here's something i heard in passing at the beginning of project.
"most people don't worry about what will happen to them when they're 60 because by that time whatever could happen has happened." i.e. marriage, divorce, bankruptcy, sickness, deaths, etc...
i would like to adopt this mentality. can't control the future so why worry about it.
Saturday, July 29, 2006
not a linear thinker
it seems like every time i have a meeting with someone i have to start by explaining that "i am not a linear thinker". there's these random thoughts floating around in my head that appear related to me, but does not make sense when i verbalize them to someone else so i often end up confusing people. because of this i wish i had wrote more during project, so that i could see the change that God has been doing in me. i should also try to organize my thoughts so that they make more sense to others.
project is ending in two days. i think i'm in denial. it hasn't really sunk in that in two days people are going to be leaving. project housing is going to be emptier, and there's going to be no more food group!!! (i really like food group! socializing+food. what could be better?)that means i'll be eating cup noodles every night since i don't have to cook for anyone and no one has to cook for me either. it's not going to fully hit until i get back to ontario and then it's going to hit hard.
one way i've been trying to deal with it is starting to prepare mentally for the campus ministry next year. i'm getting really pumped about recruiting for project and summit. september is going to be one crazy month. and i am most definitely looking forward to starting my campus for Christ staff application process.
project is ending in two days. i think i'm in denial. it hasn't really sunk in that in two days people are going to be leaving. project housing is going to be emptier, and there's going to be no more food group!!! (i really like food group! socializing+food. what could be better?)that means i'll be eating cup noodles every night since i don't have to cook for anyone and no one has to cook for me either. it's not going to fully hit until i get back to ontario and then it's going to hit hard.
one way i've been trying to deal with it is starting to prepare mentally for the campus ministry next year. i'm getting really pumped about recruiting for project and summit. september is going to be one crazy month. and i am most definitely looking forward to starting my campus for Christ staff application process.
Sunday, July 23, 2006
food for thought: rethinking the "gift" of singleness
this is definitely a different take to singleness than what i've read in the past few years. i want thoughts and comments PLEASE!
Rethinking the Gift of Singleness
Rethinking the Gift of Singleness
milestone: first friend's wedding
today i went to flora and anthony's wedding with the lovely napier as my most entertaining date.
this is the first wedding that i've been to where i actually have a relationship with one of the people getting married. wowsers. so it starts
it was a really fun ceremony. not too serious, but not flippant either. you could really tell that flora and anthony were enjoying themselves. loved the fact that they used their wedding ceremony to share the gospel. kudos. oh and the personalized vows were way cool and funny too.
afterwards it was so refreshing to hang out with napes and just talk between the ceremony and the reception. so nice to talk to someone who knew me before project and has a history with me so i don't have to explain every little detail of myself to her. i've been down of late with a melancholy, bland outlook on life, and i really couldn't pinpoint it until i talked to napes where she hit it on the dot; "it's lonely at the top".
although i definitely try to be as real as i can with everyone on project, there's just stuff that people don't get. i miss the network of friends that i had back in guelph. friends that i've gone through thick and thin with who really know me because they've experienced me through different things. friends with history.
i also miss the older wiser people i.e. staff/pastors/pastors wife back at guelph who looked out for me and who guided me. i suppose that project is used to train us in leadership, and that's why staff left. although i thoroughly enjoy directing the project, i don't think God meant us to go through life by ourselves. so i guess i learned the importance of being in a church and not just being involved in a parachurch organization where everyone's the same age.
but! i wonder...is it just me? am i just not trying hard enough? am i doing something wrong? what is this?
being lonely at the top is something i've never experienced before. is this what student interns feel like? this is definitely a learning experience. wow so i totally tangented from the wedding, but i guess this is also a milestone in my leadership training.
back to the wedding. had some good times letting loose and just chatting with last year's RMP peeps; making fun of taryn- telling him how if i was his associate director last year i would've laid the smackdown on him; and of course eating some top-notch chinese food. going to an authentic chinese wedding made me want to really get back to my roots.
