This past weekend was my fourth and first Summit. My fourth in general and my first as staff. It was fun as just as I expected, no matter how much I tried to deny it before I went. I was sad that I was missing out on the Mac-Guelph spirit, but one day UT, Ryerson, and York will give Guelph and McMaster a run for their money.
It was a great weekend working alongside the other staff, not that I had much to do, getting to know the students, and connecting with Jesus. God hit home some very important points that I need to digest before going on campus. I can't wait to go on campus. This weekend definitely confirmed that THIS is where I am suppose to be. Not at law school, not in the states, not in church ministry, not in Guelph doing a victory lap, not even in East Asia. Toronto is it.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Waiting
I don't wait well. I wait better than I did two years ago, but I know I don't wait well. So the following passage from Girl Talk came at a good time.
"Waiting on God isn't about the suspension of meaning and purpose. It's part of the meaning and purpose that God has brought into my life. Waiting on God isn't to be viewed as an obstruction in the way of the plan. Waiting is an essential part of the plan. For the child of God, waiting isn't simply about what I'll receive at the end of my wait. No, waiting is much more purposeful, efficient, and practical than that. Waiting is fundamentally about what I'll become as I wait. God is using the wait to do in and through me exactly what He's promised. Through the wait He's changing me. By means of the wait He's altering the fabric of my thoughts and desires. Through the wait He's causing me to see and experience new things about Him and His kingdom. And all of this sharpens me, enabling me to be a more useful tool in His redemptive hands."
However even though I know what it says to be true, part of me is getting really tired of waiting for my support to come in. The issue is not whether it's going to come in, but WHEN. And the when isn't happening fast enough for me. I feel like such a tool sitting around waiting for contacts. Just what exactly am I suppose to be learning here? I wish I knew. Then I'll rock that lesson and get out of here. But again not my timing but the Lord's.
"Waiting on God isn't about the suspension of meaning and purpose. It's part of the meaning and purpose that God has brought into my life. Waiting on God isn't to be viewed as an obstruction in the way of the plan. Waiting is an essential part of the plan. For the child of God, waiting isn't simply about what I'll receive at the end of my wait. No, waiting is much more purposeful, efficient, and practical than that. Waiting is fundamentally about what I'll become as I wait. God is using the wait to do in and through me exactly what He's promised. Through the wait He's changing me. By means of the wait He's altering the fabric of my thoughts and desires. Through the wait He's causing me to see and experience new things about Him and His kingdom. And all of this sharpens me, enabling me to be a more useful tool in His redemptive hands."
However even though I know what it says to be true, part of me is getting really tired of waiting for my support to come in. The issue is not whether it's going to come in, but WHEN. And the when isn't happening fast enough for me. I feel like such a tool sitting around waiting for contacts. Just what exactly am I suppose to be learning here? I wish I knew. Then I'll rock that lesson and get out of here. But again not my timing but the Lord's.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Stress Response
Lydia Elder was in town this week for a conference so tonight I had a chance to get together with her to go over my Birkmann. It was a really enlightening experience and it definitely helped me understand my behavioral patterns lately. In a nutshell most of my behaviors right now are all stress behaviors.
Some of the patterns I already knew were stress responses, but others I didn't. Yet I still continue to operate in stress mode. What I really need right now is, at the very least, one solid day away in a lonely place to just sit, read, draw, listen to music, stare off into space, or whatever. What's happening is a few days of driving around to support appointments and then Summit. Hello stress.
Next week I will go hide out at Rockwood or some other conservation area for a day.
On a similar note in good fun, we confirmed the fact that I absolutely cannot marry a pansy with me having an authority score of 91. This is the chick who is most likely to be the dictator of a small island. I will run over the guy...twice and then once more just for good measure. But I already knew that.
Please note: I know that submission is a choice, etc...but let's not get into that. It's not one of those posts.
Some of the patterns I already knew were stress responses, but others I didn't. Yet I still continue to operate in stress mode. What I really need right now is, at the very least, one solid day away in a lonely place to just sit, read, draw, listen to music, stare off into space, or whatever. What's happening is a few days of driving around to support appointments and then Summit. Hello stress.
Next week I will go hide out at Rockwood or some other conservation area for a day.
