Wish

You know what I wish I could shoot?

A real, authentic, traditional, no holds bar, Hindu wedding.

Oh, the vibrant colours.

I would have a field day.

Now...THIS is a Fantastic Engagement Story and SHOOT

Cheyenne Schultz Photography

I have decided that this year for my birthday I am going to have a Princess and the Frog birthday party with everything Princess and the Frog. Cake, plates, napkins, balloons, and have a dress code of green. And even ask for a Princess and the Frog doll.

My guy friends probably won't want to come....but I'll probably end up doing a joint party with S.A. again. So that'll take care of the boys, but this, THIS party will happen.

Stuck In My Head

Such a cute song!

Merry Christmas

[We] who walked in darkness have seen a great light;
[we] who dwelt in a land of deep darkness, on us has light shined...
For to us a child is born,
to us a son is given;
and the government shall be upon his shoulder,
and His name shall be called
Wonderful Counselor,
Mighty God,
Everlasting Father,
Prince of Peace.
Of the increase of His government and of peace there will be no end.
On the throne of David and over His kingdom,
to establish it and to uphold it
with justice and with righteousness
from this time forth and forevermore.
The zeal of the Lord of hosts will do this.

ISAIAH 9:2, 6-7

CRAP! I Just Ate My Prince?!

The Scene: Dinner at one of my aunties after spending the afternoon watching The Princess and the Frog. My auntie waltzes in with a stack of pizzas, one of which is BBQ chicken by special request... mine.

Auntie L.H.: "Guess what Shell, they had BBQ chicken. What my baby niece wants my baby niece gets."

Me perking up at the opportunity: "How about Prince Charming?"

Auntie L.H.: "Except that."

Me: "I guess I'll just have to start kissing frogs."

[Amphibians that is, not creepy humans. Too bad that we already had Kermit and his friends for dinner a few nights ago. That is exactly why the princess in the Princess and the Frog would never be Chinese. She'd eat him before he ever got his kiss.]

Auntie L.H.: "No, you just need to start hitting up more bars. That's where I met my Prince Charming."

[Please note: that my auntie is one of the sweetest non-sketchy women out there, but she actually did meet my uncle at a bar. He happens to be a very godly man. A great husband and father. Good-looking too.]

Me: "I'm going to quote you on that!"

Auntie L.H.: "Don't tell your mom I said that."

Cousin S.S.: "Just stay away from the New Mexico [something] toads."

California Sun

I'll Tell You When You're Older

I am going to invest in a shotgun...for my [yet to be born] baby boy(s) because apparently little girls growing up these days are getting predatory too.
[EDIT: In retrospect, I realize I'm going to become one of those dreaded mom-in-laws. Before they get married anyways. I'm ok with that.]

Yesterday I found out that my ten year old cousin got asked out by a little girl.
On the phone.

My brain exploded.
[Apparently another parent of tween sons banned phone calls from girls because the little girls were pursuing like no tomorrow.]

WHAT?! EXCUSE ME?! My precious 'lil cousin!
There are so many things wrong with this picture that I don't even know where to start.

Like the fact that ten year old girls are asking boys out? Dude, I couldn't even make eye contact with my crushes until university much less utter something more coherent than "hi". I'm still working on coherency, but I digress.

I attempted an intervention.

Keyword: attempted.

How do you explain to a boy of ten that...
he doesn't want a girl who is forward like that?
[She had chutzpah in asking, I'll give her that, but it also means other things as well...]
he shouldn't settle for her just because she asked him out?
he should pursue and persevere for the girl he likes...eventually?
[Because TEN is way too young.]
he wants a girl with character and that personality doesn't equal character?
he wants a girl who loves Jesus too?

I tried, and he asked "why?"
And I said, ask me again in six years, and I'll tell you.

But time is of the essence. I have influence now. How to wield it?

[And poor little girl. What influence does she have in her life that's made her so forward? I can only imagine the boy drama to come. Groan.]

And They're Up!!!

The family shots are in:

Chance James Photography

I like. A lot.

:)

Beloved

I am in Arizona, and a part of me already doesn't want to leave. It's like this every time. Here's to hoping there's no tears on the 26th.

Words of Comfort

Dad: S. do you have a headache?

[I was sprawled out in shotgun with a grimace on my face.]

Me: Noooo....I'm just queasy. I want to ralph again.

Mom: That's ok, even if you do, you have nothing left in your stomach.

[The night before was spent kneeling on ice cold tile floors retching into Mr. Toilet $20 worth of the best sushi you can get on this continent.]

There you go pragmatic words of comfort.

I Feel Validated...

by my dog.

For someone, she only sees twice a year, Sesame still trusts and loves me.

[Awwww...]

Of all of our pets, she's the least pleasing to the crowds. With wolfish ears and a dark stocky build, she's pretty intimidating to newbies at our house whereas Sugar's the dumb blonde that likes everyone. The [smarter] guard dog of the home, Sesame's wary of strangers. So it's pretty amazing to me that she still recognizes me and not only that, wants me to pet her belly. (If you've ever read White Fang or Call of the Wild, you'll know that showing the belly is a big sign of trust and submission.)

Then today when we were at the dog park for the first time with bigger dogs, she would hide behind me expecting me to protect her. Ahh...so much for the intimidation factor, but it felt sweet to be "in" with her.

Pet Peeve

"Christmas" songs, where the singer [usually, a girl] whines, I mean, sings about how all she wants for Christmas is some guy.

GAG.

It makes me want to hurt them.

Stuck In My Head

and in my heart. I want my wedding to be a fun one.

Quality Time With My Mom

CONTEXT: Lunch at my favourite sushi place and I just complained about my mom nagging me.

Mum: "Just you wait and see, if you don't end up nagging your kids, then my name isn't Zhou (Her maiden name)."

Me: Pause. "But your name isn't Zhou." (Her name is Jacobs now.)

Mum: Silence. Then she starts back peddling.

Me: 1 Mom: 0

CONTEXT: Working at Starbucks. I'm on my laptop. She's doing a cross stitch. There is a hyper little boy looking over her shoulders and peppering her with questions.

Mum: He's so annoying.

Me: But you want grandkids. This is good practice.

Mum: They won't be like this.

Me: You never know.

Me: 2 Mom: 0

Hehehehehe....

Mother and Daughter

I've always resisted taking pictures with my mom. I don't know why. But no more. This is the photographer that's going to do our mother and daughter shoot.

Chance James Photography.

Best Christmas present ever. She loves the sentimental stuff. And you can't over water pictures. My dad killed my birthday present to my mom when she went to China. BOO! That was an expensive pot of plant, man.

I hate the green-eyed monster within. Hate it. Go away.

There are moments in my life where I think, "WOW, this is like a scene from a bad movie."

Five Good Things Travelling Edition

1. Free Wi-Fi
2. Getting a row all to myself
3. Live music in the airport
4. Good conversation with the person next to me
5. Getting to the destination

Savor It Now

There have been multiple times this past week while cuddling with someone else's baby or playing with somebody's toddler, where I've thought, "Ok, Lord I'm ready to be a mummy. I want to have a little bundle of joy reach for me and call me, 'mama'. Yup, Lord, any day now......any day."

And then, I get home, and I'm bumming around doing my 'single ladies' thang. Running my show. Living it up.

Then God's like, "savor it now, instead of wishing it away."

Five Good Things

1. Bollywood Songs
Because anything that can bring a cheshire cat smile to my face during the gloom of winter deserves to be on this list.

2. Bubble Baths
With French Vanilla Toasted Almond bubbles.

3. A Slow Morning
Nothing like a slow morning to rejuvenate me. Bumming around in PJs, cooking breakfast, dancing.

4. Inspiration
Hits you at the most random times.

5. Community
Mhmm...

An Open Blog Post to the World or Rather...

In the case of the unfortunate individual who may be mistakenly assigned as L.L's roommate at Winter Conference.

Please note:

That you might suddenly find your luggage in a different room from which you had settled into because...

I am the type of best friend who will get L.L. in some form or fashion, with or without consent, consciously or unconsciously to give me her room key, go inside, pack your luggage, move it into MY room, and move my stuff into yours with or without your knowledge and or consent.

That is all.

Next Summer

This is what I may be looking forward to next summer...

my birthplace:



and this...

one of my dream vacation spots:



Airfare and accomodations: FREE. Courtesy of family, friends, and aeroplan.

