I think I'm due for a good cry one of these days.
A nice, long, heaving, snotty, sob session that leaves you unable to breathe evenly, and perhaps a few hiccups to finish it off.
You know, just to relieve some stress and frustration.
[For all the guys out there, it's a good thing. Trust me.]
Monday, August 31, 2009
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Tonight...
Tonight,
the stress wears, the fatigue irks, and life weighs heavy for minute reasons.
solitude is desired, but loneliness pierces.
the heart sighs.
the stress wears, the fatigue irks, and life weighs heavy for minute reasons.
solitude is desired, but loneliness pierces.
the heart sighs.
Stuck In My Head
Songs that are currently stuck in my head:
1. Keri Hilson- Knock You Down
2. Shakira- She Wolf
3. Lady Gaga- Paparazzi
4. Jordin Sparks- Battlefield
5. Beyonce- Ego
1. Keri Hilson- Knock You Down
2. Shakira- She Wolf
3. Lady Gaga- Paparazzi
4. Jordin Sparks- Battlefield
5. Beyonce- Ego
Sunday, August 23, 2009
What Not To Do...
Ladies, you know the drill.
There's this guy friend that you're interested in, but there's no overt signs that he's into you. i.e. Like him actually having the chutzpah to tell you so and him pursuing you. There's the way that he looks at you and the way he says your name (or so you think), but officially there's nothing going on. You're "just friends". So you stick around, talking to him late into the night on {insert your favourite mode of instant messaging here}, hanging out one on one all the time, and so on and so forth, pretty much being the dude's pseudo girlfriend, all the while hoping that one day he'll wake up to the revelation that you're a goddess. Ok fine, at least to the fact that you're great for him, and THEN FINALLY he'd ask you out.
I know, because I was there too.
Flashback: 2003, Dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeen.
'Twas the summer before university. Met the boy on my dragon boat team. Long story short, I talked to him EVERY night until 3am. When school started I would drive 40 minutes one way every weekend to see him or I would drive 40 out of my way to pick him up so we could go back to Toronto together. We hung out one on one, a LOT. In essence I was his pseudo girlfriend.
As our "friendship" progressively moved beyond "just friends" without any definition of the relationship I got impatient, confronted him, and received a "Let's just be friends" in return. (Don't do this either. If he doesn't have enough chutzpah to define the relationship, he's not worth your time.)
I spent a day and a half bawling at a friend's place before I could drive back to Guelph safely. Then I spent the next three months crying myself to sleep every night. Was that TMI?
Moral of the story?
Don't be a pseudo girlfriend.
i.e. Don't spend so much one on one time hanging out with a guy hoping he'd eventually ask you out.
Why?
Because it's dumb. Yeah, you heard me dumb. Harsh, but true, but it's tough love.
Why would anyone pay for something he already has?
In other words why would he take the risk to ask you out and commit to you when he already has unlimited access to your time, thoughts, company, and person? Because by being his pseudo girlfriend, you're giving him ALL of that without any need for commitment in return. SCORE! For him at least. Not so much for you.
Because in doing so you have just shot yourself in the foot, not once, not twice, but thrice. Assuming the goal is to enter into a meaningful relationship that has the potential to lead to marriage...
First Shot: You have now taken away any incentive for him to ask you out.
Second Shot: It now seems to other guys that you're totally into this dude so you've taken away any incentive for them to ask you out.
Third and Final Shot: You're wasting your time on a guy and a relationship that's not going anywhere.
So I know it's tempting when you like a guy friend, to spend every possible waking moment in his presence, hanging on to his every word, and etc...but DON'T DO IT. Whatever the reason you think it is for him not asking you out, you're probably over-analyzing. Don't hang on to it, and don't be a pseudo girlfriend. 'Tis not worth it.
Go read: Girl's Guide to Marrying Well
This is my second plug. It's THAT good.
Gentlemen, here's a link to your guide.
