10 Things I Like About T.S.

1.  He remembers random facts about me, and whips them out, out of nowhere.
The other day we were driving, and he said, 'look there's your dream car,' and then pointed to a baby blue mini cooper in front of us.

2.  He always carries my heavy bags.  Always.

3.  He's incredibly gracious with this pathological latecomer.

4.  He is incredibly servant hearted.
Case in point he drives many kms for me.
From Toronto to Burlington to Guelph to Cambridge to Guelph and then back to Toronto.

5.  He cheerfully minces garlic, and scoops out squash for me.
I hate mincing garlic and scooping out squash.

6.  He willingly suggests and goes to farmer's markets with me because he knows I heart them.
What non-hippie, non-foodie guy wants to go to the farmer's market?

7.  When playing 'Worms', he gives me tips on how to kill his worms.
But it doesn't matter.  His engineering skills pwns mine anyway.

8.  He asks me kindly about my seasonal affective disorder, and tries to help.
Like buying me flowers on a regular basis.

9.  He is always gentle AND manly!  Like Jesus.  Even when disagreeing with me.

10.  He wears the same size pants as me so when I soak my pants with milk by accident, I can teef his shorts.
Like last night.

*Note:  He doesn't think he's a romantic, but he is.  Look at this list!  And there's more I have not written.

Ever Gracious

Monday night in an attempt to save $8 on a Go train ticket, I bummed a ride with T.S. to Hamilton because I would be in various parts of the armpit of Ontario for shoots on Wednesday and Thursday.

Now a shoot requires at the very least, a working camera, a working SD card, a working battery, and a working brain.  I had all of that in Toronto except for the working brain.

Because when we got to Hamilton, I realized that I had none of that with me because I had left it at L.Y.'s birthday party right before we left for Hamilton.

Fail.

How was I suppose to do two shoots now?
The answer: go back to Toronto and retrieve said equipment.
Plan: Save $8 back fired.

If I was with me, I would've thought, or said, perhaps with a few drips of condescension, "You idiot."

But T.S., ever the gracious and patient one kept the "You idiot" comments, if they existed to himself, and pulled out a $20 bill to pay for my return fare to Toronto and back.  Because I had no money on me either.

What's in a Date? What a Few Dates Taught Me About Myself, Life, and God

In my 25.5 years of having lived on this planet, my experience in the romantic realm included:
~ 1 "boyfriend" of a week in high school, of which the relationship consisted of hand-holding and snuggling.  I use the term "boyfriend" very loosely.
~ Multiple murky friend-lationships that hit dead ends once they were defined.  (Definition of friend-lationship was always initiated by me.)
~ Countless unrequited crushes. (Unrequited to my knowledge anyways.)
~ Lots of heartaches that were inflicted upon myself by my own immaturity.

That is all to say, the knowledge and wisdom that I had/have in this area consisted/consists of very little, and what very little that I do have is very theoretical.  So it was quite surprising the things I learned when I actually went on some "dates".  I use term "date" loosely as well.  Don't ask, I'm not going to tell beyond what is here.


1.  Finding a life partner isn't black and white, just as life isn't black and white.
Unfortunately there is no sure-fire formula of a+b+c= finding that someone, as much as I wish there was. I'm sure many of you do too.
I use to think that courtship is the only way to get married, and if my future husband didn't court me, my marriage would eventually fail, but that's not true.
Aside from wise principles of integrity like "guard your heart", "don't date someone with different beliefs", and others, there isn't a black and white, so-called better way to finding a mate.

i.e. courting vs. dating
i.e. online vs. offline
i.e. being friends first vs. being set up

2.  This whole process and every minute detail has to be held with an open hand.  
There are a lot of things that I would prefer to happen on the way to the altar, but more and more I realize that I have to hold them with an open hand, and trust that God has my best in mind.

i.e. like the fact that I use to only want to date and marry staff within my organization.
i.e. like the fact that I think it's completely unromantic to meet my future husband online, and would rather meet him "naturally" and befriend him first.
i.e. like the fact that I don't like being set up.

God is creative, and if He's writing my love story I can't dictate to Him how I want it to happen.

I went against every single preference that I listed above, in the past few weeks.