It's a Slow Process

At this point I am averaging two new words per Bollywood movie. And that's not even learning how to say them. Just being able to understand it. So at this rate.....I'll be conversationally fluent hearing wise...WHEN? Hahaha.

Man, I feel sorry for those that have to learn a new language as adults. I'm glad I learned 2.5 as a kid when I did.

Stuck In My Head

Courtesy of Mr. K.M., Miley's number one fan.

"The List"

(Almost) every girl has their laundry list of what they want in a future boyfriend/husband. Some frivolous, some decent. Back in high school, I had the "six inches" rule. The guy had to be at six inches taller so that I can wear three inch heels and have three more inches to spare. So he had to be at least six feet. Because you know, how can he possibly be a good husband if I dwarf him when I wear my sizzling stilettos?

But I think this is a better list that was posted on Girl Talk.

They write:

One of our readers wrote Nicole to ask:

“I’d love to hear how your parents counseled you all through your various relationships and into engagement. Specifically, how did they guide you in guarding your hearts? What did they tell you to look for in a husband? And how—with three different men and three varying courtships did they counsel each of you differently about the actual process of those courtships?”

Over the next several days, each of the girls will recount her personal journey of falling in love with the man who is now her husband. In the process they hope to answer some of these questions. But first we thought it would be helpful to talk briefly about courtship; specifically, I want to answer the question of what we taught our daughters to look for in a husband and then elaborate on that a little bit.

To consider this topic, I want to draw from the chapter entitled “When It Comes To Courtship” from our book, Girl Talk. Now, by no means will this post contain a thorough study of God’s Word on the subject. I will merely attempt to offer a few points of biblical guidance that I hope will be helpful.

C.J. and I sought to provide our daughters with a “list” from Scripture of essential qualities that should characterize any man desirous of pursuing them. These qualities included:

“1. Genuine passion for God. The greatest commandment is to ‘love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind’ (Matt. 22:37). A mere profession of faith is insufficient. A godly man will consistently display love, obedience, and increasing passion for the Savior.

2. Authentic humility. ‘This is the one to whom I will look,’ says the Lord, ‘he who is humble and contrite in spirit and trembles at my word’ (Isa. 66:2). Your daughter will marry a sinner—that is certain. But if he is a humble and teachable sinner who is quick to repent, then he will be sure to grow in godliness. This humility will also be evident in his love for and submission to God’s Word.

3. Love for the local church. At the center of God’s plan on earth is His church. A young man must be pursuing fellowship and serving faithfully in a local church if he is to make a good candidate for a husband.

4. Biblical convictions about manhood and womanhood. A successful marriage is due in large part to a couple’s grasp of their respective roles and responsibilities. A potential husband must be committed to complementary roles found in Scripture. He must be ready to embrace his responsibility to love and lead his wife. (Eph. 5:22-25).

In addition to comparing the young man to this list of essentials, we also helped our daughters evaluate God’s commands to wives. From Scripture we asked our daughters the following questions regarding the young man each was considering:

-Do you fully respect this man the way a wife is called to respect her husband?
-Can you eagerly submit to him as the church submits to Christ?
-Do you have faith to follow this man no matter where he may lead?
-Can you love this man with a tender, affectionate love?
(1 Cor. 11:3; Eph. 5:22, 33; Col. 3:8; Titus 2:4-5)

Again, this list of qualities and questions is not exhaustive. However, it provided clear, objective, and biblical criteria to assist our daughters in determining God’s will—whether or not they were meant to join their lives with a certain young man.

The conclusion to this chapter appropriately sets up the courtship stories to follow: “Each courtship, whether or not it ends in marriage, is its own unique journey. But God has provided all the wisdom that we need in His Word.”

Boymongoose

Five Good Things

1. Bumming around at home for a WHOLE day.
2. Finally finishing admin that's been left around for a looooong time.
3. Sunshine.
Not that we've been having a lot of it.
4. Lots and lots of Bible reading.
5. Bright light bulbs.

Change

I want a new hairstyle. This is the one that I want, but it's going be a long time coming. Another year at the very least? Do I have the patience?

Christmas Wish List

Addendum: I was and still am fully convicted of my rabid materialism before writing this down, but the things were floating in my head and I just wanted to put it down. I am reevaluating my wants.

Starbucks
1. Berryblossom White Tea
2. Any ceramic mug
3. The reuseable tumbler that looks like the tumbler they use for their iced drinks.
4. Gift Card
5. Matte Red Double-Walled Stainless Steel Travel Mug

Music
1. Glee Cast 1
2. Glee Cast 2
3. Any U2 CD that's not "No Line on the Horizon" and "How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb."
4. Marie Antoinette Soundtrack
5. Neyo- Closer


Movies
1. Hero
2. Elizabeth
3. Marie Antoinette
4. Into the Woods
5. Pride and Prejudice (Keira Knightley)

Books
1. A [GOOD] Winston Churchill Biography
2. How the Caged Virgin Sings by Ayaan Hirsi Ali
3. Payback: Debt and the Shadow Side of Wealth by Margaret Atwood
4. The White Man's Burden by William Easterly
5. An Imperfect Offering by James Orbinski
6. PostSecret by Frank Warren
7. Sartorialist by Scott Schumann
8. Canon Rebel XSi Companion Book
9. National Geographic: The Photographs By Leah Bendavid-Val
10. National Geographic Ultimate Field Guide to Photography: Revised and Expanded by National Geographic

Scents
1. Ralph Lauren- Blue
2. Ralph Lauren- Ralph
3. Tommy Hilfiger- Tommy Girl
4. Victoria's Secret- Love Spell
5. Gap- Dream

Make Up
1. Cargo- Sunset Beach Blush
2. M.A.C. Lipstick- Diva
3. O.P.I.- Gold Nail Polish

Educational
1. Rosetta Stone Software [French]
2. Rosetta Stone Software [Spanish]
3. Rosetta Stone Software [Japanese]
4. Rosetta Stone Software [Arabic]
5. Rosetta Stone Software [Hindi]

(Can you imagine if I became fluent in all these languages? I'd be able to go ANYWHERE in the world. ALMOST.)

Hi-Tech
1. Adobe CS4 Premium Design Suite
2. Light Room Software
3. Canon Wide Angle Lens
4. Apple Time Capsule
5. iMac

Pies in the Sky
1. Piano lessons to get me all the way up to grade 10 and beyond.
2. A grand piano
3. All expenses paid trip to Greece and Italy.
4. A loft downtown
5. A Flute
6. An authentic, thorough chinese/indian/thai cookbook in english.
7. Baby blue mini cooper
8. A new tattoo on my right foot.
9. All expenses paid trip to Gion, Japan and insider access.
10. Bono

Top Five Movies According to ME

I never really wanted to try to list my top five movies because I can't remember all the movies that I've seen, but I figure if it's going to be good enough to make it to my top five, it should at least stay in my memory. So here we go.

My criteria:

1) Watchability- Is this something that I would watch over and over again? Because there are great movies out there that I wouldn't. Like, Passion of the Christ and Schindler's List, just to give a few examples.

2) Visual Experience- As an artist myself, cinematography, videography, colours, settings, and costumes make a deep impression on me, and so influences my movie experience.

3) Plot- Is it entertaining? Does it have a point? Does it tell a story well?

In no particular order:

1. Hero
Great plot. Gorgeous visuals. Especially loved the way the story was told and how colour schemes were incorporated into that. Genius. It took my breathe away.

2. Ocean Eleven [Remake]
Love heist movies. There's just something about watching the plan come together and then executed. Throw in some quirky characters and humour, and we're set.

3. Italian Job [Remake]
Ditto the above. Plus there's the chase scenes with the minis.

4. Elizabeth
She was my favourite female historical figure growing up. I ate up biographies of her. Kapur and Blanchett did a fantastic job of bringing the intricate and complex personal and public life of Elizabeth I to the big screen. Oh, and the costumes? Ahhh...

5. Marie Antoinette
I know, there's people throwing rotten tomatoes at the screen right now for me even mentioning this. I just have to say that it gives a different perspective of the controversial and hated queen. I thought it was brilliant the way it showcased the coming of age of Marie in a pressured, volatile, sometimes hostile, and very privileged environment. It was well done. Oh and visually? A candy shop for the eyes.

Honourable Mentions
These were not listed above because of "watchability".

