Remind and Refocus

Today as we were waiting for Easter lunch to cook, a friend and I watched the last bit of the Ten Commandments.  As we were getting near the part where the Israelites freak out after Moses goes M.I.A. for 40 days, I started to get agitated because I knew what was coming.  They were going to give into their fears, and make an idol, even after all that God has done for them.  I was seriously annoyed.

It was such an automatic, visceral reaction to a movie that I started to analyze my response.  It wasn't just the fact that they were going to do something stupid that I reacted so strongly in my heart, it was the fact that the vivid onscreen portrayal of the Israelites' faithlessness and stupidity accurately mirrored my own.  I saw myself doing the exact same thing, forgetting God and turning to idols the minute I get freaked out.

I'd like to think that I always walk by faith, but upon reflection my default setting is to trust myself and not to trust God.  When I enter a "foreign land" whether it's a new situation, a new stage in life, a new responsibility, my automatic instinct is look to myself for help, and not to Christ.  It doesn't bode well especially if I have no clue about what I'm doing.

You'd think I'd learn by now that being self-sufficient isn't the best way to go about life since there are so many things in life where I'm way out of my comfort zone...but no, I still need to constantly remind myself and refocus on Christ.

Five Good Things

1.  Friendly reminders to get off the train when you're near your stop.
2.  Naps.  I wonder how many times naps have made this list.
3.  Portobello mushrooms.
4.  Comfortable heels.
5.  Banter

What's in a Date? What a Few Dates Taught Me About Myself, Life, and God

In my 25.5 years of having lived on this planet, my experience in the romantic realm included:
~ 1 "boyfriend" of a week in high school, of which the relationship consisted of hand-holding and snuggling.  I use the term "boyfriend" very loosely.
~ Multiple murky friend-lationships that hit dead ends once they were defined.  (Definition of friend-lationship was always initiated by me.)
~ Countless unrequited crushes. (Unrequited to my knowledge anyways.)
~ Lots of heartaches that were inflicted upon myself by my own immaturity.

That is all to say, the knowledge and wisdom that I had/have in this area consisted/consists of very little, and what very little that I do have is very theoretical.  So it was quite surprising the things I learned when I actually went on some "dates".  I use term "date" loosely as well.  Don't ask, I'm not going to tell beyond what is here.


1.  Finding a life partner isn't black and white, just as life isn't black and white.
Unfortunately there is no sure-fire formula of a+b+c= finding that someone, as much as I wish there was. I'm sure many of you do too.
I use to think that courtship is the only way to get married, and if my future husband didn't court me, my marriage would eventually fail, but that's not true.
Aside from wise principles of integrity like "guard your heart", "don't date someone with different beliefs", and others, there isn't a black and white, so-called better way to finding a mate.

i.e. courting vs. dating
i.e. online vs. offline
i.e. being friends first vs. being set up

2.  This whole process and every minute detail has to be held with an open hand.  
There are a lot of things that I would prefer to happen on the way to the altar, but more and more I realize that I have to hold them with an open hand, and trust that God has my best in mind.

i.e. like the fact that I use to only want to date and marry staff within my organization.
i.e. like the fact that I think it's completely unromantic to meet my future husband online, and would rather meet him "naturally" and befriend him first.
i.e. like the fact that I don't like being set up.

God is creative, and if He's writing my love story I can't dictate to Him how I want it to happen.

I went against every single preference that I listed above, in the past few weeks.

3.  Clarity is a beautiful thing.
Whether I date or court, I realized that I like clarity.
Whether it's "we're just going on this one date to get to know each other without any expectations of any future romantic attachments" or "we're going to court to see if we're meant for marriage", clarity is a beautiful thing.  It makes it much easier for me to understand where the relationship is, and how to behave, think, and feel accordingly.  The trouble comes when I think there's more to the relationship than there actually is, and my emotions and actions follow that train of thought.
Usually because I overanalyze and read into things.

And no, no one asked to court me.  That was just a hypothetical example.

4.  Dating is emotionally draining for me on two levels.
On one level it's intentionally getting to know someone, which is always draining for me especially if I'm meeting someone new.
On another level it's draining because I'm always monitoring my heart and my thoughts making sure I'm not getting ahead of myself.

5.  First dates make bad first impressions.
I knew that people got nervous on first dates, but most of the guys were more nervous that I expected.  So much so that I was actually surprised at how nervous they were, which was endearing in some cases.

6.  Spiritual compatibility is supremely important to me.
That said even with #5 in mind, lack of spiritual compatibility is definitely a deal breaker even on a first date.
There is no negotiation on this one.

7.  Dating tests my faith in the goodness of God.
If he doesn't like me, if he doesn't ask me out again, if I don't like him, if this relationship doesn't end in marriage, do I still trust that God is good to me?

8.  Dating tests my faith in the sovereignty of God.
If I say something wrong, hurt someone in the process, make a blunder, or get hurt in the process, do I still trust that God is sovereign, and that He ordains all things for the good of those who love Him?

9.  Dating reveals where I find my identity.
Am I crushed when someone doesn't call me back or pursue me because I find my value and worth in how much a man/ any man esteems me?

or

Am I able to let it go and not take it personally, realizing that not everyone's meant for me and that Christ esteems and values me?

10.  Dating reveals where I place my hope.
Do I place my hope in what I see?
i.e. I have hope for a future because there is/are a man/men before me who are potential date(s).

or

Do I place my hope in Christ?
i.e. That whether or not there are potential date(s) around me, He has a good future in store for me.

Five Good Things

1.  A cute light teal dress.
2.  Seeing small budding fruits of my labor. 
Thanks Jesus, You didn't have to, but You did.
3.  Growing in maturity- in being able to make wise choices even though my emotions didn't feel like it.
4.  Slow cookers.
5.  Kettle Chips