Let's All Say It Together Now

Sometimes we Christians and by "we", I mean, "I" tend to over-spiritualize things especially when it comes to the not so gentle knocks of life. I tend to skip over the "grieving" process and try to move straight on to the better outlook on life. I don't know why. Probably a subconscious attempt to act/behave/think more "spiritual".
[Oh, the performance trap. Will it never end?]

But it's like, "Really? Is it honestly that healthy to not acknowledge the suckiness of the situation?" Not to say that I should wallow in self-wity like a pig in mud holes, but what I'm saying is to actually recognize that said sucky situation is not cool."

So let's say it together now: "This sucks. PERIOD."

Unleash the [Punk] Artist Within

It's so short in the back that I can't even make a ponytail.

But I LURVE it. It's like I'm going through the punk phase that never happened back in high school. I didn't have enough security back then to pull this off.

Now to work up the courage to get that tongue ring, and to make a final design decision regarding the tattoo, oh and...AND to learn how to play the guitar so I can rock out on the electric. YEOOOW.

Five Good Things

I am looking forward to:

1. Hanging out with my dear friends in Waterloo.
2. Grace Toronto's Good Friday and Easter Sunday services.
3. Sushi on Saturday with York peeps.
4. Holding Elijah C. after service on Sunday.
5. Lunch with church friends on Sunday. (I have non- C4C church friends! YAY!!!)

The Cherry On Top

I am officially doing a "Trash the Dress" shoot for a couple that I know this May. This is pretty much the proverbial cherry on top of the proverbial sundae, that is my summer.

"I didn't know if it was ok to ask staff who they liked."
~ One of my girls explaining how she was so relieved that someone else in my DG 'popped the question' so to speak.

Dum Move of the Day

Wearing wide leg jeans when it's raining outside.

The Fives

Five Good Things From This Past 7 Days
1) Hearing Dr. James Orbinski speak. (It was sobering.)
2) Becoming the PR rep for Grace Centre at Grace Toronto.
3) Russ and Mere's wedding
4) Editing pics from Russ and Mere's wedding
5) Swing dancing.

Five Good Things to Come
1) Grace Toronto's Artist Symposium
2) SLEEP, and lots of it
3) Reading the Cross of Christ by John Stott
4) Getting my IBS (Institute for Biblical Studies not irritable bowel syndrome) textbooks
5) That SWEET tax return check

Millionaire Dollar Team

Would you rather always be fully supported financially above and beyond what you need but only work by yourself or would your rather always be under supported financially but work with a team?

That was one of the "Would You Rather" questions that I asked part of my staff team coming back from a weekly meeting. EVERYONE chose to be under supported financially if that meant working with a team. And despite how much I like money, I would too.

This year has really taught me the importance of working in a team. I've always appreciated teams before, but never as like this. My team has been an integral part of my healing process from burnout. What grace there was when I failed, and I had failed many a times. What truth there was when I was blinded to reality, and I'm borderline delusional [sic]. My staff team is a millionaire dollar team. I adore them all. Yes, every single one of them. I can't imagine working without them, but now I'm going to have to.

Come April, most of them are going to be across the sea while I'm still here on campus. To be honest it makes me a bit anxious when I think about being "alone". I'll have friends in Toronto of course, but the camaraderie of my team won't be fully there. There's nothing worse than going to battle alone.

I know in my weakness God will be glorified, and that His grace is sufficient in my head, but at this point it hasn't filtered down to my heart yet.

I miss them already.

Love Me Anyways

Sometimes it's like, "I'm so messed up. I need to go see a therapist. Wait, I am seeing a therapist."

Today and yesterday were those kind of days. I shouldn't be surprised by the crap that gets squeezed out of me anymore.

I've been extremely hesitant to put anything on this blog regarding my journey through burnout the past year because of a fear of misunderstanding. I was afraid that people would misunderstand God, and lose faith in Him because of what I was, and am going through.

I was afraid that people would misunderstand me, because let's face it blogs are one dimensional no matter how good of a wordsmith you are, and no matter what, people always judge.

Plus burnout is something that cannot be encapsulated through a one dimensional medium. I don't know even if multiple mediums would convey what it's like. It's something that you wouldn't fully understand unless you've walked through the darkness of the valley. And since I was never that good with words to begin with, I was hesitant.

As for people judging, if I was a blog stalker who came to this site from my Facebook profile because I am a "friend", or from another blog, the first sentence would make me think that the blogger is psychotic. Let's not lie to ourselves. We judge period.

So that's why I was silent, but I will be no more. I'm breaking the silence because leaving this kind of stuff in the dark is worse. It makes it scarier than it seems. I'll risk the misunderstanding.

Life is hard and crap like burnout and depression happen. We live in a craptacular world. But the good thing is that there is a light at the end of the tunnel though you might not see it for a loooooooooong time. And that's the honest truth.

So love me anyways.

Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.

~Bill Vaughan

Oh good ol' gmail quote of the day.

I have recently realized that I have a distaste for and an aversion to suburbia. Even where I live now is not downtown enough. If you're going to live in the city why live in the burbs? I dream of a loft. Mhmm...one day..God willing, if I'm still in this town, and not overseas.

Anticipation

I am so ridiculously excited for my summer plans that it's like having caffeine in my system all the time. I didn't think that I would be excited this year since I'm not even stepping off the continent, but I am!

April- Gospel Coalition (Chicago)
May- Martha's Vineyard (Vacation, time share courtesy of a very awesome friend.)
June- Arizona (Ministry Partner Development Trip)
June and July- Colorado (Institute for Biblical Studies); Whistler (Staff Conference)
August- California (Fresno, San Francisco, L.A., Yosemite, King's Canyon, and maybe just maybe San Diego)

I can feel the sun on my skin already. I can't wait to shoot all of these locations.

25 Random Facts a la Facebook

I'd rather write it here than on FB. I'm irrationally paranoid like that.

1. I like to do random things on the fly like getting my hair cut or my belly button pierced.

2. As of yesterday I have a belly button ring.

3. The violin, the piano, the electric guitar, and the drums are the sexiest instruments EVER. I love them.

4. I am now a clean freak comparatively to what I was before.

5. One dream of mine is to have enough money to randomly jump on the next flight out of Pearson to a major city in the world.

6. I have an irrational, shallow, and superficial fear that I will marry someone ugly. By God's grace it's lessening as the years go by. :P And no, it's not that I'm learning to settle. I absolutely refuse to.

7. I have small scars of a dog bite on my right cheek.

8. Foods that I use to hate, but now love: ketchup, sour cream, pasta, and filet o' fish from McDonald's.

9. I want to have the skills of a National Geographic photographer.

10. Textbook economics literally gets my heart beating faster especially microeconomics.

11. Harvard was my childhood dream.

12. I have THE BIGGEST CRUSH on James Franco of Spiderman fame, but mostly on his character in the movie Tristan and Isolde.

