Too Good To Be True

Sometimes...actually quite a few times since the start of this semester, I've thought to myself, "things are too good to be true."  For once everything is going relatively well in all areas of my life, and I have absolutely no complaints.

And this scares the crap out of me. 
Maybe it's because I'm a conspiracy theorist at heart.
Maybe it's because I'm a realist.
Maybe it's because I went through so much stuff in life already that the lack of crap is unsettling.

But I keep asking myself "What is the worst case scenario?"
And the answer is, my mum passing away suddenly.
With the multiple sudden deaths of the fathers of a few friends in the past months, combined with my mum's increasing heart problems, the worse case scenario seems quite likely.

I keep wanting to prepare for it, because death is pretty much inevitable, but I don't think it's something you can brace yourself for.

It's the one thing that can really knock me down, and just thinking about it scares me silly. 
My heart sinks.
My stomach knots up, and threatens to expel everything that I just ate today.
My tear ducts starts to rev up.

It doesn't help that she's super worried and talks about dying, fretting over the fact that there will be no one left to take care of me when she passes away. 
"Who's going to marry you when you're traipsing around the world?  
Then what will you do when I pass?  
I wouldn't worry so much if you went overseas with someone.  A strong man who can take care of you."
Genuinely worried. 


I can't do anything to relieve her worries either unless I order a groom online, but I don't think that's what she's going for.

ARGH!
Lessons in trust.

I need to trust that God is sovereign, and He has her life in His hands.
I need to trust God with her anxiety instead of taking them on myself.
I just need to trust.