Freeze or Frump

Oh, the tyranny of fashion.

This year's dilemma: "Do I want to freeze or do I want to look frumpy?" Mini-skirt/capris' or thick sweaters/cardigans? At least that's the way it seems to me. Not that all sweaters and cardigans equal frump for everyone. But woe is me! because I can't pull them off without looking middle aged. 'Tis sad. 'Tis sad. I won't even venture into the other "option"...The storefronts look like they're in the middle of summer when it's December outside. Bah humbug!

Quote of the Exam Time

Calvin: "You can't just turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood."
Hobbes: "What mood is that?"
Calvin: "Last-minute panic."

Replace creativity with discipline, and that'll describe me perfectly. The irony is I found that quote in Cheryl's profile while I was browsing through the Rocky Mountain Project memory book.

Feathers in the Wind

A post is like a sack bulging with down feathers, words ready to be let loose to the whole world in a single moment, never to be reclaimed. One click, and it's there for the whole world to see for better or for worse.

But then if I really think about it, it's only my friends who read this blog, and the occasional creepy stalker from Iceland. I have nothing against Iceland it's just the first country that popped into my head. Unless my blog really merits literary attention, which it doesn't at this point, no stranger would venture again into this domain after one viewing. So why am I hesitant about posting now? These possibilities have never stopped me before. Have I grown wiser or more paranoid? Or both?

It's not that I lack words. Not at all, I've been stuffing that sack full of feathers. I'm just reluctant to let go of it. The end may be coming...maybe.

"and...she's staff"

the dg on the day i was accepted as staff was our christmas/chilling dg. kirsten brought us lots of goodies. chocolate balls, jujubes, mini candy canes, and jelly beans. at one point i was sprawled in my chair, head tilted back, with a mini candy cane covered in slobber sticking out of my mouth like a five year old. kirsten looks over, and says "and...she's staff."

needless to say i promptly sucked the candy cane back into my mouth out of sight, and snapped to attention. i just thought it was so funny. i'll definitely remember it in years to come.

it's official

i got accepted as staff with Campus Crusade for Christ today. :)

reconnected

i'd never thought i'd say this, but i'm grateful for facebook, and ultimately to God.

at first when facebook was catching on, everyone was extolling the virtues of facebook, accrediting to it the rediscovery of old friends. i have to admit i was jaded. with all the moving that i've done across state lines and across international borders in the past 12 years, i could barely remember the full names of some of my friends. there would be no way for me to reconnect with old friends. i'd have to make due with just adding present ones. or so i thought.

on a whim yesterday i decided to search for the names of some of my dearest friends from my youth. just for the heck of it. just to see if by any chance, they'd jumped on the bandwagon too. the friends that made such a lasting impact that i actually remembered their full names. so i actually found a few from my junior high!

but that's not the most extraordinary thing. i found my best friend from grade 3!!! grade THREE! i've always wished that i would still have friends that i've known from childhood, and now i'm reconnected to my best friend from grade 3! i haven't seen her or talked to her, or had contact with her in a decade at least. i'm just so excited and so giddy and just....jubilant.

this means so much to me. i can't even verbalize it. this is one of the things that i've desired the most. there were points in my life when we were moving around that i really resented God for tearing me away from my friends. i came to terms with it when i recognizing His sovereignty in everything, and now He's brought me back to my friends.

life is sweet.

an epic adventure

good fiction is very hard to find these days. there's almost a 99% guarantee that any of the books you pick up is smutty. it's almost sad when you do finish a good book because that means you'll have to trudge through ten more crappy ones to read another good one.

i just finished zorro, the newest book by isabel allende the author of daughter of fortune. what a swashbuckling adventure it was. it draws you right into the world of the 1800's, and sweeps you away.

i highly recommend it.

brain farts

you know the definition of the word you want. you can feel the meaning of it. you can describe it. it's on the tip of your tongue. it starts with..., it means this..., and then bleggghhh. your mind blanks. all you can think of is that four letter word that you've used 10 ten times in the last paragraph, that makes you sound oh so juvenile, uneducated, and redundant. the essay is left unfinished, scattered on your bedroom floor, while you pound out your frustrations on your laptop huddled in a corner of your room.

ok so the part of that last line was an exaggeration. for the most part i've remained relatively calm and collected while writing this critique that's due in 12 hours? five minutes have just lapsed between that last sentence and this one. my brain is farting again even while writing something as trivial as a blog. maybe blogs aren't so trivial. any hope that said brain will recover long enough for me to write something coherent to finish off the other half of that essay is in tatters. ok exaggerating again, but that line does sound good.

alright, truth be told, i'm trying to figure out if i have any talent in writing. it's another whim of mine. that and the fact that i realize that my brain farts are not caused by fatigue, but by a lack of vocabulary. i miss the days where i was forced to memorize vocabulary weekly. the nerd in me comes out. so i hereby announce to the world that i am going to start reading the dictionary.

cop out

i admit, i copped out. i googled free blogger templates. the impending winter was getting too gloomy for me so i thought i'd liven my blog a bit. i really do like the colours. my only annoyance is that the flowers which accompanied this template don't appear here! ay..woe is me. as for the links...i didn't have time to update them. sorry to all who use my page as a blog roll.

the "p" word

pride.

"Let us, at the very commencement of our meditations, admit that there is nothing so natural to man, nothing so insidious and hidden from our sight, nothing so difficult and dangerous, as pride."
~Andrew Murray

of late i've noticed a bit of condescension in my tone, an attitude of superiority, and an air of "sigh. why don't you get it?" usually paired with impatience... caused by short term memory loss.

i forget that different people take different times and different things to catch the vision.
i forget that some things are just new to people even though it might be "old news" to me.
i forget that people do things differently and have different perspectives.
i forget that i once was also inexperienced, and still am in many ways.
i forget that God and others have treated me with grace and patience, and i should treat others with no less.
i forget that i am far, far from perfection.