* Lord of the Rings by Peter Jackson [Too long]
* Life is Beautiful by Roberto Bellini [Too depressing]
* Water by Deepa Mehta [Too depressing]
* Moulin Rouge by Baz Luhrmann [Too sad]

I don't like movies with sad endings.

I'm Looking Forward To

1. Snuggling with my mummy and my aunties.
Sometimes I just want to be held, and feel protected. Gotta fill up on the physical love tank whilst I can. It only comes around two times a year.

2. Being daddy's little girl.
Who doesn't want to be treated like a princess and have (almost) every wish and whim fulfilled?

3. Sleeping in.
Way too many early mornings this semester. I lack sleep.

4. Running. Every. Day. In the sun.
And with that time to do more things than just running. Like crunches. Hello abs of steel. The only thing I'm worried about are those pesky snakes that wander around Arizona. They are to Tucson, as squirrels are to Toronto. BLEH.

5. Mama's cooking.
To die for. I want to say, THIS time I will learn. But let's be honest, it's been seven years since I moved out, and really, when has she let me in the kitchen besides to wash the dishes?

6. Girlie dates.
With my blonde blue eyed cousin S.S. and our 'lil bookworm J.H.
Starbucks and bookstores. Perfect combo.

7. Family dinners.
Ahhhh..... The joy of eating with family. What a rare treat.

8. Tex Mex food.
My mouth is watering right now.

9. Wasabi.
THE best Japanese restaurant on this continent. Well, out of the ones that I've been to anyways. This year I'm going to bring J.D., and take some pictures with the 50mm to show you guys how BEAUTIFUL the rolls are. Literally, a work of art.

Hmm...a lot of food entries. I like my food. I guess I'm a foodie.

10. Our mother-daughter photoshoot.
This is my brilliant Christmas present to my mom. We've never had a real photographer take our photo so I'm looking to book one for when I get back to Fresno. Very sentimental.

11. Playing Ticket to Ride with the family.
Hello competition and trash talk with the uncles.

12. Rocking out on Rock Band with my 'lil cousin D.H.

13. Girl Talk with D.H.
He's in like grade 4, and such a cutie. He tells me all his crushes. It's adorable.

14. Shopping.
It's the states, and I split two pairs of my favourite jeans. 'Tis time to shop.

15. Reading.
Have barely read this semester. Groan. I feel my mind growing stupider. I don't think I even finished a book. No. I did. WHEW. Had a moment of panic there.

16. Going to movies with the family.
And there are sooo many funny ones coming out.

17. Watching Casino Royale on the big flat screen. Did I mention BIG?
James and I have a standing date.

18. The pets!
Duchess my cuuuuuute cat. I'm looking forward to playing with her the most because she's clean and compact. My dogs smell and do not lend themselves to being carried easily anymore. Last time I tried to lift Sesame, I could barely get her paws off the ground.

19. The presents.
My mom brought me back a Chinese tea set from China. And there's something that I asked for, for Christmas, that I hope I get....

20. Extended time with the Lord.
There's a silver lining to not having any friends when I go back home.

Speaking of CHA-RAC-TER. One of my friends has one of the sweetest husbands. And that's only one of many posts about her husband. Here's to character, ladies. Cheers.

Because Girls are Superficial Too...

You know guys are given a hard time for being superficial when it comes to the opposite gender, but if we're really honest, girls are really superficial too.

The Scene: While watching New Moon:

"Ooooo...he's CUTE! And I think he's around my age? Uh? Shelly, he's 17. You're 24. That's SEVEN years older." CRAP.

The Scene: After the movie.

Friend: "I would totally throw myself off a motorcycle for a guy like that to take his shirt off for me."

Me: {insert train of thought from duration of movie.}

Friend: "Crap. I take back what I said about the motorcycle, but not really."

Later on...

Friend: "24 and looking at younger men..."

Me: "And so it starts."

(It = cougar tendencies.)

So this is all to say, Bollywood and New Moon are doing nothing for me and having realistic expectations.

Public Service Announcement:
Men in real life do not usually have eight packs. Nor are their chests usually meticulously hairless and oiled. You want character. CHA-RAC-TER. Repeat continuously.

Read My Mind

~ "Yay for globalization."

~"There are downsides to having Bollywood soundtracks on your iPod. Like having to constantly to fight the urge to burst into song and dance when in public."
I was shooting downtown in the middle of Front Street on a median with cars flying by on both sides. It was tempting to pretend that I was in the middle of a Bollywood flick. Luckily, I don't know Hindi because by now I might be committed to a mental institution."

~"Mother-in-laws are scary, scary people in general."

~"Bacon."

~"CRAP. I think I left the oven on with the baked potato in it. Is my apartment still standing? (Mental image of oven exploding into flames) .....Well S.A. looks like she got stuff from our place before church so I think we're good."
The apartment was still standing, but the potato was not edible.

~"I wish my heart would catch up to my mind already. I hate the 18 inches from head to heart. Why does it always have to play catch-up in everything?"

~"We are going to finish this movie just to see the love story."
Me, alone, sans brown roommate, 30 minutes into Jodha Akbar, a Bollywood movie that lasted for a loooooooooooong time with TERRIBLE subtitles that were misspelled, mistimed, grammatically incorrect, and for the most part completely nonsensical. I guess my stubbornness comes in handy for some things......

Stuck In My Head

This is what happens when you live with a brown person.
Girls' night = four hours straight of watching Bollywood movie clips. We just wanted the songs. Still have yet to finish one movie.

Anyhoot I wish I found one with English subs, it's actually quite a funny song.

I find that the state of my room often reflects the state of my inner life.

Good Bye Stella and Other Ponderings

I've been flip flopping back and forth between selling Stella and then between selling her and just parking her. What finally decided it was realizing that if I were ever to go overseas I'd eventually have to sell her so I might as well sell her now.

It was a bit sobering to follow through on the going overseas train of thought. I've always said that I'd only move out of my apartment (barring any other unforeseen incidents) if I got married or if the Lord called me overseas.

Looking ahead, marriage isn't in the foreseeable future as much as I would like it to be. I joke with my mentors that it's very obvious that God wants me to be single. Some staff women marry the first single guy that joins their team. I've been on a team with four single guys for a year and a half now. Ratio-wise I am the envy of single staff women everywhere. I joke that single staff women staff across the country are probably thinking, "What the heck is Shelly doing in Toronto? Spraying man-repellant? In case you're wondering, I rotate between Ralph Lauren- Blue, Ralph Lauren- Ralph, Tommy Hilfiger- Tommy Girl, Estee Lauder- Beautiful Love, Victoria Secret- Love Spell, and Victoria Secret- Endless Love. Avoid at your own discretion.

But I digress.

Going overseas on the other hand definitely has potential in the near future. I mean it was my initial intention in joining staff even though I didn't end up going. Nevertheless it has always been on my mind, and a possibility, but the last three years it's been more on the backburner. Now that I'm halfway done my third year in Canadian ministry, I've been slowly evaluating where I am and where God wants me to go.

Do I stay in campus ministry? This one was easy. YES.
Do I stay here in Toronto or do I move? Stay, for now at least...

Recently a friend, asked me "What do you want to do with your life?"

It caught me off guard to have the question that's been bouncing between the walls of my head verbalized and spoken out loud.

I want to reach the unreached.
I want to leave a legacy.
I want to live radically.

But I don't know how that will pan out. Is it possible to know?

Then there's that insidious fear lurking in my heart. Fear of what it will cost me. Oh, me of little faith.

Prautes

During my Day Alone With God yesterday I looked up the word "gentle"(a la Matthew 11:29, Galatians 5:23) in Greek because that is an area I am sorely lacking in.

It turns out PRAUTES means:

Meekness, expressed not in a man's outward behaviour only nor in his relations to his fellow man or his mere natural disposition, but expressed rather as an inwrought grace of the soul, first and chiefly directed towards God.

I was really surprised by the fact that's it's not our mere natural disposition which was what I was inclined to think.

It goes on to say...

That attitude of spirit in which we accept God's dealings with us as good and do not dispute or resist.

Wow. Now there's a tall order. I can't think of one instance where I've completely accepted the Lord's dealings with me without ANY dispute or resistance. There's always some whining on my part.

After some reference to Greek philosophers it finishes off with...

Prautes is not readily expressed in English since the term meekness suggests weakness, but prautes is a condition of mind and heart which demonstrates gentleness not in weakness but in power.

