Grand Plans for Mum's 53rd

Ever since I moved out of the nest 7-8ish years ago I've gotten to celebrate my mum's birthday with her twice.  I'm SO excited for her upcoming visit.  Lots of things planned, but am most excited about her birthday.

1.  Brunch in bed with fresh flowers.
2.  Taking her shopping and buying her a dressy outfit for a dinner out.
3.  Matinee movie before dinner.
4.  Dinner and drinks at Panorama.
5.  A big hug and a big kiss.

You Don't Get This Anymore

My love has made me selfish. I cannot exist without you — I am forgetful of every thing but seeing you again — my Life seems to stop there — I see no further. You have absorb'd me. I have a sensation at the present moment as though I was dissolving — I should be exquisitely miserable without the hope of soon seeing you. [...] I have been astonished that Men could die Martyrs for religion — I have shudder'd at it — I shudder no more — I could be martyr'd for my Religion — Love is my religion — I could die for that — I could die for you. (Letter, 13 October 1819).

John Keats to Fanny Brawne

Four Great Classics

The Four Great Classics of Chinese Literature

1.  Romance of the Three Kingdoms (sān guó yǎn yì)

2.  Water Margin (shuǐ hǔ zhuàn)

3.   Journey to the West (xī yóu jì)

4.  Dream of the Red Chamber (hóng lóu mèng)

Five BAD Reasons to Serve Somewhere Overseas Long Term

1.  You drool over the clothing.
2.  You also drool over the food.
3.  And the actors...
4.  And the music and the dancing.
5.  You want to knock off some tourist sites off your bucket list.
 

I daresay many people have a warped understanding of love, at worst, and a shallow understanding at best, myself included.  Perhaps this is why people feel as if they don't experience God's love because they're looking for what they constitute as "love", which is a sad mockery of the real deal.

Love is not convenient by any means.
Love is not easy by any means.
Love is not painless by any means.

No one understands this better than Christ.

This Is What a Good Day Looks Like

1.  Sharing the gospel.
2.  Training younger women to share the gospel.
3.  Studying the Bible.
4.  Training younger women to study the Bible.
5.  Buying beads and buttons.
6.  Chilling with my small group:
*eating good food
*drinking good beer
*playing euchre
*telling poop stories
*making fun of each other
7.  Dancing

I love...

I love my life...
I love my relationship with Christ.
I love my church family.
I love my small group.
I love my friends.
I love my work.
I love my family.
I love my city.
I love my life.

My New Comebacks and Excuses

Comebacks
1) "You're so lucky I found Jesus."
Note:  I will be ignoring the theological implications.

2) "Thanks for nothing you useless reptile."

Excuses
1) "It's the heroin."

Behind Closed Doors

Scene: Breakfast
Schnurgh Schnurgh:  Awww...my roommate made me breakfast.
Me:  For all the times you brought me the tissue box.


Scene: I just broke my favourite mug.

Me: i just broke my favourite mug!!!!!  T___________T

BFF: oh noooo 

which one?  how?

Me: starbucks

coffee beans

i'm actually upset

tear

BFF: oh dear

Me: well actually

BFF: maybe you could find another one?

Me: the handle broke off

so it can still be used

BFF: oooh you can get superglue

and glue the handle on!

Me: umm..the handle shattered into many pieces much like my heart a month ago

drama queen? yes, i am

Scene: I am relating this conversation to Schnurgh Schnurgh who is sitting across from me.

Me: So I just told my BFF that my heart shattered into many pieces much like my mug.

Schnurgh Schnurgh: Did you clean it up?

Me: Of course I did!

Schnurgh Schnurgh: Ok, cause I don't want someone to come over and slit their leg open...

Me: Like my heart!

Schnurgh Schnurgh: NO!  Oh dear, you're going to relate this to every person's tragic experience.

Schnurgh Schnurgh mimicking potential conversation: 

"I'm dying." 

"Just like I did!"

Scene: Watching a Bollywood dance scene on Youtube.

Me: Oh we can take dance lessons when we move to India!

Time passes...

Me: I want to go to the Taj Mahal

Schnurgh Schnurgh: I want to go to Kerala.  

Time passes...

Schnurgh Schnurgh: Did you know that the Taj Mahal is sinking?

Silence

Schnurgh Schnurgh: Oh you didn't say it!

Me: LIKE MY HEART!!!

