two days ago, i was falling asleep everywhere and anywhere. tonight i can't fall asleep at all. i came home straight from weekly meeting just so i could get to sleep early, but here i am @ 12:52am still up and blogging. maybe subconsciously i don't want to sleep because when i wake up from my sleep, i'll find myself in another day that i'm not ready for. time is just carrying me along, rushing me through life. i want it to stop so i can get things done and enjoy life itself. so much for a balanced lifestyle, eh? that's not happening anytime soon. i'm so backlogged in school work that i'm living at the library again. it was the one thing i was trying to avoid this semester.
i want may to come and i don't want may to come. i want it to come so i can be in the mountains, but that means another year gone and a dramatically different new school year on the way with a new season of life at the end. i feel like i'm bracing myself for the impact. i guess this anxiety over the lack of control of my future manifests itself through my task-orientation. at least that's what psychologists would say right? i have been complusively cleaning my room........
i think i just need a vacation.
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