It is a virtue born in strength of character.

Don't you hate how a lot of things in life are easier said than done? Yeah, me too.

Words of Wisdom

"Just go watch Twilight and fall in love with some pale faced dude."

My best friend, ladies and gentlemen.

You Know There's Too Many Starbucks When...

THE PLAN: Meet B.M. for coffee before small group at Starbucks at Yonge and Eglinton at 5:30pm

Simple enough right?

Wrong.

It took me 30 minutes and running back and forth between two Starbucks multiple times to figure out there's another one around the corner where B.M.'s actually at.

So today I asked myself:

"When are you going to stop doing idiotic stuff?"

And in reply, self answered wryly:

"When His Kingdom comes."

Touche.

I'll never fully idiot-proof myself in all areas of life as much as I would like to. So I'm just going to work on outwitting the idiot in me, and doing damage control.

All that aside, thank goodness there's grace.

*Breathe of relief.*

The Plant Killer Strikes Again

So Paris, my orchid, named after Paris Hilton, yes that's right I named my plant after Paris Hilton, because she is finicky, is turning brown after one week of no water. One week! She's only suppose to be watered on a weekly basis. I've been so good all these other weeks, but after one week she goes brown on me. Not just any brown...she has to shrivel too. It's starting at the top, and it's slowly spreading down like gangrene. There goes my hopes for ending my spree as a serial plant killer. Sigh.

On the bright side, if she dies before Christmas I won't need a plant sitter......

AND I'm glad I tested my mettle before I went out and splurged on this other really exotic and expensive orchid that I saw.

So Uninspired

Have had such a lack of inspiration lately. I've been wanting to draw, paint, design, shoot, and make, but my creativity is clogged like a stuck sink. Sucks for me because I need to do artsy fartsy stuff to feel rejuvenated. Here's to hoping dancing will help tonight, and that Sleeping Beauty on Saturday will act as a creativity draino.

Five Good Things

1. Cute chubby babies and their cheeks.
(If I have kids I want REALLY CHUBBY BABIES.)
2. Peeing after holding it in for a long time in very cold weather.
(Too much information? Too late.)
3. Cooking and dancing party.
(It works. Put something on the stove, and then dance away while it cooks.)
4. Actually looking forward to going home for Christmas.
('Tis an answer to prayer.)
5. Experiencing the joy of the Lord.
(And not being depressed during the dreary winter months.)

Something Explodes

When I listen to this song, joy wells up and explodes into awe.

Back to the Vomit

If I, myself were standing outside of my life and looking in, I would first, slap myself a few times, and then sit me down for a good talking to.

Oh silly girl, I thought we learned this lesson already?
VERY well, in fact.
But no, it seems we have forgotten and as a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats her folly. (Proverbs 26:11)

What a glutton for punishment, I am. Why do I maltreat myself?

I am so frustrated and so tired of this.

There's something to be said about "being understood". When a person knows when to listen, when to talk, when to comfort, when to rebuke, when to validate, when to push back, when to laugh, when to sympathize, when to joke, and when to be serious, and when to tell you to shut. your. face.

I really miss my best friend.

The right to be ridiculous is something I hold dear."
~ Bono, U2

Amen, brother, AMEN.

Five Good Things (About Today)

1. Chillage with the BFF and the BF of the BFF on Queen St. W.
I adore playing third wheel with couples that don't make me feel left out.
2. Kari Mee and Laksa (Malaysian noodle soups)
I am plotting the next taste...
3. Making friends with store owners with my mandarin.
It's nice to dust the cobwebs off my mando.
4. Getting fresh supplies to make jewelry.
I've been wanting this one necklace that goes for $60. But why buy, when I can make it for much, much, less?
5. Trying on a SWEET jacket at Old Navy, but not buying it (yet).
It looked SO good on me. Like it was made for me. I need to learn how to sew.

Ahh...

Bluewick Jasmine Soywax Candle

The most natural man made jasmine scent I've ever smelled. It's like having a jasmine blossom right under your nose.

Mhmm...jasmine.

Five Good Things (To Come)

1. An evening in with a chick flick.
2. Brunch with a dear friend.
3. Jogs
4. Photography
5. Church

Come weekend, come.

Household Fun

SJ: Where's the cheese grater?
Me: Your ma---. Crap. I was going to say your mom's a cheese grater.

Filler convo.

SJ: I won't kill you if you tell me where the cheese grater is.
Me: It's somewhere.
SJ: Somewhere?
Me: It's somewhere in the kitchen.

--------------------------------------------------

SJ: We need an ugly naked guy like Friends.
Me: We DO!!! (Gestures across the way to the other building.)

Later on...

SJ: We're like Friends on estrogen without the crazy sex lives.

Stuck In My Head

Mhmmm.....

Martha's Vineyard roadtrip memories...

Pet Peeve

Able-bodied men (or women) that take the elevator DOWN from the second floor.

Five Good Things

1. Vanilla, Cinnamon, Nutmeg French Toast
2. Comedic Plays
(Somewhat regretting the fact, that I'll be seeing two tragedies next weekend.)
3. Laughing out loud, a LOT
4. Road Trips
5. Skipping down a main street at night.
(Yes, I actually did this. Quirky, I know.)

White Noise Part 3: Loneliness

"Few things have the power to make us feel as sorry for ourselves as loneliness. We feel marooned, cheated. Everyone else in the world seems to have somewhere to go, someone to be with, something to enjoy. We alone have been excluded. We simply want to wallow."
~ Elisabeth Elliot
Passion and Purity

Did she read my mind and my heart? Because those are my sentiments exactly.

Sometimes I cry like Rachel, "Give me a [husband] or I shall die." Because the ache of loneliness seems unbearable.

It would be hell on earth to have no one and no family to belong to when all my friends are married off and starting their own families. I tell the Lord that I don't think I can stand it, and so He MUST give me someone. And thus what is a good institution, marriage, and a godly desire for it has become corrupted. In my mind the "saviour" to my hell on earth, is marriage and a husband. Since I have elevated my desire for marriage to a status above the Lord, because the Lord MUST serve that desire, I have turned it into an idol. Who I truly worship isn't the Lord.

But, logistics aside, who am I to demand of the Lord,
WHAT I want, (Marriage!!!)
WHO I want, (Oh, God, PLEASE let it be HIM, PLEASE. PLEASE. PLEASE. Yeah, I've been there. Multiple times.)
and WHEN I want it. (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW.)
Toddler in a toy store, anyone?

A few weeks ago I was shooting a wedding for a co-worker. As we were walking back to our cars after the shoot with the bridal party, I was hit with that pang of loneliness during a moment of quiet reflection. Everyone was paired off. Everyone had someone, belonged to someone. I was the only one that was alone. The odd one out. Funny how some of the loneliest moments are when you're around others. That shoot was bittersweet.

"Lord," I cried in my heart, "I'm lonely...I don't know if I have the strength to walk through life alone."
And His still, small voice replied, "I will walk with you."
He offered Himself.
There was no promise of a husband in the future.
There was no promise of no more pain.
Just the promise of His Presence,
yet I was comforted.

Because ultimately Jesus satisfies and loves fully and completely. He is better than any man.
Which man could and would go through the agony of the cross for me?

Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I
desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.
Psalm 73: 25-26

It daunts me to imagine being single for the rest of my life, but I'm learning to take it one day at a time. As a wise woman once shared with me, "today I am called to be single." Never mind the next 5, 10, 15, 20 years. Today I am called to be single, and He will give me my strength for today.

I'm slowly learning (again) to pray as Elisabeth Elliot once did,

"For my loneliness, Lord- Your strength.
For my temptation to self-pity, Lord- Your strength.
For my...longings for [marriage], Lord- Your strength."

The Girl Effect

Click HERE first, and watch before reading the rest.

Got it?

Watched it?

What do you think?

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Fascinating, eh?
While it's true that women are even more marginalized and as a group in general more "underdeveloped" than men, the girl effect is still focusing on treating the symptoms not the root cause, the cause mainly being the broken nature of a human's heart. At the same time, it breezes through many social barriers that will be in the way of the "girl effect". In most places where women are neglected and undervalued, the society's beliefs, value of and treatment of women has been deeply entrenched that it won't easily be overcome by human effort. Again, treating symptoms and not cause. It also ignores the complex world of development. The marginalization of women isn't an isolated issue in an isolated context. There's many socioeconomic, political, religious issues that entangle it in a web. It's a good draw to get people interested in social justice, but there's danger in creating apathy and cynicism when it fails to deliver what it promises, namely an easy solution to the world's problems.

