lessons from exhaustion

this has been a really exhausting week. my body still feels heavy and drained, but it's been eye-opening and humbling for me. i now see the limits of my humanity...for the nth time. i am not superwoman no matter how much i try to be. [i should try to remember this fact.]

1. i need 9-10 hours of sleep.
no less than that. i survived this week on 6 hours a night, and i'm paying dearly for it right now. i have got to stop comparing myself to my crazy engineer friends at UT who can pull this one off. actually i don't know if they can pull it off. maybe it's just in my head. i always feel guilty for sleeping too much. funny how it took the comments on www.43things.com [courtesy of katie] to convince me that i shouldn't feel guilty for sleeping. most people said it wasn't worth it to attempt to survive on 4-6 hours. i concur.

2. being independent isn't all it's cracked up to be.
it felt so good to let down my guard and bravado today when talking to my pastor's wife about how stressed i was getting about sunday school. it was a relief to have someone else shoulder the burden with me, to let someone else care for me. i don't think i like being "tough" all the time anymore.

3. i don't have it all together and that's.....ok?
still trying to wrap my head around this one.

4. words. i should watch those words.
i have a theory that i shouldn't be allowed to talk after 11 or when i'm dead tired like i was this week. my thoughts don't make sense in my head and they come out all warped when i speak. people misconstrue the meaning of my words because i'm so incoherent, but then i'm too tired to correct myself. which essentially is lying, isn't it? i mean it takes a lot for me to sort my thoughts when i AM coherent to myself as it is....

5. i still don't have solid boundaries yet.
i need to learn to say no to doing things. getting better at it, but definitely room for improvement.

6. sleeping makes me feel better physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally.
bottomline. i need my sleep.