Mugged

Speaking of firsts...

Tonight Lydia and I were walking home from the subway station from the Brooke Fraser concert, and we got mugged.

I am still in shock.

I lost my purse, my wallet, my keys, my makeup, a friend's book aptly entitled Evangelism and the Sovereignty of God, my camera with 2 months worth of pictures from Tanzania, and my ipod.

The thing that I am MOST upset about losing is my two months worth of pictures and the picture of my DG that we took as a family at Sears three years ago that I had in my wallet. Those can never be recovered.

Nothing happened to us physically for which I am really thankful to God for.

Creepy Man (Canadian Edition)

This year is definitely a year of firsts.

My FIRST proposal happened this year. That would be Creepy Man (Tanzanian Edition). More to come in the next post. But for this post something a little closer to home.

On Tuesday I was sitting at Yorkdale Mall on hold with Fido renewing my service agreement. It was a long hold. There I was sitting, daydreaming, when an old, old, OLD man of about 50-60 with a FULL head of gray and white hair comes up to me.

"Excuse me," he says. "Might I just say how lucky your husband is to have such a gorgeous woman as you as his wife."

I smile awkwardly.

"I'm not married," I respond. First mistake.

"Your boyfriend then."

"I don't have a boyfriend." Second mistake.

"Then if you don't mind me asking how might a man like me get a date with a beautiful woman like you? I treat women very well."

No. way. I just got asked out for the first time in 6 years by a CREEPY OLD MAN with A PICK UP LINE. By this point I was in complete shock and disbelief that this guy had the audacity to approach someone 40 years his junior. It was hard to choke back a full fledged laugh as I told him I wasn't interested or looking.

Then I bolted for the subway. Immediately.

Home Sweet Home

East, west, home is best.

I was dreading going back to Toronto at the beginning of project because I feared the loneliness that awaited, but it has never been so good to be HOME. Coming back to MY apartment was pure relief. It really is home, and I feel very blessed to be living in such a sweet pad. Travelling around has really made me count my blessings.

I was ready to be back a few weeks ago even though Paris and London were fantastic experiences. Now I know that my travel max is two months. Glad I figured this out before I bought a Round the World ticket (they exist) for a year. I might still do that, but not for a year.

5 Good Things (Paris Edition)

1. The pastries.
Oh mhhmm...the pastries. I'm salivating as I type this. Words cannot express how delicious they were.

2. The monuments. Eiffel Tower, Versailles, Notre Dame, Louvre....
Sigh.

3. Walking along the Seine.
It's just so beautiful, romantic, and...funny.
I went to Pont St. Louis, apparently the most romantic place to watch a sunset...to watch a sunset and there was this man there with the weirdest contraption protesting something or another, but he was serenading the passerbys with "Fly Me to the Moon." The juxtaposition was too funny. I couldn't help but smirk and chuckle.

4. The streets.
I love the windy, narrow streets with quirky, unique shops in the them. The architecture is so quaint.

5. The fashion.
Everyone is dressed to the nines. Coming back from project, that made me feel uber grunge. And the guys know how to dress well too!

Paris

In Shakespeare and Co. a famous bookshop located on the Seine across from Notre Dame, there are nooks and crannies where visitors from all over the world leave their marks. A few words here and a few words there. So I thought, 'Why the heck not?'

On a ripped piece of paper I wrote, for the lack of a better imagination:
It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. Dreams come true in Paris.

Not that I've had a GREAT romance the pass few days in Paris, but I think it sums up all that Paris means to me, the embodiment of childhood dreams. As a child I dreamed of Paris. Of its famous monuments, of its paintings, of its streets, of its history and I thought to myself one day I will go to Paris.

And now I am in Paris, and I love it. Every minute of it.

Tanzania

Well here I am safe and sound in Tanzania. It feels so good to be back on an international project. Fish back in water. But it's definitely different being staff on a project though.

Campus cycle starts this week. I'm leading a team with Jamie Strickland, Tim Lee, Vanessa Fabish, Zoe Klintberg. Love the staff and love the team. Everything is going swimmingly.

Health is a bit wonky. Perpetually fatigued all the time. Hopefully this will pass.

Curbside Centerpieces

Wedding Guest: "So where did you get your centerpieces?"

Irene: "From the curb."

And that my friends is how conversations will go at Irene's wedding.

We were thinking of having branches as centerpieces, but the problem was where to get them. As we were discussing this during lunch, Terra, Irene, and I, Terra remembered seeing newly pruned branches on the curb...somewhere during her drive earlier in the day. So off we went after sushi to find centerpieces on the curbside.

Sure enough there they were on the curb calling to us: "Pick us up!" Use us!" So we opened Terra's hatchback and shoved it all in and took them home.

April Shmapril

I will never again underestimate April.
It's pwning me like no tomorrow.
Who knew? Who knew?

The City Comes Alive

Living in the city during the winter is dark, dreary, and depressing. It's also claustrophobic. But now that spring/summer is here, it's as if the city woke up. Suddenly everything's bright and cheery. There's so much to do. I've already started making a list.

Things I want to do in the summer.
1. Take a swing dance workshop (not exclusively a summer thing, but still...)
2. Explore and window shop in:
a) Upper Village (Eglington W. area)
b) Yonge and Eglinton
c) Fashion District
d) Roncevalles
3. Blade along Harbourfront (no blades though...)
4. QT at Harbourfront
5. Eat out at a restaurant with a patio at Harbourfront
6. Go shooting (with a camera not a shotgun) around the brickworks.
7. Sit in Dundas Square and people watch.
8. Go to a Jazz Festival
9. Play beach volleyball at Ashbridges Bay
10. Last but definitely NOT least: Shakespeare in High Park (although I hope seeing a Shakespearean play at the Globe in London won't ruin me for this.)

Can I just say how good life is? It's as if Someone gave me a goblet of golden nectar to drink, and I'm savouring every little drop. What a blessing it is to be exactly where I am right now and I thank Jesus for every day that I get to live.

Pick Up on Day of Prayer

While on a prayer walk today with my roommate in Streetsville (a dinky town in Mississauga), the following happened.

Walking, walking, walking...

Me: Father I thank you for this beautiful day.
We stop at streetcorner.

Random Voice From Behind: Yeah it is.
We turn around. There's this random sketchy looking man leaning against the wall staring at us.

Sketchy Man: But not as beautiful as you.

AWKWARD. Seriously I have enough awkward stories to film two high school chick flicks. I deserve an award or something.

A Salad of Thoughts

1. I use to think that my cooking skills were decent. Now I know better. It's not that they're decent, it's just that my palette got worse. I had the best chinese food these days. It's ruined me for the ordinary (my cooking).
2. All the chinese food and all the ads for the Beijing Olympics make me want to move back to China long-term. Not the best reasons to move. I know.
3. I need to work on my chinese.
4. While watching an ad on TV...
"She's so pretty. I want to be like her. I want to be chinese. Wait, I am."
What the heck? Oooh the power of advertisement.

Culture Shock In My Own Hood

Mom's in town, and that means requisite visits to all extended family members in the area. I love the wining and dining part that comes along with these visits because food that tastes this good and in this much quantity only comes my way every so often. I love being able to converse (loudly) in my mother tongue again. I love hearing old family stories. I love being spoiled rotten and being doted on in a way that only an only child from a chinese family can be.

But this time around there was a bit of culture shock. While there has always been things about the chinese culture that irk me like horking, this time I haven't been able to "slip back in" to the culture as smoothly as before. I feel disoriented like a fish out of water. I can't put my finger on it, but it disturbs me because in the past four years it wasn't that hard to go back and forth between Guelph and the yellow side of the family. And going from burgers and dogs to chicken feet is a pretty big jump.

When I knew that I was moving back to Toronto, I made a conscious decision not to get sucked into an Asian bubble again, but now I wonder if I had gone too far and have actually moved away from my roots....

Savouring Solitude

It's 1:30 at night. The only one up in this apartment is me. The silence and the stillness of night weighs on me, pressing against my skin. The noise and the rush of day has melted away. All the ten million things that clutter my brain have been swept away. I'm sitting on the hardwood floor savouring the stillness, and the silence that comes with night. Solitude tastes so good.