"He who grows in grace remembers that he is but dust, and therefore does not expect his fellow Christians to be anything more. He overlooks then thousands of their faults, because he knows his God overlooks twenty thousand in his own case. He does not expect perfection in the creature, and therefore, he is not disappointed when he does not find it."
~ C.H. Spurgeon

a processing post

the weekly blog post. i can't believe it's come to this. i'm on the brink of becoming an unfaithful blogger. one quote that lurks in the dark recesses of my mind goes something like "when you're too busy for the important things in life...then you're getting too busy." i think i have been getting too busy. so much that i haven't really had time this past month or so to sit down and do things that would rejuvenate me or that i enjoy. like blogging for example. my life's gotten to the point where i feel like i'm just swept along to one thing after another after another...so much that i feel like my life's not my own anymore. i'm just being carried along the waves of time. 'tis time for some restructuring.

mainly i think the culprit is that i haven't had enough "alone" time. alone time with God and alone time in general. i haven't been diligent in guarding down times. i keep on trying to squeeze in appointments here or there. better boundaries need to be set.

i am definitely an introvert by nurture if not by nature. i don't have a large need for people. it's more refreshing for me to sit here all alone in a big house filled only with the hum of my laptop than to be in a throng of people.

i think i'm going to have more coffee dates. definitely some way cool cafes in downtown guelph. i've only discovered it this year. for that i am sad, but at least i discovered it before graduation.

express post

this morning i expressposted my staff application to HQ in vancouver, and becky mitts documented it with my digicam. it's SO much fun living with b. mitts. we are truly the dynamic "azn" duo. :D ha!

here are the pictures.















the final copy. i finally finished it after working on the major bio questions for a week.















getting the expresspost envelope.















the cat's in the bag.

now we wait....and by we i mean "i", but it sounds so much better pluralized.

Master, mission, mate

oh men, the constant white noise in every woman's life. (paraphrased from Post Cards from Corinth, the chapter entitled "Daughters of Eve".)

i recently read this from Recovering Biblical Manhood & Womanhood, and it resonated deeply within me.

Jesus, if this is Your will
then YES to being single,
In my deepest heart, i want to marry,
to belong to a great man;
to know that i am linked to his life...
and he to mine...
following Christ and our dreams together...
but You know what i need.
if i never marry, it is YES to You.

~Ann Kiemel Anderson

there have been times where i have despaired, cried, wanted to slow down, or maybe...even stop, and no doubt i will experience similar things in the future, but God is good. the only way i can put mate in front of mission is to change the whole order and put it in front of Master, but i am sorely deceiving myself if i think that would the best scheme of things.

stellar weekend

this weekend has just been one highlight after another after another after another after another...ok you get the point. such a solid weekend. loved it!

highlight #1
it started off with darren's talk at the guelph weekly meeting on friday night. it just blew the crowd away. it was so powerful, inspiring, and challenging. you could FEEL the presence of the Holy Spirit. i cried because it was so moving and never has the vision to go to the world been so clearly casted at guelph. my only prayer is that people will do something with the conviction from that night.

if that was the only thing that had happened this weekend it would have been more than enough, but there's more!

highlight #2
after the weekly meeting ash and i went to pick up ryan at the train station. his train was delayed by about 40 min, but it was providential cuz we had a super conversation about the goodness of God that totally FILLED my heart to the brim and overflowed. plus it was a bonus to see them greet. ;)

highlight #3 guelph's hoe-down
enough said. country music and dancing? that's just icing on top of the cake. mad props to silas and alex wong (no relation) for mad improvements in their dancing skills. alex brought some swing dance moves in and it worked oh so well! and double mad props for taking the initiative and not being wallflowers.

highlight #4 the djembe
saturday morning i got up early and got my own djembe. so i finally "stopped my whining", "had a lovely day", and definitely "loved it".

highlight #5 chopping my chopsticks at king's buffet
lauren called becky and me up spontaneously and invited us out to dinner for some [fake] chinese food with trev, jamie, and suz. kirsten called us when we were on our way and we invited her along too. it was such a GOOD night. all through dinner i kept thinking how blessed i was to have such awesome friends. to top the night off we karate chopped a few pairs of chopsticks which led to the birth of the facebook group "i chopped my chopsticks at china king's buffet". btw kids, all guelph staff and students get 10% off at king's. (just trying to help becky keep her promise to the manager is all. :P) thanks andres for treating us!

highlight #6 showing up early for church
i woke up late this morning and thought i was half an hour late for church. bu hao i know, but i totally forgot about the time change and ended up being half an hour EARLY. yay for grace!

highlight#7 teens choir leading the service
it was so encouraging to be led in worship by the youth of the church. i know i'm not that old, but they were younger. that they are seeking and loving the Lord at such a young age is sooo refreshing. there's just something about mandarin too. definitely renewed vision and spurred me on.

highlight #8 the chinese community and lunch at church
love my aunties and uncles who are so welcoming even though i don't know them that well. love being in the chinese culture. i was glad that it didn't feel foreign or scary. got to pull out my hometown dialect and that felt SO good. i could go a mile a minute in my hometown dialect, but speaking in mandarin is like having a mouthful of marbles. it's definitely loosening up though as i'm getting more comfortable conversing in mando.

highlight#9 sunday afternoon nap
self-explanatory

highlight #10 marie antoinette movie date with the girls
after two hours of productive emailing i went to the movies with the girls to watch sofia coppola's marie antoinette. LOVED it. it was so lavish. :) also brownie points for NOT showing the gruesomeness of the french revolution and the beheading.

staff interview

well i finally had it!!! after one year of waiting i've finally had my staff interview.

it was a bit of a surprise actually. i got the email this past wednesday afternoon from laurie asking if i was available for an interview thursday morning at 8:30am. i was interviewed by her and jeff groenewald. we went to angels' diner, and i had some toast. it wasn't nerve-wracking at all, and it was quite enjoyable. i felt like i was just chatting with new friends. overall i think it went well although i did blank on some questions because i couldn't figure out how to be short-winded. that and the fact that it was early morning.

so i'm aimming to get the application done by tomorrow. then i'll express post it in along with the 3 remaining reference forms. if that happens, i should know if i've been accepted onto staff by December at the latest.