On a similar note in good fun, we confirmed the fact that I absolutely cannot marry a pansy with me having an authority score of 91. This is the chick who is most likely to be the dictator of a small island. I will run over the guy...twice and then once more just for good measure. But I already knew that.
Please note: I know that submission is a choice, etc...but let's not get into that. It's not one of those posts.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Bed Snob Travelled Out
Usually I'm a low maintenance sleeper. I pretty much can fall asleep anywhere on anything even a hardwood floor. I'm not that picky about where I sleep, but recently when I've been traveling for support appointments I've found it sad to leave my bed and my room. I would say I miss my bed. It's so comfy and custom tailored for...me with all the pretty pillows and canopy. After thinking about it more I think it's just a symptom of over-traveling. I never thought I'd say this, but man I think I'm traveled out. I haven't slept at home consecutively for more than three weeks since May. I'm getting sick of moving around so much. I would just like some stability and structure in my schedule. Although being in this line of work...
Sanctuary
I'm in Guelph's library right now, and it's so peaceful. It's funny in a place where I went during the most stressful times of the past four years I feel at rest. My heart rate slowed down from the coffee and I am ready to relax and dig into work. Weird, but good.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Rarities of All Rarities
Single men who actually want to learn how to dance,
who aren't sketchy or creepy,
who are friends,
who won't get the wrong idea about being your dance partner are hard to find.
They're rare, but they exist!
My roommates and I saw an advertisement for free salsa lessons at the local pub. We wanted to go, but we had no partners and who knows what kind of random guys would be there. Luckily for us a few of my guy friends actually WANTED to learn to salsa. I didn't even have to cajole, cast vision, list pros, or doing anything else to persuade them. It pretty much made my day.
We were talking about guys leading in any kind of social dancing and one of my friends said something to the effect of, "Even if I suck you still have to let me lead." That really struck me as a good example of the complementary roles of Biblical manhood and womanhood. When dancing the guy has to lead and the girl has to follow in order for the pair to dance well, period. The pair won't move in unity if either steps out of the bounds of his or her role.
I had more to say, but I'll save it for another day. I left this post sit on the backburner for a long time as it were.
who aren't sketchy or creepy,
who are friends,
who won't get the wrong idea about being your dance partner are hard to find.
They're rare, but they exist!
My roommates and I saw an advertisement for free salsa lessons at the local pub. We wanted to go, but we had no partners and who knows what kind of random guys would be there. Luckily for us a few of my guy friends actually WANTED to learn to salsa. I didn't even have to cajole, cast vision, list pros, or doing anything else to persuade them. It pretty much made my day.
We were talking about guys leading in any kind of social dancing and one of my friends said something to the effect of, "Even if I suck you still have to let me lead." That really struck me as a good example of the complementary roles of Biblical manhood and womanhood. When dancing the guy has to lead and the girl has to follow in order for the pair to dance well, period. The pair won't move in unity if either steps out of the bounds of his or her role.
I had more to say, but I'll save it for another day. I left this post sit on the backburner for a long time as it were.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Friday, September 07, 2007
When You Wish Upon a Star
Well in exactly a month it's going to be Thanksgiving Sunday AKA my birthday so I decided to write a wish list because...I've always wanted to write one. For those of you who like giving gifts, I like gifts! It's one of my love languages. For those of you who don't, just read and be amused. Really.
I'll Tell You What I Want...What I REALLY REALLY Want.
~ Gackt's new single Returner 闇のしゅうえん。(If you can't read the font don't worry, it's in Japanese anyways.) I am pretty much in love with this man...or rather his voice...actually his whole image. But he does have THE most amazing voice ever. His range is so wide, and his voice is just so...rich. Beat that Josh Groban!
~ Jay Chow's very very very first album. It has all of the ballads that I like on it. Yet I can never find the real copy at Pac Mall.
The Bookworm in Me
~ Shopping For Time by the Mahaney Girls
~ Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye? by Carolyn McCulley
~ The Art of War by Sun Tzu
Suscribe!
I would love a suscription to any of the following magazines...I know I'm a total geek.
~ "The Economist"
~ "Foreign Policy"
~ "The Globe and Mail"
~ "Real Simple"
Life Imitating Art Imitating Life!
~ Shimmery eyeshadow from M.A.C. :P
~ Anything from M.A.C.
The Practical Side of Things
~ Ribba 4X6 black pictures frames from IKEA. Lots and lots of them.