Treat the symptoms and the CAUSE.

If I was sick, no doctor will just give me the medicine to stop the running nose, cough, without giving me something that will also stop the infection.

White Noise Part 2: Who Do I Look To For My Affirmation as a Woman?

I'm going to be honest, on my default setting, it's not Jesus.

It's easy to see from my insecurities (see Part 1) and the circumstances from which they arise that I expect to be validated by a man not Christ through his love.
The thought process goes something like this:
If a guy thinks I'm awesome, this being reflected by him "choosing" me out of all the women out there, and loving me then I really must be awesome. If no one's asking me out then it follows that something's wrong with me even though the Lord accepts me as is.
(Appropriate) affirmation in the from of love a man while not inherently bad has become an idol in my heart because it trumps affirmation and love from the Lord.

Does the gospel apply to this?

How does the gospel apply to this area of my life?

It has taken awhile for head knowledge of the gospel to trickle down to my heart. It has been hard for me to allow myself to open up my heart to the Lord because of my family background. There's a part of me that thinks that His unconditional love and acceptance is that of a distant, aloof Father, but His love is more than that. He pursues. He woos. He loves like no other.

He chose me.

Out of a country of a billion people, few who have the opportunity to hear the gospel, He brought me to the West so that I could hear it, and respond to it.

Blessed be the Father and God of our Lord Jesus Christ who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as He chose us in him before the foundation of the world that we should be holy and blameless before Him. In love He predestined us for adoption through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of His glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved.
Ephesians 1:3-4

When I ran from Him even after I responded, He wooed.

And the Lord said to me, "Go again, love a woman who is loved by another man and is an adulteress, even as the Lord loves the children of Israel, though they turn to other gods and love cakes of raisins."
Hosea 3:1

How many times have I turned to other gods and loved other things? Countless. Yet He persists in loving me.

For I am made through Him and for Him.

Here is Love.

White Noise Part 1

Ladies, I write this for you.

"It's been said that the core need of a woman is to be wanted and pursued...Regardless if it is by design or default, the result is that women in almost every culture and age have a great felt need for emotional connection and intimacy in relationships, and apart from the ramification of sin in the world and their lives, most are motivated to find that connection with a man. That need is the white noise of a woman's life. It's always there. This is especially true for women ages 18 to 24."
~ Betty Churchill
Postcards From Corinth

This year turned up the white noise in my life. Now don't get me wrong. The white noise has always been there, and I've enjoyed my singleness with it in the background, but this year the volume just jumped.

My singleness, which at one point in time brought security and comfort to my mum, became a major source of stress and worry for her this year, stress and worry, which in turn trickled down to me, upping the volume. The slew of weddings, engagements, new relationships all around me added even more to the noise. I was happy for my dear friends, most definitely, but turning 24 after 9 dateless years with no date on the horizon gave strength to that little voice that asked..."What is wrong with me?" that no one's interested?

...

And other malicious voices quickly rushed in to answer with lies:

"You're too strong."

"You're not feminine enough."

"You're too loud."

"You're not soft enough."

"You're too assertive."

"You're not demure enough."

"You're too funky."

"You're not gentle enough."

"You wear too much crazy make-up."

And so on, and so forth.

Really? Is there actually something wrong with me?
(Intellectually I don't believe so, but the heart still has misgivings.)

It makes me wonder is God still in control?
Do I honestly, truly believe that the Lord is sovereign?
How does the gospel apply to this area of my life?

And this, this ladies, is where the rubber meets the road.

Elisabeth Elliot missionary to the Auca Indians in South America once wrote in her book, Passion and Purity, that "the love life of a Christian is a crucial battleground. There, if no where else, it will be determined as to who is God: the world, the self, and the Devil, or the Lord Christ."

As I've struggled with the white noise over the last few years, I realized there were and are a few key heart issues.

Who do I look to for my affirmation as a woman?
What do I expect to really satisfy me or rather what am I really worshipping?
Do I really believe that God is good, and not only that, but good to me?

I'm slowly learning to apply the gospel to them.

To be continued...

STEAL

Four plays worth $396.79 for $49.

WHAT. A. STEAL.

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum,
The Importance of Being Earnest,
Macbeth,
and
West Side Story,

Beautiful, sweet, romantic Stratford,

HERE I COOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMME.

I love dates with the Lord and James Dean the SLR.

It's a Record

In the past month and a half I've managed to accrue a grand total of EIGHT tickets. :(

The stereotype of a female Asian driver lives on!

Over the Speed Limit

Yet again, I've pushed myself beyond my limits. My body drags for want of sleep and alone time. I don't think I've chilled by myself for 8 hours since August. Will I never learn?

I think I'm going to self-enforce a curfew now a.k.a. discipline.

9pm Weeknights.
12am One Weekend Night.

Five Good Things (That I'm Looking Forward To)

I NEVER look forward to winter, but for some reason this year I am.

1. Peppermint Mocha @ Starbucks
2. A day of Saturday shooting in the cold, and then ducking into one of my quaint coffee shops for a steaming mug of delicious hot chocolate and a relaxing quiet time with the Lord.
3. Shoot in a blizzard when the entire city grinds to a complete halt because of the snow.
4. Ice Skating. I am determined to learn this year.
5. The holiday cheer.

The Beauty of the 50mm 1.8

For pictures from apple picking go to my flickr.

There Are Days...

And shall I pray thee change thy will, Father,
Until it be according to mine?
But no, Lord, no, that shall never be, rather,
I pray thee blend my human will with thine.

I pray thee hush the hurrying, eager longing,
I pray thee soothe the pangs of keen desire,
See in my quiet places wishes thronging,
Forbid them, Lord, purge, though it be with fire.

And work in me to will and do thy pleasure,
Let all within me, peaceful, reconciled,
Tarry content my Wellbeloved's leisure,
At last, at last, even as a weaned child.

~Amy Carmichael
As quoted by Elisabeth Elliot in her book, These Strange Ashes

The Weight That Hinders

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. (NIV)

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us...(ESV)

Hebrews 12:1

These days when I run, I carry only two things;
1) my iPod
2) my spare set of keys because it's just two keys not a whole whack load of jangling keychains.

I use to carry my water bottle with me as well, but even my 500ml was too much of a weight. Sometimes even carrying the iPod is irksome as I jog. I've stripped myself down to the bare minimum; laying aside every weight that hinders... because it just made sense.

Which made me wonder during the Toronto Zoo run if I've done that spiritually.
Someone once wrote that not everything that hinders is a sin.

What in my life is an unnecessary weight that is hindering me?

"I wish I had my leg hair."
~me
At the end of our Toronto Zoo Run yesterday when we were standing around for the awards ceremony, and I was wearing shorts.

The PDF of Running

Running was never on any of my to do lists, and it was never going to be on any lists because running was painful, (it still is!), and it required; Perseverance, Discipline, and Focus. I would've never believed you in a million years if you had told me a month ago that I would be going out of my way to work running into my busy schedule so that I could run on average 15km+ a week. I never thought that I would be even able to run 5k much less do it on a regular basis. This again just goes to prove the point "never say never."

Yet now I enjoy running for the exact same reasons that I detested it in the first place, Perseverance, Discipline, and Focus. It requires these three qualities, and at the same time it hones them. Running teaches me to mentally persevere when the going gets tough and when every step of the way I want to quit and walk. It makes me get up early in the morning so I can actually get a run in, and that forces me to be disciplined with the rest of my schedule. But best of all it makes me focus on the Lord.

For some reason when I run, it puts my life into perspective in the big scheme of things. Christ becomes first, and all the little idols of my life melt away. At the same time I can't run long unless I am focused on either breathing properly or on God. It's fascinating. I can't daze off. Can't daydream. I have to focus.

It still baffles me. I'm still trying to figure out what flipped the switch, but I'm loving it.

The Apostle Paul knew what he was talking about when he used running analogies in the New Testament.

Hebrews 12:1 kept me going at the tail end of my first race yesterday.

On Second Thought

I would feel really bad if the prank wasn't so much a prank as much as it was a "here's a nice thing to do." EEK.

