staff with my friends.

One more year to train and prepare. One more year to enjoy the freedoms, the comforts, and the beauty of Canada. One more year to improve my language skills. One more year to get to go to Summit and WC. OH AND THE POSSIBILITY OF GOING ON PROJECT AS STAFF.

Hey so overall I think I'm actually pretty pumped about staying here.

Asian Parents...

are complex, funny beings. I think I'm finally starting to figure them out.

A Thousand Words

You know what they say about pictures; one is worth a thousand words. Inspired by the photos that Beth posted on her blog, I took up my camera again, and returned to my asian roots this week. It's really helping me to beat the winter blahs by seeing the beauty in the everyday. This world is full of signs of God's grace. Seeing as how my blog has been lacking in words, perhaps my pictures will make up for it.

May I introduce signs of grace my new photoblog. For now it'll be old pictures because I've lost my USB adapter for my camera. There is a sinking feeling that it might be somewhere in Austria, but once I get another cable, I'll be able to upload some pictures that I've been taking recently.

I'm excited to see how far I can push my little Nikon. Silas' advice about using what one has really challenged me. That's not to say I don't want bigger and better toys though. :D Mhmmm...Digi SLRs.

Vindicated

"Starbucks runs into a forbidding PR attack."

When I was at the Forbidden City, I was really peeved at the Starbucks that was housed there. Now I am as much of an aficionado of Starbuck's as any other coffee lover, but to see a Starbuck's in the Forbidden city was such an insult. So much so that I tried (unsuccessfully) to boycott it. Despite my lack of self-control I was still annoyed at the multinational corporation because you don't see Starbucks at other cultural sites. i.e. The Louvre or The Pyramids.

So when I read the the almost full page article on how Starbucks is getting bad PR, I felt vindicated. The article is in the National Post, and expresses much of my sentiments exactly.

"All I want is for Starbucks to move out of the Forbidden City peacefully; quietly. And we'll continue enjoying Starbucks elsewhere in the city." Amen brother!

Tray-Bogganing

Tonight after our volleyball game, my girls and I hiked it to this huge hill in Guelph to go tray-bogganing. That is to slide down hills on food trays, and slide down we did. The key apparently is to keep your feet in the air.

1 down 11 more left

Last night it hit me as I was greeting and hugging familiar faces at the Weekly Meeting that this is THE last semester for me to be a part of the wonderful community of C4Cers at Guelph. It has finally sunk in, but I really don't know how to deal with it. Time please stop while I get my head around this.

Bang

Talk about starting the year off with a bang. Tonight we, as in two of my housemates and I spent half of the evening at the one and only Guelph General Hospital ER. Why? Just so we could watch some Apprentice. No actually, all kidding aside, Chelsea our brand spanking new roommate cut her finger on a can and needed stitches so we accompanied her.