3.  Clarity is a beautiful thing.
Whether I date or court, I realized that I like clarity.
Whether it's "we're just going on this one date to get to know each other without any expectations of any future romantic attachments" or "we're going to court to see if we're meant for marriage", clarity is a beautiful thing.  It makes it much easier for me to understand where the relationship is, and how to behave, think, and feel accordingly.  The trouble comes when I think there's more to the relationship than there actually is, and my emotions and actions follow that train of thought.
Usually because I overanalyze and read into things.

And no, no one asked to court me.  That was just a hypothetical example.

4.  Dating is emotionally draining for me on two levels.
On one level it's intentionally getting to know someone, which is always draining for me especially if I'm meeting someone new.
On another level it's draining because I'm always monitoring my heart and my thoughts making sure I'm not getting ahead of myself.

5.  First dates make bad first impressions.
I knew that people got nervous on first dates, but most of the guys were more nervous that I expected.  So much so that I was actually surprised at how nervous they were, which was endearing in some cases.

6.  Spiritual compatibility is supremely important to me.
That said even with #5 in mind, lack of spiritual compatibility is definitely a deal breaker even on a first date.
There is no negotiation on this one.

7.  Dating tests my faith in the goodness of God.
If he doesn't like me, if he doesn't ask me out again, if I don't like him, if this relationship doesn't end in marriage, do I still trust that God is good to me?

8.  Dating tests my faith in the sovereignty of God.
If I say something wrong, hurt someone in the process, make a blunder, or get hurt in the process, do I still trust that God is sovereign, and that He ordains all things for the good of those who love Him?

9.  Dating reveals where I find my identity.
Am I crushed when someone doesn't call me back or pursue me because I find my value and worth in how much a man/ any man esteems me?

or

Am I able to let it go and not take it personally, realizing that not everyone's meant for me and that Christ esteems and values me?

10.  Dating reveals where I place my hope.
Do I place my hope in what I see?
i.e. I have hope for a future because there is/are a man/men before me who are potential date(s).

or

Do I place my hope in Christ?
i.e. That whether or not there are potential date(s) around me, He has a good future in store for me.

Guys vs. Girls

For the most part when it comes to looking for a mate, immaturity in girls leads them to think:

"This is the one!",

every time they meet someone they're attracted to, while immaturity in guys leads them to think:

"Can I get someone better?"


I know I'm making sweeping generalizations, but I think this is true for the most part in our Western culture today.

Thoughts?

*EDIT*
In our Western Christian culture.

5 Current Musings On Singleness

1)  Life is so good without boy drama!
What is it about boy drama that just throws you more than anything else it seems?
Unfortunately it seems boy drama is the gauntlet you have to pass through to marriage.
Unless you have an arranged marriage.

2) It's much easier being content with being singleness when you're not over the moon for someone.
But then I start complaining about the lack of Christian men.
Bad on me.

3) I'm incredibly thankful that God hasn't allowed any boy drama into my life in the past few months.

4) There are a lot of perks to being single.

5) I can be content and want to be married at the same time.  They're not exclusive.

YOU Follow Me

Comparison is a dangerous game, and we women play it too often.

In the area of singleness it goes like this:

"So-and-so got a boyfriend, why can't I? I'm just as (insert qualifying adjective here: smart, funny, beautiful, godly, etc... ) as her. Or even more so."

We do it because we think we have a right to a mate and throw a tizzy when we don't get one when we want one.

I know this because I've played this game.

"So-and-so got a man! Why can't I?"

And if not Shelly? What will you do? Give God an ultimatum?

More and more God has been impressing John 21:22 on me. Jesus had just foretold Peter's death, and Peter turns around and asks Jesus about John's future.

Jesus replies:
"If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow me!"

Along the same veins, I sense God pressing on my heart,
"If it is my will that she gets married, what is that to you? You follow me!"

People may think that I'm being fatalistic in thinking that I might never marry, but at this point a lifetime of singleness is just as possible as marriage. And I don't want to be naive, heading overseas. There may be someone to marry, but there may not be.

Singleness and Marshmallows

My desire for a relationship can be compared to that marshmallow experiment that they do with kids.

You know the one where they give a kid a marshmallow, tell her that if she waits, she'll get two more later.  Me being the kid and a man being the marshmallow, and the husband being the second marshmallow.

I've had so many older people tell me if I wait the right guy will come along and then I'll be so happy that I didn't settle for just anyone.