oh yeah i also had a killer schedule on thursday, but fortunately things were moved around. i still revel in the craziness of it all. for posterity: the schedule of thursday october. 26, 2006

6:30- wake-up
7:30-8:20- morning prayer [skipped]
8:30-9:50- staff interview
10:00-11:00- one on one discipleship time with christine [moved]
11:30-1:00- public economics midterm
1:00-???- MRI [definitely moved]
and
1:00- 2:00- one on one with kirsten
2:00-3:00- one on one with ashley [moved]
4:00-5:20- labour economics midterm
7:15-9:00- vaness's and my DG

fairy tales are deceiving

that was the line that was on one of the avatars that i use on msn. i'm not trying to bash fairy tales here, but whoa just going back to look at some of the fairy tales with the eyes of a 21 year-old is way different than a kid.

first of all i looked to see when "The Twelve Dancing Princesses" was written, and it was written in the 80's!!! i was really disappointed. aren't all fairy tales suppose to be written a long long time ago. it just doesn't seem right that a fairy tale could be written so "recently". that's my first beef. my second beef is the way fairy tales promote "love" and "beauty", etc.... it's all so...wrong. it makes me wonder if i would actually read my daughter(s) fairy tales, if i have any. those tales could create some serious problems.

now onto the little mermaid. i was watching it last night, and seriously there were some scenes that were scandalous even if it was just a cartoon. yikesers. AND to top that off....prince eric is really AWKWARD. i physically cringed at some of the stuff he said.

oh, how very ro---tic [romantic w/o the man]

yesterday was the hump day of midterms. it's the day when the fever breaks and you start to get better. it's the day when you can breathe a sigh of relief because the worst is over.

i had two midterms yesterday back to back with a one hour break in between. it went really well considering i didn't go to class for international trade in a month, and i haven't read any of the readings for labour economics. it was stressful, and i felt like i was all wound up like a spring. but the stress actually helped since i actually work better under stress. it gets me going. it took so much out of me though. i'm still so dead tired from it. i felt sucked dry. studying and learning really takes a lot of energy. go figure.

but anyways that wasn't the ro---tic part of the day at all. after the labour economics midterm chandley ashley and i went downtown for a mid-semester celebration. the scary thing is it is actually mid-semester. week 6 has just passed. everything blew by at warp speed. digressing yet again... we parked and just walked around downtown. it had such a romantic, fall feel to it. the shops were so quaint, cozy, and closed. everything closed so early yesterday. but there was a used book shop that we went to, and that's where the night took off.

i found a fairy tale book called "The Twelve Dancing Princesses", which i loved as a kid. i always used to check it out of the library. the copy i found yesterday was in pristine condition, and it was only $5! what a steal. so i bought it. ashley also found a story book from her childhood too. then we proceeded to scour downtown for a cool eating place, and we ended up at bollywood bistro for delicious, authentic indian food. the atmosphere there was really....cool. i kept telling her to bring ryan her boyfriend there when he comes to visit. we both had madrasa chicken with naan bread, and it was sooo delicious. a word to the wise though. don't bite on the "bean" that's in the sauce. i did that and it turned out to be a red hot chili pepper. it made me act like a fish that was dying out of water.

then afterwards we proceeded to go to Vanessa's birthday par-tay where we whooped the other team's butt in this movie trivia game thing. we hung out, chilled, had some great food, and neat drinks.

to top the night off on the way home from vanessa's we dropped by blockbuster on a whim to buy the little mermaid on DVD. at first we didn't see it on the shelves, and we thought that maybe it hadn't come out yet or that it was sold out. but then we saw it...two copies at the very bottom of the top-seller shelf encased in a protective box just for us. so we bought it for each other! hehehe :) what a sweet night.

"Brother You're Like a Six"

Are you a single Christian man who desires to be married? Let me help. I have an idea for a personal ad:
"Single Christian male (SCM) seeks single Christian female (SCF) to love as Christ loved the church, to give himself up for her to make her holy, to love as he loves himself (Eph. 5). SCF must be absolute physical knockout (no one scoring below 9.0, please), must love to talk politics and sports, and must possess a laundry list of pre-decided personal characteristics so completely that SCM is convinced no better option could possibly be available within the next decade."

Oh, you're a single Christian woman? No problem:
"SCF seeks SCM to submit to in everything as to the Lord, to respect, to serve, to follow and to be led by in discipleship and ministry, to trust as spiritual leader of the home, and to serve Christ with for the next several decades or until Jesus comes back. SCM must possess total confidence (but can't be cocky and must trust SCF's opinion in all things); must be devastatingly handsome but have no idea that he is; must be exquisite interpersonal communicator who enjoys nothing more than long, conversations about the relationship; must understand SCF completely; and must otherwise fit description of how SCF thought 'The One' would be since SCF started thinking about it at age 11."

this excerpt was from a boundless.org article by scott croft entitled "Brother You're Like a Six".
i burst out laughing when i got to "must be devastatinglyhandsome but have no idea that he is". it hit the nail right on the head. ha! actually all of it did. it's interesting to see all the standards that we have of our future spouses verbalized...
which is what this article addresses. standards for marriage. the realistic ones and unrealistic ones. along with the Biblical and the unbiblical. solid teaching. provides a lot of food for thought. i'm still mulling on it. solid read. go read it.

blogging paranoia

recently i haven't been the avid blogger as i have been in the past. there's a few factors that have contributed to this.

