My Old Man

Just got an email from my (step) dad. My real dad for all intents and purposes.
You know your regular email, trying to encourage me in work and in life. It brought tears to my eyes.
I miss my daddy.
2.5 more months until home.

Good Morning Sunshine

This is what I wake up to:

Happy Birthday To Me

Yesterday my doctor gave me my next three months worth of antidepressants.

Thank you doctor and Jesus.

That was around $200 worth of meds. Hello!

The asian in me, is purrrrrrrrrring.

Still Very Much Enamoured

I have finally found a band worthy of my unending love, admiration, and devotion.

Oh U2.

I've listened to the No Line On the Horizon album nonstop since the concert a week and a half ago. Man it seems so much time has passed since, but it just gets better and better.

My favourite lines from the album.

"Every beauty needs to go out with an idiot."
~ I'll Go Crazy If I Don't Go Crazy Tonight

"Hey, sexy boots. Get on your boots."
~ Get On Your Boots

"Stop helping God across the road like a little old lady."
~ Stand Up Comedy

"Stand up to rock stars, Napolean is in high heels
Josephine, be careful of small men with big ideas"
~ Stand Up Comedy

Ok, granted some of them, fine, all of them are weird taken by themselves, but the way Bono enunciates the words combined with the Edge's guitar... it's just great.

Let's see now...last time they were in town, it was three years ago. So assuming it's going to take them three more years to come back, it'll be in 2012. All the more time to save up for a prime ticket. Mhmmm. Mhmmmm. Mhmmm

Five Good Things

1. Good deals at Value Village.
2. Playing chess with roomies. We're keeping a log too.
3. Fondue.
4. Buying myself birthday presents.
5. After church service traditions.

Awkwaaaaaaaaard...

Setting the context: S.J. and I are playing chess.

S.J.: "Is it raining?"
Me: "You're raining."
S.J.: "Your face is raining."
Me: "Your Mo-...Sorry."

Taking Grace For Granted

I hear it all the time.
God is gracious.
His grace is unlimited.
By His grace...
The word grace or some version of it is thrown around so often that I've taken it for granted.
"Yeah, of course, God is gracious. That's who He is."
Grace becomes assumed, expected, and undervalued.

But I forget the cost of grace. The pain of it all.
I forget what has to be endured and born so that grace can be extended because someone has to shoulder the consequences.
I forget until I have to give grace myself.

Grace is not easily given to others.
Grace is painful to give.
For me.
And more often than not it needs to be given, again and again, and again.

How much more painful it is for God.
How much more magnanimous is His character in this light.
How much worthy of praise is He.

Renege

Still selling Stella. Sigh.

In other news. I did 2.5 km in my second run since....high school?
5km is not looking so intimidating anymore.

AND, I've decided to train with C.K. for a triathlon next summer.

Stella, How I Love Thee

Stella, I love you.
I can't believe I thought that I could live without you.
You've been so good to me these past eight years.
Steady, loyal, and trustworthy.
We've been through so much.
Ups and downs.
Good and bad.

I shan't try to leave you again.
We'll stay together for better or for worse.
In sickness and in health.
I promise to take you to your regular oil changes so that God-willing it's more health than sickness.
Through recessions and booms.
The insurance premium is bound to go down next year when I hit 25. We'll figure something out.
'Til death do us part.
Hopefully not in a car accident.

I'm keeping my car.

Fall Feast

Being born one day and one year after someone on the staff team means that I have to share my birthday glory. Sigh. :P
S.A. and I are having a fall birthday bash with our team. I'm so excited.

Potential Menu

Main Dish
Shepherd's Pie
or
Stew, Dumplings with Fresh Bread

Side Dishes
Roast Squash
and/or
Stuffed Squash
and/or
Root Bake

Dessert
Hand Made Scones
Fresh Apple Crisp- made with handpick apples.

Drink
Apple Cider

Five Good Things

1. Dance parties
2. Dufflet cakes
3. U2
4. Sunrises
5. Friends that you can call anytime, anywhere about anything.

I'll Go Crazy If I Don't Go Crazy Tonight

Epic.

Prone to wander, Lord I feel it...
Prone to leave the God I love...

......

Take my heart Lord. Take and seal it. Seal it for Thy courts above.

Mama's Recipes

C.K. always told me that someone told her it's a bad idea to try your mother-in-law's recipes because it'll never taste as good to your husband. Duly noted, but heck, it's bad enough trying MY mom's recipes especially since she cooks by taste and not by specific detailed recipes. Her recipes fall along the lines of "use some of this, some of that, and some of that... until it tastes right." Right.

The first thought after the first bite is always, "doesn't taste like mum's".