13. Going through burn out was the hardest thing that I had to ever go through even considering my childhood.

14. Despite my dry and rough demeanor I am actually quite the sappy die hard romantic at heart.

15. I tried out for the Miss Chinese Toronto beauty pageant back in grade 11.

16. I thoroughly enjoy and savour every moment of being single. Taste the freedom.

17. I use to be the hugest tomboy back in junior high.

18. My Achilles heel is my insidious pride.

19. I'm becoming a homebody. I just like piddling around my apartment.

20. I am NOT an extrovert. I am an outgoing introvert. I hate big crowds, and being around people too much actually depletes my energy.

21. I have a (bad?) habit of looking at engagement rings whenever I pass by a jewellry store.

22. One day I hope to have an art show.

23. I compare myself to others way too much.

24. I am the biggest idol in my life. See 18.

25. Quality time and taking initiative are my love languages.

Eggsplosion

IcamehomefromCostco.Put18eggsintoapottoboilthem.Leftthemonthestove,andwentforanap.

In case you didn't get that.

I came home from Costco.

Put 18 eggs into a pot to boil them.
[ I was going to eat them for breakfast throughout the week]

And then proceeded to leave them on stove whilst I went for a nap.
[Unintentionally of course. I was so tired I forgot the stove was on.]

Sounds like the beginning of a bad joke doesn't it? Well it wasn't.

An hour later I awoke to explosions coming from the kitchen. Sounds made by eggs committing suicide. Sounds loud enough to wake me not only from deep sleep, but deep sleep with ipod blaring. Yes, I sleep with my ipod on.

And not only did I awake to sounds, but I awoke to a haze as well. A haze that could've been described as a fog.

You can start laughing....now.

The stench of rotten eggs is, I think still in my hair, or I just might be paranoid. Our apartment stunk until I cooked enough pasta to feed an army. Now it stinks like pasta.

This reminded me of university when I managed to set eggs I was frying on fire with the flames going a foot above the pan.

Too close of a call. TWO close calls.

I can see it now...death by eggs.

Monotonous Droning

“Shelly forgot how utterly boring lectures were. How did she ever survive four years of monotonous droning?”

For the three hours that I sat in my Basic Photography class I was thinking about various Facebook statuses bemoaning the tedium that I sat through in my head. That’ll tell you how much fun it was and how much I learned.

Honestly, I don’t think the man planned for a lecture. I would’ve have learned more if I surfed the net for three hours than the three hours that I sat in that fluorescent room.

Funnily enough I didn’t feel as much guilt dinking around my mac as I would have if I was in undergrad. If you’re so boring as to not capture my attention then you don’t deserve my attention. It’s not MY fault that you like to listen to yourself talk.

Oh yeah, and this blog post? Written IN class.

Do I sound annoyed and slightly angry? That’s because I am. Because I spent good money and time for this class. I’m already anticipating the course evaluation......

5 Things That I'm Looking Forward To This Week

1. Sheridan Photography course
2. Dinking around in Photoshop
3. Starting a fresh journal
4. Designing a mail out for Grace Toronto
5. Steph's Oscar Shindig

A Picture Speaks A Thousand Words

Since that is it the case, I should have thousands upon thousands of words to fill up this little blog by now, but alas I only have two measly blog posts, this making it three for this year. It seems that all my creativity has been taken up with photography, sketching, painting, jewelry design, and design of all sorts in general.

I am at a loss for words, but I have never felt more alive than now when I'm letting all my God-given creativity flow out in the form of visual art. For once I feel like I'm living the abundant life.

This is all to say that I update my Flickr more than this so go there. :)

Did you hear the one about the agnostic dyslexic insomniac?





















He stayed up all night wondering if dog existed.

The Ingeniously Stupid Things That I Do

Three people in one apartment with a small fridge means that there's usually a lack of fridge space. And I for one am a lazy cook so I like to make HUGE quantities of food and eat it for a week. The problem that arises of course is "Where do I store it?"

That's the one good thing about having severe weather warnings, my huge balcony automatically becomes a deep freezer.

In December I decided to make congee during one of my super lazy days and of course I made a lot. And of course there was no room left in the inn...I mean fridge. So being the ingenious person that I am, I put the whole pot of it outside...and promptly forgot about it. Until now.

Tonight when I went to retrieve it the whole load of it was frozen solid, but thankfully there was no mold or anything of the like. After I heated it on the stove to defrost it enough to flush it down the toilet I brought the pot to the bathroom and proceeded to empty the entire contents into the bowl. Little did I know that only the outer edges was defrosted, the core was still frozen. And what a large core.

There I was standing over the toilet bowl with a huge block of congee ice almost the same size, sitting in the bowl. What's a girl to do? Why, get a pair of chopsticks that shall never ever be used again and poke at it of course!

Well that didn't do any good as the core was solidly frozen, and a good pair of chopsticks was wasted. The cheap, chinese side of me cringed.

Finally after a few basin full of hot scalding water the huge ice congee chunk dissipated into the drain.

Moral of the story? Well, come up with your own

The Saga of My Tooth

Me: "I can't believe that you remembered me."
My Dentist: "You're my most expensive patient."
Me: "I've invested a lot of money into this tooth too. I could have a huge diamond engagement ring by now."

Later on...
Me: "I have nightmares about all my teeth falling out."
My Dentist: "Why don't you dream that this one does?"

Even later on...
My Dentist: "I should've taken the tooth out when I had the chance."
Me: "If you take it out now I'm going to gold plate it and put it on a necklace."
My Dentist: "I want half of it. You can have the part with two roots. I'll take the one with one root."

At the end...
My Dentist: "Wow I've known you for SIX years!"
Further exclamations about being old.
Me: "I'm sorry I make you feel old."

Photo Editing

While I'm all for photo editing (read: addicted) these days, it still doesn't beat a picture taken right the first time.

Tell me...why'd I have and go and be so complicated.

Being human takes a lot of work.

We are bundles of emotions, dreams, expectations, wants, needs, likes, dislikes, opinions, thoughts, beliefs, convictions, thoughts, loves, hates, annoyances, joys, frustrations, hopes, desires, passions, and...

all tangled up.

Meet J.D. (James Dean)

My Rebel XS with a cause, to capture the world and its beauty.

I scoured the Craig's list for a camera for around $500. I found some Rebel XTs and XTis for about $450, but I thought I'd give Best Buy a go.

The Rebel XS was on sale for $569 from $599. Not bad, but even better was the fact that there was an "open" box for sale at $539. Someone had bought it as a gift, but the receiver returned it. I snatched it up, but to my chagrin I found the same camera a day later for $549 BRAND NEW. So back to Best Buy I went to take advantage of their price matching deal and was all like look you either give me a brand new camera for the same price or give me credit on the opened one. They chose the latter and I got J.D. for $499 before tax. Huzzah!

The Camera Saga

July 3- Precious Canon SD1000 mugged

August- Replaced by the new and improved Canon SD1100

October 12th- Canon SD1100 dies a very early and very premature death because of accidental droppage on zoom lens. My heart breaks.

October 12th- Diana + is purchased to redeem day of shooting. Parts are discovered to be missing.