flora and anthony are a really cool couple. they're so good for each other. it was really cool to see their spunky personality shine through the games and the speeches. just can't explain it. they've got very open and attractive and fun personalities. may God bless their marriage.
oh and loved the dancing, and i caught my third bouquet.
this is the first wedding that i've been to where i actually have a relationship with one of the people getting married. wowsers. so it starts
it was a really fun ceremony. not too serious, but not flippant either. you could really tell that flora and anthony were enjoying themselves. loved the fact that they used their wedding ceremony to share the gospel. kudos. oh and the personalized vows were way cool and funny too.
afterwards it was so refreshing to hang out with napes and just talk between the ceremony and the reception. so nice to talk to someone who knew me before project and has a history with me so i don't have to explain every little detail of myself to her. i've been down of late with a melancholy, bland outlook on life, and i really couldn't pinpoint it until i talked to napes where she hit it on the dot; "it's lonely at the top".
although i definitely try to be as real as i can with everyone on project, there's just stuff that people don't get. i miss the network of friends that i had back in guelph. friends that i've gone through thick and thin with who really know me because they've experienced me through different things. friends with history.
i also miss the older wiser people i.e. staff/pastors/pastors wife back at guelph who looked out for me and who guided me. i suppose that project is used to train us in leadership, and that's why staff left. although i thoroughly enjoy directing the project, i don't think God meant us to go through life by ourselves. so i guess i learned the importance of being in a church and not just being involved in a parachurch organization where everyone's the same age.
but! i wonder...is it just me? am i just not trying hard enough? am i doing something wrong? what is this?
being lonely at the top is something i've never experienced before. is this what student interns feel like? this is definitely a learning experience. wow so i totally tangented from the wedding, but i guess this is also a milestone in my leadership training.
back to the wedding. had some good times letting loose and just chatting with last year's RMP peeps; making fun of taryn- telling him how if i was his associate director last year i would've laid the smackdown on him; and of course eating some top-notch chinese food. going to an authentic chinese wedding made me want to really get back to my roots.
flora and anthony are a really cool couple. they're so good for each other. it was really cool to see their spunky personality shine through the games and the speeches. just can't explain it. they've got very open and attractive and fun personalities. may God bless their marriage.
oh and loved the dancing, and i caught my third bouquet.
Friday, July 21, 2006
100th Post
well this is quite the momentous occasion. according to blogspot this is the 100th post.
the past month or so i've been getting cold feet about going into ministry in general. all these doubts started to rise and nag at me, but God's been faithful and patient with me in getting the head knowledge to become heart knowledge.
the three E's, He's been teaching me.
1. EXPERIENCE
to know God is to experience God. when i was reading Case for Faith, it said that Biblically, the word "know" meant to experience someone or something. for example adam didn't just know eve's name and address, he experienced her. this reminded me of the Lord's command to joshua when the israelites were crossing the jordan at flood season. He told joshua to tell the priests to stand in the middle of the river jordon to stop the river. He promised that the water would stop, but the water would only stop once their feet were in the water, but not before. the israelites experienced God's power.
one of my doubts was "Lord will You provide? i need to KNOW for a fact that You will provide."
so in the same way that the israelites were called to step into the river jordon, i hear the Lord saying to me, take that step of faith, step into the river, and experience My Faithfulness. enter into the support raising process, and then see how He will provide. that's living by faith. He's promised; now take a step of faith to experience that promise.
2. ETERNAL PERSPECTIVE
recently we've been studying the book of 1st thessalonians, and we were faced with the question of what we would do if Jesus were to return in a year, or what we would do if we were to die in five years. now this is nothing new. i've heard it before, but it just hit home all the more with trevor's talk on monday. he was talking about how he's striving to make every moment count of the ten years that the doctors give him because of his cystic fibrosis.