~ Photo Albums in general.
~ A Chinese-English dictionary.
~ Coasters
My Pie in the Sky
~ Roundtrip vacation to Japan to visit Hiuks AND see Gackt in concert...with backstage passes. When pigs fly. I know.
I'll Tell You What I Want...What I REALLY REALLY Want.
~ Gackt's new single Returner 闇のしゅうえん。(If you can't read the font don't worry, it's in Japanese anyways.) I am pretty much in love with this man...or rather his voice...actually his whole image. But he does have THE most amazing voice ever. His range is so wide, and his voice is just so...rich. Beat that Josh Groban!
~ Jay Chow's very very very first album. It has all of the ballads that I like on it. Yet I can never find the real copy at Pac Mall.
The Bookworm in Me
~ Shopping For Time by the Mahaney Girls
~ Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye? by Carolyn McCulley
~ The Art of War by Sun Tzu
Suscribe!
I would love a suscription to any of the following magazines...I know I'm a total geek.
~ "The Economist"
~ "Foreign Policy"
~ "The Globe and Mail"
~ "Real Simple"
Life Imitating Art Imitating Life!
~ Shimmery eyeshadow from M.A.C. :P
~ Anything from M.A.C.
The Practical Side of Things
~ Ribba 4X6 black pictures frames from IKEA. Lots and lots of them.
~ Photo Albums in general.
~ A Chinese-English dictionary.
~ Coasters
My Pie in the Sky
~ Roundtrip vacation to Japan to visit Hiuks AND see Gackt in concert...with backstage passes. When pigs fly. I know.
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
In Hindsight Jesus' Always Right
I don't know when exactly, but I do remember in the folly of my youth I ranted online to the entire world wondering why I couldn't have met someone in university, got married, and then joined staff. Might I emphasize the fact that this happened during the FOLLY OF MY YOUTH. Henceforth known as "FOMY".
In hindsight Jesus is Sovereign, and I praise Him that He is. MPD is enough work as it is. I can't imagine adding the stress of graduation, transitioning to another stage in life, beginning a marriage in addition to MPD. That would have been madness. I think I would've died or killed my new hubby. Praise God that He knew and knows best. Props to my friends who have done it, and thank God they're still alive. I'm completely content as a cheshire cat to do MPD alone. Less stress and more air time. Can you imagine doing the VACA on half the time? I speed talk as it is.
It's a similar story with STINT. For three years I had planned on going overseas right after graduation. Praise God that He is sovereign and that He thwarted my plans. As much as I love Asia, graduating, raising support, and moving to a different continent all in four months would've been too much for me. Granted yes, I could've done it on the Lord's strength, but I'm so glad He didn't ask it of me.
I like my new apartment. I like my new roommates. I like my new staff team. I like Toronto. I love Jesus.
So what about my current situation? Well, I would love to be on campus right now, but the Lord is Sovereign. Something good will come of this, like an increase in my Japanese vocabulary and hearing comprehension due to an increased consumption of J-drama, anime, and J-pop. That'll definitely come in handy if and when the Japanese partnership goes through. Yippee! Please Lord, let that be soon.
Side Note: The traditional Chinese in me is so going to go on a guilt trip if and when my Japanese literacy exceeds my Chinese literacy even though my Chinese literacy will increase as a by product of learning Japanese. But there is just so much more incentive so study Japanese.
In hindsight Jesus is Sovereign, and I praise Him that He is. MPD is enough work as it is. I can't imagine adding the stress of graduation, transitioning to another stage in life, beginning a marriage in addition to MPD. That would have been madness. I think I would've died or killed my new hubby. Praise God that He knew and knows best. Props to my friends who have done it, and thank God they're still alive. I'm completely content as a cheshire cat to do MPD alone. Less stress and more air time. Can you imagine doing the VACA on half the time? I speed talk as it is.
It's a similar story with STINT. For three years I had planned on going overseas right after graduation. Praise God that He is sovereign and that He thwarted my plans. As much as I love Asia, graduating, raising support, and moving to a different continent all in four months would've been too much for me. Granted yes, I could've done it on the Lord's strength, but I'm so glad He didn't ask it of me.
I like my new apartment. I like my new roommates. I like my new staff team. I like Toronto. I love Jesus.