Tonight I made the BBQ spare ribs, chives- actually leeks with eggs, miso soup, and red bean soup. All for the first time, and all of which, were mummy's recipes with the exception of the miso soup. But then there's also something to be said for trying to duplicate something from a restaurant.

They weren't bad. It wasn't like when I first started cooking, and the first edition of everything went to feed the garbage, but it definitely wasn't mum's or the restaurant's.

Only the red bean soup tasted close to mum's.

But it didn't taste like crap, and L.W. was well fed and thought I should make a good pastor's wife. So I'm content.

Tomorrow: The Chicken Soup. Also a first a edition.

Tornado

Just remembered this song from high school tonight. Another sad one, but one of my favourites.

What's For Dinner

I know I'm recovering from burnout when I have a higher capacity and desire to cook. Having two friends over on different nights, and hosting a potluck this week. I'm serving:

Monday Night:
Sweet and Sour Spare Ribs (Alliteration not intended)
Chinese Chives and Eggs
Rice

Friday Night:
Handmade Wonton Soup
or
Orange Flavoured Porkchops
Stir Fry
Rice
(Haven't made up my mind yet.)

Saturday Night Potluck:
Five Spice Chicken Wings

For Myself For the Week:
Silken Chicken Soup with Bean Sprouts

Hodge Podge of Thoughts

1. Free movie, free mints, and free popcorn make a good night.
Saw Precious for free at the TIFF last night. Also got two boxes of free mints. Enough to last me until TIFF '10. Plus a bag of free popcorn. Post regarding Precious to come in future.

2. Blogging is relaxing. I forgot about this. Yeah for freedom of speech.

3. "Boys are oblivious only when they want to be." - L. Low
True words. Approximately a month before I see her awesomeness.

4. Everyday needs a dance party.

5. The scent of Fall is in the air, and I love it because it makes me feel like I'm in love. There's just something about fall. Definitely more of a romantic season than Spring. Sorry Spring.

6. Am really liking iced teas. Looking forward to making a plethora of iced teas even in the winter. So far have made raspberry, and white blueberry team. Mhmm.....

7. Am really getting into Soviet and Afghani history, the result of watching the Trotsky and reading A Thousand Splendid Suns

8. Loving Google earth. Fun times.

9. Really need to get on that church membership application that I started, but never completed three months ago.

Whiners Are Wieners

Well I'm going to be a wiener and whine about this pain around my left ear which has now spread to my jaw.

It started two weeks ago and has gotten progressively worse. Saw the doc last week, who diagnosed it as an ear infection and gave me antibiotics and ear drops.

It didn't work. It's worse now.

Now in all my paranoid compulsive hypochondriac brilliance here's what I think may be possibly wrong:
1. Persistent earache
2. TMJ (Temporomandibular joint disorder) Go google it.
3. Wisdom tooth.

It's not so much painful as annoying because it inhibits my eating. I mean c'mon. Of all things, how dare you mess around with my FOOD?! If this persists I will have to raid the fridge of friends with toddlers and steal their baby food.

I Gotta Feeling

That this year's going to be a good year.

So It Starts

This morning I "started" my "training" for the Toronto Zoo run, and by training I mean, actually starting to run for the first time in goodness knows how long. And by started I mean, my body woke me up and wouldn't go back to bed so I had nothing else to do.

Other than that, it was great. The chilly air, the silence of the morning as everything's slowly rousing from slumber, the cramps that started kicking my sides after five minutes.

Ok, maybe not the cramps.
It was freeing though to bolt down the streets. It felt like flying.

This could be the start of a new romance.

...


Ok, that would be pushing it. The start of a symbiotic relationship then.

Temper, temper

I had naively thought that my temper had slowly dissipated over the years.

Nope.

Still there. Sigh.

Still got the RAWR in me.

What This Girl Wants

Well ladies and gentlemen, it's that time of the year again.
The leaves are turning, the air is starting to chill...
It's birthday time.

And in good capitalist fashion, here's my birthday wish list just to indulge in the materialistic side.

Fail Proof
1. H & M scarves
2. Starbucks mugs
3. Urban Decay makeup
4. Sushi
5. Art supplies

Here and There
1. iPod earbuds
2. Body Shop Scented Oil Burner. (The metallic ball one.)
3. Urban Decay Brown Eyeliner
4. Mika's album from 2007
5. Ansel Adams Photography Books

Pseudo Swede (Ikea)
1. Black "Lack" Bookshelf
2. Large Black Ribba Frames
3. 4" by 6" Black Ribba Shadow Boxes
4. Large Glass Vase
5. Black and White Floral Fabric to re-upholster my chairs

Flower Power
1. A pot of jasmine
2. A pot of orchids
3. Gerbers
4. Giant sunflowers
5. Black roses

Pies in the Skies
1. Adobe Creative Design Suite Premium
2. Rosetta Stone in French
3. Canon 50mm 1.8f Lense
4. Apple Time Capsule
5. Pearl Earrings

Unplanned

Sometimes the sweetest moments in life are the unplanned ones.
My original plan for tonight was to show my car, go home, read my pile of library books (a post in itself), and turn in early.

