Behind Closed Doors

Scene: Breakfast
Schnurgh Schnurgh:  Awww...my roommate made me breakfast.
Me:  For all the times you brought me the tissue box.


Scene: I just broke my favourite mug.

Me: i just broke my favourite mug!!!!!  T___________T

BFF: oh noooo 

which one?  how?

Me: starbucks

coffee beans

i'm actually upset

tear

BFF: oh dear

Me: well actually

BFF: maybe you could find another one?

Me: the handle broke off

so it can still be used

BFF: oooh you can get superglue

and glue the handle on!

Me: umm..the handle shattered into many pieces much like my heart a month ago

drama queen? yes, i am

Scene: I am relating this conversation to Schnurgh Schnurgh who is sitting across from me.

Me: So I just told my BFF that my heart shattered into many pieces much like my mug.

Schnurgh Schnurgh: Did you clean it up?

Me: Of course I did!

Schnurgh Schnurgh: Ok, cause I don't want someone to come over and slit their leg open...

Me: Like my heart!

Schnurgh Schnurgh: NO!  Oh dear, you're going to relate this to every person's tragic experience.

Schnurgh Schnurgh mimicking potential conversation: 

"I'm dying." 

"Just like I did!"

Scene: Watching a Bollywood dance scene on Youtube.

Me: Oh we can take dance lessons when we move to India!

Time passes...

Me: I want to go to the Taj Mahal

Schnurgh Schnurgh: I want to go to Kerala.  

Time passes...

Schnurgh Schnurgh: Did you know that the Taj Mahal is sinking?

Silence

Schnurgh Schnurgh: Oh you didn't say it!

Me: LIKE MY HEART!!!

Schnurgh Schnurgh:  NOO

Scene: Puttering Around the Apartment
Me: Sigh.  I need to install Parallels.  I get so distracted.  
Schnurgh Schnurgh:  Did you just say "heroin"?
Me: NO!  I said 'Parallels'.
Schnurgh Schnurgh: THEY DON'T EVEN RHYME.  In my head I was thinking 'My roommate is a heroin addict.  Is this what she does on her day off?  I don't want to be here on Mondays.'