3. EXPECTATION
the other day pri said to me how she couldn't wait to see who i'm going to end up marrying with the expectation that of course God's going to provide one really cool dude. but that's not the entire point. the question of marriage still starts with an "if", and a big one at that, but what i really took away from that conversation was to expect really good and cool things from God. not to say life will be picture perfect through and through, but to expect an epic adventure from God. to live by faith moment by moment according to His will is an epic adventure. i'll never know what will happen next or where He'll lead. i've really learned that i can't plan out the future exactly. i can't even plan out the month of august. my summer plans have changed a lot.
so the lesson? live on the edge.
the past month or so i've been getting cold feet about going into ministry in general. all these doubts started to rise and nag at me, but God's been faithful and patient with me in getting the head knowledge to become heart knowledge.
the three E's, He's been teaching me.
1. EXPERIENCE
to know God is to experience God. when i was reading Case for Faith, it said that Biblically, the word "know" meant to experience someone or something. for example adam didn't just know eve's name and address, he experienced her. this reminded me of the Lord's command to joshua when the israelites were crossing the jordan at flood season. He told joshua to tell the priests to stand in the middle of the river jordon to stop the river. He promised that the water would stop, but the water would only stop once their feet were in the water, but not before. the israelites experienced God's power.
one of my doubts was "Lord will You provide? i need to KNOW for a fact that You will provide."
so in the same way that the israelites were called to step into the river jordon, i hear the Lord saying to me, take that step of faith, step into the river, and experience My Faithfulness. enter into the support raising process, and then see how He will provide. that's living by faith. He's promised; now take a step of faith to experience that promise.
2. ETERNAL PERSPECTIVE
recently we've been studying the book of 1st thessalonians, and we were faced with the question of what we would do if Jesus were to return in a year, or what we would do if we were to die in five years. now this is nothing new. i've heard it before, but it just hit home all the more with trevor's talk on monday. he was talking about how he's striving to make every moment count of the ten years that the doctors give him because of his cystic fibrosis.
3. EXPECTATION
the other day pri said to me how she couldn't wait to see who i'm going to end up marrying with the expectation that of course God's going to provide one really cool dude. but that's not the entire point. the question of marriage still starts with an "if", and a big one at that, but what i really took away from that conversation was to expect really good and cool things from God. not to say life will be picture perfect through and through, but to expect an epic adventure from God. to live by faith moment by moment according to His will is an epic adventure. i'll never know what will happen next or where He'll lead. i've really learned that i can't plan out the future exactly. i can't even plan out the month of august. my summer plans have changed a lot.
so the lesson? live on the edge.
Monday, July 17, 2006
two week notice
two weeks left of project.
one last push. one final power series in DBR jargon. one final hard drive to sprint past and beyond the finish line.
already my heart aches at the thought of leaving; of saying goodbye.
if it was hard saying goodbye after a six week project...how much harder would it be after 3 months together?
but it's cool to see everyone being way more intentional now that we realize the end is coming.
one last push. one final power series in DBR jargon. one final hard drive to sprint past and beyond the finish line.
already my heart aches at the thought of leaving; of saying goodbye.
if it was hard saying goodbye after a six week project...how much harder would it be after 3 months together?
but it's cool to see everyone being way more intentional now that we realize the end is coming.
Friday, July 14, 2006
community
so since i've been crippled...
i've had offers to carry me up the stairs if they could...but they can't. it's the thought that counts.
my roommates got me crutches.
people have been running to get the door for me.
myriam lent me her ankle brace and gave me exercises to strengthen my ankle with.
i've also had many people be human crutches.
and many offers of sympathy.
i love community.
i've had offers to carry me up the stairs if they could...but they can't. it's the thought that counts.
my roommates got me crutches.
people have been running to get the door for me.
myriam lent me her ankle brace and gave me exercises to strengthen my ankle with.
i've also had many people be human crutches.
and many offers of sympathy.
i love community.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
twists and turns
cowboy boots may look really cool, but no one tells you about the perils of wearing them. yesterday i was running to catch the bus in those boots, and i twisted my left ankle. i couldn't walk or touch my foot down for a while after that. i thought that i would walk it off during the day because usually that's how it works, but it didn't. there's even soreness without putting pressure on it.
BUT I'M REALLY HAPPY THAT I TWISTED MY ANKLE!!! because it gives me the much needed rest that i am desperately needing. today i didn't go to work because...well i can't really walk properly so i'm getting some precious downtime and quiet alone in my suite. praise God praise God.
in other news i'm still struggling a lot with the relational evangelism at work. i'm still very discouraged.
