The Olympics have turned me into a hockey fan, and thus by default by location... a Leafs fan?
This is going to be painful.
Why am I such a glutton for punishment?

Dare I defect?

I'd rather cheer for the Flames...and the Penguins.

*edit*

I dare.

I lived in Calgary for three months +.
I walked the entire Red Mile my first day in town.
And who doesn't love Iggy?

Go FLAMES GO!!!

Oh Canada!

Hockey is OUR game indeed!!!

Who said we weren't passionate and patriotic?

Highlights from today:
1. Crashing M.D.'s place for the hockey game.
"Hey M! I'm Shelly! Thanks for having me over. (And letting me drink your beers.)
2. Goal 1
3. Goal 2
4. Goal 3
5. Bonding with a roomful of people, half of which I didn't know over our national pastime.
6. Winning the 14th Gold Medal
7. Winning the most medals EVER.
8. Singing "O, Canada" at the end of the game.
9. Singing "O, Canada" with a crowd of random strangers on the subway.
10. High Fiving random strangers along Yonge and Dundas.

Five Good Things

1. Dark Lipstick
2. Dark Nail Polish
3. Haircuts (soon)
4. McDonald's Nuggets and Hamburger
5. Being Canadian

Grief is like a wrecking ball that keeps swinging back towards you, but you never know when it's going to hit. Sometimes it's at the oddest, most inconvenient moments.

Shadows

Life is full of light and shadow
O the joy and O the sorrow
O the sorrow

And yet will He bring
Dark to light
And yet will He bring
Day from night

When shadows fall on us
We will not fear
We will remember

When darkness falls on us
We will not fear
We will remember

When all seems lost
When we're thrown and we're tossed
We remember the cost
We rest in Him
Shadow of the cross

Friends say the darnest things.
Oh man, do they ever.
If only I could post all of them, but I can't.

Material for Sacrifice

God gives us material for sacrifice. Sometimes the sacrifice makes little sense to others, but when offered to Him is always accepted...The loneliness itself is material for sacrifice. The very longings themselves can be offered to Him who understands perfectly. The transformation into something He can use for the good of others takes place only when the offering is put into His hands.

What will He do with these offerings? Never mind. He knows what to do.

~Elisabeth Elliot

And so to You, Lord I offer the brokenness of my life.

Five Good Things

1. Closure
2. Olympics
3. Friends on call
4. Hip Hop Classes
5. Tissues

In Love,

In love divest me of blessings that I may glorify
Thee the more;
remove the fuel of my sin,
and may I prize the gain of a little holiness
as overbalancing all my losses.

Excerpt from "Union With Christ"
The Valley of Vision

If...

If...
I ask to be delivered from trial
rather than for deliverance out of it,
to the praise of His glory;
if I forget that the way of the cross leads to the cross
and not to a bank of flowers;
if I regulate my life on these lines,
or even unconsciously my thinking,
so that I am surprised when the way is rough and think it strange,
though the word is,
"Think it not strange,"
"Count it all joy,"
then I know nothing of Calvary love.

That which I know not, teach Thou me, o Lord, my God.

Excerpt from the book "If" by Amy Carmichael missionary to India.

How Cute is This?!

L.L. my bestest best friend in the world got me Quatchi, the Olympic mascot!

And I guess S.Y. is pretty cute too. :P Haaaaaa...

Wish

I was wishing that my wishes were what God wished, and if my wishes were not what God wished, I wished that I could wish that my wishes would go away, but my wishes were still there.

~Elisabeth Elliot

Stuck In My Head

Father, how You must hurt when I run after other loves.

Enfolded

I will teach you, and guide you in the way you should go.
I will keep you under my eye.
Do not behave like horse or mule, unreasoning creatures,
whose course must be checked with bit and bridle.
Many are the torments of the ungodly;
but unfailing love enfolds him who trusts in the Lord.
Rejoice in the Lord and be glad...

PSALM 32: 8-11 (NEB)

Uh...What?

Scene: Just finished dancing a song with an older gentleman.

Him: "Which prefecture are you from?"
Me: "Pardon?"
Him: "Which prefecture are you from?"
Me: "Sorry, I don't understand."
Him: "Prefecture, the provinces in Japan."
Me: "Oh sorry I'm not Japanese."
Him: "Oh what are you."
Me: "I'm chinese."
Him: "You danced like you were Japanese."
Me: "Oh really? How can you tell?"
Him: Shrug. "You also have what they call classical beauty in Japan."
Me: "Oh thanks."

He leaves.
So apparently I look Heian (the time period in Japan from which the classical beauty look stemmed).

Unruly Affections

Almighty God, you alone can bring into order the unruly wills and affections of sinners: Grant your people grace to love what you command and desire what you promise; that, among the swift and varied changes of the world, our hearts may surely there be fixed where true joys are to be found; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever.
Amen.