Brush with Black Ice

I was on my way to Harvest Oakville for church this morning with a friend, Emily Terreberry when I had my first brush with black ice and hopefully the last. We were on the QEW going west when all of a sudden Sunday morning traffic turned into Friday afternoon rush hour. It made sense on our side because there was an accident ahead of us, but the lanes going east were also as slow as a snail. This puzzled my mind until we hit our very own patch of black ice and skidded. We ended up at a 70 degree angle to the barricade. Yikes. Providentially we were in the exit lane so we were already slowing down and didn't skid into the middle lane; the car behind us also skidded so he didn't ram into us; the middle lane was empty for a bit so no threat came from the left . Whew. Praise God for safety.

It seems like this winter is the winter for car issues, but I rejoice when I reflect on how much God has grown me over the past few years. If these things happened a few years ago I would really be flipping out, but now I plod on with the knowledge that He will get me through this.

Happy Heart Day

There was going to be an ingenious albeit cheesy card floating around this year with the above tagline, but due to technical difficulties there will be no cards bearing Lydia's and my own brilliance.

That said, Happy Heart Day!*

Funny enough I kept thinking that today was Chinese New Year's. I think it's the hot pot that I will eating in an hour.

.

O-R-G-A-N-I-Z-A-T-I-O-N

Shelly will learn to organize her time better. Shelly MUST learn to organize her time better.

In Love

A couple of friends and I rolled into Montreal late LATE last night around one in the morning. After getting a few glimpses of the city during the wild drive downtown, I fell in love immediately. Today my friend, Lydia is going to take me on a grand tour. I am so excited.

The Calm After a Storm

I don't like trials. I don't like discomfort. I don't like feeling crappy. I doubt anyone does. Three posts ago I was praying that things would continue to keep going up instead of going down or even just staying at the status quo.

Yet sitting here in the calm of the previous storm I would not trade the howling winds for anything else because Jesus showed up in the midst of it. How can I explain the love, the peace, and the gentleness that I felt as He calmed the raging worries, doubts, insecurities, accusations, and fears inside my weary heart? I tear up when I remember it. The Lord, He is good. I have tasted and I have seen.

The things that brought me closer to God were the storms in my life. Next time I will not hold such disdain for them.

Consider it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

Inclement Weather

Tonight was suppose to be the first pool practice with this dragon boat club that I sort of joined, but due to inclement weather practice was canceled. I had been looking forward to it all week. Boo.

Jesus Christ and Him Crucified

The most wonderful lesson that God has been teaching me this past month through all the ups and downs of transitioning into a new season of life is this:

Jesus Christ and Him crucified. The gospel, simple, but not plain.

It has been pounded into me minute by minute, day by day. It is my lifeline in more ways than one. Jesus Christ and Him crucified. It's not just something that I preach to others, but something that I have to preach to myself everyday. The majesty of it is that the wonder of the gospel never ceases or diminishes but keeps on growing. How can I explain how much more precious it has become to me recently?

Storms may come, but on Christ the Solid Rock I stand. All other ground is sinking sand.

Treading Water

I have never been stretched so hard since my first mission trip four years ago. Everyday my faith in Christ is put on the line. I almost feel like I'm facing the firing squad on daily basis. On one hand it's very uncomfortable. On the other hand I have never been so so dependent on Jesus.

I thought that I would be swimming smoothly right off the bat so it was a shock to find that I could barely keep my head out of the water. There were times when I found that I could keep my head out of the water, but then a wave would come and I would be struggling again.

It's tempting to want to cop out and go do something else, anything else, but this is my calling. The only way is forward until His calling on my life changes, if it changes. So to Him I cling.

The Upswing of Things

Things have been rough on the inside this past month. There was and still is much to ponder and chew on as I continue to make the transition from student to a "grown-up". I think one of the issues amongst many was and is that on the outside I'm "here". I'm "grown-up" now. I have a job. I have my own apartment.

Letting that sink in.

I take care of me. But on the inside I still feel very much like a kid. I still haven't figured out life yet at 22. Devastating, I know. This is all to say this is why I have neglected this poor corner of the web. Too much going on inside to post it on the outside.

Things are on the upswing and God-willing they will keep going up.

Five Good Things

1. Anesthesia for dental surgeries.
2. Scrabble
3. Fresh flowers. The scent FILLS my room.
4. Tylenol 2
5. Mix CDs

Tired

Being on staff has been more exhausting than I had ever imagined. Actually I didn't think it would be this tiring. For the most part I've been brain dead by the time I've gotten home from campus. Thus no recent blogging. There's been SO much that's been going on though, and I really want to blog about it. But I don't think I can do it justice in my recent state of mind. I'm slowly getting use to the pace so hopefully by next week I'll be able to blog about something more substantial than being tired.

First Day

Good.

That's how I would describe my first day. A solid, deep 'good'. Not just a chipper, light 'good'. But good.

God is good. Very good.

More tomorrow. I am tired.

BIG Day

Tomorrow is my first day on campus!!!

Finally after all this time! I have no idea what to expect. It's almost as if I'm blindfolded and just walking into the midst of it all, taking it as it comes. I'm a bit nervous, a bit apprehensive, a bit excited, and a bit curious.

HERE WE GO!

Public Service Announcement

My photo blog on aminus3 has been revived. I needed a simple creative outlet and an incentive to keep at photography. The link is to the right.

4 Hours + 3 Fingers

4 hours + 3 fingers =
Jesus All For Jesus,
Leaving on a Jet Plane,
Brown Eyed Girl,
and any other song that only uses a combo of the guitar chords G, D, C, A.

Not that you'd really know which song I'm playing though. That's just how good I am. So good that you can't tell the difference.

Right now switching chords requires full mental concentration. I don't know if it can actually be called "switching". Maybe if you're switching tires because that's how long it takes for me to switch to another chord. Strumming is...well let's just say that I didn't think there was much talent involved with strumming, but apparently there is, and I don't have it...yet.

One day...I WILL wail on a guitar. And I don't mean the guitar from guitar hero.

New Year's Resolutions

I've never been a New Year's Resolutions type of girl. It was mostly because I never had changes that I really wanted to make in my life. But this year I've had a few swim around in my head already because of the transition from student life to "hey I'm a grown-up now, with a paycheck" life. A part of me thought they would just happen, but obviously they have not. Writing them down makes them more concrete.

I will...
1. Go to bed by 11:30pm on regular weeknights.
2. Eat at NORMAL hours. No more lunches at 3pm and dinners at 9pm.
3. Incorporate ALL food groups into my diet. Especially fruits and veggies.
4. Cook healthy, well-balanced meals. Poutines don't count.
5. Be well-watered.
6. Clean up my room every night before bed.
7. Figure out a plan to exercise regularly...somehow. Endorphins are good.
8. Stay within budget.
9. Put more effort into my relationships with everyone.
10. Not neglect breakfast.
11. Go easy on junk food.

Basically...live a healthy lifestyle.

Affirmation

Today I met up with a supporter who has known me since I've moved to Canada. He's a missionary himself and he's seen me grow from a rebellious teen who swore profusely to now, so I see him as a father figure. He said to me, "You've done good, kid. I'm proud of you." Those words meant so much to me.

One Person Duet

This person sang BOTH parts of "A Whole New World" from Disney's Aladdin. Blows my mind.

Eagerly Anticipating...

1) Visiting the four corners.
The four corners is the ONLY point in the U.S. where four states, New Mexico, Arizona, Utah and Colorado come together. I've wanted to go since I was in elementary school. Geeky, I know. Two times I've been only 20 minutes away, but have never gone. This time the visit shall prevail!

2) Seeing my family over Christmas and dazzling them with my fantastic cooking skills acquired in the wilderness of city-living.

3) Winter Conference

4) New Year's Eve at Winter Conference

5) Staff training

Illusions of Grandeur

This year's theme for the New Year's party at Campus for Christ's Winter Conference really excited me. So much so that I spent about 3-4 hours researching a costume idea that I had online. Then as sleep lifted from my eyes this morning so did my illusions of grandeur. The headpiece itself takes at the very least a week of diligent work to make for an experienced costumer. With all the Christmas presents already vying for my attention and spare time, I doubt I'd have time to put it together to my satisfaction, but oh my soul yearns to tackle that project!

Humility Classes

Every Tuesday night I go to a class to learn humility. It's also known as a dance class. Whatever pride that I have in my fab self is in shreds by the end of the night.

No Filter

The elevator stops. We get out and walk towards Steph's apartment. Light shines from the end of the hallway. The door from her place is open. Someone is either coming out or going in. A person appears, but it's no one we know. It's a strange man. What the heck?

"Is this the sixth floor?" Steph asks.
"No, it's the fifth," He answers.

We walk by the man to the stairwell to climb the stairs to the sixth floor.
We pass him and I say:

"I was wondering why there was a strange man coming out of your apartment."