Schnurgh Schnurgh:  NOO

Scene: Puttering Around the Apartment
Me: Sigh.  I need to install Parallels.  I get so distracted.  
Schnurgh Schnurgh:  Did you just say "heroin"?
Me: NO!  I said 'Parallels'.
Schnurgh Schnurgh: THEY DON'T EVEN RHYME.  In my head I was thinking 'My roommate is a heroin addict.  Is this what she does on her day off?  I don't want to be here on Mondays.'

Tourist in My Own City

Toronto is so interesting because even after living here for three years there's still so much to explore.  I adore kitschy neighborhoods, and I haven't even gotten to them all yet.  And of course after exploring, I have to go back and frequent the gems that I've discovered.

Spring is exploration season.  Blog T.O. has all these "Best of Toronto Lists".
*Best New Cafes
*Best Croissants
(I am still determined to find a decent croissant this side of the Atlantic)
*Best Cheap Eats
*Best Huevo Rancheros

Let the exploration begin!

How are you exploring your city?

Ingredients to a Fab Night

1.  Good company
2.  Two burritos
3.  A walk through Chinatown and Kensington
4.  A musical performed by another friend
5.  Tim Horton's coffee
6.  Live jazz at the Reservoir Lounge
7.  McDonald's

Mum:  I just wanted to let you know that it doesn't matter to me what kind of person [translation: ethnicity] you end up with in the future as long as he loves you and cherishes you...I only just want you to be happy.

Thanks mum. 

Forgiveness is hard.

Five Things to Work On

1.  Integrity
Honesty is conforming my words to reality.
Integrity is conforming reality to my words.
~Michael Hyatt
i.e. being punctual, not double booking, not procrastinating, not exaggerating for story-telling effect.


"...let your "yes" be yes and your "no" be no..." James 5:20

2.  Humility
 Humility is honestly assessing ourselves in light of God's holiness and our sinfulness.
~C.J. Mahaney
i.e. listening with discernment to everyone's input regardless of age and position, and so much more application points...


"...but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.  Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others." Philippians 2:3

3.  Discipline/Self-Control
A man without self-control i slike a city broken into and left without walls.
~Solomon
i.e. focus, the way I spend my time, finances, eating habits, sleeping habits, habits in general.

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control..." Galatians 5:22

4.  Emotional Maturity
Youth fades-immaturity lingers.
~Unknown
i.e. the way I handle difficult situations, watching that temper, increasing accurate self-awareness.

"...we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ..." Ephesians 4:15

5.  Words 
Every day, your words give your relationships their tone.  Every day you tell people what you think of them, what you want from them, and what you would like to enjoy with them.
~ Tim Lane and Paul Tripp
i.e. thinking before speaking, watching my tone, building up and not tearing down, not being defensive and or abrasive.

"Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear."  Ephesians 4:29

Eagerly looking forward to reading:

1.  Made to Stick: Why Some Ideas Survive and Others Die
2.  Switch: How to Change Things When Change is Hard
3.  Axiom
4.  Death by Meeting: A Leadership Fable...About Solving the Most Painful Thing In Business
5.  The Five Dysfunctions of a Team: A Leadership Fable
6.  The Prodigal God
7.  Counterfeit Gods

On Character

We choose who we are in five years, today.
~ Graham Watt, paraphrased from memory

The word character or its equivalent, i.e. solid, is something that we throw around too easily nowadays because the very essence of character is that it's built up little by little over time. 

Aristotle said, "We are what we repeatedly do.  Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit."

The well known maxim goes:
"Sow a thought, reap an action; sow an action; reap a habit; sow a habit, reap a character; sow a character, reap a destiny."

Character is therefore not characterized by how much theology I know or can spout [intelligence], nor is it characterized by the title of my job [status/station], nor is it characterized by how witty or charming I am [personality].  It is characterized by the accumulation of each minute and even [seemingly] mundane decision and action.

That said, I have sorely and slovenly neglected the development of my character in this past year.  I dare say I have regressed in some ways.

Ever get so fed up with people that you just either:

a) Want to go live in a cave somewhere ALONE.
b) Nuke the entire world.
c) [b] first and then [a]

No? Just me? Ok...then this book's not for you.
[By the by, aren't you glad that I don't have access to weapons of mass destruction?]

Relationships: A Mess Worth Making by Tim Lane and Paul Tripp is the best book I've read on relationships thus far.  Not just romantic ones.  They are talking about relationships in general; friendships, partnerships, familial ties, etc...
So from here on in when I say the word: relationship it's not just talking about romantic ones.

*Definition of relationship
 What is a relationship?  The intersection of the stories of two people.  The problem is that an awful lot of carnage takes place at this intersection.