1. the general busyness of life
2. better time management skills??? less procrastinating in the blogosphere
3. blogging paranoia

i would say the third one is the main culprit. recently i've read quite a few disturbing articles about people who've lost their jobs because of their blogging. but really have i written anything that would warrant me losing a job? i don't think i've been heretical or blasphemous....the general gist is that i've been concerned with writing stuff that could come back to haunt me in a few years.

for example what if some dictator takes over the world, and considers my blog to be anti-him or anti- her and then throws me into jail just because i worded a few sentences wrong? extreme, yes i know. but on the other hand if you look at the reign of some authoritarian governments, which shall not be named, anything and everything could and was used to incriminate.

i digress. i've actually considered deleting this blog, and starting another one with a really inconspicuous web address. i never thought i'd say this, but i definitely cannot blog as i use to. there's tons of mental censorship going on. maybe it's for the better...you know showing prudence, wisdom, establishing good boundaries and such...

edit*
or maybe my blogging pattern has just changed. instead of blogging every so often. i do massive multi-entry updates like what i just did. these things have been brewing in my head...i just didn't get around to writing them.

the bling has blung

welcome to bling bling. a.k.a. the OEX household. ni hao. gototheworld.com

so sayeth the sign greeting all of our guests yesterday at the very first party of the year at the Bling Bling; my birthday party.

there were people from toronto, waterloo, london, and calgary. it was like a mini-project reunion for all 3 summer projects. it was really good to see people that i haven't seen in ages, reminisce, reconnect, and get made fun of....

we got people to introduce themselves and say where they knew me from. then becky got peeps to share their favorite memory of me and or something they like about me. it was really encouraging and touching. a testament to Jesus' work in my life especially margie's memory of me from first year. i was scared to bits of going sharing, and freaked out to even give out flyers for Passion of the Christ. sometimes i still feel like that. as i sat there and listened i hoped that what everyone heard was not the ability and the passion of shelly chen to do things for Jesus, but how He has used me for His purposes. that they would see it was not me, that it was the Lord, the same Lord in their lives who can use them.

it was also enlightening as i found out how people viewed me and i even found out some stuff that i didn't know about...like how ben knows me because i dated his best friend. [sic] there were definitely some funny awkward moments. i don't think i'll ever forget heather macgregs blowing my cover. hahaha on one hand i was cringing. on the other hand i wanted to laugh.

God has brought so many solid friends into my life. quality and quantity. more than i could have asked for.

highlights
* blowing out all 21 candles. yay! but alas no boyfriends. ;)
* getting the ESV Bible that i've been coveting for a year after i saw lydia's

vanessa: "are you going to open your presents?"
me: "sure if you want me to."
shakes vanessa's gift
me: "is it chocolate?"
vanessa: "no"
i stand there as my eyes slowly widen as understanding dawns.......then..
a typical excited shelly scream

* getting the mini scrapbook that i've been coveting since becky and i first went to paper moon, this scrapbooking store.
* seeing so many projectiles
* the birthday cake made with loooooove

thanks becky mitts for all this. you're an awesome housemate and friend.

doth mine eyes deceive me?

it SNOWED. just an hour ago. now the sun is all bright and shining.

that's just...DONC. i really dislike using that word, but no other word seems to fit. it SNOWED! on october the 12th! my last year of university and it snows in october?!

i don't seem to mind the cold weather as much i use to though. winter seems to have grown on me. i don't dread it as much. in fact i look forward to busting out the christmas carols in about a month.

"oh the weather outside is frightful..."

looking back and looking forward

looking back
milestones in my 21st year of life...

~attending a Christian concert (Passion: Toronto)
~going to Panama
~going to Calgary, AB
~directing a project!!!
~seeing the Rockies
~attending a bachelorette party
~going to a friend's wedding (two of 'em)
~leading a DG
~attending a drum circle
~taking grad pictures
~jumping into a freezing lake

looking forward
God-willing...
~ meeting Roger Hershey?!?!?!
~ joining staff and headin' overseas
~ support-raising a salary
~ graduating from university!

....and i can't forsee anything beyond that....

satisfied? satisfied!

correction: my 21st birthday wasn't the best birthday in a long time. it was the best birthday ever because it was a testament of God's love and grace in my life... not because i had a huge expensive party at panorama. the years just keep getting better and better.

for once i was content with and thankful for everything and everyone that God has brought into my life instead of being fixated on what i wanted, but did not have, what i should do to get what i did not have, and who forgot my birthday.

i know this is from God because six months back i had blogged about not being able to dredge up contentment. i've tried to muster up contentment before, and it has never worked. it was like pulling teeth. so truly this is the work of God in my life. then the fact that i am able to give credit where it is due is another example of God working in my life because just this thursday i was telling kirsten that i have a hard time giving God the credit for things because of my massive pride.

so thank You, Lord for Your faithfulness.
and thank you to everyone who remembered my birthday. it was sweet and heart-warming to get the calls, the emails, the e-cards, and the facebook notes. AND it's ok if you didn't. :) i'm not guilt-tripping you, and i'm not the center of the universe....not even on october the 7th.

21

two one.
whoa.

best birthday in a long time though. :) thank you God.

milestone: grad pictures

you see them walking along winegard with their black robes flowing around them. they're laughing and talking to each other. friendships forged through the years. this is it. this is their last year. they're done and they've paid their dues.

ever since first year i've watched the grads go off for their grad pictures wondering what kind of stories they have to tell; wondering what kind of stories i would have to tell; and wondering if i'd have friends to take pictures with.

monday afternoon i rushed to the photographer's in the UC under the grey stairs. at first my heart skipped a beat because it seemed like no one out of my 10 friends had shown up. had they forgotten?! then i saw gowns and hair and was relieved.

monday afternoon heather, rachel, sarah, ashley, katie, jacquie, becky, christine, lauren, trevor the husband, and i were the grads walking along winegard for our grad pics. we were laughing and talking. it was a beautiful day. the sun was shining, and it was warm. we took the worst group picture ever, but it was ok.

never in my dreams could i have asked God for better friends as these in my first year. we have a bond not many grads have. we have a bond forged by Jesus Christ. i was so thankful and privileged to be amongst that small crowd monday afternoon. words couldn't express my gratitude. thank You Lord.

it's the most wonderful time of the year: summit

summit is my favourite time of the year. i kid you not. there's just something about autumn beauty, great speakers, good fellowship, cheering, faith barriers, and ice cold cabins.

i've been looking forward to summit ever since project because there were a few people that were telling me that they'd "bring it", and i've been eagerly waiting to show them guelph's spirit. we didn't disappoint. i was so proud of guelph friday night when we had our cheer-down with mac.