Five Good Things

1. My small group. Love, love, LOVE them.
2. Runner's high.
3. Being the official favorite staff member of someone I don't disciple. :P
4. Free henna. SO preeetttttttty.
5. Reviving plants instead of killing them.

Birthday Prank

This is what I found in my purse the day after my birthday.



In case you can't read it, it says:

"Happy birthday! Love your secret admirer. xoxo"

Siiiiigh. It's not even just "like", it's "love". Not only that, I also got two hugs (x's) and two kisses (o's). And, AND, JUST look at the box that it came it. It must have cost...at the very least, $5 in total. It wasn't dollar store for sure! No, because I'm too good for dollar store gifts.
Be still, my heart. I'm floored. Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh. AGAIN. [sic] :P

You might wonder if the the thought that this isn't a prank ever crossed my mind...

According to my expert friend K.V. since it wasn't a dead animal left on my doorstep, it definitely doesn't fall into the admirer category, which leaves us with just plain prank.

So this is what I get after I entrust my personal belongings to friends because I didn't want to lug around heavy bags downtown whilst celebrating my birthday... :P

I'm not so much curious about whodunnit, but ...WHERE they actually bought the lipstick holder. And yes, it's a lipstick holder. I wasn't quite sure what it was until I saw the little tag on the box. It said:

ITEM# 0029BG
6"H CREAM VELVET LIPSTICK HOLDER
(c) 2005 POPULAR CREATIONS
A Division of Popular Imports
S. Plainfield, NJ 07080
Made in China

It's like from the days of Pride and Prejudice. I can't believe that THEY STILL SELL THESE THINGS?!

Quotes

From the funny to the wise.

"You guys boil beans and then call it a dessert."
~A.S. referring to the Chinese people's red bean soup.
In its defense, it's GREAT. I make it ALL the time.

"Attraction is a funny thing."
~J.C. on how it's quite difficult that two people would be attracted to each other at the same time, at the RIGHT time.
I wholeheartedly agree.

"Don't enjoy something that's not yours."
~E.L. on guarding your heart.
Touche.

Success!

4.6km in 38 minutes.

I wonder if I can shave it down to 30 by this Saturday???

Stuck In My Head

Perspective

There's something about being away that gives you new perspective on life.
Now to keep that perspective when I return to Toronto.

Between Friends

L.L.: Why don't you watch the office?
Me: Because it frustrates me?
L.L.: Evangelism is frustrating sometimes, but you still do it.
Me: Evangelism is Biblical. The office isn't.
L.L.: How do you know? There was a Bible quote in it the other day.
Me: It's a Biblical mandate to evangelize. It's not a Biblical mandate to watch the office.
L.L.: Maybe it's in there.
Me: Well you find it and let me know.

A few minutes later...

Me: I'm going to blog our conversation.
L.L.: You should just watch another one.
Me: No, I refuse.
L.L.: You're just being stubborn.

I concur.
And will continue to be stubborn.
Smile.

Random Thoughts That Were Floating in My Head From My First Wedding Shoot

FYI: We got up at 5am and pulled a 17 hour day without any coffee. Keep this in mind.

* Do NOT forget the camera. Whatever you do, do NOT forget the camera.

* To Lydia: I'm just waking up...the pictures are getting better.
(This is 3 hours later.)

* I'm so hungry.

* Foooooooooooooooooooooooooooood.

* Note to self: if you are ever getting married, don't do an early morning wedding.

* Wow, there must be hundreds if not thousands of dollars worth of makeup in that little suitcase.
(That the make-up artist brought along.)

* I decapitated the groom!!!
(I broke the head off the groom cake statue by accident.....they glued it back on. Apparently it had broke before.)

* I can't wait to go to Starbucks for a coffee and a breakfast sandwhich.

* Note to self: lanterns are pretty.

* This is rather bittersweet.
(At the bride's entrance.)

* Thank God I can't understand French that well, I'd be so distracted from shooting.

* I hope I'm not blocking anyone's view.

* Errr....I hope I'm not flashing anyone. I forgot these jeans were low rise.
(I had to squat a lot.)

* Should've worn flats that didn't match the outfit. It's kind awkward walking around in these heels.

* I hate this lighting, I hate this lighting, I hate this lighting, I hate this lighting...
(I hate fluorescent lighting.)

* One word: ELOPE.
(I don't really want to elope, but during the middle of the day, I did.)

* Sleeeeeeeep.

* Mhmmm...McDonald's. I'd get a Big Mac meal and a Filet O'Fish meal. And fries. Mhmm...fries.

* Note to self: You'd have to do pictures before the ceremony for an afternoon wedding. Have a morning wedding, but plan in nap time.

* When can I get seconds?
(After finishing my meal at the lunch reception.)

* I'm impressed. My reading skills in french aren't that bad considering the little attention I paid in class in high school.

* Fall weddings are soooo pretty. Too bad, I'll never have one.
(Staff blackout dates.)

* If I had good lighting all the time, my life would be perfect.

* I can't wait to go to bed.

* I've still a loooooooot to learn.
(Pondering my pwnage by fluorescent lighting.)

* Should've been born Quebecois. They're loud, rowdy, and fun. I'd fit right in. Instead of being shamed for it.

* Sleep. I want to sleep. SLEEP!

24

Really?

...wow.

I definitely don't feel like it.

Already?

Even though there's only one year's difference between 23 and 24, I feel like there's a significant change between 23 and 24.

I feel the need to stop dinking around, and actually grow up now.

No profound thoughts.

Just, let's get it together now and go hard.

My Old Man

Just got an email from my (step) dad. My real dad for all intents and purposes.
You know your regular email, trying to encourage me in work and in life. It brought tears to my eyes.
I miss my daddy.
2.5 more months until home.

Good Morning Sunshine

This is what I wake up to:

Happy Birthday To Me

Yesterday my doctor gave me my next three months worth of antidepressants.

Thank you doctor and Jesus.

That was around $200 worth of meds. Hello!

The asian in me, is purrrrrrrrrring.

Still Very Much Enamoured

I have finally found a band worthy of my unending love, admiration, and devotion.

Oh U2.

I've listened to the No Line On the Horizon album nonstop since the concert a week and a half ago. Man it seems so much time has passed since, but it just gets better and better.

My favourite lines from the album.

"Every beauty needs to go out with an idiot."
~ I'll Go Crazy If I Don't Go Crazy Tonight

"Hey, sexy boots. Get on your boots."
~ Get On Your Boots

"Stop helping God across the road like a little old lady."
~ Stand Up Comedy

"Stand up to rock stars, Napolean is in high heels
Josephine, be careful of small men with big ideas"
~ Stand Up Comedy

Ok, granted some of them, fine, all of them are weird taken by themselves, but the way Bono enunciates the words combined with the Edge's guitar... it's just great.

Let's see now...last time they were in town, it was three years ago. So assuming it's going to take them three more years to come back, it'll be in 2012. All the more time to save up for a prime ticket. Mhmmm. Mhmmmm. Mhmmm

Five Good Things

1. Good deals at Value Village.
2. Playing chess with roomies. We're keeping a log too.
3. Fondue.
4. Buying myself birthday presents.
5. After church service traditions.

Awkwaaaaaaaaard...

Setting the context: S.J. and I are playing chess.

S.J.: "Is it raining?"
Me: "You're raining."
S.J.: "Your face is raining."
Me: "Your Mo-...Sorry."

Taking Grace For Granted

I hear it all the time.
God is gracious.
His grace is unlimited.
By His grace...
The word grace or some version of it is thrown around so often that I've taken it for granted.
"Yeah, of course, God is gracious. That's who He is."
Grace becomes assumed, expected, and undervalued.

But I forget the cost of grace. The pain of it all.
I forget what has to be endured and born so that grace can be extended because someone has to shoulder the consequences.
I forget until I have to give grace myself.

Grace is not easily given to others.
Grace is painful to give.
For me.
And more often than not it needs to be given, again and again, and again.

How much more painful it is for God.
How much more magnanimous is His character in this light.
How much worthy of praise is He.

Renege

Still selling Stella. Sigh.

In other news. I did 2.5 km in my second run since....high school?
5km is not looking so intimidating anymore.

AND, I've decided to train with C.K. for a triathlon next summer.

Stella, How I Love Thee

Stella, I love you.
I can't believe I thought that I could live without you.
You've been so good to me these past eight years.
Steady, loyal, and trustworthy.
We've been through so much.
Ups and downs.
Good and bad.