There's this guy friend that you're interested in, but there's no overt signs that he's into you. i.e. Like him actually having the chutzpah to tell you so and him pursuing you. There's the way that he looks at you and the way he says your name (or so you think), but officially there's nothing going on. You're "just friends". So you stick around, talking to him late into the night on {insert your favourite mode of instant messaging here}, hanging out one on one all the time, and so on and so forth, pretty much being the dude's pseudo girlfriend, all the while hoping that one day he'll wake up to the revelation that you're a goddess. Ok fine, at least to the fact that you're great for him, and THEN FINALLY he'd ask you out.
I know, because I was there too.
Flashback: 2003, Dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeen.
'Twas the summer before university. Met the boy on my dragon boat team. Long story short, I talked to him EVERY night until 3am. When school started I would drive 40 minutes one way every weekend to see him or I would drive 40 out of my way to pick him up so we could go back to Toronto together. We hung out one on one, a LOT. In essence I was his pseudo girlfriend.
As our "friendship" progressively moved beyond "just friends" without any definition of the relationship I got impatient, confronted him, and received a "Let's just be friends" in return. (Don't do this either. If he doesn't have enough chutzpah to define the relationship, he's not worth your time.)
I spent a day and a half bawling at a friend's place before I could drive back to Guelph safely. Then I spent the next three months crying myself to sleep every night. Was that TMI?
Moral of the story?
Don't be a pseudo girlfriend.
i.e. Don't spend so much one on one time hanging out with a guy hoping he'd eventually ask you out.
Why?
Because it's dumb. Yeah, you heard me dumb. Harsh, but true, but it's tough love.
Why would anyone pay for something he already has?
In other words why would he take the risk to ask you out and commit to you when he already has unlimited access to your time, thoughts, company, and person? Because by being his pseudo girlfriend, you're giving him ALL of that without any need for commitment in return. SCORE! For him at least. Not so much for you.
Because in doing so you have just shot yourself in the foot, not once, not twice, but thrice. Assuming the goal is to enter into a meaningful relationship that has the potential to lead to marriage...
First Shot: You have now taken away any incentive for him to ask you out.
Second Shot: It now seems to other guys that you're totally into this dude so you've taken away any incentive for them to ask you out.
Third and Final Shot: You're wasting your time on a guy and a relationship that's not going anywhere.
So I know it's tempting when you like a guy friend, to spend every possible waking moment in his presence, hanging on to his every word, and etc...but DON'T DO IT. Whatever the reason you think it is for him not asking you out, you're probably over-analyzing. Don't hang on to it, and don't be a pseudo girlfriend. 'Tis not worth it.
Go read: Girl's Guide to Marrying Well
This is my second plug. It's THAT good.
Gentlemen, here's a link to your guide.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Five Good Things (That I'm Looking Forward To)
1. Girls' day out.
Kayaking up north with J.C. at her cottage.
2. Drive in movies.
Two for the price of 1/2 of one. Uber cheap.
3. Girls' night out with my brown girls and brown food.
Good friends, good food, and Shakespeare. It doesn't get any better than this people. Does not get any better than this.
4. The Hinzelque.
One of my favourite events of the year. Hello monster ball!
5. The beach.
Guess where I'm going on my day off?
Kayaking up north with J.C. at her cottage.
2. Drive in movies.
Two for the price of 1/2 of one. Uber cheap.
3. Girls' night out with my brown girls and brown food.
Good friends, good food, and Shakespeare. It doesn't get any better than this people. Does not get any better than this.
4. The Hinzelque.
One of my favourite events of the year. Hello monster ball!
5. The beach.
Guess where I'm going on my day off?
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
How Not to Marry a Jerk
Frustrating.
That is the one word I would use to describe the process of trying to get married. It's like trying to navigate a mine field. There is no map. There is no trail. Just a lot of confusion, emotions, and awkward moments. Thankfully, oh so thankfully and to my relief, there is a sovereign God, wise mentors, and Boundless' mini mag on how to marry well. In its intro, Candice Watters writes:
Most women hope to marry, but for many, it's not happening like they thought it would. It seems too far away, or too unlikely, given the men they know and those they're meeting. Some wonder if their standards are too high. Others suspect all the good men are already taken.
I can totally relate to this, and a whole slew of other worries.
Written for young women, it covers topics from how to be intentional about getting married to purity, involving Christian community in your selection of a mate, and what it means to be compatible in a Biblical sense. Young men would still definitely get something out of it too. It's Biblical, practical, and easy to read. Highly recommended. Two thumbs. Up.