I had and have a hard time believing them.
So I would dive for that first marshmallow whenever I got the chance.
Also because I would think that the first marshmallow was the second marshmallow.
Still following the marshmallow analogy?

This is all to say, I'm seriously impatient amongst other things.


This is why my mum worries.  Can't blame her now. 

I hate to say this, but I find singleness chafing and wait for it, hard.
Surprise!
This has probably been blatantly obvious to everyone around me, but it was only recently today that I could actually admit to myself that I found it hard because I didn't want to admit it.
Because to admit it, would be admitting to weakness. Or at least in my mind anyways.
And to admit it might mean that I might be that girl*, and I'd hate to be that girl.  Although there's been many times this year where I've been that girl to my chagrin.  Anyways I digress.

For me singleness at its worst has been heartbreaking and at its best has been ignored.   And by "ignored" I mean me walking around ignoring that gnawing hunger inside, pretending it's not there, that it doesn't bother me, and that I don't really want a man.  That is what we call a dumb idea.


I honestly haven't had a very clear idea what it means to bring it to the Lord.  I've had some vague ideas for sure, but when it came down to what it tangibly entailed,  I had and still have no clue.  That gaping hole, that gnawing hunger, that overpowering desire, that screams to be filled, I didn't and I don't know what to do with it.   I didn't want to be all "Jesus is my boyfriend," because I don't think that's it and so the best I could muster was the cold shoulder because I didn't want to figure what it really meant to bring it to the Lord either.

I was scared that Jesus might not really fulfill me, and that if He did, that, that would mean no husband for me later.

I know, idolatry, I know.

Yet I still kept it as a pet, and refused to deal with it.

Earlier this year my pastor had gently and lovingly exhorted me to be patient during this season.  It went something along the lines of...
"I've seen many a staff woman get derailed because of this.  He'll come.  Let him grow up more, and in the meantime you can grow up a little yourself." 

I took his words to heart, and it's been reverebrating in my mind ever since.  I've seen the depravity of my own heart and the darkness of my own soul, and I know that it's only by the grace of God that I haven't been derailed yet, but if I continue to keep a pet sin....  

After a sound rebuke from the Lord last week...and boy was it loud and clear,  I figured that it was really time to get serious about surrendering this area to God instead of dilly dallying.

So where to start?
Thinking of singleness as fasting. 

 *How to explain?  that girl encompasses all the traits of the girl, a girl doesn't want to be.  I think every girl has their own concept of that girl.

It's Official!

Ladies and Gentlemen,

It's OFFICIAL!!!
My best friend is engaged!!!

FINALLY.

This is the culmination of much girl talk.

I've been waiting for "the call" for years now even before she met her fiance, wondering who will it be, what will it be like, and when will it happen because engagement means the end of much.

It means:

No more "Does he like me, does he not?"
aka uncertainty.
No more lamenting "But whhhhyyy doesn't he like me?"
aka unrequited feelings.
No more boy drama in that sense in general, and can we all give an amen to that? AMEN.
No more "But how long Lord?" or sometimes "WTF?! Where the hell is he, God?" 
aka no more waiting whilst sitting in the dark.
No more loose ends!


*All the italics are mine own thoughts.

Engagement also means the start of much.

The start of:

A whole genre of girl talk that is very dear and close to my artsy heart: wedding planning.
Actually genres, there are more that I shan't list.  Tee-hee.
A whole new life together for them.
A pug. *
Dress shopping, and shopping in general.
Presents.  Presents galore.  For her, not me, but I get to do the shopping, so see above.

* He gave her a pug, her favourite type o' doggie.   Whilst I think the majority are ugly, I am determined to like this one.

I am floating on cloud nine, and am in a tizzy.
No other wedding will ever mean this much to me except for my own.

Sometimes I do wonder...
If I am meant to be single, when will I ever give up on being married or would I always cling to that small shred of..."maybe"?

What would it look like to give up hope completely?
Scary, I should think.

It would be nice to go overseas with someone, especially if you're going to a place with few people that share your faith, and especially if it's for the long haul, and not just a year or two.

But I'm not about to wait for a husband before I go. 
Who am I to put conditions on God, and dilly dally when billions are perishing?
C'mon now.

Yet despite my sometimes snide, cynical, and bitter misgivings about guys and romance, which I am trying to curb, there is still hope burning inside.  