I shan't try to leave you again.
We'll stay together for better or for worse.
In sickness and in health.
I promise to take you to your regular oil changes so that God-willing it's more health than sickness.
Through recessions and booms.
The insurance premium is bound to go down next year when I hit 25. We'll figure something out.
'Til death do us part.
Hopefully not in a car accident.

I'm keeping my car.

Fall Feast

Being born one day and one year after someone on the staff team means that I have to share my birthday glory. Sigh. :P
S.A. and I are having a fall birthday bash with our team. I'm so excited.

Potential Menu

Main Dish
Shepherd's Pie
or
Stew, Dumplings with Fresh Bread

Side Dishes
Roast Squash
and/or
Stuffed Squash
and/or
Root Bake

Dessert
Hand Made Scones
Fresh Apple Crisp- made with handpick apples.

Drink
Apple Cider

Five Good Things

1. Dance parties
2. Dufflet cakes
3. U2
4. Sunrises
5. Friends that you can call anytime, anywhere about anything.

I'll Go Crazy If I Don't Go Crazy Tonight

Epic.

Prone to wander, Lord I feel it...
Prone to leave the God I love...

......

Take my heart Lord. Take and seal it. Seal it for Thy courts above.

Mama's Recipes

C.K. always told me that someone told her it's a bad idea to try your mother-in-law's recipes because it'll never taste as good to your husband. Duly noted, but heck, it's bad enough trying MY mom's recipes especially since she cooks by taste and not by specific detailed recipes. Her recipes fall along the lines of "use some of this, some of that, and some of that... until it tastes right." Right.

The first thought after the first bite is always, "doesn't taste like mum's".

Tonight I made the BBQ spare ribs, chives- actually leeks with eggs, miso soup, and red bean soup. All for the first time, and all of which, were mummy's recipes with the exception of the miso soup. But then there's also something to be said for trying to duplicate something from a restaurant.

They weren't bad. It wasn't like when I first started cooking, and the first edition of everything went to feed the garbage, but it definitely wasn't mum's or the restaurant's.

Only the red bean soup tasted close to mum's.

But it didn't taste like crap, and L.W. was well fed and thought I should make a good pastor's wife. So I'm content.

Tomorrow: The Chicken Soup. Also a first a edition.

Tornado

Just remembered this song from high school tonight. Another sad one, but one of my favourites.

What's For Dinner

I know I'm recovering from burnout when I have a higher capacity and desire to cook. Having two friends over on different nights, and hosting a potluck this week. I'm serving:

Monday Night:
Sweet and Sour Spare Ribs (Alliteration not intended)
Chinese Chives and Eggs
Rice

Friday Night:
Handmade Wonton Soup
or
Orange Flavoured Porkchops
Stir Fry
Rice
(Haven't made up my mind yet.)

Saturday Night Potluck:
Five Spice Chicken Wings

For Myself For the Week:
Silken Chicken Soup with Bean Sprouts

Hodge Podge of Thoughts

1. Free movie, free mints, and free popcorn make a good night.
Saw Precious for free at the TIFF last night. Also got two boxes of free mints. Enough to last me until TIFF '10. Plus a bag of free popcorn. Post regarding Precious to come in future.

2. Blogging is relaxing. I forgot about this. Yeah for freedom of speech.

3. "Boys are oblivious only when they want to be." - L. Low
True words. Approximately a month before I see her awesomeness.

4. Everyday needs a dance party.

5. The scent of Fall is in the air, and I love it because it makes me feel like I'm in love. There's just something about fall. Definitely more of a romantic season than Spring. Sorry Spring.

6. Am really liking iced teas. Looking forward to making a plethora of iced teas even in the winter. So far have made raspberry, and white blueberry team. Mhmm.....

7. Am really getting into Soviet and Afghani history, the result of watching the Trotsky and reading A Thousand Splendid Suns

8. Loving Google earth. Fun times.

9. Really need to get on that church membership application that I started, but never completed three months ago.

Whiners Are Wieners

Well I'm going to be a wiener and whine about this pain around my left ear which has now spread to my jaw.

It started two weeks ago and has gotten progressively worse. Saw the doc last week, who diagnosed it as an ear infection and gave me antibiotics and ear drops.

It didn't work. It's worse now.

Now in all my paranoid compulsive hypochondriac brilliance here's what I think may be possibly wrong:
1. Persistent earache
2. TMJ (Temporomandibular joint disorder) Go google it.
3. Wisdom tooth.

It's not so much painful as annoying because it inhibits my eating. I mean c'mon. Of all things, how dare you mess around with my FOOD?! If this persists I will have to raid the fridge of friends with toddlers and steal their baby food.

I Gotta Feeling

That this year's going to be a good year.

So It Starts

This morning I "started" my "training" for the Toronto Zoo run, and by training I mean, actually starting to run for the first time in goodness knows how long. And by started I mean, my body woke me up and wouldn't go back to bed so I had nothing else to do.

Other than that, it was great. The chilly air, the silence of the morning as everything's slowly rousing from slumber, the cramps that started kicking my sides after five minutes.

Ok, maybe not the cramps.
It was freeing though to bolt down the streets. It felt like flying.

This could be the start of a new romance.

...


Ok, that would be pushing it. The start of a symbiotic relationship then.

Temper, temper

I had naively thought that my temper had slowly dissipated over the years.

Nope.

Still there. Sigh.

Still got the RAWR in me.

What This Girl Wants

Well ladies and gentlemen, it's that time of the year again.
The leaves are turning, the air is starting to chill...
It's birthday time.

And in good capitalist fashion, here's my birthday wish list just to indulge in the materialistic side.

Fail Proof
1. H & M scarves
2. Starbucks mugs
3. Urban Decay makeup
4. Sushi
5. Art supplies

Here and There
1. iPod earbuds
2. Body Shop Scented Oil Burner. (The metallic ball one.)
3. Urban Decay Brown Eyeliner
4. Mika's album from 2007
5. Ansel Adams Photography Books

Pseudo Swede (Ikea)
1. Black "Lack" Bookshelf
2. Large Black Ribba Frames
3. 4" by 6" Black Ribba Shadow Boxes
4. Large Glass Vase
5. Black and White Floral Fabric to re-upholster my chairs

Flower Power
1. A pot of jasmine
2. A pot of orchids
3. Gerbers
4. Giant sunflowers
5. Black roses

Pies in the Skies
1. Adobe Creative Design Suite Premium
2. Rosetta Stone in French
3. Canon 50mm 1.8f Lense
4. Apple Time Capsule
5. Pearl Earrings

Unplanned

Sometimes the sweetest moments in life are the unplanned ones.
My original plan for tonight was to show my car, go home, read my pile of library books (a post in itself), and turn in early.

I ended up shooting the breeze with P.J. in the middle of Yonge street with a pink bum because I had planted (pun intended) myself in the middle of a bed of pink and purple flowers on the median, with cars zooming by on both sides of us. For two hours we chatted about what else? Guys and God. Because whenever there's talk about guys, there's always talk about God.

It was so sweet and memorable, sharing our heartaches and hopes, fears and feelings under the streetlights, while enjoying one last summer night before fall.

Tonight was impressed into my memory.

Five Good Things

1. Pao Fan
A chinese rice porridge concoction using leftovers. Basically, rice, water, whatever leftover you have, BOIL, and STIRR. It's GREAT, I swear.
2. Stilettos from the Aldo outlet
3. Accountability
4. My family away from family: the Kenyons
5. Chinese BBQ

TIFF 2009

The TIFF, another reason why I love being Torontonian. It's one of the world's top four film festivals depending on who you talk to. Woot.

My Top Five TIFF Wish List

1. Cooking With Stella
I knew I recognized the director's last name when I saw it. He's Deepa Mehta's brother! That and the fact that Lisa Ray's in this movie sold me on it. AND it's Canadian.
2. Whip It
Ellen Page in Drew Barrymore's directorial debut about a girl who enters a roller derby
3. Good Hair
Chris Rock's documentary on black women's hair. I'm thinking this will be like Russell Peter's commentary on Indian culture?
4. Men Staring at Goats
George Clooney and Ewan MacGregor. Need I say more? The premise sounds pretty out there, but funny.
5. What's Your Raashee?
Bollywood. Period.