5 Good Things

1. Quaint Coffee Shops
2. Honest Mechanics
3. Family Dinners with Friends
4. Christmas Carols
5. Musicals

Royalty

This morning I had a chance to hear Queen Noor of Jordan speak at a health conference courtesy of my friend, Dan R at the Metro Toronto Convention Center. While she was speaking to an audience of health professionals and the like, the talk was very much development oriented or so it seemed to me. There was a lot of development ideology and jargon thrown around like micro-finance, empowerment, and etc. I was really thankful for my degree at this time. It definitely helped me to understand and analyze her talk to a deeper level than if I hadn't come from an International Development background. While I didn't agree with everything that she said, I do agree with this one line:

"Inequity, not scarcity is the problem."

According to Her Majesty about 1 Trillion is spent on arms a year where the expenditure for health and development is significantly less. I can't remember the exact numbers for those two, but no surprise there.

Her talk got me to rethink my cynicism in regards to development. The Queen was definitely inspiring in that she continues to persevere despite all the challenges she has faced in her humanitarian efforts. One could only imagine all the nasty red tape.

One-Liners

"I'm too old." ~A man's excuse for sitting down during our routine tonight.
"I don't have a ligament." ~My teacher's retort.

"That's not vodka, is it?" ~Elevator man's comment after I loudly chug the rest of the water in my clear 1L Nalgene bottle. (FYI: There was 25% left.)

An Ear for a T- Shirt

Yesterday I went to the most exciting Raptors game EVER against the Celtics. For highlights you can read it at their website because they'll definitely do it more justice than I can. I was on the edge of my seats in the fourth quarter and part of me could barely stand to watch. It was so nerve-wracking, but oh, so good. So many last minute 3 pointers.

The highlight of the afternoon that wasn't related to the game was when we were all going for the free stuff that they were throwing out during the time outs and everything else. The whole point was that the crazier you were, the more likely you were going to get something thrown in your direction although catching it might be another story.

So there I was, waving and screaming like a madwoman for the Sprite Zone guy to throw me the t-shirt he was holding. After teasing the crowd for a while he finally slings it in MY direction. What luck! I catch it, but I fumble and it slips out of my hands and lands on the ground in the row behind me. Anxious to grab it before the guys in that row gets it, I bang my left ear on the railing in an attempt to make the grab. Luckily J gets there first and she snatches it for me.

We sit down and everything is honky dorey except maybe for my ear. It's throbbing a little bit, but it's always been temperamental, getting sore at the slightest touch, so like...whatever. Then J tells me that it's bleeding.

The ring apparently ripped a bit in the back and punctured a hole in my head. Not a big one though. Most of the bleeding came from the piercing. The funny thing is I was debating whether to take the piercing out permanently because it still hadn't healed after a year. This decided it for me. It came out. Now I just have boring lobe piercings unless...

Five Good Things

1. Starbucks' Peppermint Mocha with extra whipped cream and the peppermint sprinkles.
Gosh, what a romantic drink. (And yes, by now you should have realized that I have odd definitions for the term 'romantic'.) It's like drinking Christmas.
2. Chinese pastries. Especially the ones with red bean.
3. Good, non-sketchy, funny, fluffy chick lit.
There's times when you just want to read fluff.
4. Extra strength Tylenol.
5. Eyebrow threading.

Get Your Groove On

Owwwww.

Just got back from a beginner/intermediate hip-hop dance class with Irene. 120% sure that I will be shuffling from place to place for the next little while. What an amazing work out. So much fun, but a lot of work. It was great to bust a move. There's just something about those beats in hip hop that just helps you to unleash and let everything out. Rawr. Like my instructor said, who needs therapy when you can dance?

Dancing's definitely a mental and physical workout. It takes so much mental energy to focus on the moves, the timing, and the style, and so much physical energy to execute them. Right now I'm having a hard time executing the right moves at the right time. No style whatsoever. We'll work on that later.

It definitely made me realize that I need to get in more shape. I've become such a couch po-ta-tooooooe. By the end of the lesson I just couldn't do the moves because I couldn't lift my limbs. But I love it. The instructor's awesome. Very upbeat and very patient. I don't feel like such a tool when I have to ask her to do something over. The teacher makes or breaks the experience. She's so pro.

Roots

God has really blessed me with the transition back to Toronto. I had put down some deep roots for the first time in my life in Guelph, and I thought it would be rocky, transitioning to a new kind of life in Toronto. In my head I had this mental picture of me brutally pulling and ripping out my precious roots so that I could put down new ones. I've had to break some ties, like my involvement in the ministry at Guelph, but thankfully the friendships have been preserved. So there really wasn't much blood shed. The transition has been surprisingly pleasant thus far. It was the smoothest move I've ever made in my entire life. Thank God. It also helped that I expected and wanted this move. I knew that my university life and my time in Guelph was limited, and I wanted to return to Toronto.

But it makes me wonder if I'll have the courage to pull up these roots that I'm laying down, pack up and move overseas in a few years, because in my head my stay in Toronto is indefinite. I could be here for a year, two years, five years, ten years, or until I die. There is no "time's up" like there was in Guelph. So really...I don't have to leave. Of course when God calls, the call will be enough to compel me to go. But I also do wonder...am I getting too comfortable?

Star Sighting

Oh and by the way, when I was downtown the other day for the symphony, my friend and I walked pass The Right Honourable Adrienne Clarkson. She looked like she stepped out of the page of her biography, and onto the sidewalk. It was somewhat eerily just how normal she was. There no entourage, no nothing.

Five Good Things

1. Cheesy mando pop on a chilled morning.
I don't know why. I really really like it.

2. Whirlyball with my staff team. Whirlyball= lacrosse in bumper cars.
Wanted to play since high school, but I never had the chance. Loved it. Got four blisters from steering.

3. Thai food. Mhhmm.
Really wish I could make this. I want to learn. So many things that I want to learn.

4. Cleaning.
There's something therapeutic about organizing things, but yet I always procrastinate when it comes to cleaning.

5. Mark Driscoll sermons.
The man is visionary. After listening to him yesterday while working on my newsletters I wanted to leave a legacy up to a thousand generations. I love how he exhorts men to be patriarchs and great fathers. It makes my eyes watery.

The Symphony

Life is good.

Last night I went to the Toronto Symphony Orchestra with a girl friend to hear Dvorak's Symphony #8. It was beautiful. Not just the music, but the musicians. It was mesmerizing watching their body move to the music as they were playing, and the way the bows of the stringed instruments moved in unison. I don't have enough words to describe it. There were so many cool things. Like how all these different instruments came together to create such a cool...melody instead of some raucous noise. It just blows my mind to try to fathom it because they could very well just be making noise.

I felt so sophisticated and grown up, traipsing downtown in heels for a cool Thai meal and then going out to the Symphony afterwards. It was only something that I imagined myself doing when I was "younger". Sometimes I still feel like I'm 16 inside. Last night was definitely one of those..."Pinch me, and tell me I'm awake," nights. I can't believe I'm living this life!

Cookie, Muffin, and Other Desserts As Terms of Endearment

So terms of endearment came up twice in conversation the past few days, and it got me thinking. Why is it that for the most part words that are used as terms of endearment are food products? I.e. Pumpkin, Honey, Sugar. And why are a lot of them desserts like muffin, cookie, and cupcake? What is it about those words? Who wrote the unwritten rule that the best words to be used for terms of endearment are to be desserts?

What? Some guy wakes up one day and thinks, 'You know it'd be pretty cool to call my wife by a dessert today,' and boom everyone just starts doing it? Why not inanimate objects? Like spatulas or forks or tools?

"Oh spatula, can you pass me the peas please?"

Ok, so it sounds awkward right now, but I suggest to you that's only because desserts are socialized into us. But even within the category of desserts some are left out. Like Nanaimo bars. Or even apple strudel or eclairs. They're pretty good desserts. Just as good as cupcakes and muffins. I like them. Why aren't they used as a term of endearment? Don't you think they'd feel left out when 'muffin' or 'cookie' gets all the special usage?

"Nanaimo, can you rub my feet please?" That works just as well don't you think? We ought to start a petition or try coining it. Which I'd totally do except I'm not really into using terms of endearments or being called a dessert by anyone. It makes my skin crawl.

That is...unless you're white, related to my dad, female, have a warm southern drawl and I just happen to call you "auntie". Then it's totally 150% cool, and I love it. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Awww....

Got Boring?