That is the one word I would use to describe the process of trying to get married. It's like trying to navigate a mine field. There is no map. There is no trail. Just a lot of confusion, emotions, and awkward moments. Thankfully, oh so thankfully and to my relief, there is a sovereign God, wise mentors, and Boundless' mini mag on how to marry well. In its intro, Candice Watters writes:
Most women hope to marry, but for many, it's not happening like they thought it would. It seems too far away, or too unlikely, given the men they know and those they're meeting. Some wonder if their standards are too high. Others suspect all the good men are already taken.
I can totally relate to this, and a whole slew of other worries.
Written for young women, it covers topics from how to be intentional about getting married to purity, involving Christian community in your selection of a mate, and what it means to be compatible in a Biblical sense. Young men would still definitely get something out of it too. It's Biblical, practical, and easy to read. Highly recommended. Two thumbs. Up.
Monday, August 17, 2009
First Dance
As a wannabe wedding photographer, weddings are always on my mind.
THIS would be such a good first dance song....except for the fact that it's in mandarin and the lyrics. He's talking about breaking up. But! Oh the melody and his voice. (He's Christian too!!!) There are rare times when I'd want to marry Asian. This is one of them.
THIS would be such a good first dance song....except for the fact that it's in mandarin and the lyrics. He's talking about breaking up. But! Oh the melody and his voice. (He's Christian too!!!) There are rare times when I'd want to marry Asian. This is one of them.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
The Sillies a.k.a. The Pets
Reason for moniker: They all do incredibly silly things.
Silly #1: Duchess
Family: Felis Domestica
Silly #2: Sesame
Family: Canis Familliaris
Silly #3: Sugar a.k.a. The Dumb Blonde
Family: Canis Familliaris
Silly #1: Duchess
Family: Felis Domestica
Silly #2: Sesame
Family: Canis Familliaris
Silly #3: Sugar a.k.a. The Dumb Blonde
Family: Canis Familliaris
Saturday, August 15, 2009
How to Have The Perfect Day
Step 1) Have all previous plans cancel.
Step 2) Sleep in.
Step 3) Wake up when body needs to.
Step 4) Piddle around the house leisurely until ready to go.
Step 5) Drive to favourite university town, at top speed whilst blasting teeny bopper pop music.
Step 6) Get to said town.
Step 7) Stop and eat brunch at favourite local breakfast joint.
Step 8) Go to nearby breathtaking conservation area.
Step 9) Find a shady area and take a nice looooooong nap, or what feels like one anyways.
Step 10) Go Kayaking. Nothing like the sound of paddles gliding through water to relax you.
Step 11) Float/swim around in lake enjoying the icy cool water while getting a nice tan at the same time.
Step 12) Hike to a lookout point where you can see most of the conservation area.
Step 13) Pray and have quiet time at said lookout point.
Step 14) Take pictures of said lookout point.
Step 15) Buy favourite pens from local arts store.
Step 16) Drive through town reminiscing about the good 'ol days.
Step 17) Stop by McDonald's for favourite snack: Hamburgers and a large Nestea for cheap.
Step 18) Lounge on the green in front of your alma mater's most well known building.
Step 19) Have a photoshoot of said alma mater
Step 20) Drive home to cheesy chinese pop music.
Step 21) Shower, relax, and watch cheesy chick flick.
Step 22) Blog about said day.
Step 2) Sleep in.
Step 3) Wake up when body needs to.
Step 4) Piddle around the house leisurely until ready to go.
Step 5) Drive to favourite university town, at top speed whilst blasting teeny bopper pop music.
Step 6) Get to said town.
Step 7) Stop and eat brunch at favourite local breakfast joint.
Step 8) Go to nearby breathtaking conservation area.
Step 9) Find a shady area and take a nice looooooong nap, or what feels like one anyways.
Step 10) Go Kayaking. Nothing like the sound of paddles gliding through water to relax you.
Step 11) Float/swim around in lake enjoying the icy cool water while getting a nice tan at the same time.
Step 12) Hike to a lookout point where you can see most of the conservation area.