*edit*
actually someone did warn me about the perils of running in cowboy boots, zoe. did i listen? noooooo. pride goes before a downfall.
so i went to the doctor, and i'm unfit to work for a week.
BUT I'M REALLY HAPPY THAT I TWISTED MY ANKLE!!! because it gives me the much needed rest that i am desperately needing. today i didn't go to work because...well i can't really walk properly so i'm getting some precious downtime and quiet alone in my suite. praise God praise God.
in other news i'm still struggling a lot with the relational evangelism at work. i'm still very discouraged.
*edit*
actually someone did warn me about the perils of running in cowboy boots, zoe. did i listen? noooooo. pride goes before a downfall.
so i went to the doctor, and i'm unfit to work for a week.
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
about books and things related to books
"one man's garbage is another man's treasure."
thanks to God and pilgrim's books, this summer i've managed to get my paws on "tell it often, tell it well" and "heart to heart about men"; two out of print books highly recommended to me by staff. in terms of book hunting this summer has definitely been a success. w00t!
on another note. i really like bookstores especially chapters and libraries. they're such soothing places except during exam times, but i digress. i've found such a scenic study spot at the mackimmie (do all libbys start with a "mac"?) library here at the U of C. i will miss it. it's a corner spot on the tenth floor with huge windows and a biiiig table where i can totally sprawl out with my books and notes. it's just got an amazing view. i need to bring my camera up here sometime. from my vantage point i can see to the south, downtown calgary with its "skyline" (notice the quotes. i did live in nyc after all.)and rolling foothills with the silhouettes of the rockies to the west. absolutely gorgeous. definitely going to miss it when i return to guelph. sweetest study spot EVER!
thanks to God and pilgrim's books, this summer i've managed to get my paws on "tell it often, tell it well" and "heart to heart about men"; two out of print books highly recommended to me by staff. in terms of book hunting this summer has definitely been a success. w00t!
on another note. i really like bookstores especially chapters and libraries. they're such soothing places except during exam times, but i digress. i've found such a scenic study spot at the mackimmie (do all libbys start with a "mac"?) library here at the U of C. i will miss it. it's a corner spot on the tenth floor with huge windows and a biiiig table where i can totally sprawl out with my books and notes. it's just got an amazing view. i need to bring my camera up here sometime. from my vantage point i can see to the south, downtown calgary with its "skyline" (notice the quotes. i did live in nyc after all.)and rolling foothills with the silhouettes of the rockies to the west. absolutely gorgeous. definitely going to miss it when i return to guelph. sweetest study spot EVER!
and God shows up
everyone dreams of the ultimate evangelism experience; someone coming up to them asking about Jesus.
tonight kathleen and i went to the local wendy's for our one-on-one time. for the first part we were just debriefing about previous events and just getting updated. then in the latter half we started to do our daily devotion together for training and ...well because we both kinda skipped out today. as we were discussing hebrews 11:8-16 (which so happened to be about living in faith...i'll tell you more later)i noticed that the man who was sitting right next to us starting to take an interest in our conversation. out of the corner of my eye i kept seeing him peering over at us. then after awhile kathleen looked over at him and he apologized for interrupting and started talking about how amazing it was to see girls in the west (he's from india) being so interested in God, religion, and spirituality. so i shared a very patchy version of my testimony with him, and we talked to him for a good hour about spirituality. in the end we had to leave because we were kicked out by the wendy's crew. but before we left we got a chance to invite him out to our Jesus film movie night, and he actually said to us that he'd like to learn more of what the Bible says!!! praise God!!!
it was a totally divine appointment because of so many reasons.
1. it just so happened that we were at wendy's at the same time, in the same area when there were only two or three tables taken when he sat down.
2. it just so happened that tonight was the night i was prompted to do a devotion with kathleen instead of something else.
3. it just so happened that we actually did go to wendy's because i was just there like 5 hours ago for another one-on-one, and i was contemplating not going.