So what about my current situation? Well, I would love to be on campus right now, but the Lord is Sovereign. Something good will come of this, like an increase in my Japanese vocabulary and hearing comprehension due to an increased consumption of J-drama, anime, and J-pop. That'll definitely come in handy if and when the Japanese partnership goes through. Yippee! Please Lord, let that be soon.
Side Note: The traditional Chinese in me is so going to go on a guilt trip if and when my Japanese literacy exceeds my Chinese literacy even though my Chinese literacy will increase as a by product of learning Japanese. But there is just so much more incentive so study Japanese.
My Inner Nerd
I am fully embracing my inner nerd.
Things I do for fun:
1) Read my Japanese textbook from high school.
2) Read online research journals on the assimilation of Muslim immigrants into European societies.
3) Read www.foreignpolicy.com
4) Watch Shakespeare
5) Listen to Classical 96.3
6) Browse tutorials on html, dhtml, css, and etc.
7) Watch anime
8) Watch Japanese dramas
9) Sketch
Things I plan on doing for fun:
1) Read my Japanese dictionary to boost vocabulary.
2) Borrowing a calculus textbook from the library because I miss doing math. (Where was this love in third year when I needed motivation to get through econ math?)
3) Making flash cards to relearn my Hiragana (A Japanese script)
4) Finish reading my economics textbooks from last semester and third year since I didn't have time to do it when it mattered.
5) Salsa lessons!
6) Copy recipes from the internet so that I can expand my cooking "skills".
8) Paint
I think I just miss school and learning.
Things I do for fun:
1) Read my Japanese textbook from high school.
2) Read online research journals on the assimilation of Muslim immigrants into European societies.
3) Read www.foreignpolicy.com
4) Watch Shakespeare
5) Listen to Classical 96.3
6) Browse tutorials on html, dhtml, css, and etc.
7) Watch anime
8) Watch Japanese dramas
9) Sketch
Things I plan on doing for fun:
1) Read my Japanese dictionary to boost vocabulary.
2) Borrowing a calculus textbook from the library because I miss doing math. (Where was this love in third year when I needed motivation to get through econ math?)
3) Making flash cards to relearn my Hiragana (A Japanese script)
4) Finish reading my economics textbooks from last semester and third year since I didn't have time to do it when it mattered.
5) Salsa lessons!
6) Copy recipes from the internet so that I can expand my cooking "skills".
8) Paint
I think I just miss school and learning.
Sunday, September 02, 2007
Let Go
"moving on will be great...just not right now."
Tonight I missed the annual Guelph Pep Rally, and all that it embodies and entails. Let me just sit and let that sink in.
I missed my friends.
I missed the excitement, the thrill, the anticipation of a new school year.
Four years ago I was one of those wide-eyed frosh staring out onto the field wondering what the future beheld. Four wonderful years. Now I'm here in that future. A bright treasure chest of a future that's still opening to reveal its mysterious contents, but a part of me still wants to go back to the comfort of the past four years.
I feel like I'm in mourning.
"moving on will be great...just not right now."
Tonight I missed the annual Guelph Pep Rally, and all that it embodies and entails. Let me just sit and let that sink in.
I missed my friends.
I missed the excitement, the thrill, the anticipation of a new school year.
Four years ago I was one of those wide-eyed frosh staring out onto the field wondering what the future beheld. Four wonderful years. Now I'm here in that future. A bright treasure chest of a future that's still opening to reveal its mysterious contents, but a part of me still wants to go back to the comfort of the past four years.
I feel like I'm in mourning.
"moving on will be great...just not right now."
All Around the World
My diverse week/weekend included:
A few episodes of anime. (Japanese)
Some Gackt music videos. (Japanese)
Two thali brunches. (Indian)
Two arias from Carmen. (French)
One Shakespearean play. (English)
A visit to the furniture store. (Swedish)
One yummy family dinner. (Chinese)
Without planning. Imagine the possibilities with planning and creativity. We could go all around the world in one city.
A few episodes of anime. (Japanese)
Some Gackt music videos. (Japanese)
Two thali brunches. (Indian)
Two arias from Carmen. (French)
One Shakespearean play. (English)
A visit to the furniture store. (Swedish)
One yummy family dinner. (Chinese)
Without planning. Imagine the possibilities with planning and creativity. We could go all around the world in one city.
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