ctrl + z

"I'm sorry" cards found on Etsy .

"I'm so stupid, I wish I hadn't done... [that, that, and that]."
"I just want to forget _________. "
"If only I could scoop my heart out with a melon baller."

All these thoughts go 'round and 'round in my head with one underlying desire: to run away from pain.  Yeah, if only I could ctrl+z my life or as a mac user, command+z my life.
If only selective amnesia came in a bottle over the counter.
If only there was a melon baller that I can use on my heart.
If only, if only, if only...

But one thing the Lord has taught me recently is:

Don't waste pain.

No matter the cause of the pain or the extent of the pain, it shouldn't be wasted.
Because in the midst of pain we can meet with God more intimately than before.
Because we can stagnate when life is picture perfect, but pain spurs spiritual and personal growth.
Because in pain we can identify just a little bit with Christ.

We can choose to sit and wish away pain and waste it or we can choose to engage with it and sit at Jesus' feet.

I never thought that I would be able to rejoice in suffering, but with the Lord all things are possible.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.  
JAMES 1:2-4

[p.s.  I'm so glad James wrote trials of many kinds, because it doesn't mean one trial is more spiritual than another.  It makes me feel less silly for all this.]