Step 13) Pray and have quiet time at said lookout point.
Step 14) Take pictures of said lookout point.
Step 15) Buy favourite pens from local arts store.
Step 16) Drive through town reminiscing about the good 'ol days.
Step 17) Stop by McDonald's for favourite snack: Hamburgers and a large Nestea for cheap.
Step 18) Lounge on the green in front of your alma mater's most well known building.
Step 19) Have a photoshoot of said alma mater
Step 20) Drive home to cheesy chinese pop music.
Step 21) Shower, relax, and watch cheesy chick flick.
Step 22) Blog about said day.
Friday, August 07, 2009
Sometimes It's Like This
I don't want to be pitied.
Nor do I want to be placated.
And I definitely don't want to be patronized.
All's I'm saying is that sometimes it's like this:
Nor do I want to be placated.
And I definitely don't want to be patronized.
All's I'm saying is that sometimes it's like this:
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
What Time Is It?
It's TOOL time!
Anyone get the reference? It's from Home Improvement.
There are days when I feel like a complete and total tool, and today is one of those days. I've been doing some work in preparing for Orientation week at Ryerson for Campus for Christ in the past day or so, and I think I've hit the proverbial PANIC!!! button multiple times already. (Hangs head in shame.) Just when I thought I've mellowed and matured, I go and spazz out.
It's my first major responsibility since burning out, and the self- imposed Asian pressure to perform is holding a knife to my throat. I feel the need to perform and to perform well to prove my worth to myself, to my team, to my supporters, and to my organization, that I'm worthy of being on staff and that I'm not a dead weight because there have been days this past year where I've wondered if Power to Change would get more bang out of their buck if they hired someone else. Someone smarter, healthier, wiser, with more capacity, with more skills, who knows more languages, loves God more, knows the Bible better, is more faithful, etc...because you know there's plenty of people out there that fit into those categories. Now I feel the need to go talk to my shrink. Heh. :P
And ladies and gentlemen that is one of the biggest lies I've ever swallowed.
Because before God I am called to this ministry, and He has approved me, warts and all. And that is all that matters.
Because it's not about me.
It's not about me proving my worth the first week back to school.
It's about God and making His name known on campus.
It's not about me bemoaning my weaknesses.
It's about God and making His strength known through my weaknesses.
It's not even about having the picture perfect plans.
It's about trusting in Him and His sovereignty, and walking in faith.
Now I just need to play that over, and over, and over, and over, and over in my head.
So today's one of those "tool days", but they're good when I have the right perspective; a small view of me and a big view of God.
Anyone get the reference? It's from Home Improvement.
There are days when I feel like a complete and total tool, and today is one of those days. I've been doing some work in preparing for Orientation week at Ryerson for Campus for Christ in the past day or so, and I think I've hit the proverbial PANIC!!! button multiple times already. (Hangs head in shame.) Just when I thought I've mellowed and matured, I go and spazz out.
It's my first major responsibility since burning out, and the self- imposed Asian pressure to perform is holding a knife to my throat. I feel the need to perform and to perform well to prove my worth to myself, to my team, to my supporters, and to my organization, that I'm worthy of being on staff and that I'm not a dead weight because there have been days this past year where I've wondered if Power to Change would get more bang out of their buck if they hired someone else. Someone smarter, healthier, wiser, with more capacity, with more skills, who knows more languages, loves God more, knows the Bible better, is more faithful, etc...because you know there's plenty of people out there that fit into those categories. Now I feel the need to go talk to my shrink. Heh. :P
And ladies and gentlemen that is one of the biggest lies I've ever swallowed.
Because before God I am called to this ministry, and He has approved me, warts and all. And that is all that matters.
Because it's not about me.
It's not about me proving my worth the first week back to school.
It's about God and making His name known on campus.
It's not about me bemoaning my weaknesses.
It's about God and making His strength known through my weaknesses.
It's not even about having the picture perfect plans.
It's about trusting in Him and His sovereignty, and walking in faith.
Now I just need to play that over, and over, and over, and over, and over in my head.
So today's one of those "tool days", but they're good when I have the right perspective; a small view of me and a big view of God.