Not hope in what I see because I can't see very far.
Not hope in ratios and probabilities because next year is about to dramatically reduce my chances.
Not hope in my wiles because...what wiles?

But hope that my Lord is all over this.
Like white on rice.
That He totally knows what He's doing.
That somewhere out there in that huge world,
He's saved one great guy for me.

Dibs for Shelly.

And so in faith, not arrogant presumption,
I write my future hubby letters and postcards.
I save him pictures.
I joke with my friends about engagement presents.
We laugh about me being a submissive and quiet housewife. 
(The kicker lies in the quiet, not the submissive.  Believe it or not, I will submit.)
I make sure my BFF is willing to traverse the Pacific Ocean if I get married overseas.

Oh, Us Girls

Girls, in our bid for love, sometimes we immaturely ask the wrong questions, and we set the wrong standards. 

As we go through our mental checklist we ask:

"Is he good enough?"

Then we either fall into one of two errors:
1) In desperation, we quickly "pass" the guy and settle for good enough. 
As in, "Yeah I'm tired of waiting, of holding out, so yeah he's good enough."

Or

2) In arrogance, we decide no, he's not the Prince Charming we've been dreaming of.
As in, "No, you don't meet all of my 1,001 expectations of who exactly I want to marry.  As if."

(I know I'm making grand and sweeping generalizations, but it's late and I don't really want to write a lengthy post.)

I wonder if the better question to ask would be

"Is he the best fit for me, and vice versa?"

Because that would guard against both extremes of settling for someone who doesn't fit, and having unrealistic expectations.

As in, "Yeah, you've got all the proper, orthodox theology, but are we even on the same wavelength???"

As in, "Yeah, you're not Brad Pitt or Mark Driscoll, or whoever, but I'm not Jennifer Aniston either." 

Dear Heartache,

You are starting to pack up.
Sometimes I forget that you're even here at all,
which is good for my friends
because I'm sure no one wants to hear how you continue to irk me so.
Though you have to admit they have been kinder to you than I have.

Soon you will leave.
What a relief.
It'll be so good not to have you as a constant companion,
keeping me up at night,
waking me at ungodly hours in the morning,
and poking your nose in
when all I wanted to do was to forget that you were here.

Yet at the sight of your bags, I do panic a little.
You have been overzealous in protecting my dear heart.
When you leave, I fear I won't do as good of a job.
Certainly experience can attest to that.

Maybe I will miss you a bit in a weird way.
You have been a good teacher.
But I have a feeling you'll be making check-up trips.

In the meantime I won't be throwing my heart around.

Sincerely,
Me

"The heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing."
~Blaise Pascal

As my friends console, advise, and shake their wise heads, I can only say,

"If my heart listened to my head, I wouldn't be in this."

I wish my heart listened to, and followed wisdom too.  It's like trying to tame a wild horse.

Dearest Heart,

I am so worn out by, and tired of your shenanigans.
You are driving me up. the. wall.
Please, please at least attempt to be reasonable.

Frustratingly yours,
Shells

That Tricky Trickster

The heart is such a tricky thing.

It doesn't reason.
It doesn't listen to logic.
It's got a whole mind of its own.

You can't tell it to:
"Suck it up, buttercup."
"Get over it."
"Forget about it."
"Move on."
or anything of the sort.

It unfortunately doesn't work that way. C'est dommage.
If anything it'll just rile the sucker up.
It's out of control. My control anyways.

I can't believe I'm just figuring this out right now. This is why girls don't listen to logic when it comes to heart issues. This could be revolutionary for my ministry, but I digress.

The Bible was right all along:
"apart from me you can do nothing." (John 15:5)

That 'lil trickster of a heart won't respond to my commands, but it'll have to listen to His.

Enthralled

Listen, O daughter, consider and give ear:
Forget your people and your father's house.
The King is enthralled by your beauty;
Honour Him, for He is your Lord.

Pslam 45:10-11

I'll Tell You When You're Older

I am going to invest in a shotgun...for my [yet to be born] baby boy(s) because apparently little girls growing up these days are getting predatory too.
[EDIT: In retrospect, I realize I'm going to become one of those dreaded mom-in-laws. Before they get married anyways. I'm ok with that.]

Yesterday I found out that my ten year old cousin got asked out by a little girl.
On the phone.