Oh, and I hope The Trotsky wins the People's Choice Awards. So clever, funny, and CANADIAN.

The other movie that I saw at the TIFF was City of Life and Death. It was about the Japanese invasion of Nanking.
Graphic.
Its images still disturb me every time they flit through my thoughts. The rape scenes were....

Hopefully some free passes to Israeli films this week will erase those mental images. Although as B.M. said, it's good to watch things that make you feel uncomfortable. Not rape scenes per se, but films that deal with somber subjects.

Seize the Day

The last time I auditioned for something was back in university. There hasn't been anything to entice me since due to a lack of opportunity. Add on to that, the memories of the few auditions that I went for and bombed, and whatever incentive I would have had to audition dwindles. In fact, I can't recall a single audition for a show or a dance troupe that was successful.

Nevertheless this Tuesday night I'm going to stick my neck out to audition for a all girls swing dance troupe. I haven't taken any of the lessons or know any of the choreography so I'm going in cold turkey. I don't have all that much confidence in my dancing skills (see above paragraph), but the possibility of maybe making it and being a part is enough to tip the scale in the favour of going for it. If I make it, I get to perform and compete.

After all what have I got to lose? As my high school motto says, "carpe diem!"

Here's to hoping.

Five Good Things

1. The Reservoir Lounge
Fabulous jazz music and great ambience.
2. The men on my staff team.
I appreciate the ladies too, but the guys deserve a shout-out of their own.
3. Holding and cuddling cute chubby babies.
4. Page CXVI
Love her rendition of old hymns
5. Cleaning
It's so therapeutic.

Shooting the Breeze

Self- Conscious

I really don't like it when I butcher people's names. It makes me so self-conscious. The fact that I'm Asian doesn't really help matters. I almost feel as if I SHOULD be able to pronounce (insert name that I can't pronounce here) because I am of non- white descent. Fortunately I have offended no one. (That I know of anyways.)

Frustrated

Weariness burns the inside of my eyes like peroxide. And I should know because I accidentally placed contacts lenses soaked with solution containing peroxide in my eyes multiple times this summer. It hurt.

But that's what it has felt like for the past few days, and it's not for a lack of sleep. I've gotten my fair share of 8+ hours of sleep a night plus some major nap time in the afternoons, but lucidity still eludes me. I walk around in a haze of fatigue.

I had thought that my energy was returning to me this summer, but I guess I was wrong. With the increased pace of my life, my energy has dissipated even faster.

And I am very frustrated to the point of tears.

Because there are so many things that I want to do, that I would be able to do, if I was just healthy.

Recovery is taking too long...or so I think.

All the while I wonder, where is the gospel in this? How should I be preaching it to myself?

Overdue

I think I'm due for a good cry one of these days.
A nice, long, heaving, snotty, sob session that leaves you unable to breathe evenly, and perhaps a few hiccups to finish it off.
You know, just to relieve some stress and frustration.
[For all the guys out there, it's a good thing. Trust me.]

Deep breath in and...

SIGH.

......

There are too many days where I become so consumed with my life and my issues that I lose the bigger vision and the wider perspective.

I need to clear my mind.

Tonight...

Tonight,
the stress wears, the fatigue irks, and life weighs heavy for minute reasons.
solitude is desired, but loneliness pierces.
the heart sighs.

Jon and Cheryl ENGAGED! Part One

Stuck In My Head

Songs that are currently stuck in my head:

1. Keri Hilson- Knock You Down
2. Shakira- She Wolf
3. Lady Gaga- Paparazzi
4. Jordin Sparks- Battlefield
5. Beyonce- Ego

What Not To Do...

Ladies, you know the drill.

There's this guy friend that you're interested in, but there's no overt signs that he's into you. i.e. Like him actually having the chutzpah to tell you so and him pursuing you. There's the way that he looks at you and the way he says your name (or so you think), but officially there's nothing going on. You're "just friends". So you stick around, talking to him late into the night on {insert your favourite mode of instant messaging here}, hanging out one on one all the time, and so on and so forth, pretty much being the dude's pseudo girlfriend, all the while hoping that one day he'll wake up to the revelation that you're a goddess. Ok fine, at least to the fact that you're great for him, and THEN FINALLY he'd ask you out.

I know, because I was there too.

Flashback: 2003, Dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeen.

'Twas the summer before university. Met the boy on my dragon boat team. Long story short, I talked to him EVERY night until 3am. When school started I would drive 40 minutes one way every weekend to see him or I would drive 40 out of my way to pick him up so we could go back to Toronto together. We hung out one on one, a LOT. In essence I was his pseudo girlfriend.

As our "friendship" progressively moved beyond "just friends" without any definition of the relationship I got impatient, confronted him, and received a "Let's just be friends" in return. (Don't do this either. If he doesn't have enough chutzpah to define the relationship, he's not worth your time.)

I spent a day and a half bawling at a friend's place before I could drive back to Guelph safely. Then I spent the next three months crying myself to sleep every night. Was that TMI?

Moral of the story?
Don't be a pseudo girlfriend.
i.e. Don't spend so much one on one time hanging out with a guy hoping he'd eventually ask you out.

Why?
Because it's dumb. Yeah, you heard me dumb. Harsh, but true, but it's tough love.
Why would anyone pay for something he already has?
In other words why would he take the risk to ask you out and commit to you when he already has unlimited access to your time, thoughts, company, and person? Because by being his pseudo girlfriend, you're giving him ALL of that without any need for commitment in return. SCORE! For him at least. Not so much for you.

Because in doing so you have just shot yourself in the foot, not once, not twice, but thrice. Assuming the goal is to enter into a meaningful relationship that has the potential to lead to marriage...

First Shot: You have now taken away any incentive for him to ask you out.
Second Shot: It now seems to other guys that you're totally into this dude so you've taken away any incentive for them to ask you out.
Third and Final Shot: You're wasting your time on a guy and a relationship that's not going anywhere.

So I know it's tempting when you like a guy friend, to spend every possible waking moment in his presence, hanging on to his every word, and etc...but DON'T DO IT. Whatever the reason you think it is for him not asking you out, you're probably over-analyzing. Don't hang on to it, and don't be a pseudo girlfriend. 'Tis not worth it.

Go read: Girl's Guide to Marrying Well
This is my second plug. It's THAT good.

Gentlemen, here's a link to your guide.

Five Good Things (That I'm Looking Forward To)

1. Girls' day out.
Kayaking up north with J.C. at her cottage.
2. Drive in movies.
Two for the price of 1/2 of one. Uber cheap.
3. Girls' night out with my brown girls and brown food.
Good friends, good food, and Shakespeare. It doesn't get any better than this people. Does not get any better than this.
4. The Hinzelque.
One of my favourite events of the year. Hello monster ball!
5. The beach.
Guess where I'm going on my day off?

Jon and Cheryl ENGAGED! The Ring

How Not to Marry a Jerk

Frustrating.

That is the one word I would use to describe the process of trying to get married. It's like trying to navigate a mine field. There is no map. There is no trail. Just a lot of confusion, emotions, and awkward moments. Thankfully, oh so thankfully and to my relief, there is a sovereign God, wise mentors, and Boundless' mini mag on how to marry well. In its intro, Candice Watters writes:



Most women hope to marry, but for many, it's not happening like they thought it would. It seems too far away, or too unlikely, given the men they know and those they're meeting. Some wonder if their standards are too high. Others suspect all the good men are already taken.

I can totally relate to this, and a whole slew of other worries.

Written for young women, it covers topics from how to be intentional about getting married to purity, involving Christian community in your selection of a mate, and what it means to be compatible in a Biblical sense. Young men would still definitely get something out of it too. It's Biblical, practical, and easy to read. Highly recommended. Two thumbs. Up.

Jon and Cheryl ENGAGED! Sneak Peek

First Dance

As a wannabe wedding photographer, weddings are always on my mind.

THIS would be such a good first dance song....except for the fact that it's in mandarin and the lyrics. He's talking about breaking up. But! Oh the melody and his voice. (He's Christian too!!!) There are rare times when I'd want to marry Asian. This is one of them.

The Sillies a.k.a. The Pets

Reason for moniker: They all do incredibly silly things.

Silly #1: Duchess
Family: Felis Domestica







Silly #2: Sesame
Family: Canis Familliaris



Silly #3: Sugar a.k.a. The Dumb Blonde
Family: Canis Familliaris