October 15th- Diana + is exchanged for a more complete camera.

October 19th- Diana loses her shutter release, and is taken back to store yet again. Cannot replace without receipt.

October 20th- Canon Rebel XS a.k.a. James Dean a.k.a. JD is found, but questions still linger as to whether there is a lower price elsewhere

October 23rd- Diana is returned.

October 24th- J.D. stays after price drops even more.

Lust never ends

First I got sick of my little silver Nikon, and was pining for the day when I would own a Canon SD1000.

The minute the Canon SD1000 was in my hand, I started dreaming of the day when I would have a DSLR.

Last week I took the plunge and got a $599 DSLR for $499 at Best Buy. It has been a week. I've used it twice, and I'm already dreaming of more lenses and dare I even say it.....The Canon 50D?

Lust never ends.

Expectations

Expectations can be stated, implied, unsaid.

Expectations can be imposed, perceived, received, and rejected.

By you and others.

Expectations can be black and white or...you know.

Expectations can be good, bad, and in between.

Expectations can be light as a feather or bone crushing.

Expectations can be warmly welcomed or deeply despised.

Expectations can be big, small, or somewhere in the middle or at least...feel like that anyways.

Expectations can be simple, but maybe it's because you just don't get it.

October 7th 2008 Highlights

Exuberant would be the word of choice to describe how I feel right now. And I have not been exuberant for a while. Every little birthday thing that people did for me whether it was a card, washing dishes, buying napkins, planning a swing dance, presents meant SO much to me.

Highlights From the Day
1. Birthday Swing Dance
This was the cherry that topped the sundae. Birthday girl (me) was in the middle of the dance floor and EVERYONE danced with me.

2. Providential Napkins and Flowers
I saw both napkins (Sleeping Beauty) and flowers (sunflowers) at Sobey's when I went to get plates. Was tempted to buy BOTH, but decided against it, but I REALLY WANTED THEM. Hours later Becky shows up with the Sleeping Beauty napkins because she couldn't find blue and green ones, and the boys show up with the sunflowers.

3. Urban Decay Graffiti Eyeshadow
I've wanted Urban Decay shadow for SO long and SO much, and my roommates got me it. WA-HOOOOO. Along with some funkdadelic electric blue eyeliner. HELLO!

4. Lydia sent me a TON of hilarious e-cards that gave me deep belly laughs.

5. Things in a Box:
Things You Would Not Write in Shelly's Birthday Card
- "The only Asian woman I like is my mother.~ 'Joe Choi" (Submitted by C. Kenyon)
Things Shelly Does Not Want People to Say to Her at Swing Dancing.
- "I know I'm unattractive, but I'm the only guy talking to you." (Submitted by K. Macher)

6. G-chat Convo pasted in a Card

7. People coming from Hamilton and Guelph!!!

So Many Issues, So Little Time

"I use to think that if I cared about something I have to care about everything."
~ Henry from Ever After

A cheesy line from a flighty prince in a girlie movie, but it fits me right now. Which battle do I pick?

22 Going on 13

I tried REALLY hard. Really I did; to NOT jump on the Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus bandwagon. But I did. Yeah I did. "See You Again" has been played 13 times in the last hour. Once a teeny bopper. ALWAYS a teeny bopper.

The Traditional Birthday Wish List

Just because it's fun to list all the stuff one wants. Almost as good as getting them.

Pies in the Sky
1. Canon DSLR
2. Adobe Design Suite Premium
3. ipod Touch

Can't Get Enough of These
1. H&M Scarves
2. Starbucks
3. Sephora

Definitely Wants
1. Holga Camera
2. Lomo Camera
3. Lomo Fisheye
* And some film to go along with.

Hard to Shop For
1. Purses
2. Tights
3. Swing Dancing Shoes

Some Tunes
1. Mika
2. Jack Johnson
3. Justin Timberlake

15 Minutes of Fame

The proverbial cherry that topped off my weekend was participating in Improv Everywhere's MP3 Experiment Toronto edition.

Here's me getting my 15 minutes worth of fame by making my war face right before the epic battle. And here's me off on the side with the brown bag in the red shirt.

Me VS. Heels

Me [0]
Heels [3]

My short one week stint in Paris learned me good. I must wear heels. Just a personal conviction.

They just make everything look better. But in the three times that I have worn them, they have pwned me good, leaving me bloodied and battered and all too willing a masochist for the pains of fashion.

One day I will prevail.

One perk of being a working girl that I thoroughly enjoy is being able to read for fun. No more scanning the words repeatedly hoping to God that somehow the information will stick, and not blow away at the next line like leaves on a fall day.

This weekend I finished two books and dug in on my third. I am ravenous for fiction.

A Slow Death

By the end of July I was convinced that this blog had lived long enough, and that my blogging career was over. But here I am, punching away at my keyboard saying that I was going to quit.

The Bronchial Ab Workout

The first step is the tricky part.

FIRST, contract bronchitis. Whether it be viral or bacterial is of no significance. You can loiter in hospital corridors hopefully or sleep with the windows open with an industrial size fan blasting your face or anything else that you can concoct. Whatever. You just need to get bronchitis.

SECOND, wait for the innocent tickle in your sternum that is a precursor to the loud hacking, dry gagging, body rocking, convulsive bouts of coughing coming your way.

THIRD, do not take any cough syrup or antibiotics to maximize workout duration.

When you dread the next bout of coughing because of the accompanying pain that ripples through your abdomen you have successfully completed the bronchial ab workout.

*Side effects may include limited speech abilities, weird looks from strangers in public, ostracism in Toronto because people think you have SARS.

Resolution

They got them.

I'm going down on Monday to the Police Department.

And THEN the Car Stopped Working...

and stopped dead on, in the middle of the exit ramp of the underground parking garage. Go figure. The rear wheel had been squealing the whole time in the garage, but hey it worked...until we hit the incline.

LUCKILY! I, in my profound wisdom and foresight bought a premium CAA membership back in December in preparation for such damsel in distress moments as these, so patting myself on the back I quickly called CAA- only to find out that they could not and would not tow a car whose license plates have expired, which presented quite the conundrum because guess where I was going?

To Canadian Tire.
To have my car checked and re-certified so that my plates would be a-ok again.

At this point, panic was starting to rise a little bit, but BEHOLD! there is another company who would be very willing to tow me for a small fee, which just happened to be slightly over my debit card's limit. DOH! And seeing how I was just mugged oh...16 hours ago, that was not enough time for my brand new spanking credit card to arrive in the mail.

Cue emotional and nervous breakdown. Joking. Sort of.

Me + Car Trouble = Agony

I needed help. Badly.

I mentally scrolled through my list of trusty Torontonian friends only to realize that those who can actually help in a practical manner are all out of town...except for a saint named J who called around to look for other towing companies with no success who then called upon another saint, Ethan.

While all this was happening an angel in the form of a helpful man drove through the garage and actually stopped to help. GASP. Whereas four or five cars before just drove on past. A modern day Samaritan that man was.