Monday, August 03, 2009
An Irrational "Love"
Ok, so here I am typing away at three in the morning because I woke up to go to the bathroom, and then started thinking about my CAR- about how much I'm going to miss it, about how you know, if I didn't sell it; I could spontaneously decide to go to the beach, and be able to do it, or if I REALLY wanted to, I could go to Guelph and Hamilton or anywhere else at anytime I want, about how much closer the Kenyons and swing dancing are.........and on and on to the point where my heart felt really wrenched.
Wrenched just exactly like the way it pained and writhed in your chest when you found out that the current crush of your life likes someone else/doesn't like someone with characteristics like you/doesn't like your race/just started dating someone... not you, DUH!/hates YOUR guts/has been promised to the prince/princess of Somewhereville at birth to end 200 centuries of war between...oops wrong story/insert another reason in which said crush will never go out with you.
YES! It really feels like this. I can understand guys' attachments to their cars now. WHY?!?!
"STELLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"*
*In case you're wondering, this is not the name of my car...although it could work, but what's the point of naming her when I have to give her up in a few days. It's adding fuel to the fire. That said, it's a reference to A Streetcar Named Desire. You know, just to show off my intelligence in my irrational state.
Ok, back to bed, and dreams of......crushes who were promised to the princess of Somewhereville at birth to end 200 centuries of war between- I mean, grapes. Dreams of grape.
Wrenched just exactly like the way it pained and writhed in your chest when you found out that the current crush of your life likes someone else/doesn't like someone with characteristics like you/doesn't like your race/just started dating someone... not you, DUH!/hates YOUR guts/has been promised to the prince/princess of Somewhereville at birth to end 200 centuries of war between...oops wrong story/insert another reason in which said crush will never go out with you.
YES! It really feels like this. I can understand guys' attachments to their cars now. WHY?!?!
"STELLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"*
*In case you're wondering, this is not the name of my car...although it could work, but what's the point of naming her when I have to give her up in a few days. It's adding fuel to the fire. That said, it's a reference to A Streetcar Named Desire. You know, just to show off my intelligence in my irrational state.
Ok, back to bed, and dreams of......crushes who were promised to the princess of Somewhereville at birth to end 200 centuries of war between- I mean, grapes. Dreams of grape.
Sunday, August 02, 2009
Toronto Times
Things I'm looking forward to doing once I'm back in the T.O.
1. Swing Dance.
This goes without saying, but there, I said it.
2. Strolling through Queen St. West on a sunny day.
And included in this of course is hitting up the White Squirrel and Tealish.
3. Exploring the Annex with my awesome sidekick, JD the camera, and mini Redd.
4. Chilling out at Ashbridges Bay.
Mayhaps a game of beach volleyball?
5. Hitting up Balzac's at the Distillery district.
6. The Tempest at High Park
7. Paint
1. Swing Dance.
This goes without saying, but there, I said it.
2. Strolling through Queen St. West on a sunny day.
And included in this of course is hitting up the White Squirrel and Tealish.
3. Exploring the Annex with my awesome sidekick, JD the camera, and mini Redd.
4. Chilling out at Ashbridges Bay.
Mayhaps a game of beach volleyball?
5. Hitting up Balzac's at the Distillery district.
6. The Tempest at High Park
7. Paint
Saturday, August 01, 2009
Five Good Things [California Edition]
1. Wasabi
My favourite Japanese restaurant on this continent. (Thus far.)
2. The West Coast highway
We're doing it again this year with bigger and better cameras.
3. Sesame and Sugar
My silly dogs.
4. Duchess
My fat cat who sleeps in the sink.
5. The best for the last. My parental unit.
My favourite Japanese restaurant on this continent. (Thus far.)
2. The West Coast highway
We're doing it again this year with bigger and better cameras.
3. Sesame and Sugar
My silly dogs.
4. Duchess
My fat cat who sleeps in the sink.
5. The best for the last. My parental unit.
Hermit
After six weeks of carousing with loads of fun people, living an hour by hour schedule it's good to hole myself up in my parental units' home and veg. The introvert in me is jumping up and down, doing cartwheels, waving flags and blowing on whistles at the prospect of a week of silence and solitude. W00T!!!
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