It's 2:00am. I've failed yet again in my recent resolution to go to bed before 10pm or at least midnight. Pfft. Just getting really restless these days. So I decided to put labels on the rest of my posts of my blog from way back when. Some of the older posts were definitely funnier! What? Did MPD suck my sense of humor from me? I was so much more amusing last year than this year. I mean...I still laugh a lot...at myself. So why is my blog boring? Humor come back. I'm almost tempted to go do something stupid. Nothing awkward has happened this week yet. Hmm....This is so not normal! Wait... no, awkward moments have happened. I just can't post them. Ha!

Serenade

I want to serenade Toronto with the violin
in stilettos
on my balcony
...in a year and a half.

Five Good Things

1. Speeding down an empty! 401 on the way to church. Talk about getting a rush before church.
2. Solid preacher and preaching.
3. David Crowder. Can I just say how much I love this man's music and his voice?
4. High heat stove. Food gets to my stomach faster.
5. The sunshine.

Mish Mash

Random collections of thoughts for your amusement.

i) Why must there be trends in the whole Christian dating culture? A few years back it was I Kissed Dating Goodbye. Now Henry Cloud's on the scene along with a few others with the more proactive approach. It gets so confusing!!! Isn't there a definitive answer? And by definitive I mean conservative. And by answer I mean law.

ii) Why is there such a dearth of decent, non sketchy, fiction? Scoured Indigo today for almost two hours. Came up empty handed. Boo.

iii) Good Chinese food makes me happy to be Chinese just because there are certain Chinese foods that other ethnicities don't seem to like. But they're SO GOOD! i.e. Congee with Thousand Year Old Eggs. Mhmmm. I'm so glad I'm Chinese so I'm not missing out. But of course the same flawed logic can be applied to other foods. Like...cheese.

iv) Going to the movies alone rocks. I wholeheartedly endorse it. You get more of the movie because it's just you...and the movie.

A Beautiful Collision

A fusion of classical music and hip-hop! Who knew it could sound so good?


http://view.break.com/347555 - Watch more free videos

I want my own violinist.

The Best Part About Support Raising

The best part about support raising is meeting the older folks. Like aunties and uncles my parents' age whom I would really never crossed paths with if it weren't for support raising. I love how their love for God and their godly character just shines through in that hour, hour and a half that I'm with them. They've got an aura. They just radiate Christ. I walk away thinking, "I want to be like you in twenty years".

The Aliens Have Landed

"Keep your eyes...on the road. Hello?! Eyes! On the road!"

So went the conversation in my head. Tonight wasn't the best time to turn into a space cadet seeing as how I was hurtling down the 404 and the 401 amidst thick fog. It was like driving through some cosmic bathroom that someone just took a hot shower in.

But it was precisely the fog that was taking my attention off the road towards these circles made up of smaller orbs of lights that were hovering above the freeways. They looked like UFOs or those lights that you see above operating rooms. They were just your normal run of the mill streetlights, but the fog made them look really cool. It was also somewhat creepy in a way. Almost felt like I was in a sci-fi movie.

My lack of creative writing skills really does it no justice. It's in times like these where I wish I had a digi SLR. A picture's worth a thousand words.

Fighting God

The thought of not reporting until next semester throws me into a mental hissy fit as I try to fight against God to prevent it from happening.

You'd think I'd learn by now not to fight Him on things which are utterly out of my control, meaning most things in life. Like marriage and ministry partner development. Just as I can't possibly orchestrate the circumstances to marry myself off and to the right guy at that, I can't possibly bring in the support myself. I can't move hearts. He can. He's going to bring the funds in, in His time whether I whine, complain, cry, or just go along with it and persevere with joy.

We can do this the hard way or the easy way. The road's got to be traveled, but it's up to me how enjoyable the journey's going to be.

I concede. Ministry partner development is hard.

However long You want Lord. I'll stick it out.

Hope Deferred, Hope Restored

Steadily they passed; deadlines that I had set for myself to be on campus.

August 17th, September 1st, September 24th, September 29th, October 1st.

Meanwhile I sat frustrated not knowing what to pray anymore, or expect anymore. This certainly was not what I had expected back in May. I had expected to be on campus by now. Hope, that I would soon report started to leak out of me as contacts dwindled taking with it, momentum to continue raising support. It's as they say:Hope deferred makes the heart sick Psalm 13:12.

This morning I sat immobilized in front of my laptop unwilling to do anything to raise support because I was sure of the answer that I would get; NO. What was the point? I sat there, willing myself to do something, anything, but I couldn't. So I went and sat at the Lord's feet, and this verse came to mind.

I lift up my eyes to the hills.
From where does my help come?
My help comes from the Lord,
who made heaven and earth.
PSALM 121:1-2

My help comes from the Lord. He is my hope. Not people and not their responses. My hope lies in Christ. When hope is placed on people or anything else other than Christ, it's bound to be dashed, but when it is placed on God, He will never fail.

The Sovereignty of God

Can I just say how much I LOVE the sovereignty of God?

It's.
simply.
amazing.

He is in full and complete control.
No matter how many stupid things I say and do, He is Sovereign over all.
He cannot be screwed up by me.
It's beautiful.
Love it.

Travel Bug

This year I'd like to:

1. Hop on a last minute deal to any major city in Europe for a weekend. I heard there was a $99 flight to Paris.
2. Go to the airport with my free anywhere in North America round-trip pass, and take the next flight to a major city in North America.
3. Back pack through Europe or more specifically Italy and Greece.

Thankful

Today I am thankful for...

1. The spectacular post card worthy views seen from our balcony each day. Everyday is a new masterpiece by God.
2. Home cooking a la Irene. Yum. She can cook.
3. Taste buds so that I can actually taste the said above.
4. The sweet, sweet words of the Bible.
5. The fact that the Lord is too good of a Father to let me go on campus unprepared.

The Value of Beauty

"Your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity ... in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won't be getting any more beautiful!" the banker wrote.

"So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset," he said. "Let me explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!"

"It doesn't make good business sense to "buy you" (which is what you're asking) so I'd rather lease," he said.

Thus saith the banker to a young woman of 25 who was banking on her beauty (pun intended) to nag herself a rich husband with a salary worth more than 500,000 on Craigslist. You can read the rest of the story here from Reuters' "Oddly Enough."

Humorous as it is, the banker is expounding on Biblical truth.
"Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting" Proverbs 31:30 (NIV)

So let's talk about investing. How much more time do we as women or I myself put into my outer beauty than my inner? Yet which one will be the better investment in the long run? Not to say that personal hygiene should be neglected, but think of all the extra time, energy, and money we spend on our looks. In 10 years at the very least, I can be sure that my looks won't be worth all that much. That's a fact. I won't have a personal entourage of make up artists and photoshoppers to make me look 22 when I'm 30 something. I wish. Outer beauty is a depreciative asset and is guaranteed to erode away, but inner beauty is imperishable. "Do not let your adorning be external- the braiding of hair, the wearing of gold, or the putting on of clothing-but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." 1 Peter 3:3-4

I for one don't want to be left with an empty basket when the 30s hits.
It's time to change stocks.

A Sick Sap

Today the temperature dropped, and the air finally had a hint of Autumn's chill in it. I put on my brand new scarf, and walked to the subway for my appointments. It was raining steadily outside, but I refused to go back to my apartment to get my umbrella. It was much more romantic to walk in the rain.

Until I got sick.
I just got over my cold last week, and now I'm fighting yet another sore throat.
Morale of the story?
Practicality trumps fleeting notions of romance.
I'm such a sap. Geez.

22

22. It doesn't feel all that different than 21, but I feel like I've stepped over the threshold into the prime of life. Never have I felt so comfortable in my own skin because of my relationship with Christ. Never have I felt so content because of Christ.

Life has arrived.
Not because I turned 22, but because my mental paradigm has finally adjusted to the fact that this is life. Life is what's happening right now, not when such and such happens. This is life and I absolutely love it. Absolutely content.

A myriad of adventures awaits me. What will happen next around the bend on this road of life? I am so excited for what the Lord has planned for the year ahead. Whatever it is I am ready to rock this casbah. Carpe diem! Seize the day.

Life Stops Here

My computer is in a coma right now. The battery is gone, and I left my adapter in the hinterlands of Guelph. Most of my support stuff was on that computer so now I am stalled even more in the raising of my support. Luckily a few things were written down on paper, and Terra was kind enough to allow me to hijack her laptop for MPD purposes. I just like to point out how sickeningly dependent I am or dare I even say "we are" dependent on technology.