He not only got my car out of the precarious position it was in, but got the rear wheel to start working again. The axle apparently was stuck.

Providentially a parking spot opened up nearby and I was able to park permanently and most importantly SAFELY, laying to rest my imminent plans to stake out my car tonight.

Ethan helped me figure out a plan of action for tomorrow, and I returned to my apartment relieved.

Mugged

Speaking of firsts...

Tonight Lydia and I were walking home from the subway station from the Brooke Fraser concert, and we got mugged.

I am still in shock.

I lost my purse, my wallet, my keys, my makeup, a friend's book aptly entitled Evangelism and the Sovereignty of God, my camera with 2 months worth of pictures from Tanzania, and my ipod.

The thing that I am MOST upset about losing is my two months worth of pictures and the picture of my DG that we took as a family at Sears three years ago that I had in my wallet. Those can never be recovered.

Nothing happened to us physically for which I am really thankful to God for.

Creepy Man (Canadian Edition)

This year is definitely a year of firsts.

My FIRST proposal happened this year. That would be Creepy Man (Tanzanian Edition). More to come in the next post. But for this post something a little closer to home.

On Tuesday I was sitting at Yorkdale Mall on hold with Fido renewing my service agreement. It was a long hold. There I was sitting, daydreaming, when an old, old, OLD man of about 50-60 with a FULL head of gray and white hair comes up to me.

"Excuse me," he says. "Might I just say how lucky your husband is to have such a gorgeous woman as you as his wife."

I smile awkwardly.

"I'm not married," I respond. First mistake.

"Your boyfriend then."

"I don't have a boyfriend." Second mistake.

"Then if you don't mind me asking how might a man like me get a date with a beautiful woman like you? I treat women very well."

No. way. I just got asked out for the first time in 6 years by a CREEPY OLD MAN with A PICK UP LINE. By this point I was in complete shock and disbelief that this guy had the audacity to approach someone 40 years his junior. It was hard to choke back a full fledged laugh as I told him I wasn't interested or looking.

Then I bolted for the subway. Immediately.

Home Sweet Home

East, west, home is best.

I was dreading going back to Toronto at the beginning of project because I feared the loneliness that awaited, but it has never been so good to be HOME. Coming back to MY apartment was pure relief. It really is home, and I feel very blessed to be living in such a sweet pad. Travelling around has really made me count my blessings.

I was ready to be back a few weeks ago even though Paris and London were fantastic experiences. Now I know that my travel max is two months. Glad I figured this out before I bought a Round the World ticket (they exist) for a year. I might still do that, but not for a year.

5 Good Things (Paris Edition)

1. The pastries.
Oh mhhmm...the pastries. I'm salivating as I type this. Words cannot express how delicious they were.

2. The monuments. Eiffel Tower, Versailles, Notre Dame, Louvre....
Sigh.

3. Walking along the Seine.
It's just so beautiful, romantic, and...funny.
I went to Pont St. Louis, apparently the most romantic place to watch a sunset...to watch a sunset and there was this man there with the weirdest contraption protesting something or another, but he was serenading the passerbys with "Fly Me to the Moon." The juxtaposition was too funny. I couldn't help but smirk and chuckle.

4. The streets.
I love the windy, narrow streets with quirky, unique shops in the them. The architecture is so quaint.

5. The fashion.
Everyone is dressed to the nines. Coming back from project, that made me feel uber grunge. And the guys know how to dress well too!

Paris

In Shakespeare and Co. a famous bookshop located on the Seine across from Notre Dame, there are nooks and crannies where visitors from all over the world leave their marks. A few words here and a few words there. So I thought, 'Why the heck not?'

On a ripped piece of paper I wrote, for the lack of a better imagination:
It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. Dreams come true in Paris.

Not that I've had a GREAT romance the pass few days in Paris, but I think it sums up all that Paris means to me, the embodiment of childhood dreams. As a child I dreamed of Paris. Of its famous monuments, of its paintings, of its streets, of its history and I thought to myself one day I will go to Paris.

And now I am in Paris, and I love it. Every minute of it.

Tanzania

Well here I am safe and sound in Tanzania. It feels so good to be back on an international project. Fish back in water. But it's definitely different being staff on a project though.

Campus cycle starts this week. I'm leading a team with Jamie Strickland, Tim Lee, Vanessa Fabish, Zoe Klintberg. Love the staff and love the team. Everything is going swimmingly.

Health is a bit wonky. Perpetually fatigued all the time. Hopefully this will pass.

Curbside Centerpieces

Wedding Guest: "So where did you get your centerpieces?"

Irene: "From the curb."

And that my friends is how conversations will go at Irene's wedding.

We were thinking of having branches as centerpieces, but the problem was where to get them. As we were discussing this during lunch, Terra, Irene, and I, Terra remembered seeing newly pruned branches on the curb...somewhere during her drive earlier in the day. So off we went after sushi to find centerpieces on the curbside.

Sure enough there they were on the curb calling to us: "Pick us up!" Use us!" So we opened Terra's hatchback and shoved it all in and took them home.

April Shmapril

I will never again underestimate April.
It's pwning me like no tomorrow.
Who knew? Who knew?

The City Comes Alive

Living in the city during the winter is dark, dreary, and depressing. It's also claustrophobic. But now that spring/summer is here, it's as if the city woke up. Suddenly everything's bright and cheery. There's so much to do. I've already started making a list.

Things I want to do in the summer.
1. Take a swing dance workshop (not exclusively a summer thing, but still...)
2. Explore and window shop in:
a) Upper Village (Eglington W. area)
b) Yonge and Eglinton
c) Fashion District
d) Roncevalles
3. Blade along Harbourfront (no blades though...)
4. QT at Harbourfront
5. Eat out at a restaurant with a patio at Harbourfront
6. Go shooting (with a camera not a shotgun) around the brickworks.
7. Sit in Dundas Square and people watch.
8. Go to a Jazz Festival
9. Play beach volleyball at Ashbridges Bay
10. Last but definitely NOT least: Shakespeare in High Park (although I hope seeing a Shakespearean play at the Globe in London won't ruin me for this.)

Can I just say how good life is? It's as if Someone gave me a goblet of golden nectar to drink, and I'm savouring every little drop. What a blessing it is to be exactly where I am right now and I thank Jesus for every day that I get to live.

Pick Up on Day of Prayer

While on a prayer walk today with my roommate in Streetsville (a dinky town in Mississauga), the following happened.

Walking, walking, walking...

Me: Father I thank you for this beautiful day.
We stop at streetcorner.

Random Voice From Behind: Yeah it is.
We turn around. There's this random sketchy looking man leaning against the wall staring at us.

Sketchy Man: But not as beautiful as you.

AWKWARD. Seriously I have enough awkward stories to film two high school chick flicks. I deserve an award or something.

A Salad of Thoughts

1. I use to think that my cooking skills were decent. Now I know better. It's not that they're decent, it's just that my palette got worse. I had the best chinese food these days. It's ruined me for the ordinary (my cooking).
2. All the chinese food and all the ads for the Beijing Olympics make me want to move back to China long-term. Not the best reasons to move. I know.
3. I need to work on my chinese.
4. While watching an ad on TV...
"She's so pretty. I want to be like her. I want to be chinese. Wait, I am."
What the heck? Oooh the power of advertisement.