if you like guelph...
if you like guelph,
clap your hands and SOCK it to mcmaster
stomp your feet and SOCK it to mcmaster
turn around and SOCK it to mcmaster
wind your toy and SOCK it to mcmaster

of course it was great to see the projectiles as well. ;P

but more importantly Summit's a milestone marker of God's faithfulness in my life.
two years ago i went only to see my friends from OEX. i had no idea what summit was about.
a year ago one of my girls was on the bus with me, but i barely remembered her name and her face. duhn still teases me about it to this day.
this year three of my girls were on the bus with me, leading the cheers with me, all of us decked out in red and yellow, with sparkling sequined togas. it was bittersweet to know that i'll be leaving them and the movement at guelph in a few months, but i was also proud and confident that there will be solid leaders left behind. praise God for what He's doing.

the talks given by alex philip were excellent. i loved how he just unpacked those verses like a suitcase especially for the third talk. when he first read ezekiel 1:1-3, i had expected him to continue reading because i couldn't see anything of significance in those three verses. for a full summary go to kirsten's blog. i wish i could listen to them again so i could mull on it.

it was the best summit i've had. everything just came together. i felt really blessed and privileged to be there this weekend. it was such a gift. i'm thankful for every little thing that was part of the weekend...even the ice cold cabins.

highlights
*the sock it to mcmaster cheer
*finding out that roger hershey's the winter conference speaker
*seeing the projectiles again
*jumping into the lake @ night with emily and ashley and 12 other people
*the beauty of the trees
*the praise and worship

away to awenda

this past weekend, 9 of us 4th year girls went up to Awenda for a weekend camping trip. it was so much fun. you just can't beat girl friends. period.

my favourite moments were...

1) getting lost on friday night when the estimated travel time of 2.5 hours turned into 4. it's just so funny in restropect. plus it was good bonding times at the time. then there were becky's awesome camping soundtracks. the intersection of lafontaine and "concession 16" will forever be rememebered.

2) going to the beach on saturday, and going "swimming". it was more like wading, but what the hey; my first and last swim of the summer. the water was so clear and beautiful. just couldn't help praising the Lord for His creation.

3) snuggled up all cozy and comfortable under my down duvet while it's storming outside. the wind howled, and the tent was pelted by rain and acorns, but we were so warm.

4) just being with all of the girls overall. what a treat! and what a blessing!

praiseworthy and blogworthy

it took me way too long to blog about this.

last tuesday middleton and i went sharing, and we saw someone come to Christ. the best part of this story is that for the 45 minutes beforehand i had gone sharing with ashley d., and i was just an incoherent, babbling, ...something. then with 15 minutes left until class andrew and i figured what the heck, let's keep going, and we saw eun come to Christ.

it's awesome how God uses us. not what we do for Him, but what He does through us.

the next morning i got to follow-up with eun, and she came to morning prayer at her own request in the same week. we're still meeting up for follow-up, and she's coming to Summit. it's all too exciting.

the rebelution

check out this site: the rebelution

it's a blog written by 17 year old twins alex and brett harris challenging young people everywhere to live by high Biblical standards instead of our cultural sub-par ones. it's extremely well-written, Biblical, and encouraging. they really exemplify the verse 1st timothy 4:12.

refreshment

ontario isn't alberta, and rockwood isn't the rockies, but it's still beautiful nonetheless.

after two weeks of craziness i was finally able to get away for some much needed alone time to rejuvenate. i spent about 3 hours at the rockwood conservation area which is 20 minutes outside of guelph. i "hiked" (after scaling beehive mountain, this was not a hike.) up to this escarpment which overlooked the lake. this is the view from it. i want to go back when the leaves turn colours. although most of the trees there were non-leafy ones. i don't know the technical term. so it might not be that spectacular.

no incidents today. no major incident. a lady asked if it was safe for me to be by myself. oh the things i can't do alone just because i'm a female....like go live in the rockies for a week. so after that comment i started to get paranoid especially since i deviated from the main trail to follow a smaller unofficial trail. worst case scenarios came to mind. i.e. meeting a vicious snake. and i did meet one...except it was 1 cm wide and about 1 foot long sprawled across a log. i get the heebie-jeeebies just thinking about it now. i bolted it out of there after that.

then i drank two gulps of water from the tap near the campsites. it was very piney tasting. blegh. made me long for the fresh spring water from the mountains.

milestone: going grey

when do you think you'll get your first strand of "grey" hair? 30? 35? 40? 50?

i was thinking of maybe late 30's for myself. i've been faked out a few times where i thought a strand of hair was white because of the way it was reflecting the light or because it was so bleached. but tonight it was a different story. as i looked in the mirror...there it was. one solitary strand of white lying amidst a mass of black. there was no way to mistake it. twasn't the way the light was reflected. twasn't because of bleach. it was just nature taking its course at 20....well almost 21, but i won't go there. it looks exactly and feels like fishing string. i could use it to go fishing.

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
proverbs 31:30

i always added a lil twist to it that i heard in second year "beauty is fleeting, but it's good to have while i've still got it." i thought i would have it for at least 15-20 years, but it seems like i could be wrong. ah well a piece of humble pie never hurt anyone. always been too vain and proud about my looks anyways. it's a good reminder to really really start being serious about character development. that and hope this white strand is just an anomaly.

fishing anyone?

new year's resolutions

september always seems more a new beginning than january. here's to turning over another leaf.

1. i will try not to skip class.
2. i will eat healthy balanced meals.
~ i will avoid fast food as my main diet. limit: max one time a week.
~ i will not skip breakfast.
3. i will be in bed by 11:30pm every school night.
4. i will be up and running by 9:00am the latest.
5. i will exercise...somehow.
6. i will make time for devotions at the beginning of every day before doing anything else.
7. i will diligently make time to keep in touch with friends and family.
8. i will be disciplined in my school work.
9. i will stay on budget.
10. i will be gracious when i am tired, cranky, and in desperate need of a nap and alone time.

milestone: last first day of class

today september 11th, 2006 was officially my last first day of class. (the winter semester one doesn't count.)

in celebration of this momentous, never to be repeated occasion, becky, katie, ashley, napier, turnbull, and i went to the metro toronto zoo.