The Great Romance

Yesterday I spent half the day at Rockwood chilling with God on top of this gorgeous lookout point. It hit me that the places that appeal to me most for quiet times are really quite romantic. Like the lookout point for example.

Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
PSALM 73:25

Cultivating a Thankful Heart

Today I am thankful for...

1. Rockwood
2. Red Leaves
3. Extra Strength Tylenol
4. Cool Coworkers
5. Sales
6. One Time Gifts
7. Answered Prayers
8. Family
9. Old Roommates
10. My Car
11. The Bible
12. My Mom
13. Free Movie Tickets
14. Hillsong
15. New Friends
16. Good Health
17. Ryerson C4C T-Shirt

Summit, The Fourth and First Edition

This past weekend was my fourth and first Summit. My fourth in general and my first as staff. It was fun as just as I expected, no matter how much I tried to deny it before I went. I was sad that I was missing out on the Mac-Guelph spirit, but one day UT, Ryerson, and York will give Guelph and McMaster a run for their money.

It was a great weekend working alongside the other staff, not that I had much to do, getting to know the students, and connecting with Jesus. God hit home some very important points that I need to digest before going on campus. I can't wait to go on campus. This weekend definitely confirmed that THIS is where I am suppose to be. Not at law school, not in the states, not in church ministry, not in Guelph doing a victory lap, not even in East Asia. Toronto is it.

Waiting

I don't wait well. I wait better than I did two years ago, but I know I don't wait well. So the following passage from Girl Talk came at a good time.

"Waiting on God isn't about the suspension of meaning and purpose. It's part of the meaning and purpose that God has brought into my life. Waiting on God isn't to be viewed as an obstruction in the way of the plan. Waiting is an essential part of the plan. For the child of God, waiting isn't simply about what I'll receive at the end of my wait. No, waiting is much more purposeful, efficient, and practical than that. Waiting is fundamentally about what I'll become as I wait. God is using the wait to do in and through me exactly what He's promised. Through the wait He's changing me. By means of the wait He's altering the fabric of my thoughts and desires. Through the wait He's causing me to see and experience new things about Him and His kingdom. And all of this sharpens me, enabling me to be a more useful tool in His redemptive hands."

However even though I know what it says to be true, part of me is getting really tired of waiting for my support to come in. The issue is not whether it's going to come in, but WHEN. And the when isn't happening fast enough for me. I feel like such a tool sitting around waiting for contacts. Just what exactly am I suppose to be learning here? I wish I knew. Then I'll rock that lesson and get out of here. But again not my timing but the Lord's.

Stress Response

Lydia Elder was in town this week for a conference so tonight I had a chance to get together with her to go over my Birkmann. It was a really enlightening experience and it definitely helped me understand my behavioral patterns lately. In a nutshell most of my behaviors right now are all stress behaviors.

Some of the patterns I already knew were stress responses, but others I didn't. Yet I still continue to operate in stress mode. What I really need right now is, at the very least, one solid day away in a lonely place to just sit, read, draw, listen to music, stare off into space, or whatever. What's happening is a few days of driving around to support appointments and then Summit. Hello stress.

Next week I will go hide out at Rockwood or some other conservation area for a day.

On a similar note in good fun, we confirmed the fact that I absolutely cannot marry a pansy with me having an authority score of 91. This is the chick who is most likely to be the dictator of a small island. I will run over the guy...twice and then once more just for good measure. But I already knew that.

Please note: I know that submission is a choice, etc...but let's not get into that. It's not one of those posts.

Gross

I hate having to hork. It's pretty much one of the grossest things in the world.

Bed Snob Travelled Out

Usually I'm a low maintenance sleeper. I pretty much can fall asleep anywhere on anything even a hardwood floor. I'm not that picky about where I sleep, but recently when I've been traveling for support appointments I've found it sad to leave my bed and my room. I would say I miss my bed. It's so comfy and custom tailored for...me with all the pretty pillows and canopy. After thinking about it more I think it's just a symptom of over-traveling. I never thought I'd say this, but man I think I'm traveled out. I haven't slept at home consecutively for more than three weeks since May. I'm getting sick of moving around so much. I would just like some stability and structure in my schedule. Although being in this line of work...

Sanctuary

I'm in Guelph's library right now, and it's so peaceful. It's funny in a place where I went during the most stressful times of the past four years I feel at rest. My heart rate slowed down from the coffee and I am ready to relax and dig into work. Weird, but good.

Rarities of All Rarities

Single men who actually want to learn how to dance,
who aren't sketchy or creepy,
who are friends,
who won't get the wrong idea about being your dance partner are hard to find.

They're rare, but they exist!

My roommates and I saw an advertisement for free salsa lessons at the local pub. We wanted to go, but we had no partners and who knows what kind of random guys would be there. Luckily for us a few of my guy friends actually WANTED to learn to salsa. I didn't even have to cajole, cast vision, list pros, or doing anything else to persuade them. It pretty much made my day.

We were talking about guys leading in any kind of social dancing and one of my friends said something to the effect of, "Even if I suck you still have to let me lead." That really struck me as a good example of the complementary roles of Biblical manhood and womanhood. When dancing the guy has to lead and the girl has to follow in order for the pair to dance well, period. The pair won't move in unity if either steps out of the bounds of his or her role.

I had more to say, but I'll save it for another day. I left this post sit on the backburner for a long time as it were.

1. Violin concertos
2. The chill of fall
3. Downtown Toronto
4. Tea tree oil
5. The sound of Japanese.

...make me happy. ^_^

When You Wish Upon a Star

Well in exactly a month it's going to be Thanksgiving Sunday AKA my birthday so I decided to write a wish list because...I've always wanted to write one. For those of you who like giving gifts, I like gifts! It's one of my love languages. For those of you who don't, just read and be amused. Really.


I'll Tell You What I Want...What I REALLY REALLY Want.
~ Gackt's new single Returner 闇のしゅうえん。(If you can't read the font don't worry, it's in Japanese anyways.) I am pretty much in love with this man...or rather his voice...actually his whole image. But he does have THE most amazing voice ever. His range is so wide, and his voice is just so...rich. Beat that Josh Groban!

~ Jay Chow's very very very first album. It has all of the ballads that I like on it. Yet I can never find the real copy at Pac Mall.

The Bookworm in Me
~ Shopping For Time by the Mahaney Girls
~ Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye? by Carolyn McCulley
~ The Art of War by Sun Tzu

Suscribe!
I would love a suscription to any of the following magazines...I know I'm a total geek.
~ "The Economist"
~ "Foreign Policy"
~ "The Globe and Mail"
~ "Real Simple"

Life Imitating Art Imitating Life!
~ Shimmery eyeshadow from M.A.C. :P
~ Anything from M.A.C.

The Practical Side of Things
~ Ribba 4X6 black pictures frames from IKEA. Lots and lots of them.
~ Photo Albums in general.
~ A Chinese-English dictionary.
~ Coasters

My Pie in the Sky
~ Roundtrip vacation to Japan to visit Hiuks AND see Gackt in concert...with backstage passes. When pigs fly. I know.

In Hindsight Jesus' Always Right

I don't know when exactly, but I do remember in the folly of my youth I ranted online to the entire world wondering why I couldn't have met someone in university, got married, and then joined staff. Might I emphasize the fact that this happened during the FOLLY OF MY YOUTH. Henceforth known as "FOMY".

In hindsight Jesus is Sovereign, and I praise Him that He is. MPD is enough work as it is. I can't imagine adding the stress of graduation, transitioning to another stage in life, beginning a marriage in addition to MPD. That would have been madness. I think I would've died or killed my new hubby. Praise God that He knew and knows best. Props to my friends who have done it, and thank God they're still alive. I'm completely content as a cheshire cat to do MPD alone. Less stress and more air time. Can you imagine doing the VACA on half the time? I speed talk as it is.

It's a similar story with STINT. For three years I had planned on going overseas right after graduation. Praise God that He is sovereign and that He thwarted my plans. As much as I love Asia, graduating, raising support, and moving to a different continent all in four months would've been too much for me. Granted yes, I could've done it on the Lord's strength, but I'm so glad He didn't ask it of me.

I like my new apartment. I like my new roommates. I like my new staff team. I like Toronto. I love Jesus.

So what about my current situation? Well, I would love to be on campus right now, but the Lord is Sovereign. Something good will come of this, like an increase in my Japanese vocabulary and hearing comprehension due to an increased consumption of J-drama, anime, and J-pop. That'll definitely come in handy if and when the Japanese partnership goes through. Yippee! Please Lord, let that be soon.