Culture Shock In My Own Hood

Mom's in town, and that means requisite visits to all extended family members in the area. I love the wining and dining part that comes along with these visits because food that tastes this good and in this much quantity only comes my way every so often. I love being able to converse (loudly) in my mother tongue again. I love hearing old family stories. I love being spoiled rotten and being doted on in a way that only an only child from a chinese family can be.

But this time around there was a bit of culture shock. While there has always been things about the chinese culture that irk me like horking, this time I haven't been able to "slip back in" to the culture as smoothly as before. I feel disoriented like a fish out of water. I can't put my finger on it, but it disturbs me because in the past four years it wasn't that hard to go back and forth between Guelph and the yellow side of the family. And going from burgers and dogs to chicken feet is a pretty big jump.

When I knew that I was moving back to Toronto, I made a conscious decision not to get sucked into an Asian bubble again, but now I wonder if I had gone too far and have actually moved away from my roots....

Savouring Solitude

It's 1:30 at night. The only one up in this apartment is me. The silence and the stillness of night weighs on me, pressing against my skin. The noise and the rush of day has melted away. All the ten million things that clutter my brain have been swept away. I'm sitting on the hardwood floor savouring the stillness, and the silence that comes with night. Solitude tastes so good.

Brush with Black Ice

I was on my way to Harvest Oakville for church this morning with a friend, Emily Terreberry when I had my first brush with black ice and hopefully the last. We were on the QEW going west when all of a sudden Sunday morning traffic turned into Friday afternoon rush hour. It made sense on our side because there was an accident ahead of us, but the lanes going east were also as slow as a snail. This puzzled my mind until we hit our very own patch of black ice and skidded. We ended up at a 70 degree angle to the barricade. Yikes. Providentially we were in the exit lane so we were already slowing down and didn't skid into the middle lane; the car behind us also skidded so he didn't ram into us; the middle lane was empty for a bit so no threat came from the left . Whew. Praise God for safety.

It seems like this winter is the winter for car issues, but I rejoice when I reflect on how much God has grown me over the past few years. If these things happened a few years ago I would really be flipping out, but now I plod on with the knowledge that He will get me through this.

Happy Heart Day

There was going to be an ingenious albeit cheesy card floating around this year with the above tagline, but due to technical difficulties there will be no cards bearing Lydia's and my own brilliance.

That said, Happy Heart Day!*

Funny enough I kept thinking that today was Chinese New Year's. I think it's the hot pot that I will eating in an hour.

.

O-R-G-A-N-I-Z-A-T-I-O-N

Shelly will learn to organize her time better. Shelly MUST learn to organize her time better.

In Love

A couple of friends and I rolled into Montreal late LATE last night around one in the morning. After getting a few glimpses of the city during the wild drive downtown, I fell in love immediately. Today my friend, Lydia is going to take me on a grand tour. I am so excited.

The Calm After a Storm

I don't like trials. I don't like discomfort. I don't like feeling crappy. I doubt anyone does. Three posts ago I was praying that things would continue to keep going up instead of going down or even just staying at the status quo.

Yet sitting here in the calm of the previous storm I would not trade the howling winds for anything else because Jesus showed up in the midst of it. How can I explain the love, the peace, and the gentleness that I felt as He calmed the raging worries, doubts, insecurities, accusations, and fears inside my weary heart? I tear up when I remember it. The Lord, He is good. I have tasted and I have seen.

The things that brought me closer to God were the storms in my life. Next time I will not hold such disdain for them.

Consider it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

Inclement Weather

Tonight was suppose to be the first pool practice with this dragon boat club that I sort of joined, but due to inclement weather practice was canceled. I had been looking forward to it all week. Boo.

Jesus Christ and Him Crucified

The most wonderful lesson that God has been teaching me this past month through all the ups and downs of transitioning into a new season of life is this:

Jesus Christ and Him crucified. The gospel, simple, but not plain.

It has been pounded into me minute by minute, day by day. It is my lifeline in more ways than one. Jesus Christ and Him crucified. It's not just something that I preach to others, but something that I have to preach to myself everyday. The majesty of it is that the wonder of the gospel never ceases or diminishes but keeps on growing. How can I explain how much more precious it has become to me recently?

Storms may come, but on Christ the Solid Rock I stand. All other ground is sinking sand.

Treading Water

I have never been stretched so hard since my first mission trip four years ago. Everyday my faith in Christ is put on the line. I almost feel like I'm facing the firing squad on daily basis. On one hand it's very uncomfortable. On the other hand I have never been so so dependent on Jesus.

I thought that I would be swimming smoothly right off the bat so it was a shock to find that I could barely keep my head out of the water. There were times when I found that I could keep my head out of the water, but then a wave would come and I would be struggling again.

It's tempting to want to cop out and go do something else, anything else, but this is my calling. The only way is forward until His calling on my life changes, if it changes. So to Him I cling.

The Upswing of Things

Things have been rough on the inside this past month. There was and still is much to ponder and chew on as I continue to make the transition from student to a "grown-up". I think one of the issues amongst many was and is that on the outside I'm "here". I'm "grown-up" now. I have a job. I have my own apartment.

Letting that sink in.

I take care of me. But on the inside I still feel very much like a kid. I still haven't figured out life yet at 22. Devastating, I know. This is all to say this is why I have neglected this poor corner of the web. Too much going on inside to post it on the outside.

Things are on the upswing and God-willing they will keep going up.

Five Good Things

1. Anesthesia for dental surgeries.
2. Scrabble
3. Fresh flowers. The scent FILLS my room.
4. Tylenol 2
5. Mix CDs

Tired

Being on staff has been more exhausting than I had ever imagined. Actually I didn't think it would be this tiring. For the most part I've been brain dead by the time I've gotten home from campus. Thus no recent blogging. There's been SO much that's been going on though, and I really want to blog about it. But I don't think I can do it justice in my recent state of mind. I'm slowly getting use to the pace so hopefully by next week I'll be able to blog about something more substantial than being tired.

First Day

Good.

That's how I would describe my first day. A solid, deep 'good'. Not just a chipper, light 'good'. But good.

God is good. Very good.

More tomorrow. I am tired.

BIG Day

Tomorrow is my first day on campus!!!

Finally after all this time! I have no idea what to expect. It's almost as if I'm blindfolded and just walking into the midst of it all, taking it as it comes. I'm a bit nervous, a bit apprehensive, a bit excited, and a bit curious.

HERE WE GO!

Public Service Announcement

My photo blog on aminus3 has been revived. I needed a simple creative outlet and an incentive to keep at photography. The link is to the right.

4 Hours + 3 Fingers

4 hours + 3 fingers =
Jesus All For Jesus,
Leaving on a Jet Plane,
Brown Eyed Girl,
and any other song that only uses a combo of the guitar chords G, D, C, A.