The Book of Common Prayer
The Collects
Fifth Sunday of Lent

I am tired, so:

[insert cryptic blog post here.]

Amuse yourself.
Decipher away.
Imagine what I could've posted.

Ministry Partner Maintenance FAIL

You know it's MPM FAIL when...

Your supporter doesn't recognize you.

But on the other hand it's so encouraging to hear from one supporter, that they pray for you

EVERY.DAY.

I forget how caring my supporters are.

That Tricky Trickster

The heart is such a tricky thing.

It doesn't reason.
It doesn't listen to logic.
It's got a whole mind of its own.

You can't tell it to:
"Suck it up, buttercup."
"Get over it."
"Forget about it."
"Move on."
or anything of the sort.

It unfortunately doesn't work that way. C'est dommage.
If anything it'll just rile the sucker up.
It's out of control. My control anyways.

I can't believe I'm just figuring this out right now. This is why girls don't listen to logic when it comes to heart issues. This could be revolutionary for my ministry, but I digress.

The Bible was right all along:
"apart from me you can do nothing." (John 15:5)

That 'lil trickster of a heart won't respond to my commands, but it'll have to listen to His.

Living a Countdown

A few weeks back one of my friends asked me how it felt it be living a countdown after I had told her that God-willing I was planning to move overseas in a few years.

Words that came to mind were:
Bittersweet, rejuvenating, purposeful.

I enjoy my life in Toronto and it saddens me to think of leaving. But knowing that I have a short time here causes me to savour and cherish each moment of everyday, and goads me to live purposefully.

Because the reality is even if I wasn't leaving, I'd still be living a countdown. My days are numbered. Each day is a gift from God, and at the end of each day that's one day closer to death. Morbid, but true.

I want to use each day well. I want to be a good steward of the time that I have, and in my head that means accomplishing a lot of tasks. But I'm starting to think that using my time well doesn't necessarily mean getting a lot of things done.

For one thing, I can't physically get a lot of things done. Last week I received a warning from my counsellor to start taking care of myself or face burnout again at the end of the summer. This week I've been sleeping on average 12-14 hours, and I'm still tired.

So what does it mean to "make the best use of time, because the days are evil" (Eph 5:16) when realistically I can function properly for ten hours a day?

Happy Chinese Valentine New Go Canada Go Year

Sometimes I rail at the Lord, screaming inside that I wish I could tangibly feel His love like the way I could feel my mom's love when her arms are wrapped around me. I know, bad on me. But I forget that the church is His body, and sometimes, a lot of times His love is demonstrated through those around me.

I had a great Chinese Valentine New Go Canada Go Year extended weekend where it was instance after instance of the Lord declaring His love for me again and again through His people.

He is the Perfect Lover, knowing exactly what I needed and need.

Thursday
S.A. and K.L. blessed all the women on the leadership team at York with flowers that symbolized something they see in our character.

Mine was an Iris representing, faith, wisdom, and valor. It was a very apt encouragement seeing that in the past few months I've been feeling very very foolish and somewhat faithless.

Friday
K.M. got all the single women on our staff team, a yellow rose.
I love gifts and I love flowers.
Even the smallest thing makes me feel valued and loved.

Saturday
J.S. took three of us girls out to dinner all decked out.
I love dressing up and I love meat.
Another sweet, sweet gift that touched my heart.

Sunday
A.G. finally got her gift to me. She had to try to send it twice, but in God's perfect providential timing I got it on Valentine's day.
It was a beautiful sparkling ring reminding me of the Lord's unfathomable love for me with a card full of encouragement.

Some might see these just as separate incidents of people's kindness, but I know that the Lord is sovereign and He is in charge of everything, and He orchestrated it to declare His love.

There Are Days

when I wish...

...that this blog was anonymous so I can really write for my cathartic therapeutic benefit.
...I was a guy so I can travel anywhere, alone, unhindered by the fear for my safety.
...that good food cooked itself.
...I was in heaven already so that I could be with Jesus and not have to deal with my own brokenness and the brokenness of this world.
...that time stopped at my whim.
...that my white mac never will get dirty. Wait. That's everyday.
...I was still a kid.

Enthralled

Listen, O daughter, consider and give ear:
Forget your people and your father's house.
The King is enthralled by your beauty;
Honour Him, for He is your Lord.

Pslam 45:10-11

Five Good Things

1. Rest
2. Flowers in appreciation
3. Good, thorough conflict resolution
4. TLC
When people genuinely want to know how you are doing instead of settling for the one word trite answers, and are willing to push for the real answers.
5. Road trips

You know it's time to change your nail polish when...

You dream that someone sat you down to tell you to remove the polish.

Sigh.

My subconscious did an intervention on me. Regarding NAIL POLISH.