Side Note: The traditional Chinese in me is so going to go on a guilt trip if and when my Japanese literacy exceeds my Chinese literacy even though my Chinese literacy will increase as a by product of learning Japanese. But there is just so much more incentive so study Japanese.

My Inner Nerd

I am fully embracing my inner nerd.

Things I do for fun:

1) Read my Japanese textbook from high school.
2) Read online research journals on the assimilation of Muslim immigrants into European societies.
3) Read www.foreignpolicy.com
4) Watch Shakespeare
5) Listen to Classical 96.3
6) Browse tutorials on html, dhtml, css, and etc.
7) Watch anime
8) Watch Japanese dramas
9) Sketch

Things I plan on doing for fun:
1) Read my Japanese dictionary to boost vocabulary.
2) Borrowing a calculus textbook from the library because I miss doing math. (Where was this love in third year when I needed motivation to get through econ math?)
3) Making flash cards to relearn my Hiragana (A Japanese script)
4) Finish reading my economics textbooks from last semester and third year since I didn't have time to do it when it mattered.
5) Salsa lessons!
6) Copy recipes from the internet so that I can expand my cooking "skills".
8) Paint

I think I just miss school and learning.

Let Go

"moving on will be great...just not right now."

Tonight I missed the annual Guelph Pep Rally, and all that it embodies and entails. Let me just sit and let that sink in.
I missed my friends.
I missed the excitement, the thrill, the anticipation of a new school year.

Four years ago I was one of those wide-eyed frosh staring out onto the field wondering what the future beheld. Four wonderful years. Now I'm here in that future. A bright treasure chest of a future that's still opening to reveal its mysterious contents, but a part of me still wants to go back to the comfort of the past four years.

I feel like I'm in mourning.

"moving on will be great...just not right now."

Carmen

Before I die I want to see the opera Carmen live.

All Around the World

My diverse week/weekend included:

A few episodes of anime. (Japanese)
Some Gackt music videos. (Japanese)
Two thali brunches. (Indian)
Two arias from Carmen. (French)
One Shakespearean play. (English)
A visit to the furniture store. (Swedish)
One yummy family dinner. (Chinese)

Without planning. Imagine the possibilities with planning and creativity. We could go all around the world in one city.

It's ALWAYS Thanksgiving!

Please Note: This one is PURELY self-centered.

You know how the saying goes "Always a bridesmaid, NEVER a bride"?
No, this is not a rant about never getting married, it's about my birthday.
It's about how it's NEVER my birthday. It's ALWAYS Thanksgiving. October 7 is always inevitably THANKSGIVING weekend. No ifs, no ands, and no buts. ALWAYS Thanksgiving. I'm always second fiddle to Thanksgiving.

I never had an issue with this until university. You see in high school the majority was the minority. We were all Asian. Thanksgiving to us was a foreign holiday. It'd just be one meal with the parents and that's it. The rest of the weekend was ours. It also helped that none of us were living AWAY from home. So at that time all of us were trying to get OUT of the house, which meant I got my fete.

At university my friendships "diversified". Most of my friends were Caucasian and Thanksgiving was a BIG thing. Even the Asians left because once you leave home, you miss home. EVERYONE went home at Thanksgiving to celebrate....you know it, Thanksgiving. Which left me pretty much alone with no real celebration on the day of. {insert "All By Myself" by Celine Dion here}

I know we'd celebrate a week later. Or some friends would do things with me to make up for the day either before or after October 7th or some friends would call or would call AND serenade on the day of, and I appreciated all of that, but I longed for a party with all my closest friends on the day OF. Which at this point is pretty much impossible anyways since two members of my SWAT team are now out of the beautiful country of Ontario. It just doesn't feel like my birthday anymore a week later or a week before.

This is all to say I wish Thanksgiving was in November like the USA so the poor souls who are born the weekend of November 24-26 would have to deal with this, not me. Because I actually do enjoy Thanksgiving. I love stuffing, but it's ALWAYS on my birthday! But since this won't change unless I move out of the country (i.e. STINT...kidding) I will suck it up...now.

Another Disclaimer: I know I'm not the only one whose birthday lands on another major event. I feel the pain of my friends whose birthdays are ALWAYS Summit, Day of Evangelism, Christmas, project, and etc...

What prompted this? Trying to figure out when to host a shindig for said birthday and realizing that good dates are few and far between. 22 may have to pass quietly.

And puh-lease don't pity me. This is not me wanting attention or extra special stuff or sympathy or whatever. This is me wanting to get it out of my system once and for all.

The Reality of Yellow Fever

Y'all have probably seen WongFu Production's "Yellow Fever" making fun of the "phenomenon" of white guys dating asian girls in North America.

Well here's the reality of it called "The Hunt for Foreign Husbands" on CBC's website on why white guys who are social pariahs in their native country automatically achieve stud status the minute they set foot in Asia. For example one lanky acne ridden dude dated 30 women within a month. Think Screech with the magnetism of Brad Pitt.

I haven't fully fleshed out my thoughts on this one yet. My first reaction is that of disgust and repulsion because I automatically assume that these men are just sexual predators preying on the unsuspecting and the innocent. But wait! What kind of girl dreams of having a forty year old balding white man with a beer belly as her Prince Charming? A gold digger!

The CBC shines a light on the motives of the women as well, and these motives aren't snow white either. The Asian women want to marry foreigners because they think they're richer and that the white guys can get them legal access to G8 countries. Read: permanent residency or citizenship. Apparently the trend nowadays is not even to marry for love, just the wallet. A person's character isn't even on the top ten.

In the end I guess it's all even in a warped sort of way. An eye for an eye. A tooth for a tooth. Everyone's using everyone else. Tis' a sad state of affairs.

For the record I am NOT against interracial marriages just in case someone random stumbled onto this page. My mom married a white guy. I know some beautiful interracial marriages where the couples married for the RIGHT reasons. It's just the warped reasons that irk me greatly.

I also know that I went to the polarized extremes. There are probably tons of motives in between.

Cooking Conundrum

This entire summer I cooked an astounding TWO times excluding the times I boiled water for cup noodles, dumplings, and wontons. What a feat. Once was scrambled eggs. The other was your typical tomatoes and egg, red-roasted chicken, and stir fry. Thus far it doesn't look like my goal to become a great cook is off to a good start. Sadly enough I think my cooking skills have actually regressed.

To break out of the poor eating habits of a bachelorette I hit up T and T again today. (INSERT HALLELUJAH CHORUS FROM HANDEL'S MESSIAH) I needed inspiration to start cooking. The items on on the shelves were just screaming, "Cook me!" I bought some much needed ingredients that were hard to find in Guelph, but there are others that are still missing. I was so tempted to buy those prepackaged jars of sauces to cook with, but I am resolved not to cop out. Seriously how much authentic Szechuanese food can you get in Toronto? All those signs and labels claiming to be from Szechuan? LIES!

Aye, there's the rub. I long for the delicious food from my childhood, and long to make them, but I lack ingredients and an authentic teacher. Even the best cook in our family can't make REAL food from our province because of the lack of ingredients. No matter how much those labels claim to be from Szechuan, they're not. There are some ingredients that just can't be imported. Like Panda liver. Just kidding. So until the day China really takes over the world I'll have to make due with pseudo Chinese food whilst outside the Motherland.

Read: If my cooking sucks it's because I lack ingredients.

The Warmth of Family

Sometimes I get so caught up being Miss Independent that I forget about how much warmth family brings, and how much I need family and community. Today during a bout of loneliness I got a call from my aunt in T.O. inviting me over for dinner. That was great in itself, but I think the best part was when she used a chinese term of endearment that mums use for their kids. It felt like a hug. I love family.

Homesick

I miss Guelph.
A lot.

Not just the people, but the city and the school itself.
The beauty, the memories, the dreams and the aspirations the university embodied.

Not that Toronto is worse. Not that Toronto is better.
Toronto is just different.
Not that I don't like Toronto. I do. Immensely so.

It's just that Guelph holds a special place in my heart.
It was the place where dreams came true.
Where I came into my own. Where I grew up.
My home.

Final Stretch

I've got around $1,300 in monthly support left to raise. Jesus totally brought in lots of monthly supporters this past week from previous support appointments, and I didn't do anything at all because of the busyness of moving. Praise God. I could totally be on campus by early September.

Goodbye. Hello.