*Biblical basis for being a relational being and being in relationships.
Since relationships are about being other-centred, the self-centredness of sin will inevitably subvert God's design.

*Proper basis for one's identity in Christ within a relationship.
When love for God is replaced by love for self, people become either obstacles that hinder goals or vehicles that promote them.

*Good, practical, thorough, Biblical conflict resolution.
Conflict with others is one of God's mysterious, counterintuitive ways of rescuing us from ourselves...All kinds of suffering, including conflict with others, can be redemptive because of the grace of God.  By redemptive, we mean that God can use conflict (as well as everything else in our lives) to defeat sin in us and make us more like Christ, with a love for him and others that reflects his nature.
  
*Forgiveness: What is it?  How does it work?
 When we choose to practice true forgiveness, the relationship is not just brought back to where it was before the offense; it actually moves further down the road to maturity.


When you forgive someone, you also cancel a debt.  But, more specifically, you make a conscious choice to absorb the cost yourself.  You choose not to make the offender pay for the offense.

My two favourite chapters were on conflict and forgiveness, but SO tough to read because I know I have to eventually put it into practice...I have to pause, ponder, and pray through every paragraph.  Did you read the quotations regarding conflict and forgiveness?  I almost wished I didn't read them.

Highly recommend the book!  I think everyone should read it.

It's a beautiful day.
Don't let it get away.
Beautiful day.

I love Spring. 
I feel so invigorated and ALIVE.

To quote a friend:

I lost my mind for the sake of my heart.

Happy

This one's for you, Yummy Mummy. 
A list of things that make me happy, and what I did to incorporate them into my life yesterday and today.
[Please note:  this is far from being exhaustive.]

1.  Chilling with my family.
Since they're all the way across the country, I settled for a phone call with mummy yesterday.

2.  Hanging with friends talking about both serious things and random things.
Like today, C'money and I chatted about our lives in general, and she informed me about how beta blockers can affect old[er] people's sex lives.  [She's a nurse, and she just wrote this paper.]  Apparently death by sex can happen.  Now there's a way to go.   TMI?  Must be traumatizing for the person's partner though.

3.  Going at my Bible with a ruler and a turquoise pen underlining verses.
It's so GOOD.  I am LOVING Ephesians 1 right now.

4.  Staring at beautiful things and pretty colours.
Schnurgh Schnurgh, my brown roommate, and I spent a good part of the hour today drooling [not on those teal pillows mind you] over sarees on the net.  After which, I decided we should both move to India.

5.  Being crafty.
I sewed two felt flowers, and did a few sketches today with plans for more sketches, and paintings.  The creativity is going off the charts!

6.  Being spontaneous.
Like getting my tongue pierced.

7.  Strolling down Queen St. W.
That neighborhood just embodies everything I adore.  Love it.  Went down it today, but sadly everything was closed.

8.  Meat.
Ate a 6 oz hero burger.  Mhmmmm...

9.  Melted cheese.
Had poutine with said burger.

10. Cleaning.
There's just something therapeutic about it.  Will clean my room later tonight.

11. Sleeping in.
After FOP I slept from 9:30pm-1:00pm with a wake up at 10am in the morning for a little bit.  So delicious!

12.  That morning cup of tea.
I like a little tea with my sugar and milk.

13.  Helping people grow in their relationship with the Lord.
Led DG today, and it was fantastic.  LOVE my girls.

14.  My staff team.
I dearly love and thoroughly enjoy every single person on my team.  Each of them just brings their own spice to the mix, and I can't imagine missing even one of them.  I hate turnover.

15.  Dancing.
Nothing like doing a little boogie to wake yourself up.

16.  Bollywood music.
Seriously nothing picks me up like a good catchy Bollywood tune.  It always works.

17.  Spring.
Can't you just smell the nice warm weather?

18.  Putting together an outfit.
I love mixing and matching from my closet. 

19.  Putting on make-up.
It's like injecting a little artistry into the morning routine.

20.  Ethnic food.
Schnurgh Schnurgh brought home, home made biryani yesterday.  YUM! 

And no, I did not get my tongue pierced.  My teeth would hate me.

It Is Date Season

I thoroughly enjoy my guy friends that I work with for many reasons, but definitely at the top of the list is their spectacular sense of humour.

K.M. via S.A. on gchat:

Mcdonald's coupons came in the mail.
That means it is date season.

That, ladies and gentlemen made my day.