My brain exploded.
[Apparently another parent of tween sons banned phone calls from girls because the little girls were pursuing like no tomorrow.]

WHAT?! EXCUSE ME?! My precious 'lil cousin!
There are so many things wrong with this picture that I don't even know where to start.

Like the fact that ten year old girls are asking boys out? Dude, I couldn't even make eye contact with my crushes until university much less utter something more coherent than "hi". I'm still working on coherency, but I digress.

I attempted an intervention.

Keyword: attempted.

How do you explain to a boy of ten that...
he doesn't want a girl who is forward like that?
[She had chutzpah in asking, I'll give her that, but it also means other things as well...]
he shouldn't settle for her just because she asked him out?
he should pursue and persevere for the girl he likes...eventually?
[Because TEN is way too young.]
he wants a girl with character and that personality doesn't equal character?
he wants a girl who loves Jesus too?

I tried, and he asked "why?"
And I said, ask me again in six years, and I'll tell you.

But time is of the essence. I have influence now. How to wield it?

[And poor little girl. What influence does she have in her life that's made her so forward? I can only imagine the boy drama to come. Groan.]

"The List"

(Almost) every girl has their laundry list of what they want in a future boyfriend/husband. Some frivolous, some decent. Back in high school, I had the "six inches" rule. The guy had to be at six inches taller so that I can wear three inch heels and have three more inches to spare. So he had to be at least six feet. Because you know, how can he possibly be a good husband if I dwarf him when I wear my sizzling stilettos?

But I think this is a better list that was posted on Girl Talk.

They write:

One of our readers wrote Nicole to ask:

“I’d love to hear how your parents counseled you all through your various relationships and into engagement. Specifically, how did they guide you in guarding your hearts? What did they tell you to look for in a husband? And how—with three different men and three varying courtships did they counsel each of you differently about the actual process of those courtships?”

Over the next several days, each of the girls will recount her personal journey of falling in love with the man who is now her husband. In the process they hope to answer some of these questions. But first we thought it would be helpful to talk briefly about courtship; specifically, I want to answer the question of what we taught our daughters to look for in a husband and then elaborate on that a little bit.

To consider this topic, I want to draw from the chapter entitled “When It Comes To Courtship” from our book, Girl Talk. Now, by no means will this post contain a thorough study of God’s Word on the subject. I will merely attempt to offer a few points of biblical guidance that I hope will be helpful.

C.J. and I sought to provide our daughters with a “list” from Scripture of essential qualities that should characterize any man desirous of pursuing them. These qualities included:

“1. Genuine passion for God. The greatest commandment is to ‘love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind’ (Matt. 22:37). A mere profession of faith is insufficient. A godly man will consistently display love, obedience, and increasing passion for the Savior.

2. Authentic humility. ‘This is the one to whom I will look,’ says the Lord, ‘he who is humble and contrite in spirit and trembles at my word’ (Isa. 66:2). Your daughter will marry a sinner—that is certain. But if he is a humble and teachable sinner who is quick to repent, then he will be sure to grow in godliness. This humility will also be evident in his love for and submission to God’s Word.

3. Love for the local church. At the center of God’s plan on earth is His church. A young man must be pursuing fellowship and serving faithfully in a local church if he is to make a good candidate for a husband.

4. Biblical convictions about manhood and womanhood. A successful marriage is due in large part to a couple’s grasp of their respective roles and responsibilities. A potential husband must be committed to complementary roles found in Scripture. He must be ready to embrace his responsibility to love and lead his wife. (Eph. 5:22-25).

In addition to comparing the young man to this list of essentials, we also helped our daughters evaluate God’s commands to wives. From Scripture we asked our daughters the following questions regarding the young man each was considering:

-Do you fully respect this man the way a wife is called to respect her husband?
-Can you eagerly submit to him as the church submits to Christ?
-Do you have faith to follow this man no matter where he may lead?
-Can you love this man with a tender, affectionate love?
(1 Cor. 11:3; Eph. 5:22, 33; Col. 3:8; Titus 2:4-5)

Again, this list of qualities and questions is not exhaustive. However, it provided clear, objective, and biblical criteria to assist our daughters in determining God’s will—whether or not they were meant to join their lives with a certain young man.

The conclusion to this chapter appropriately sets up the courtship stories to follow: “Each courtship, whether or not it ends in marriage, is its own unique journey. But God has provided all the wisdom that we need in His Word.”

