The first step is the tricky part.
FIRST, contract bronchitis. Whether it be viral or bacterial is of no significance. You can loiter in hospital corridors hopefully or sleep with the windows open with an industrial size fan blasting your face or anything else that you can concoct. Whatever. You just need to get bronchitis.
SECOND, wait for the innocent tickle in your sternum that is a precursor to the loud hacking, dry gagging, body rocking, convulsive bouts of coughing coming your way.
THIRD, do not take any cough syrup or antibiotics to maximize workout duration.
When you dread the next bout of coughing because of the accompanying pain that ripples through your abdomen you have successfully completed the bronchial ab workout.
*Side effects may include limited speech abilities, weird looks from strangers in public, ostracism in Toronto because people think you have SARS.
Friday, July 11, 2008
Saturday, July 05, 2008
Thursday, July 03, 2008
And THEN the Car Stopped Working...
and stopped dead on, in the middle of the exit ramp of the underground parking garage. Go figure. The rear wheel had been squealing the whole time in the garage, but hey it worked...until we hit the incline.
LUCKILY! I, in my profound wisdom and foresight bought a premium CAA membership back in December in preparation for such damsel in distress moments as these, so patting myself on the back I quickly called CAA- only to find out that they could not and would not tow a car whose license plates have expired, which presented quite the conundrum because guess where I was going?
To Canadian Tire.
To have my car checked and re-certified so that my plates would be a-ok again.
At this point, panic was starting to rise a little bit, but BEHOLD! there is another company who would be very willing to tow me for a small fee, which just happened to be slightly over my debit card's limit. DOH! And seeing how I was just mugged oh...16 hours ago, that was not enough time for my brand new spanking credit card to arrive in the mail.
Cue emotional and nervous breakdown. Joking. Sort of.
Me + Car Trouble = Agony
I needed help. Badly.
I mentally scrolled through my list of trusty Torontonian friends only to realize that those who can actually help in a practical manner are all out of town...except for a saint named J who called around to look for other towing companies with no success who then called upon another saint, Ethan.
While all this was happening an angel in the form of a helpful man drove through the garage and actually stopped to help. GASP. Whereas four or five cars before just drove on past. A modern day Samaritan that man was.
He not only got my car out of the precarious position it was in, but got the rear wheel to start working again. The axle apparently was stuck.
Providentially a parking spot opened up nearby and I was able to park permanently and most importantly SAFELY, laying to rest my imminent plans to stake out my car tonight.
Ethan helped me figure out a plan of action for tomorrow, and I returned to my apartment relieved.
LUCKILY! I, in my profound wisdom and foresight bought a premium CAA membership back in December in preparation for such damsel in distress moments as these, so patting myself on the back I quickly called CAA- only to find out that they could not and would not tow a car whose license plates have expired, which presented quite the conundrum because guess where I was going?
To Canadian Tire.
To have my car checked and re-certified so that my plates would be a-ok again.
At this point, panic was starting to rise a little bit, but BEHOLD! there is another company who would be very willing to tow me for a small fee, which just happened to be slightly over my debit card's limit. DOH! And seeing how I was just mugged oh...16 hours ago, that was not enough time for my brand new spanking credit card to arrive in the mail.
Cue emotional and nervous breakdown. Joking. Sort of.
Me + Car Trouble = Agony
I needed help. Badly.
I mentally scrolled through my list of trusty Torontonian friends only to realize that those who can actually help in a practical manner are all out of town...except for a saint named J who called around to look for other towing companies with no success who then called upon another saint, Ethan.
While all this was happening an angel in the form of a helpful man drove through the garage and actually stopped to help. GASP. Whereas four or five cars before just drove on past. A modern day Samaritan that man was.
He not only got my car out of the precarious position it was in, but got the rear wheel to start working again. The axle apparently was stuck.
Providentially a parking spot opened up nearby and I was able to park permanently and most importantly SAFELY, laying to rest my imminent plans to stake out my car tonight.
Ethan helped me figure out a plan of action for tomorrow, and I returned to my apartment relieved.
Mugged
Speaking of firsts...
Tonight Lydia and I were walking home from the subway station from the Brooke Fraser concert, and we got mugged.
I am still in shock.
I lost my purse, my wallet, my keys, my makeup, a friend's book aptly entitled Evangelism and the Sovereignty of God, my camera with 2 months worth of pictures from Tanzania, and my ipod.
The thing that I am MOST upset about losing is my two months worth of pictures and the picture of my DG that we took as a family at Sears three years ago that I had in my wallet. Those can never be recovered.
Nothing happened to us physically for which I am really thankful to God for.
Tonight Lydia and I were walking home from the subway station from the Brooke Fraser concert, and we got mugged.
I am still in shock.
I lost my purse, my wallet, my keys, my makeup, a friend's book aptly entitled Evangelism and the Sovereignty of God, my camera with 2 months worth of pictures from Tanzania, and my ipod.
The thing that I am MOST upset about losing is my two months worth of pictures and the picture of my DG that we took as a family at Sears three years ago that I had in my wallet. Those can never be recovered.
Nothing happened to us physically for which I am really thankful to God for.
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
Creepy Man (Canadian Edition)
This year is definitely a year of firsts.
My FIRST proposal happened this year. That would be Creepy Man (Tanzanian Edition). More to come in the next post. But for this post something a little closer to home.
On Tuesday I was sitting at Yorkdale Mall on hold with Fido renewing my service agreement. It was a long hold. There I was sitting, daydreaming, when an old, old, OLD man of about 50-60 with a FULL head of gray and white hair comes up to me.
"Excuse me," he says. "Might I just say how lucky your husband is to have such a gorgeous woman as you as his wife."
I smile awkwardly.
"I'm not married," I respond. First mistake.
"Your boyfriend then."
"I don't have a boyfriend." Second mistake.
"Then if you don't mind me asking how might a man like me get a date with a beautiful woman like you? I treat women very well."
No. way. I just got asked out for the first time in 6 years by a CREEPY OLD MAN with A PICK UP LINE. By this point I was in complete shock and disbelief that this guy had the audacity to approach someone 40 years his junior. It was hard to choke back a full fledged laugh as I told him I wasn't interested or looking.
Then I bolted for the subway. Immediately.
My FIRST proposal happened this year. That would be Creepy Man (Tanzanian Edition). More to come in the next post. But for this post something a little closer to home.
On Tuesday I was sitting at Yorkdale Mall on hold with Fido renewing my service agreement. It was a long hold. There I was sitting, daydreaming, when an old, old, OLD man of about 50-60 with a FULL head of gray and white hair comes up to me.
"Excuse me," he says. "Might I just say how lucky your husband is to have such a gorgeous woman as you as his wife."
I smile awkwardly.
"I'm not married," I respond. First mistake.
"Your boyfriend then."
"I don't have a boyfriend." Second mistake.
"Then if you don't mind me asking how might a man like me get a date with a beautiful woman like you? I treat women very well."
No. way. I just got asked out for the first time in 6 years by a CREEPY OLD MAN with A PICK UP LINE. By this point I was in complete shock and disbelief that this guy had the audacity to approach someone 40 years his junior. It was hard to choke back a full fledged laugh as I told him I wasn't interested or looking.
Then I bolted for the subway. Immediately.
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