Not that you'd really know which song I'm playing though. That's just how good I am. So good that you can't tell the difference.

Right now switching chords requires full mental concentration. I don't know if it can actually be called "switching". Maybe if you're switching tires because that's how long it takes for me to switch to another chord. Strumming is...well let's just say that I didn't think there was much talent involved with strumming, but apparently there is, and I don't have it...yet.

One day...I WILL wail on a guitar. And I don't mean the guitar from guitar hero.

New Year's Resolutions

I've never been a New Year's Resolutions type of girl. It was mostly because I never had changes that I really wanted to make in my life. But this year I've had a few swim around in my head already because of the transition from student life to "hey I'm a grown-up now, with a paycheck" life. A part of me thought they would just happen, but obviously they have not. Writing them down makes them more concrete.

I will...
1. Go to bed by 11:30pm on regular weeknights.
2. Eat at NORMAL hours. No more lunches at 3pm and dinners at 9pm.
3. Incorporate ALL food groups into my diet. Especially fruits and veggies.
4. Cook healthy, well-balanced meals. Poutines don't count.
5. Be well-watered.
6. Clean up my room every night before bed.
7. Figure out a plan to exercise regularly...somehow. Endorphins are good.
8. Stay within budget.
9. Put more effort into my relationships with everyone.
10. Not neglect breakfast.
11. Go easy on junk food.

Basically...live a healthy lifestyle.

Affirmation

Today I met up with a supporter who has known me since I've moved to Canada. He's a missionary himself and he's seen me grow from a rebellious teen who swore profusely to now, so I see him as a father figure. He said to me, "You've done good, kid. I'm proud of you." Those words meant so much to me.

One Person Duet

This person sang BOTH parts of "A Whole New World" from Disney's Aladdin. Blows my mind.

Eagerly Anticipating...

1) Visiting the four corners.
The four corners is the ONLY point in the U.S. where four states, New Mexico, Arizona, Utah and Colorado come together. I've wanted to go since I was in elementary school. Geeky, I know. Two times I've been only 20 minutes away, but have never gone. This time the visit shall prevail!

2) Seeing my family over Christmas and dazzling them with my fantastic cooking skills acquired in the wilderness of city-living.

3) Winter Conference

4) New Year's Eve at Winter Conference

5) Staff training

Illusions of Grandeur

This year's theme for the New Year's party at Campus for Christ's Winter Conference really excited me. So much so that I spent about 3-4 hours researching a costume idea that I had online. Then as sleep lifted from my eyes this morning so did my illusions of grandeur. The headpiece itself takes at the very least a week of diligent work to make for an experienced costumer. With all the Christmas presents already vying for my attention and spare time, I doubt I'd have time to put it together to my satisfaction, but oh my soul yearns to tackle that project!

Humility Classes

Every Tuesday night I go to a class to learn humility. It's also known as a dance class. Whatever pride that I have in my fab self is in shreds by the end of the night.

No Filter

The elevator stops. We get out and walk towards Steph's apartment. Light shines from the end of the hallway. The door from her place is open. Someone is either coming out or going in. A person appears, but it's no one we know. It's a strange man. What the heck?

"Is this the sixth floor?" Steph asks.
"No, it's the fifth," He answers.

We walk by the man to the stairwell to climb the stairs to the sixth floor.
We pass him and I say:

"I was wondering why there was a strange man coming out of your apartment."

5 Good Things

1. Quaint Coffee Shops
2. Honest Mechanics
3. Family Dinners with Friends
4. Christmas Carols
5. Musicals

Royalty

This morning I had a chance to hear Queen Noor of Jordan speak at a health conference courtesy of my friend, Dan R at the Metro Toronto Convention Center. While she was speaking to an audience of health professionals and the like, the talk was very much development oriented or so it seemed to me. There was a lot of development ideology and jargon thrown around like micro-finance, empowerment, and etc. I was really thankful for my degree at this time. It definitely helped me to understand and analyze her talk to a deeper level than if I hadn't come from an International Development background. While I didn't agree with everything that she said, I do agree with this one line:

"Inequity, not scarcity is the problem."

According to Her Majesty about 1 Trillion is spent on arms a year where the expenditure for health and development is significantly less. I can't remember the exact numbers for those two, but no surprise there.

Her talk got me to rethink my cynicism in regards to development. The Queen was definitely inspiring in that she continues to persevere despite all the challenges she has faced in her humanitarian efforts. One could only imagine all the nasty red tape.

One-Liners

"I'm too old." ~A man's excuse for sitting down during our routine tonight.
"I don't have a ligament." ~My teacher's retort.

"That's not vodka, is it?" ~Elevator man's comment after I loudly chug the rest of the water in my clear 1L Nalgene bottle. (FYI: There was 25% left.)

An Ear for a T- Shirt

Yesterday I went to the most exciting Raptors game EVER against the Celtics. For highlights you can read it at their website because they'll definitely do it more justice than I can. I was on the edge of my seats in the fourth quarter and part of me could barely stand to watch. It was so nerve-wracking, but oh, so good. So many last minute 3 pointers.

The highlight of the afternoon that wasn't related to the game was when we were all going for the free stuff that they were throwing out during the time outs and everything else. The whole point was that the crazier you were, the more likely you were going to get something thrown in your direction although catching it might be another story.

So there I was, waving and screaming like a madwoman for the Sprite Zone guy to throw me the t-shirt he was holding. After teasing the crowd for a while he finally slings it in MY direction. What luck! I catch it, but I fumble and it slips out of my hands and lands on the ground in the row behind me. Anxious to grab it before the guys in that row gets it, I bang my left ear on the railing in an attempt to make the grab. Luckily J gets there first and she snatches it for me.

We sit down and everything is honky dorey except maybe for my ear. It's throbbing a little bit, but it's always been temperamental, getting sore at the slightest touch, so like...whatever. Then J tells me that it's bleeding.

The ring apparently ripped a bit in the back and punctured a hole in my head. Not a big one though. Most of the bleeding came from the piercing. The funny thing is I was debating whether to take the piercing out permanently because it still hadn't healed after a year. This decided it for me. It came out. Now I just have boring lobe piercings unless...

Five Good Things

1. Starbucks' Peppermint Mocha with extra whipped cream and the peppermint sprinkles.
Gosh, what a romantic drink. (And yes, by now you should have realized that I have odd definitions for the term 'romantic'.) It's like drinking Christmas.
2. Chinese pastries. Especially the ones with red bean.
3. Good, non-sketchy, funny, fluffy chick lit.
There's times when you just want to read fluff.
4. Extra strength Tylenol.
5. Eyebrow threading.

Get Your Groove On

Owwwww.

Just got back from a beginner/intermediate hip-hop dance class with Irene. 120% sure that I will be shuffling from place to place for the next little while. What an amazing work out. So much fun, but a lot of work. It was great to bust a move. There's just something about those beats in hip hop that just helps you to unleash and let everything out. Rawr. Like my instructor said, who needs therapy when you can dance?

