White Noise Part 1

Ladies, I write this for you.

"It's been said that the core need of a woman is to be wanted and pursued...Regardless if it is by design or default, the result is that women in almost every culture and age have a great felt need for emotional connection and intimacy in relationships, and apart from the ramification of sin in the world and their lives, most are motivated to find that connection with a man. That need is the white noise of a woman's life. It's always there. This is especially true for women ages 18 to 24."
~ Betty Churchill
Postcards From Corinth

This year turned up the white noise in my life. Now don't get me wrong. The white noise has always been there, and I've enjoyed my singleness with it in the background, but this year the volume just jumped.

My singleness, which at one point in time brought security and comfort to my mum, became a major source of stress and worry for her this year, stress and worry, which in turn trickled down to me, upping the volume. The slew of weddings, engagements, new relationships all around me added even more to the noise. I was happy for my dear friends, most definitely, but turning 24 after 9 dateless years with no date on the horizon gave strength to that little voice that asked..."What is wrong with me?" that no one's interested?

...

And other malicious voices quickly rushed in to answer with lies:

"You're too strong."

"You're not feminine enough."

"You're too loud."

"You're not soft enough."

"You're too assertive."

"You're not demure enough."

"You're too funky."

"You're not gentle enough."

"You wear too much crazy make-up."

And so on, and so forth.

Really? Is there actually something wrong with me?
(Intellectually I don't believe so, but the heart still has misgivings.)

It makes me wonder is God still in control?
Do I honestly, truly believe that the Lord is sovereign?
How does the gospel apply to this area of my life?

And this, this ladies, is where the rubber meets the road.

Elisabeth Elliot missionary to the Auca Indians in South America once wrote in her book, Passion and Purity, that "the love life of a Christian is a crucial battleground. There, if no where else, it will be determined as to who is God: the world, the self, and the Devil, or the Lord Christ."

As I've struggled with the white noise over the last few years, I realized there were and are a few key heart issues.

Who do I look to for my affirmation as a woman?
What do I expect to really satisfy me or rather what am I really worshipping?
Do I really believe that God is good, and not only that, but good to me?

I'm slowly learning to apply the gospel to them.

To be continued...