I ended up shooting the breeze with P.J. in the middle of Yonge street with a pink bum because I had planted (pun intended) myself in the middle of a bed of pink and purple flowers on the median, with cars zooming by on both sides of us. For two hours we chatted about what else? Guys and God. Because whenever there's talk about guys, there's always talk about God.

It was so sweet and memorable, sharing our heartaches and hopes, fears and feelings under the streetlights, while enjoying one last summer night before fall.

Tonight was impressed into my memory.

Five Good Things

1. Pao Fan
A chinese rice porridge concoction using leftovers. Basically, rice, water, whatever leftover you have, BOIL, and STIRR. It's GREAT, I swear.
2. Stilettos from the Aldo outlet
3. Accountability
4. My family away from family: the Kenyons
5. Chinese BBQ

TIFF 2009

The TIFF, another reason why I love being Torontonian. It's one of the world's top four film festivals depending on who you talk to. Woot.

My Top Five TIFF Wish List

1. Cooking With Stella
I knew I recognized the director's last name when I saw it. He's Deepa Mehta's brother! That and the fact that Lisa Ray's in this movie sold me on it. AND it's Canadian.
2. Whip It
Ellen Page in Drew Barrymore's directorial debut about a girl who enters a roller derby
3. Good Hair
Chris Rock's documentary on black women's hair. I'm thinking this will be like Russell Peter's commentary on Indian culture?
4. Men Staring at Goats
George Clooney and Ewan MacGregor. Need I say more? The premise sounds pretty out there, but funny.
5. What's Your Raashee?
Bollywood. Period.

Oh, and I hope The Trotsky wins the People's Choice Awards. So clever, funny, and CANADIAN.

The other movie that I saw at the TIFF was City of Life and Death. It was about the Japanese invasion of Nanking.
Graphic.
Its images still disturb me every time they flit through my thoughts. The rape scenes were....

Hopefully some free passes to Israeli films this week will erase those mental images. Although as B.M. said, it's good to watch things that make you feel uncomfortable. Not rape scenes per se, but films that deal with somber subjects.

Seize the Day

The last time I auditioned for something was back in university. There hasn't been anything to entice me since due to a lack of opportunity. Add on to that, the memories of the few auditions that I went for and bombed, and whatever incentive I would have had to audition dwindles. In fact, I can't recall a single audition for a show or a dance troupe that was successful.

Nevertheless this Tuesday night I'm going to stick my neck out to audition for a all girls swing dance troupe. I haven't taken any of the lessons or know any of the choreography so I'm going in cold turkey. I don't have all that much confidence in my dancing skills (see above paragraph), but the possibility of maybe making it and being a part is enough to tip the scale in the favour of going for it. If I make it, I get to perform and compete.

After all what have I got to lose? As my high school motto says, "carpe diem!"

Here's to hoping.

Five Good Things

1. The Reservoir Lounge
Fabulous jazz music and great ambience.
2. The men on my staff team.
I appreciate the ladies too, but the guys deserve a shout-out of their own.
3. Holding and cuddling cute chubby babies.
4. Page CXVI
Love her rendition of old hymns
5. Cleaning
It's so therapeutic.

Shooting the Breeze

Self- Conscious

I really don't like it when I butcher people's names. It makes me so self-conscious. The fact that I'm Asian doesn't really help matters. I almost feel as if I SHOULD be able to pronounce (insert name that I can't pronounce here) because I am of non- white descent. Fortunately I have offended no one. (That I know of anyways.)

Frustrated

Weariness burns the inside of my eyes like peroxide. And I should know because I accidentally placed contacts lenses soaked with solution containing peroxide in my eyes multiple times this summer. It hurt.

But that's what it has felt like for the past few days, and it's not for a lack of sleep. I've gotten my fair share of 8+ hours of sleep a night plus some major nap time in the afternoons, but lucidity still eludes me. I walk around in a haze of fatigue.

I had thought that my energy was returning to me this summer, but I guess I was wrong. With the increased pace of my life, my energy has dissipated even faster.

And I am very frustrated to the point of tears.

Because there are so many things that I want to do, that I would be able to do, if I was just healthy.

Recovery is taking too long...or so I think.

All the while I wonder, where is the gospel in this? How should I be preaching it to myself?