'twas a beautiful day to be walking about, enjoying the sunshine, enjoying the company of good friends, and being amazed at God's wonderful creation. i can't wait for heaven when there will be no bars between me and the cute baby giraffes and the fluffy white polar bears. (sidenote: polar bears have THE cutest bums on this planet.)

the moment of the day was when becky accidentally dropped her nalgene into the kangaroo pen, and ashley came to the rescue by jumping in. huzzah!

but i actually did go to a class today at night. History of the Islamic World. i couldn't hear the prof properly, and when i did i didn't quite understand her pronounciation. i kept hoping that the textbook will come through and clarify things. nevertheless this will prove to be a valuable class.

milestone: of paddles and tennis rackets

friday night becky and i got home around 2am after our last, first september weekly meeting after chilling at east side's and kirsten's. becky went straight to bed while i dilly-dallied. around 3 am in the morning as i drifted off to sleep i heard footsteps coming up the stairs along with sounds of muffled voices. at first i thought it was becky, but then i realized that one; the voices were too low and two; there were voiceS not a voice. there were guys in our house....outside of our bedrooms.

but i was prepared. i was ready for such an incident as this. i went to my closet grabbed my dbr paddle, woke up becky, and gave her my tennis racket. and that's as far as we got...i pictured myself bashing the intruders over the head with my paddle, but we were both too scared to go downstairs. so after deliberating for a bit, we called the po-po's on my cell phone which had a weird siren thing go off, which is why this is a "milestone" post. it was the first time for both of us to call 911. the lady on the other end was somewhat rude and condescending and so were the police who finally came after 40 minutes. if we were really being attacked, we would've been dead by then....

but i suppose this makes for a funny story.

the moral of the story? always remember to lock your front doors.

edit------------------------------------------------------------------
sorry to have left you all hanging. somehow i assumed in my mind that you all knew what had happened. it turns out that they left. we're assuming that they were drunken boys who went into the wrong house after a kegger or something. we were not robbed.

an ode to becky

ten top reasons why becky is a "hen hao" housemate and a rockeriffic "pengyou"

1. becky is a greaat listener.
she listens to you, empathizes, and asks good questions.
2. becky has a great and diversed taste in music from hip-hop to country to pop to indie to....
she's also a broadway star.
3. becky is very considerate of other people.
4. becky's "hen hao"'s and other oex tidbits...
5. becky's very generous with her time, energy, material things, etc...
6. becky's a good cook and a fabulous hostess.
7. becky keeps stuff tidy.
8. becky loves Jesus.
9. becky is weekly meeting coordinator. therefore you get to preview all the vids before their official debut. w000t~
10. becky is fun period.

900+

grab highlighter.
grab red pen.
grab real life kit.
throw into mesh bag.
repeat until the materials are gone.

it was gone in a record 1.5 hours. guelph had borrowed 600 real life kits from waterloo, and it flew out of our hands in 90 minutes. graham and trevor had to go to fort superior to get 300 or so real life kits that were left over from last year. those were gone too before we had to close up shop at 4:00pm. we never left before our alloted time was up. well....at least not in the years i've been here. we also ran out of ice and syrup for the free snow cones that we were giving away. and to think i was somewhat discouraged that our booth time was cut significantly this year.

as for SIQs we have stashes of them. and by stashes i mean STASHES. follow-up is going to be quite the task.

i also ran into a friend from high school that i haven't seen in three years.

praise God. praise God. praise God.

a stroll down memory lane

tonight becky, kirsten, and i took a stroll down memory lane down to briarlea and cole road to the establishment formerly known as "awesome house". twas nostalgic as we walked there as we would most likely never make it again. we went to bring back the BBQ that becky and i inherited from the newly married mr. andres. oh what a blogworthy trip it was.

first of all when we reached the said establishment the lights were on, which came as a surprise since we had heard that no one else dared to spend a year of his/her life there since the departure of former AH tenants. we knocked on the door to come face to face with the mysterious landlord, poochkie (sp?); who was actually quite friendly.

it took a bit of time to get the BBQ down from the patio and onto the driveway, but we managed to do it and in a few minutes we were happily rolling the BBQ on the newly paved road back to bling bling. however we didn't make it very far. we got to the intersection of ironwood and cole (about two minutes walk from AH)where three boys waiting for the bus to go to the bar, hollered after us, inquiring after the price of the BBQ. they thought we were going to throw it out. so they came after us and offered a sweet $20 for the BBQ. after much debate between the three of them, a few f-bombs, a phone call to housemates who lived down the road, the BBQ exchanged hands for a nice green bill. it took a while and i with a bit of OEX bargaining savvy at one point pretended to walk away impatiently, but in the end it was worth it. plus one of them called us beautiful. ;)

then came the dilemma of what to do with a crisp, cool $20 bill. what can one buy with $20? first we were going to be pragmatic and buy a shoe rack for mass of shoes cluttering bling bling's hallway, but then we decided to celebrate and went to DQ's. a shoe rack might still be purchased though...

a few years from now we shall reminisce about the night we sold AH's BBQ.

what a night.

ready, set, GO!

last night was the kick off, welcome back BBQ for the upper years at 403 scottsdale drive, now re-dubbed "le house". (will it stick? only time will tell.) becky and i arrived 30 minute lates because we underestimated the time that it would take to shuck 4 dozen corn on the cobs (approx 35 minutes if anyone's curious.)

around 30-35 upper years attended. most of whom were second and third years. it was weird being the oldest except for turnbull who was visiting...or maybe brandon and amber. this year's bbq wasn't as intense as last year's because there was less people to catch up with. no older upper years and there weren't that many fourth years either...sad. quite a few non-graduated people have dropped off too...

but the enthusiasm and the excitement for this coming year was really encouraging. so many new people have stepped up. it was cool to see the room slowly turning red as people were buying the new c4c t-shirts.