She's a Keeper

Scene:  I get home and burst into tears on the couch.

S.J. looks at me, gets the tissue box, sits down next to me, and says nothing.

I look at her.

S.J.:  I know my duty.

Gotta love that girl. 

Things I Want To Revamp In My Apartment

1.  Make white cushion covers for my teal pillows.
There's so much drool and tears on those things it's sick. 
[Now no one's going to want to touch them when they come over...]
Also because I'm on a white and cream thang.

2.  Get black couch covers.
Been wanting to do this FOREVER...
There's just too many colours in the apartment.

3.  Spray paint the chairs all black, and reupholster the seat.
Another project that's been on hiatus since I moved in.

4.  Spray paint the dining table.

5.  Turn that entrance way wall into a chalkboard with the fabulous invention that is chalkboard paint.
After 3 years...I think I've gotten over my phobia of painting.  Or at least enough to paint a small panel.

6.  Makeover that little shelf in the living room.
I've always planned to throw it out once I get my coveted LACK shelf from Ikea, but now that I think about it it's a GREAT piece to makeover.  Oh the possibilities.  Currently scouring the net for design ideas.

iCrave

If I had one of those iCrave t-shirts right now I would write...

"change"

in the empty space.

And I'm not talking about the altruistic global "change".
I'm talking about selfishly craving change in my life.

Change in my surroundings for just a little while. 
[Come project come.]

Change in my interior decor.
[Creams and whites are the new thing, and I want to look grown-up even if I don't feel it.]

Change in my finances. 
[Would I not be such a shopaholic, but I am getting SO much better.]

Change in the way I spend my time. 
[Would I not languish away on Facebook and Twitter.]

Change in my heart. 
[Would I not...]

Change in my love for the Lord.
[Oh that I would love Him more.]

Change in my life.

Every Day

In Your grace, You know where I walk
You know when I fall
You know all my ways
In Your love, I know You allow
What I cannot grasp
To bring You praise

Thank You for the trials
For the fire, for the pain
Thank You for the strength
Knowing You have ordained
Every day

Your great power is shown when I’m weak
You help me to see
Your love in this place
Perfect peace is filling my mind
And drawing my heart
To praise You again

In my uncertainty, Your Word is all I need
To know You’re with me every day (repeat)

By Joel Sczebel and Todd Twining

© 2008 Sovereign Grace Worship (ASCAP)/Sovereign Grace Praise (BMI)

TMI

Apparently verbal diarrhea LITERALLY happens.  No jokes.

If you're older[er] and you're super, super, SUPER constipated, the poo goes from your large intestine up to your small intestine, to your stomach, up your esophagus, and...OUT.

You learn something new EVERY.DAY.

Wise Words

A wise woman said to me yesterday:

"Not to be trite, but it is God's grace that you found out now."

Yes, and I am grateful.

"I have a boyfriend.  My mom thinks this is the virginity protection program."

"You're so lucky I found Jesus."

"I secretly plot their demise.  It's not healthy."
 
Bring It On 4

Five Good Things [Montreal Edition]

1.  Hanging and talking with my BFF in person.
2.  Best Tex Mex food this side of the border.
3.  DDR late at night even though it was a copycat DDR machine.
4.  Screaming things in public that should NOT be screamed out loud....
5.  Shopping therapy at a chic boutique where everything was on sale for $10.00

ctrl + z

"I'm sorry" cards found on Etsy .

"I'm so stupid, I wish I hadn't done... [that, that, and that]."
"I just want to forget _________. "
"If only I could scoop my heart out with a melon baller."

All these thoughts go 'round and 'round in my head with one underlying desire: to run away from pain.  Yeah, if only I could ctrl+z my life or as a mac user, command+z my life.
If only selective amnesia came in a bottle over the counter.
If only there was a melon baller that I can use on my heart.
If only, if only, if only...

But one thing the Lord has taught me recently is:

Don't waste pain.

No matter the cause of the pain or the extent of the pain, it shouldn't be wasted.
Because in the midst of pain we can meet with God more intimately than before.
Because we can stagnate when life is picture perfect, but pain spurs spiritual and personal growth.
Because in pain we can identify just a little bit with Christ.

We can choose to sit and wish away pain and waste it or we can choose to engage with it and sit at Jesus' feet.

I never thought that I would be able to rejoice in suffering, but with the Lord all things are possible.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.  
JAMES 1:2-4

[p.s.  I'm so glad James wrote trials of many kinds, because it doesn't mean one trial is more spiritual than another.  It makes me feel less silly for all this.]