Goodbye Guelph. Hello Toronto.
Goodbye 519. Hello 647.
Goodbye small town. Hello big city.
Goodbye uni-cultural. Hello diversity.
Goodbye blue sky. Hello smog.
Goodbye open streets. Hello congestion.
Goodbye Zehrs. Hello T&T.
Goodbye instant foods. Hello planned meals.
Goodbye house. Hello high rise apartment.
Goodbye mismatched furniture. Hello IKEA.
Goodbye sweats. Hello fashion.
Goodbye student life. Hello staff life.
Goodbye stressful studying. Hello fun learning.
Goodbye carefree (relatively) life. Hello life of responsibility (yet still fun).
Goodbye Guelph. Hello T.O.

I'm officially back in Toronto.

Thwarted

I came home "early" from the staff BBQ to do some MPD tonight to pad my weekly update when I promptly fell asleep on the couch after a shower and a yummy dinner at 8 something at night. Doh. I'm going to go to bed, bed now.

Eat Those Words

For every major decision that I had to make I've had to eat my words.

When I was in high school and my friend Dave was heading off to university I scoffed at the fact that he was going to go to the University of Guelph. I thought to myself, "Who the heck would go to Guelph?!"

Then I actually CHOSE to go to Guelph.

My last year of high school I spent most of my economics class making fun of BAs. We mocked BAs because we thought it was such a useless degree. They'd end up filling up all the Mickey D's.

Then I CHOSE to switch to a BA program from a BCOMM.

When the Lord first called me to missions I adamantly said no. Missionaries don't make any money.

Now I'm on staff.

Tonight looking back at the archives of my old blog I found this:
meanwhile.....i have got to stop saying that i dislike canadian ministry. that might as well be saying "hey sign me up for canadian staff!!!" i've got to be open to anything and everything at any cost. my mouth goes shut now. i wonder if i already sealed my fate. oh geez more words to eat.

Yeah for Canadian staff!

Now I've learned to seal my lips regarding any major life decisions especially since the next major one would be marriage. Unfortunately I've already sworn that I wouldn't marry several guys. The good news is that I can't marry them all unless they all died one by one. So...here we go. We'll see how this all turns out in a few years.

And how

Speaking of cracking twigs and rustling leaves. Carolyn McCulley just unleashed a timely article over yonder at Crosswalk. Click here.

AMEN SISTAH!

"Allow a man to win your heart, she would say. And if he doesn’t want to, then why would you want him?"

Wow. How refreshing. That quotation was from a recent post from girltalk.blogs.com. (In case you're wondering it's the Week 6 Book Club Discussion) It wasn't anything new, but it was so good to read it and be reaffirmed in my convictions. It's tempting to want to flirt, to want attention, to feel validated, and to feel in control of one's marital status instead of waiting on the Lord. But I firmly believe in that men are called to initiate.

Call me prudish. Call me uber conservative. Old-fashioned. I'd actually delight in that.

A woman's heart is precious, valuable, and worth being sought after. I'm not going to throw mine at someone who barely cares, or even someone who cares, but not enough. Been there done that. Not doing it again. It's such a lie when guys say they need a sign that the girl is interested before they ask. In Aban's words, "MAN UP." Who wants a coward for a husband?

End Rant.

Footnote: I know John Ensor suggested "crackling leaves" so to speak. Fine, but I'm not talking about that. There are times when girls take crackling leaves to mean chopping down the tree and watching it whack the guy on top of the head.

The Very First Campus Ministry Days and Staff Conference

I.
LOVED.
IT.

It was pretty much awesome chilling with THE coolest people alive, fellowshiping, learning from Jesus, having fun, worshipping, and of course eating lunch with Mark Driscoll. I had a BLAST.

Campus Ministry Days Highlights
~Laughing at all the MET jokes during Module 1. Then as I was looking around I noticed it was only us young 'uns laughing. I felt immature. :P 'Tis good to be at the bottom of the food chain again.
~Being back in high school in the Module 1 classroom.
~Daily walks with B. Mitts with synched iPods.
~The CUTE babies
~The older staff that just ooze coolness, wisdom, and godliness. "You're so cool! I want to be just like you."
~Ticket to Ride. My new favourite game.
~The food! It was sooo good. I was so sad I couldn't eat more because of my silly stomach.
~The P and W. 'Twas so refreshing.
~Hanging with THE funnest staff team ever. YEAH Toronto. I love my team.
~The list goes on...

Staff Conference
I just have to say that having Mark Driscoll as the speaker for my first staff conference pretty much made my entire year. Yeah that's right, year. It also helped that two friends and I got to go eat lunch with Mark and his personal assistant on the last day. Jesus really spoke to me through Mark's sermons, and I took away a lot from those talks.
I'm still munching on them in my head. That man just loves Jesus, his family, and knows his Bible. I pretty much want to be like him. So in summary, I really admire and respect Mark Driscoll. Listening to him speak in person was the best way to kickoff my staff career.

Other comments.
~I am in dire need of exercise because I had to walk up all the hills when Lyds and I went biking.
~I love having my own bed at staff conference. Woooo-hoooooooo. No sleeping stiffly because I'm scared I'm going hurt someone with my violent tossing and turning. No profuse apologies the next morning for tearing the blankets away. That said no need to give disclaimers to potential roommates. Just me and the pillows. Yay.

50%!!!

Halfway there!

Well actually a wee bit more than halfway there, but I always promised myself I'd celebrate by blogging about it when I did hit 50%. I was at campus ministry days when I hit 50% so I didn't really have enough concentration/energy/time to sit down and write a decent blog post. But praise the Lord! It came in such a wonderful way. One of my project supporters just sent me an email after getting my last newsletter telling me they were encouraged by my passion and that they were coming on for a significant amount monthly starting immediately. I was blown away. It was so totally cool.

Now for the next 50%. It's so close I can taste it.

I'm CANADIAN.... chinese...

There are times where I emphasis the Canadian part of my identity more so than the chinese part for very good reasons. For example in such times as these. Courtesy of Miss Mitts.

They built a four story restroom in my hometown complete with open air Virgin Mary themed urinals among other specialty toilets. How did we go from tea, silk, and porcelain to...glorified urinals? Sometimes I really wonder...

It's just so ridiculous, but when I visit my hometown I will definitely be going there for photo ops. Oh Chines.

New York

This most recent visit to New York has been the best visit by far due to two factors. One is that I've gotten to know the people here better so I have friends! Two I got to drive around the new CRV so I'm not cooped up in the house all day.

Highlights
~The semi-surprise grad party
Mum told me a few people were coming to dinner on Sunday. By a few she meant 30-50. Her and dad got a tent.

~The art lesson
After a hiatus of four years from official art lessons, paints were dug up, canvases were found, and off I went for a relaxing and therapeutic afternoon of learning the "sfumato" style of oil painting used by Leo Da Vinci. This has inspired me to lug my easel and my hoard of art supplies back to Canada. AND...oil paint is much MUCH better than acrylic. I am now an oil paint fan.

~The mini LAN party
Spent a few hours on the computer with family friends playing Age of Empires. Another thing I haven't done since high school. Technology's gotten much better I have to say. :P Gee really? Been trying to figure out which hobbies will resurrect now that I have more free time. I don't think gaming's going to be one of them. I just can't get into them that much as I once did, but I am bringing my classic playstation one back with me. Just a few more RPGs to finish up...maybe. There are just some days where you're so brain dead that you can only play games.

~The massive balloon fight
Was not at all good for my right shoulder, but I think I have more confidence in my abilities for the softball tournament at staff conference. Hopefully the soreness won't persist.

~The food
My maternal grandma's visiting so the food is 100% authentic. I can't emphasize how good it is. I might as well be in China. Ohhh homecooking. YUM!
To Canada I return on Sunday.

War

7,000 water balloons.

2 teams.

1 glorious hour of fun.

i can't wait for tomorrow.

Wall

The rubber has hit the road. I've hit a wall in terms of support-raising. I am pretty much out of contacts in Ontario. I've a handful of contacts left to contact, whom I just can't seem to reach. Referrals are in short supply. I didn't expect it to happen this early on in game, and I was definitely hoping that it wouldn't. This new development brought with it a plethora of feelings.

It's a mix of relief, helplessness, fear, and excitement.

Relief, because Ministry Partner Development is proving to be stretching. A challenge has come up. Not everything is honky dory. I was starting to think I was a bit abnormal for not really been challenged. My situation is not weird after all. Now I have a chance to put my faith into practice. To have the opportunity to stay true to my commitment to the Lord to be joyful, grateful, and faithful when the hard times come. To bless His name when the sun's not shining.