the pep rally was fun and sombering. this year a whole bunch of us went down and crashed the boogies. and we didn't just crash one; we crashed a few. i went for east, johnston, and lambton. it was so funny because the OV's really thought that we were first years and were trying to pump us up.

but it was sombering at the same time to see that whole sea of people using their God-given creativity, energy, health, etc... to coordinate these cool formations and dances, but refused to acknowledge Him and give Him the glory for it. that's the one image that's going to be burned into my memory to spur me on this year and for years to come...

servant team retreat

this past weekend the servant team comprising of andrew (prayer), ashley(ksl), becky(weekly meeting), rachel (women's min), sam (admin), silas (ksl/men's min), suz (evangelism), and me (send) went to guelph lake for our retreat. we booked the campsites for two nights, stayed there for one, and ended up relocating to bling bling (becky's and my house) for saturday night/sunday morning as the weather became too unbearable.

friday night we set up camp.
memorable moments:
~ watermelon seed spitting competition
~ foraging for firewood-> watching graham and jamie knock down dead trees
~ vanessa's awesome s'mores skills

saturday during the day we sat under a tarp telling each other our testimonies with a few breaks in between.
memorable moments:
~ ashley: "silas!" when a biker passed our campsite
one of the other girls: "ash, that's a 50-year old white man."
~ andrew's ice cream story
~ swapping project stories

saturday during the night we hit up bling bling for warm food and fun games.
memorable moments:
~ playing things in a box
what are you scared of: "eskimos"
what NOT to say to C4C staff: "i feel like God's calling me to father your children."; "hi my name is andrew. i like vanessa. who do you like?"
"acceptable" pick-up lines: "i'm pretty much God's will for your life. let's get married."; "hi my name is andrew. do you want to go for ice cream?
"what would you put on an apron: "if you can lean then you can clean."
what not to rename the weekly meeting: "jihad"; "the pick-up"

sunday we (minus sam) piled into my honda civic and headed to calvary for church where we took up an entire row.
memorable moments:
~ pastor robin: "aren't you glad you're not camping right now?"
~ becky cradling suz to and from church in the front seat of the car.

most popular phrase of the weekend: "christian conscience"
next bonding activity...winter camping.

something borrowed, something blue

now that you've recovered enough from your shock to read this...

yes, that's me in a real, honest wedding dress.

no, today was not my wedding day.

silas, kirsten, jamie, vanessa, beth, bahy, and i went around guelph today filming a video to promote summit. for one of the scenes i got to wear vanessa's beautiful wedding gown. i was kinda scared that i'd do something to it, being the accident-prone person that i am, but it's still white and in one piece! funny, i never thought i'd ever wear an official wedding dress before i was engaged.....or even before i have a boyfriend. hahaha

it was a hilariously fun time. c4cers always make me laugh so hard. (yup i'm using the correct terminology now...) i'm so glad i get to share this year with these people. this is definitely a sign of things to come. going to soak up this year like a dry sponge during a torrential downpour.

last night beth and i had a RO---TIC night. pronounced "roe-tick". romantic without the 'MAN'. get it? isn't that so witty? hehehe compliments of the lovely beth fisher. we chilled out eating ice cream, went to the pub for her ultimate team's season-end partah, and then we went stargazing in the country. ....except we couldn't figure out how to work the telescope. so we saw stars, just not through the telescope. they made it look so easy in "A Walk to Remember"! the moral of the story? boys if you ever try to woo a girl by taking her stargazing...make sure you know how to make the telescope work.

my dearest becky is coming home tomorrow! i'm so excited. ashley got back today, and it was so good to catch up. tis going to be a good year. a good year indeed.

i like salad randomness

1. being in front of a computer for an extended time makes me really cranky and anti-social. i've just realized this.

2. last night i dreamt that i was sean preston's nanny. (fyi: sean preston's the offspring of pop princess britney spears and her hubby k-fed. *shuDDer*) i love babies and i'd love to have a few kids...but THAT was just disturbing.

3. the pages in my nkjv are falling out like leaves during autumn. the more i tape together, the more that falls out.

preach it sistah!

now that i finally have some free time to read blogs to my heart's content, i've started to go through the archives of Solo Femininity by Carolyn McCulley. the good thing about it, is that i'm not reading pure drivel, it's solid stuff. i feel like i should be taking notes. actually i probably will be taking notes soon.

this is an excerpt from carolyn's post "How to be 'Just Friends' When You Want More". click on the link for the full post. the context of this excerpt is that a girl wrote in to ask for advice about a guy that took the "buddy approach" to dating.

And in the future, when a man wants a lot of undefined time with you, you can gently let him know this isn't acceptable though you’re not trying to make it difficult for him or be unkind to him. As a man, his role is to define and lead, and if he is unsure at this point about what that looks like, you could say you are willing to give him the time to decide...but that this will not happen while he's monopolizing your time and affections. That, however, is hard to do graciously. :) But I'm sure that God will be faithful to you to help you find this course and to keep your peace before Him.

Side note to any men reading this answer: Yes, we women are responsible for guarding our hearts and we are often fumbling in this area. But one way you can help us is by clear communication of your intentions at various points in any friendship or dating/courting relationship. Just as godly women try to guard men’s eyes by dressing modestly, godly men can help guard our hearts through clear communication, coupled with the realization that lots of time together and conversation is how our hearts are hooked. I’m not bashing you men here—I like you lot very much and hope to be able to love one man in the near future! But I would appeal to you to avoid the “buddy approach” to dating. By this I mean undefined one-on-one relationships, not group activities with the real goal of cultivating friendship—I’m all for cultivating friendships between brothers and sisters! Though this approach may seem safer at first, it reaps a harvest of habits and hurts that I think most wise, godly men would rather avoid. Finally, I also hope you appreciate that I am urging women to resist bitterness, thereby giving you the opportunity to truly pursue a previous “buddy” in the future IF that’s what you are convinced God is calling you to do. It’s not a “one strike, you’re out” policy in the kingdom of a merciful God. And aren’t we all eternally glad for that?!

hear hear!

i also found this tidbit in one of her responses interesting. it's in response to a man who wrote in to say that the marriage system doesn't work the way it use to. click here for the full article.