The sun beams at me
so I smile back.
How can I refuse,
when in the Son, 
nothing do I lack.


This is going to be a good day today.

Dearest Self,
Please stop ruminating.  It's not good for you...

If Only It Was This Easy...

BFF: "Shelly, you need this for your heart."

Shattered pieces,
pierces still.
Stinging panes,
swelling pain.

Shards of pang.

Lent

Looks like I'm [involuntarily] giving up eye makeup for Lent.

Har har har.

Rock of Ages [When the Day Seems Long]

1. Rock of Ages, when the day seems long
From this labor and this heartache, I have come
The skies will wear out, but you remain the same
Rock of Ages, I praise your name

2. Rock of Ages, you have brought me near
You have poured out your life-blood, your love, your tears
To make this stone heart come alive again
Rock of Ages, forgive my sin.

Chorus: Rock of ages. Rock of ages.
Bind your children until the kingdom comes.
Rock of ages your will be done

3. Rock of Ages, when in want or rest,
My desperate need for such a Savior I confess
Pull these idols out from my heart embrace.
Rock of Ages, I need your grace.

4. Rock of Ages, broken scorned for me.
Who am I that you would die to make me free?
To give me glory, (you) took the death and pain.
Rock of Ages, my Offering.

Repeat Chorus

5. Rock of Ages, "It is done!" you cried.
The curtain's torn and I see justice satisfied
Now write your mercy, on my heart and hands.
Rock of ages, in faith I stand.

6. Rock of Ages, my great hope secure.
Your promise holds just like an anchor to my soul
Bind your children with cords of love and grace.
Rock of Ages, we give you praise.

Repeat Chorus

© 2005 Same Old Dress Music (Admin. by Music Services) (ASCAP)
and Kevin Twit Music (ASCAP).
Used by permission. All rights reserved

Five Good Things

1. Impromptu jam sessions
2. HYMNS!!!!!!!
3. Banter
4. Saif Ali Khan
5. Hugs

Reason #603310 Why I LOVE My Best Friend

Me: "When that happens it'll be another wrecking ball."
BFF: "I'll be there for that wrecking ball."

Usually
Most of the time
Without fail, in retrospect, I always say to the Lord, "Whew, glad You said 'no'.  You definitely knew better."

So although my feelings are far from it, by faith I will say yet again "Glad You said 'no' Lord.  Can't wait to see what You've got planned."

Your Heart: User's Manual [Excerpts]

INTRODUCTION
Your heart is a valuable treasure.  Precious, but fragile.  It belongs to the Lover of your soul.  You are responsible for guarding it.

...

HANDLING
Be careful with it.  Handle with care.
It is not a toy.
Do not play around with it.
Do not let others play with it.
It can be broken.

The Cut

One of my friends thought that I had completely lost it when I announced on Facebook that I had shaved my head. Granted he thought I had shaved my entire head when only the back was shaved. But even if I had shaved my entire head it wouldn't have been me "losing it", it would've just been part of my sassy, spontaneous, and quirky nature. Perhaps one day.

This is what I told my fabulous hairstylist Bryin:

Me: "This is the dilemma. I want to grow my hair, but I also want something crazy and I know you can't go crazy with long hair. And when I say crazy I mean CRAZY. I keep going into salons asking for crazy and coming out with the tamest haircuts."

More discussion...

Bryin: "How short are you willing to go in the back?"

Me: "As short as you want. You have free artistic license back there. Do whatever you want."

And...voila:

Thoughts

Pain is a great catalyst for spiritual and personal growth. And no, I'm not being a masochist.

My happy ending is coming, it's just not here yet, but it's coming. Not even death can prevent my happy ending.

Five Good Things

1. My brilliant, loveable stylist Bryin
2. My new neighbours: T.L. and A.J.
3. The fact that T.L. is back in town and back in my life.
4. Glee songs
5. Dancing with my favourite lead L.

Five Good Things

1. Cheesy old school power ballads a la Supremes, Gloria Gaynor, and of course Celine
2. Nail polish colours. Seriously just staring at them makes me happier.
3. Shopping
4. Sharing verses from the Bible
5. Skating

March Goals

My February goals were too lofty and I was too lazy. I failed them all. But March is another month. Here we go.

1. Make a plan to ingest adequate servings of vegetables/fruits daily. Somehow. :/
2. Go to the gym 8 times this month.
3. Edit all of Julirald's engagement shoot.
4. Build emotional capacity.
5. Do two shoots of people.