Helplessness, because well really what can I do to change situations and move hearts to prompt people to gather courage to give and to refer me to others? That is only something God can do.

Fear, because the unbelief in me whispers, "What if He doesn't come through?"

Excitement, because I know He will faithfully provide for all my needs, in wondrous ways. The unknown makes it even more exciting. I can't wait to see what twists and turns God will take me through to bring me to full support.

Pray with me for more contacts, and to God be all the glory.

Running on Empty...Literally

I had a support appointment in Newmarket. As I pulled out of the parking lot at the end of the appointment I noticed that I was a few notches away from empty on the fuel gauge. Sitting there at the red light I was flanked on both sides of the road by a gas station. Going against my better judgement I decided to wait until I hit the 400 to find an Esso just so I could rack up more aeroplan points. Little did I know...

As I drove further away from Newmarket and closer to the highway the roads became darker and darker as there were less street lights and less buildings. There were no gas stations. By the time I hit the 400 the fuel gauge was nearly empty, but I calmed myself with the fact that the fuel light didn't go on yet. I still had time. As I was gunning it down the highway I was trying to decide whether I should go slower to save more gas or go faster to try to get to the next gas station on time. I turned off at nearly every exit to try to find a gas station, but each exit was as dark as the night with no blinding white lights nearby to signal that there was gas nearby.

I was starting to get nervous. I drove around a bit at one exit only to use what little I had left to find a closed gas station. The fuel light went on, I started praying like mad, and at the same time started scolding myself for, one: stubbornly wanting those aeroplan points and two: never calling CAA to get a membership for the past four years. As if that would help matters.

I went back on the highway praying that the next exit would bring a gas station, but the darkness just seemed to loom on forever. Who knew that such a major highway would be so deserted?

Finally a sign announcing the existence of a service station relieved my fears and answered my prayers. It was an Esso to boot as well. In the end I didn't get stranded, got my gas, AND my aeroplan points. Oh God is good.

I should get on that CAA membership.

Family

My whole extended family on my step dad's side came up to Canada to celebrate my convocation and my grandparent's 50th anniversary along with my maternal grandma and some of my mom's cousins. To make things easier I always referred to them as either the "white" side of the family or the "yellow" side. It was a good system.

It was a great time of family bonding; the joking and teasing from the uncles, the bantering, being spoiled by the aunts, the antics with the cousins, and just the unconditional warm family love that you could feel emanating from everyone. It was beautiful. It made me treasure my family more. I absolutely looooved it.

With the family I finally got to hit up Niagara Falls as a bona fide tourist. Did the whole boat tour thing and we took THE funniest group photo. Everyone has just got the wonkiest expressions on their faces.

We also went to this sleepy town east of Kingston and chilled at a B& B there called Sleepy Hollow. That was a first as well. I loved it. It was so quaint and cozy with a delightful country feel. It reminded me of my Stillwater, Oklahoma days. My oldest cousin, who's my age and I got to share a room with a massive king size bed. We could've fit another one of our itty bitty cousins in between us or two.

One of the funniest memories from that trip was when we went across the border to New York state to see this old castle a la Casa Loma. I was a bit nervous since the last time I tried crossing the border without my passport we hit some troubled waters. This time I was driving with my cousin and we were blasting the music. The customs officer asked us a bunch of questions, but the best one was "how do you know each other?" We gave each other a look thinking...would this guy actually buy the fact that we are indeed related? It was plain from appearances that there's no way we can be biologically related. She's blonde and blue eyed with a pale complexion, and I've got black hair and brown eyes. So we threw it out there tacking on "BY MARRIAGE," at the very end hoping for the very best. In the end he believed us to our great relief, and we went on our merry way.

The castle on Heart Island was beautiful, but a bit disappointing on the inside since it was never finished. As we toured the islands we found out that some people bought some of the islands for as low as $24 way back in the day. Now they go for about oh... a few million. Dang! What an investment. I should be buying myself real estate like that. What with global warming and everything I should buy some dinky little island in the Arctic Circle or something. Maybe that'll pay off.

On the way back to the Great White North we stopped by a go-kart track and roared around the track. It was great fun although I will never will wear a skirt to go go-karting in the future. We also hit up the batting cages where I got whacked by a 70mph fast ball. That put me out of commission, and I didn't even get a war bruise to show for it.

Oh fun times with the family.

My Very First Wedding Present

I know a few years ago I posted an entry about how my mom bought me a gift during Christmas vacation, but she wouldn't give it to me because she meant it for my wedding. I can't find the post anymore, but...

This weekend she brought it with her in honour of my convocation and so that I can wear it to Ashley and Ryan's wedding. It was a Swarvoski necklace and earring set. It was beautiful, and I can see why she initially bought it for my possible future wedding. I joked that she gave up on the hope that I would ever get married, but who knows? :P Only the Lord. :D

Iron Foot

Be Aggressive, Be, Be, Aggressive
You'd think the last thing your mom would tell you is that you're not aggressive enough when it comes to driving or at least when it comes to switching lanes. But that's what mine did. When my mom was here this past reading week she was getting annoyed with the cowardice that I displayed when I was attempting to get to the other side of those dotted lines. I guess compared to the way New Yorkers drive, anything less is cowardly. Plus Guelph took whatever edge I had out of my driving skills these past four years.

But I am a wimp no more!

After four weeks of MPD, weekly trips into Toronto, and more than 1000km on the highway, coupled with mom's New York way of switching lanes, I am a confident, bona-fide lane switcher, and city driver. (But not a jerk.) I no longer balk at the thought of switching lanes multiple times to get to an exit, nor am I doomed to drive as slow as a turtle if I have the misfortune to be stuck behind a slowpoke. Nor do I wait until there's absolutely no oncoming traffic or wait until the traffic's 10 km away before I switch.

This girl's got her city driving groove back! YEAH! Now I fully enjoy driving. I think before I gave off the idea that I didn't enjoy driving, which was somewhat true. I didn't enjoy driving only when I was driving under circumstances that scared me. i.e. snowstorm, rainstorm, heavy traffic. But now I fully enjoy it because I have so much more control over my car. The only downside is coming back to Guelph puts a cramp in my style because of the sudden increased numbers of police cruisers coming out of the woodworks. I remember thinking to myself that I needed to go online to familiarize myself with the Impala logo so I can identify police cruisers easily. Sigh.

I need to obey the speed limits.
I need to obey the speed limits.
I need to obey the speed limits.

Hillsong United

Last Saturday I took the night off and went to the Hillsong United concert with Becky, Hannah, Amanda W. , Shona, and we met up with Selina, Aban, and Amac at the Molson Amphitheatre.

It was...uplifting to be there praising the Lord with 12,000~ other people. It's the one "concert" in my memory besides Passion where I actually came away feeling full instead of empty. There's something about the lyrics to Hillsong songs. I was praying them as I was singing them. My favourite song of the night was "I Stand". I think it was the other girls' as well. "Take it all" was a close second for me.

Aside from the spiritual aspect it was uber fun to hang with the girls. There's just something about them that even if we were just bumming around the couch it would be tons of fun, but throw in the concert and the fun factor just skyrockets through the roof.

Highlights
~ the awkward moment with the random teenage boys from NY. Awkward, but funny so it's a highlight. Besides I've had worse.
~ getting free CDs
~ getting V.I.P. seating courtesy of Miss Wong
~ headbanging in the car and showing those high school girls in the car next to us just how cool university grads can be.
~ blasting "Mighty to Save" at the loudest volume that my little Honda's speakers can play because sadly it's not a "United" song. *tear*
~ afterwards we went to Korean BBQ at Commerce Gate where we had all you can eat for $8.99. What a steal! It was really delicious and I had unlimited plum juice. Yum. The best part was when at the end when the waiter was clearing our table Becky started to sing "take, take, take it all." Hahahaha

Lowlights
There was just one lowlight. Very frustrating. On the way down to Ontario Place we were guessing the price of the parking for this massive event. We speculated that it couldn't possibly go higher than $15. That would just be ridiculous.

When we got to Ontario place we drove around looking for parking close to the entrance, but we eventually had to turn back to the parking lot farthest from the entrance. As we inched up to the ticket attendant to pay for our parking, we saw the sign say $12. We rejoiced because that was $3 lower than what we had expected. BUT! Just as we were one car away, the attendant came out of the booth with a big magnet sign, took off the $12 sign, and replaced it with the magnet that said $20. Booooooooooooooooooooo! So in the end we had to pay $20!