Dancing's definitely a mental and physical workout. It takes so much mental energy to focus on the moves, the timing, and the style, and so much physical energy to execute them. Right now I'm having a hard time executing the right moves at the right time. No style whatsoever. We'll work on that later.

It definitely made me realize that I need to get in more shape. I've become such a couch po-ta-tooooooe. By the end of the lesson I just couldn't do the moves because I couldn't lift my limbs. But I love it. The instructor's awesome. Very upbeat and very patient. I don't feel like such a tool when I have to ask her to do something over. The teacher makes or breaks the experience. She's so pro.

Roots

God has really blessed me with the transition back to Toronto. I had put down some deep roots for the first time in my life in Guelph, and I thought it would be rocky, transitioning to a new kind of life in Toronto. In my head I had this mental picture of me brutally pulling and ripping out my precious roots so that I could put down new ones. I've had to break some ties, like my involvement in the ministry at Guelph, but thankfully the friendships have been preserved. So there really wasn't much blood shed. The transition has been surprisingly pleasant thus far. It was the smoothest move I've ever made in my entire life. Thank God. It also helped that I expected and wanted this move. I knew that my university life and my time in Guelph was limited, and I wanted to return to Toronto.

But it makes me wonder if I'll have the courage to pull up these roots that I'm laying down, pack up and move overseas in a few years, because in my head my stay in Toronto is indefinite. I could be here for a year, two years, five years, ten years, or until I die. There is no "time's up" like there was in Guelph. So really...I don't have to leave. Of course when God calls, the call will be enough to compel me to go. But I also do wonder...am I getting too comfortable?

Star Sighting

Oh and by the way, when I was downtown the other day for the symphony, my friend and I walked pass The Right Honourable Adrienne Clarkson. She looked like she stepped out of the page of her biography, and onto the sidewalk. It was somewhat eerily just how normal she was. There no entourage, no nothing.

Five Good Things

1. Cheesy mando pop on a chilled morning.
I don't know why. I really really like it.

2. Whirlyball with my staff team. Whirlyball= lacrosse in bumper cars.
Wanted to play since high school, but I never had the chance. Loved it. Got four blisters from steering.

3. Thai food. Mhhmm.
Really wish I could make this. I want to learn. So many things that I want to learn.

4. Cleaning.
There's something therapeutic about organizing things, but yet I always procrastinate when it comes to cleaning.

5. Mark Driscoll sermons.
The man is visionary. After listening to him yesterday while working on my newsletters I wanted to leave a legacy up to a thousand generations. I love how he exhorts men to be patriarchs and great fathers. It makes my eyes watery.

The Symphony

Life is good.

Last night I went to the Toronto Symphony Orchestra with a girl friend to hear Dvorak's Symphony #8. It was beautiful. Not just the music, but the musicians. It was mesmerizing watching their body move to the music as they were playing, and the way the bows of the stringed instruments moved in unison. I don't have enough words to describe it. There were so many cool things. Like how all these different instruments came together to create such a cool...melody instead of some raucous noise. It just blows my mind to try to fathom it because they could very well just be making noise.

I felt so sophisticated and grown up, traipsing downtown in heels for a cool Thai meal and then going out to the Symphony afterwards. It was only something that I imagined myself doing when I was "younger". Sometimes I still feel like I'm 16 inside. Last night was definitely one of those..."Pinch me, and tell me I'm awake," nights. I can't believe I'm living this life!

Cookie, Muffin, and Other Desserts As Terms of Endearment

So terms of endearment came up twice in conversation the past few days, and it got me thinking. Why is it that for the most part words that are used as terms of endearment are food products? I.e. Pumpkin, Honey, Sugar. And why are a lot of them desserts like muffin, cookie, and cupcake? What is it about those words? Who wrote the unwritten rule that the best words to be used for terms of endearment are to be desserts?

What? Some guy wakes up one day and thinks, 'You know it'd be pretty cool to call my wife by a dessert today,' and boom everyone just starts doing it? Why not inanimate objects? Like spatulas or forks or tools?

"Oh spatula, can you pass me the peas please?"

Ok, so it sounds awkward right now, but I suggest to you that's only because desserts are socialized into us. But even within the category of desserts some are left out. Like Nanaimo bars. Or even apple strudel or eclairs. They're pretty good desserts. Just as good as cupcakes and muffins. I like them. Why aren't they used as a term of endearment? Don't you think they'd feel left out when 'muffin' or 'cookie' gets all the special usage?

"Nanaimo, can you rub my feet please?" That works just as well don't you think? We ought to start a petition or try coining it. Which I'd totally do except I'm not really into using terms of endearments or being called a dessert by anyone. It makes my skin crawl.

That is...unless you're white, related to my dad, female, have a warm southern drawl and I just happen to call you "auntie". Then it's totally 150% cool, and I love it. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Awww....

Got Boring?

It's 2:00am. I've failed yet again in my recent resolution to go to bed before 10pm or at least midnight. Pfft. Just getting really restless these days. So I decided to put labels on the rest of my posts of my blog from way back when. Some of the older posts were definitely funnier! What? Did MPD suck my sense of humor from me? I was so much more amusing last year than this year. I mean...I still laugh a lot...at myself. So why is my blog boring? Humor come back. I'm almost tempted to go do something stupid. Nothing awkward has happened this week yet. Hmm....This is so not normal! Wait... no, awkward moments have happened. I just can't post them. Ha!

Serenade

I want to serenade Toronto with the violin
in stilettos
on my balcony
...in a year and a half.

Five Good Things

1. Speeding down an empty! 401 on the way to church. Talk about getting a rush before church.
2. Solid preacher and preaching.
3. David Crowder. Can I just say how much I love this man's music and his voice?
4. High heat stove. Food gets to my stomach faster.
5. The sunshine.

Mish Mash

Random collections of thoughts for your amusement.

i) Why must there be trends in the whole Christian dating culture? A few years back it was I Kissed Dating Goodbye. Now Henry Cloud's on the scene along with a few others with the more proactive approach. It gets so confusing!!! Isn't there a definitive answer? And by definitive I mean conservative. And by answer I mean law.

ii) Why is there such a dearth of decent, non sketchy, fiction? Scoured Indigo today for almost two hours. Came up empty handed. Boo.

iii) Good Chinese food makes me happy to be Chinese just because there are certain Chinese foods that other ethnicities don't seem to like. But they're SO GOOD! i.e. Congee with Thousand Year Old Eggs. Mhmmm. I'm so glad I'm Chinese so I'm not missing out. But of course the same flawed logic can be applied to other foods. Like...cheese.

iv) Going to the movies alone rocks. I wholeheartedly endorse it. You get more of the movie because it's just you...and the movie.

A Beautiful Collision

A fusion of classical music and hip-hop! Who knew it could sound so good?


http://view.break.com/347555 - Watch more free videos

I want my own violinist.

The Best Part About Support Raising

The best part about support raising is meeting the older folks. Like aunties and uncles my parents' age whom I would really never crossed paths with if it weren't for support raising. I love how their love for God and their godly character just shines through in that hour, hour and a half that I'm with them. They've got an aura. They just radiate Christ. I walk away thinking, "I want to be like you in twenty years".

