for a rainy day

i found this story on my computer when i was bored. it turns out rachel dorey typed it during new year's eve when we were getting ready for the bash @ WC '05. i laughed my head off. what a great idea to leave someone a story on her computer without her knowing. it's like the equivalent of a nice prank. :) i laughed so i hope you'll enjoy it too. it was entitled "for a rainy day".

Once upon a time there was a girl named Shelly. Now you have to understand that Shelly was a very special girl, with a huge heart and a great ambition. She was ready to go change everyone in the huge pond 5 miles from her hometown. It didn’t even matter to her that the pond was very strictly guarded by the evil bull frogs and their crazy rules against eating the fresh green plants. These were not ordinary plants and the bull frogs knew of their ability to change lives and this scared them. Yet even with all the obstacles and strict guarding Shelly wanted everyone in the pond to get to eat the fresh green plants.
So Shelly listened to her heart and took the long hike over to the pond. She went threw the dark wood, over the huge creaky bridge and through the swamp. As she went she gathered all kinds of animals with her, because they too were captivated by her mission and passion. She went hard for many years and before you knew it the whole pond was secretly eating the fresh plants. The bull frogs even secretly started asking others about the secret joy and health they were experiencing. One by one they started to eat it, until the whole entire pond was changed!
And this is the story that makes no sense, unless you have an imagination and know what Im talking about. ;) Ps she lived happily ever and married the most handsomest frog in the world!

i really liked the P.S. :)

the verdict and then some...

well the week away from blogs, blogging, and msn has come and gone. it wasn't as hard as i thought it would be. no extreme withdrawal symptoms, no close calls, no nothing. it was freeing. some results:

* i couldn't use the internet to procrastinate so i was always reminded of the things that needed to be done and went about doing them.
* i had better and deeper conversations with my mom on the phone b/c my attention wasn't distracted by the computer screen in front of me. huzzah!
* i had more time to think and reflect on God and the stuff He's been teaching me.
* i wasn't using the internet to escape from reality, which i now realize that i tended to do. it was an idol, i think.

the verdict: so i think i will keep this up with one exception. i'll allow myself to blog b/c if i only allotted myself one post per week, it would be way too long. i would have too many things that i would want to say...like right now.

and then some...

so this week the issue of making vows came up again. it's an issue b/c when i came back from OEx '04 i made two vows that are still very much in effect in my life no matter how much i try to deny it. and i've tried to. REALLY tried to deny it. more so the second one than the first one though.

1) the first vow that i made was to go back to East Asia, God-willing upon graduation.
i've been really confused about this the past 3-4 months because, well other people were so confused about what God wanted for their lives that i thought there must be something wrong with me being so sure about east asia. then all these other opportunities and passions with other orgs popped up like GAiN, OM, Wec, IVCF, etc...but it was a vow that i affirmed again this summer not just to God and myself, but to my brothers and sisters in East Asia as well. this week Ashley spoke wisdom into my life "only the Lord can release you from your vow," which i keenly felt He hadn't. if He did call me elsewhere, i would be released from the vow so i felt relieved and at peace about vow #1. but that meant i wasn't free from the second vow either which made me chafe. a lot. for a while.

2) the second vow that i made was to not get romantically involved with anyone until after one year in east asia.
that meant 4 years (of which there are 2.5 more years to go) of no dating or courtship or whatever because in my mind it made no sense to get involved with anyone if i was going to move overseas in a few years. if i did get involved with someone there was no guarantee that he was going to be called overseas or that i was ever going to get called back. now i know some people have had or are having long distance relationships while on stint,but that's stint. only one year. the call on my life could be indefinite until death. i didn't want to have to break up with someone during or after a year. imagine the conversation. "so the Lord's called me to stay here. i think we need to break up." or "there's a guy here that shares my calling more than you do...." YIKES! or imagine receiving that call? it could be tramautizing. at least for me anyways.

then there was also the possibility that if i did hook up with someone that i would end up not wanting to go at all, or the possibility that i might make a life decision based on his calling. not good. nor would i want him to make a life decision based on my calling.