Why must I have such weird WEIRD dreams. What I can't conjure up anything pretty while I'm asleep? Considering everything that I download into my brain during the day, I should come up with something GOOD. Like being the star of a bollywood movie or a super famous wedding photographer. But no, weird and apocalyptic dreams it is.

Fallible!

"I am sure of this."
"Maybe this isn't right. Nah..."
"Ok, I could be mistaken."
"Oh, but I assumed...."
"I misunderstood. Shoot."
"Oh wow, I'm wrong. Craaaaaaaaaaap."

It weighed me down to come face to face with my fallibility today.
I just HATE to be wrong.
Then the surprise at the fact that I am fallible crushed me.
Because it revealed the old me that I thought I had gotten rid of in the past year through my experience of burning out, but there she was staring back at me.

The mentality of being perfect until proven otherwise. (And I was proven otherwise.)
The pride, the arrogance, the hubris of assuming that I have it all figured out and down pat in life. (I don't. And realizing that was unsettling too.)
The reliance on my own wisdom. (Still trying to be self-sufficient.)

I always forget that I am a sinner in much, much need of grace from God, and I always have a very very hard time receiving that grace.

Sometimes grace is hard to swallow.

Five Good Things

1. Down pillows
2. Down comforter
3. Decaffeinated Earl Grey
4. Dessert with the team
5. Dancing to Britney Spears

Mish Mash

* Sometimes, I'm like..."Why do things happen to me that are like scenes from a teen flick? WHY?"
* Being an amateur wedding photographer isn't the best thing for my heart at times, but sometimes it's a lifeline.
* Good, better, best? I'll take best.
* Laughing at oneself is a life skill must have.
* Sometimes when I have bronchitis, I'm scared to cough because I'm scared I'll pee my pants when I do. TMI? Too late.

urbandictionary.com says

Shelly

A nickname usually given to amazing girls with great personalities, these girls are known to be stunningly gorgeous, beautiful inside and out, fun, out-going, spontaneous, and sexy. Shelly's are also known to be the best girlfriends and the best in bed. Shelly can be used as an adjective to describe something incredibly awesome, entertaining, and astounding.

Everyone wants a friend named Shelly!

What you did was so Shelly.

If only you were a Shelly.

That's right, Shelly is my girlfriend.

Here's to hoping my ego will fit through the doorway so I can leave the apartment tomorrow. :)

February Goals

1. Make Valentine's Day goodies.
2. Update The Sheepie with everything that was on The Black Mac minus lost files.
3. Clean room every night before sleep.
4. Eat fruit period.
5. Go to the gym at least once a week.
6. 3+ hours of Arabic a week.
7. Back up Sheepie.
8. Finish BFF's five year anniversary present that is officially a year late.
9. TAXES! Yippeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
10. Start and finish one painting/craft that's been sitting around.

Needs

Shelly needs...

...restful sleep
...to eat more fruits and veggies
...to unwind
...protect her downtime more
...start exercising again

Portugoose

Today I played real estate agent for A.B. and T.L.

Scene: In reference to his email address.

The owner: Do you know what a portugoose is?
Me: No...
The owner: Do you know what Portuguese is?
Me: Yes
The owner: Well Portuguese is many geese and Portugoose is one goose. You know like Canada Geese and Canada Goose.
Me: Oh, hahaha

'Round and 'Round In Circles

A Typical Conversation With Mom

Me: So what do you want to talk about?
Mum: Let's talk about your "ge ren wen ti".

Literally translated it means personal problem/question.

Me: There's nothing to talk about. There's no one.
Mum: You need to look broader....As long as he's Christian by the time you marry him. You shouldn't be so stubborn and set on marrying someone within your group.
(Group being C4C staff.)
Me: I don't want to talk about this anymore. You know why I want to marry staff.
Mum: I'm just worried that once everyone's married off you'll panic and just pick some random guy.
Me: I'm the one who has higher standards here.
Mum: And even if you can wait it out what if you get married really late? It'll be dangerous for you to have children.
Me: Who's the one panicking here?
Mum: Me...
Me: See?
Mum: You just need to start dating soon. You don't have to get married. Just start dating.

I never thought that I'd hear that from her. It's always been, don't date.

Mum: You just need to find a good man. He doesn't have to be on staff.
Me: Good men are hard to find.
Mum: Why is your pastor waiting? Why is he not setting you up?
Me: Because there's no one to set me up with?
Mum: But what if nothing happens if you keep waiting? You already know there's no one interested in you in your group. What are you waiting for?
Me: It's not me mum. I'm waiting on God.

Mum: You need to do something about it.
Me: What would you like me to do? Go chase men?
Mum: Nonononono...Of course not. Ok, we'll keep praying. We'll pray.
Me: Yup. Keep praying.

Then it starts back up again at the next conversation.

I use to get really frustrated, but now I'm just amused.