4. it just so happened that today i prayed "Lord if You give me an opportunity, i'll share. i'll really share. just give me an opportunity."
5. it just so happened last night that we had a talk about relying on God, on His power to do things, and going in the Spirit..
totally Holy Spirit led tonight. whoa.
it was really really encouraging because:
1. i was really tired of not getting anywhere at work with spiritual conversations. i was starting to force them.
2. for the past week and a bit, my faith has been shaken in trusting God to provide for me, take care of me, and His ability to guide me through tough times, and this man's faith in a god, really challenged me. i don't think that he's wrong in believing that God has brought him through his life even if he doesn't quite know this God yet. i believe that God also brought him through the trials to bring him to canada for a reason.
so i am still awestruck right now. God answers prayers. He's real. He's REAL.
tonight kathleen and i went to the local wendy's for our one-on-one time. for the first part we were just debriefing about previous events and just getting updated. then in the latter half we started to do our daily devotion together for training and ...well because we both kinda skipped out today. as we were discussing hebrews 11:8-16 (which so happened to be about living in faith...i'll tell you more later)i noticed that the man who was sitting right next to us starting to take an interest in our conversation. out of the corner of my eye i kept seeing him peering over at us. then after awhile kathleen looked over at him and he apologized for interrupting and started talking about how amazing it was to see girls in the west (he's from india) being so interested in God, religion, and spirituality. so i shared a very patchy version of my testimony with him, and we talked to him for a good hour about spirituality. in the end we had to leave because we were kicked out by the wendy's crew. but before we left we got a chance to invite him out to our Jesus film movie night, and he actually said to us that he'd like to learn more of what the Bible says!!! praise God!!!
it was a totally divine appointment because of so many reasons.
1. it just so happened that we were at wendy's at the same time, in the same area when there were only two or three tables taken when he sat down.
2. it just so happened that tonight was the night i was prompted to do a devotion with kathleen instead of something else.
3. it just so happened that we actually did go to wendy's because i was just there like 5 hours ago for another one-on-one, and i was contemplating not going.
4. it just so happened that today i prayed "Lord if You give me an opportunity, i'll share. i'll really share. just give me an opportunity."
5. it just so happened last night that we had a talk about relying on God, on His power to do things, and going in the Spirit..
totally Holy Spirit led tonight. whoa.
it was really really encouraging because:
1. i was really tired of not getting anywhere at work with spiritual conversations. i was starting to force them.
2. for the past week and a bit, my faith has been shaken in trusting God to provide for me, take care of me, and His ability to guide me through tough times, and this man's faith in a god, really challenged me. i don't think that he's wrong in believing that God has brought him through his life even if he doesn't quite know this God yet. i believe that God also brought him through the trials to bring him to canada for a reason.
so i am still awestruck right now. God answers prayers. He's real. He's REAL.
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
enough
"if the cross of Jesus Christ is not enough for you, then nothing will ever be enough."
that line hit like a ton a brick this sunday at church. God has really been challenging me on the mini idols in my life that i go towards to make myself feel better instead of going to Him. it's been like the theme of project this summer. also because our first Bible study was on it.
we had our second retreat two weekends ago, and God showed up. you just had to be there, experiencing it to fully understand. and boy does He ever answer prayer.
PRAYER REQUESTS
~ that God would increase and we would decrease as we learn to rely on Him to pull through the final stretch
~ time management and energy. these two seem to be intertwined
~ that everyone would have refreshing quiet times
~ wisdom and insight for me! sometimes i feel like i'm overlooking stuff
that line hit like a ton a brick this sunday at church. God has really been challenging me on the mini idols in my life that i go towards to make myself feel better instead of going to Him. it's been like the theme of project this summer. also because our first Bible study was on it.
we had our second retreat two weekends ago, and God showed up. you just had to be there, experiencing it to fully understand. and boy does He ever answer prayer.
PRAYER REQUESTS
~ that God would increase and we would decrease as we learn to rely on Him to pull through the final stretch
~ time management and energy. these two seem to be intertwined
~ that everyone would have refreshing quiet times
~ wisdom and insight for me! sometimes i feel like i'm overlooking stuff
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