it would also make it that much harder to pack up the bags and jet. as if leaving family, friends, home, and country wasn't hard enough. adding a boy into that equation could mean me weeping nonstop on the plane. then while i'm over there i'd constantly be counting down the days instead of focusing on the ministry. trust me, i know myself. plus there was a whole slew of reasonable, logical, factors that made me take this vow.......

which i've tried to get out of desperately because of all these irrational fears in my mind.
* i'll never get married once in east asia!
* what if mr. right shows up?!
* what if this means i'm forever choosing a life of singleness?!
* insert incoherent babbling and gibberish here

anyways...like i said completely irrational fears. i've never been able to really trust God that He knows what's best for me even though i knew it. but since before christmas holidays He's been reassuring me, and this week was the clincher as Lydia encouraged me to read about Hannah and how she was able to lay her desires and her burdens down at the altar and just walk away from it and leave it in God's care. He knows me.

lies debunked

for point one and point three, i've been constantly reminded that God is SOVEREIGN and that He is NOT a God of probabilities. that if He wants me to be married in the future there's no way i can avoid it. in the same way if He wants me to be single, i could be the only female amongst 10000000000 single missionary guys in east asia and still not be married. God's will cannot be thwarted. i suppose this makes me a Calvinist?

for point two, if i can't even keep vows for 4 years what makes me think that i could keep marriage vows for life if indeed that's God's plan? i am also reminded of Jacob and Rachel. So Jacob served seven years for Rachel, and they seemed to him but a few days because of the love he had for her. Genesis 29:20 (ESV) i'm really touched by the last part.

"they seemed to him but a few days because of the love he had for her."

if mr. right shows up today, two years' not too long to wait. it's quite the ingenius plan to filter guys i think. although i didn't have that in mind.

so yeah...while there are days where i think i made the two stupidest, rashest vows in the world, where i feel utterly and completely trapped, i'm beginning to appreciate the freedom, the peace, and the assurance that they bring. :) they just make life so simple. Worship and serve God period. it should be like that even without vows, but i guess i need these two to help me along for now.

i'm not saying that legalism is the way to go b/c for the first 1.5 years of this it really was a self-imposed, heavy yoke that i could not bear. in fact by the time last september rolled around, i was pleading with God to release me from this vow b/c i could not fulfill it on my own strength. i asked Him either to release me or to sustain me with His strength b/c i couldn't do it. i was hoping that He'd release me, but nope.

this has taught me a very serious lesson about making vows. they're serious things. i'm definitely going to think and pray a lot before making another vow. one wrong vow and you're utterly trapped.

so now that everyone that reads this blog knows about my two vows, i can't renege like a pirate. :P mission accomplished.

CUT!

i have decided for the next week to cut my internet intake completely with the exception of email since communication nowadays is so utterly dependent on it. i'll check it at most twice a day. once in the morning and once at night.

so no more msn (even appearing "offline"), no blog reading, and no blogging either. i waste an insane amount of time online on these activities. next saturday i'll reevaluate.

shellieos is going offline.

Elora Gorge 

my dubious music tastes

one of the things that i miss from LJ is the "i'm currently listening to" feature. well, no more! i found this cool music profile....thingy on my friend's website so i got one too. (i hope it doesn't come with spyware) now you all can see just how much i jam to britney spears...haha yikes! by the way lydders, i always forget to tell you, but since i remembered, i'll tell you now. i named my ipod "yak box". see you in Tibet with your hut-fixer ;)

an explanation

so i didn't slave in front of the screen for hours...but i was really getting sick of xanga; the sketch-o ads, the no anonymous commenting, and the other stuff. after extoling the virtues of blogger to people, i convinced myself in the process.

well ok, i just didn't want to do stats so i started tweaking blogspot. i am actually quite pained that i left xanga. we had some great times together. i seriously wasn't planning on doing anything with this place. but web designing is SO addictive. well tweaking in my case. i hardly "designed" this template. i must say though, i really appreciate CSS in comparison to good 'ol nasty html. maybe this will be the summer that i'll up my coding knowledge. maybe.

oh and yay for "view source". whoever thought of that was brilliant. absolutely brilliant. he/she must've been a thief like me :P

where it's @

actually my real blog is on xanga: www.xanga.com/shellieos one day after i toil for many hours in front of a computer screen i shall have my own website with my own design with a blog powered by blogger. but for now xanga will suffice...