White Noise Part 3: Loneliness

"Few things have the power to make us feel as sorry for ourselves as loneliness. We feel marooned, cheated. Everyone else in the world seems to have somewhere to go, someone to be with, something to enjoy. We alone have been excluded. We simply want to wallow."
~ Elisabeth Elliot
Passion and Purity

Did she read my mind and my heart? Because those are my sentiments exactly.

Sometimes I cry like Rachel, "Give me a [husband] or I shall die." Because the ache of loneliness seems unbearable.

It would be hell on earth to have no one and no family to belong to when all my friends are married off and starting their own families. I tell the Lord that I don't think I can stand it, and so He MUST give me someone. And thus what is a good institution, marriage, and a godly desire for it has become corrupted. In my mind the "saviour" to my hell on earth, is marriage and a husband. Since I have elevated my desire for marriage to a status above the Lord, because the Lord MUST serve that desire, I have turned it into an idol. Who I truly worship isn't the Lord.

But, logistics aside, who am I to demand of the Lord,
WHAT I want, (Marriage!!!)
WHO I want, (Oh, God, PLEASE let it be HIM, PLEASE. PLEASE. PLEASE. Yeah, I've been there. Multiple times.)
and WHEN I want it. (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW.)
Toddler in a toy store, anyone?

A few weeks ago I was shooting a wedding for a co-worker. As we were walking back to our cars after the shoot with the bridal party, I was hit with that pang of loneliness during a moment of quiet reflection. Everyone was paired off. Everyone had someone, belonged to someone. I was the only one that was alone. The odd one out. Funny how some of the loneliest moments are when you're around others. That shoot was bittersweet.

"Lord," I cried in my heart, "I'm lonely...I don't know if I have the strength to walk through life alone."
And His still, small voice replied, "I will walk with you."
He offered Himself.
There was no promise of a husband in the future.
There was no promise of no more pain.
Just the promise of His Presence,
yet I was comforted.

Because ultimately Jesus satisfies and loves fully and completely. He is better than any man.
Which man could and would go through the agony of the cross for me?

Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I
desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.
Psalm 73: 25-26

It daunts me to imagine being single for the rest of my life, but I'm learning to take it one day at a time. As a wise woman once shared with me, "today I am called to be single." Never mind the next 5, 10, 15, 20 years. Today I am called to be single, and He will give me my strength for today.

I'm slowly learning (again) to pray as Elisabeth Elliot once did,

"For my loneliness, Lord- Your strength.
For my temptation to self-pity, Lord- Your strength.
For my...longings for [marriage], Lord- Your strength."

White Noise Part 2: Who Do I Look To For My Affirmation as a Woman?

I'm going to be honest, on my default setting, it's not Jesus.

It's easy to see from my insecurities (see Part 1) and the circumstances from which they arise that I expect to be validated by a man not Christ through his love.
The thought process goes something like this:
If a guy thinks I'm awesome, this being reflected by him "choosing" me out of all the women out there, and loving me then I really must be awesome. If no one's asking me out then it follows that something's wrong with me even though the Lord accepts me as is.
(Appropriate) affirmation in the from of love a man while not inherently bad has become an idol in my heart because it trumps affirmation and love from the Lord.

Does the gospel apply to this?

How does the gospel apply to this area of my life?

It has taken awhile for head knowledge of the gospel to trickle down to my heart. It has been hard for me to allow myself to open up my heart to the Lord because of my family background. There's a part of me that thinks that His unconditional love and acceptance is that of a distant, aloof Father, but His love is more than that. He pursues. He woos. He loves like no other.

He chose me.

Out of a country of a billion people, few who have the opportunity to hear the gospel, He brought me to the West so that I could hear it, and respond to it.

Blessed be the Father and God of our Lord Jesus Christ who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as He chose us in him before the foundation of the world that we should be holy and blameless before Him. In love He predestined us for adoption through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of His glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved.
Ephesians 1:3-4

When I ran from Him even after I responded, He wooed.

And the Lord said to me, "Go again, love a woman who is loved by another man and is an adulteress, even as the Lord loves the children of Israel, though they turn to other gods and love cakes of raisins."
Hosea 3:1

How many times have I turned to other gods and loved other things? Countless. Yet He persists in loving me.

For I am made through Him and for Him.

Here is Love.