The Aliens Have Landed

"Keep your eyes...on the road. Hello?! Eyes! On the road!"

So went the conversation in my head. Tonight wasn't the best time to turn into a space cadet seeing as how I was hurtling down the 404 and the 401 amidst thick fog. It was like driving through some cosmic bathroom that someone just took a hot shower in.

But it was precisely the fog that was taking my attention off the road towards these circles made up of smaller orbs of lights that were hovering above the freeways. They looked like UFOs or those lights that you see above operating rooms. They were just your normal run of the mill streetlights, but the fog made them look really cool. It was also somewhat creepy in a way. Almost felt like I was in a sci-fi movie.

My lack of creative writing skills really does it no justice. It's in times like these where I wish I had a digi SLR. A picture's worth a thousand words.

Fighting God

The thought of not reporting until next semester throws me into a mental hissy fit as I try to fight against God to prevent it from happening.

You'd think I'd learn by now not to fight Him on things which are utterly out of my control, meaning most things in life. Like marriage and ministry partner development. Just as I can't possibly orchestrate the circumstances to marry myself off and to the right guy at that, I can't possibly bring in the support myself. I can't move hearts. He can. He's going to bring the funds in, in His time whether I whine, complain, cry, or just go along with it and persevere with joy.

We can do this the hard way or the easy way. The road's got to be traveled, but it's up to me how enjoyable the journey's going to be.

I concede. Ministry partner development is hard.

However long You want Lord. I'll stick it out.

Hope Deferred, Hope Restored

Steadily they passed; deadlines that I had set for myself to be on campus.

August 17th, September 1st, September 24th, September 29th, October 1st.

Meanwhile I sat frustrated not knowing what to pray anymore, or expect anymore. This certainly was not what I had expected back in May. I had expected to be on campus by now. Hope, that I would soon report started to leak out of me as contacts dwindled taking with it, momentum to continue raising support. It's as they say:Hope deferred makes the heart sick Psalm 13:12.

This morning I sat immobilized in front of my laptop unwilling to do anything to raise support because I was sure of the answer that I would get; NO. What was the point? I sat there, willing myself to do something, anything, but I couldn't. So I went and sat at the Lord's feet, and this verse came to mind.

I lift up my eyes to the hills.
From where does my help come?
My help comes from the Lord,
who made heaven and earth.
PSALM 121:1-2

My help comes from the Lord. He is my hope. Not people and not their responses. My hope lies in Christ. When hope is placed on people or anything else other than Christ, it's bound to be dashed, but when it is placed on God, He will never fail.

The Sovereignty of God

Can I just say how much I LOVE the sovereignty of God?

It's.
simply.
amazing.

He is in full and complete control.
No matter how many stupid things I say and do, He is Sovereign over all.
He cannot be screwed up by me.
It's beautiful.
Love it.

Travel Bug

This year I'd like to:

1. Hop on a last minute deal to any major city in Europe for a weekend. I heard there was a $99 flight to Paris.
2. Go to the airport with my free anywhere in North America round-trip pass, and take the next flight to a major city in North America.
3. Back pack through Europe or more specifically Italy and Greece.

Thankful

Today I am thankful for...

1. The spectacular post card worthy views seen from our balcony each day. Everyday is a new masterpiece by God.
2. Home cooking a la Irene. Yum. She can cook.
3. Taste buds so that I can actually taste the said above.
4. The sweet, sweet words of the Bible.
5. The fact that the Lord is too good of a Father to let me go on campus unprepared.

The Value of Beauty

"Your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity ... in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won't be getting any more beautiful!" the banker wrote.

"So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset," he said. "Let me explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!"

"It doesn't make good business sense to "buy you" (which is what you're asking) so I'd rather lease," he said.

Thus saith the banker to a young woman of 25 who was banking on her beauty (pun intended) to nag herself a rich husband with a salary worth more than 500,000 on Craigslist. You can read the rest of the story here from Reuters' "Oddly Enough."

Humorous as it is, the banker is expounding on Biblical truth.
"Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting" Proverbs 31:30 (NIV)

So let's talk about investing. How much more time do we as women or I myself put into my outer beauty than my inner? Yet which one will be the better investment in the long run? Not to say that personal hygiene should be neglected, but think of all the extra time, energy, and money we spend on our looks. In 10 years at the very least, I can be sure that my looks won't be worth all that much. That's a fact. I won't have a personal entourage of make up artists and photoshoppers to make me look 22 when I'm 30 something. I wish. Outer beauty is a depreciative asset and is guaranteed to erode away, but inner beauty is imperishable. "Do not let your adorning be external- the braiding of hair, the wearing of gold, or the putting on of clothing-but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." 1 Peter 3:3-4

I for one don't want to be left with an empty basket when the 30s hits.
It's time to change stocks.

A Sick Sap

Today the temperature dropped, and the air finally had a hint of Autumn's chill in it. I put on my brand new scarf, and walked to the subway for my appointments. It was raining steadily outside, but I refused to go back to my apartment to get my umbrella. It was much more romantic to walk in the rain.

Until I got sick.
I just got over my cold last week, and now I'm fighting yet another sore throat.
Morale of the story?
Practicality trumps fleeting notions of romance.
I'm such a sap. Geez.

22

22. It doesn't feel all that different than 21, but I feel like I've stepped over the threshold into the prime of life. Never have I felt so comfortable in my own skin because of my relationship with Christ. Never have I felt so content because of Christ.

Life has arrived.
Not because I turned 22, but because my mental paradigm has finally adjusted to the fact that this is life. Life is what's happening right now, not when such and such happens. This is life and I absolutely love it. Absolutely content.

A myriad of adventures awaits me. What will happen next around the bend on this road of life? I am so excited for what the Lord has planned for the year ahead. Whatever it is I am ready to rock this casbah. Carpe diem! Seize the day.

Life Stops Here

My computer is in a coma right now. The battery is gone, and I left my adapter in the hinterlands of Guelph. Most of my support stuff was on that computer so now I am stalled even more in the raising of my support. Luckily a few things were written down on paper, and Terra was kind enough to allow me to hijack her laptop for MPD purposes. I just like to point out how sickeningly dependent I am or dare I even say "we are" dependent on technology.

The Great Romance

Yesterday I spent half the day at Rockwood chilling with God on top of this gorgeous lookout point. It hit me that the places that appeal to me most for quiet times are really quite romantic. Like the lookout point for example.

Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
PSALM 73:25

Cultivating a Thankful Heart

Today I am thankful for...

1. Rockwood
2. Red Leaves
3. Extra Strength Tylenol
4. Cool Coworkers
5. Sales
6. One Time Gifts
7. Answered Prayers
8. Family
9. Old Roommates
10. My Car
11. The Bible
12. My Mom
13. Free Movie Tickets
14. Hillsong
15. New Friends
16. Good Health
17. Ryerson C4C T-Shirt