As a sister in the Lord, however, I want to encourage you to get out there and pursue! Even if you face rejection, keep trying! It's a masculine form of trusting God, just as the feminine form is to trust Him in the wait.

i wonder if guys see it that way. i've asked a few guys if they would pursue a girl they liked even if she was intimidating. only one guy in my memory responded with a hearty "YEAH!" it never really occurred to me how scary rejection is.

until the cows come home...

relationships, relationships, relationships...

one thing us twenty year olds just can't stop talking about. ah well, might as well sit back and enjoy this ka-razy season of life. instead of waiting until we're middle-aged, married, living in a house with a white picket fence, with 2.5 children, and a pooch, let's just laugh at ourselves now. well i'll just laugh at myself now anyways. so silly.

and i say this with no bitterness.

seriously.

it's so funny. it's like a circus...sort of.

here's the consensus from a Christian viewpoint.
1. marriage is good. [point b]
2. single people should get married unless they're divinely called to a life of celibacy. [point a]
3. guys should take the lead....

that said. here's the diagram of where we are...

[point a]------>---?????????????????????????????????????--->------>[point b]

[????????????????????????]
is the part that people debate about until the cows come home, and they haven't yet....even though i live in guelph. :P it's so fun reading these articles. for your reading pleasure; the articles and the rebuttals.

ok so here's that first one:
Rethinking the Gift of Singleness

here's the theologian's rebuttal:
A Theologian's Take On The Gift of Singleness
the way he addresses the way that the author debbie maken uses scripture to back up her reasoning brings to my mind the verse about how not everyone should assume that they should be teachers. dum dum dum.

and another review of that said book...
30 and Single? It's Your Own Fault"
tsk. harsh title, eh? sounds like something an azn mum would say. "aiiiyah. 30 years old an' still no marry. own fault la! i arrange meeting with auntie so and so's daughter, but you no want. susie is nice girl. you not get younger. i want grandkids!" ahem...so in the review, the author says that one of the reason single women are unmarried is because of the lack of men as shown by a survey, BUT...

survey SAYS
There's Plenty of Men to go Around
*struggling very hard...not to...make...a...crack..about....guelph.*

then there's the lady who suggests pulling a ruth
Pulling a Ruth Part 1
Pulling a Ruth Part 2

so my point? i think we're just going 'round and 'round in circles. but it's fun watching.

what irks me is that some of these articles insinuate that praying and waiting isn't enough. life is complimacated enough as it is. can i not just wait, pray, and trust God to honour that prayer? granted 'tis may be harder for guys as your future wife doesn't have a glowing fuchsia "wife" sign on her forehead to let you know so you can initiate...on second thought maybe it's a good thing. but like honestly what about all those men who had revelations about who they're suppose to marry. i've heard quite a few real life stories. my nose has not been stuck in anne of green gables.

another random tidbit. heard from someone who heard from someone else who heard a missionary who remained single say that God heard her prayers, and God had sent, but the person sent refused to obey. is that valid????

tut tut

solitude and silence

i've been craving solitude of late. and by solitude i mean being away from people and being away from civilization. not that i hate people or that i hate the city, but it's just so refreshing to be by myself, left alone with God and my thoughts, and serene silence. for this reason i wish that i was still in calgary where the mountains are an hour drive away.

i don't know of any place outside of guelph where i could go for a one day nature retreat. that's why i'm really looking forward to summit where i can stay up, looking at the stars on the docks, or rise with the sun in the mornings, watching the mist lift. if you've read the Sacred Romance by John Eldredge and Brent Curtis, you'll know what i mean when i say it's in those times when i can feel the Romance calling out to me. our God is pretty much an awesome God.

backlog: food for thought

been mulling on these two thoughts for a bit.

1. sometimes one of the reasons that people write blogs is to make themselves known to others. regardless of whether this is the primary motive or not, when reading someone's blog you get to know a side of the person. in the same way isn't the Bible sort of like God's blog? He wrote it so we could know Him, and we get to know His Person more by reading it. except He doesn't update it anymore. (much like darren lung, but dlu isn't God. ok this is where the analogy breaks down.)

2. you know how when you're walking around and looking at the things people wear and you go "ouch, i can't believe he/she is wearing that"? (ok this is more for girls than for guys) it's my theory that no one goes out the front door of the house without being ok with what they're wearing...unless the house is burning, but i digress. i think most people leave the house, thinking they're attractively presentable even the person with the lowest self-esteem that slouches, and dresses in sweaters that look like potato sacks. this just blew my mind one day when i was being judgmental about people's sense of fashion. whatever they walk out the door with is what they're ok with; provided with the resources that they have. i.e. selection of clothes. bottomline: beauty or the "lack thereof" REALLY is in the eye of the beholder.

night life

just got back from toronto about ooohhh...20 minutes ago? went into town today to chill with some peeps that i haven't seen since winter conference. awesome time talking, chatting, catching up, and laughing!!! then decided that i would drive back at midnight to avoid toronto traffic. i'm definitely losing the torontonian in me. well at least the torontonian driver in me. i cannot stand driving in that traffic. it's just brutal. it's enough to make me want to pack up and move to saskatchewan just because of kirsten's description of the lack of traffic there. even coming back late at night wasn't that cool. people were gunning it and changing lanes like a madmen.

i was looking forward to enjoying a night drive. it was fun driving around a deserted guelph after i got off the 401. i want to do it more often. there's just somethine serene and peaceful during the hours of 10pm-8am. there's no mad rush to go somewhere or get something done. my heart just feels settled and quiet. a very restful feeling. maybe that explains why i'm struggling to stay awake even though there's nothing to do while my eyelids are leaden with sleep. it's enough to make me want to switch my schedule around.

one thing i learned about myself this summer...i am most definitely NOT a morning person. that's why i'm second cup's best customer.

oh and red bull doesn't work on me. what does that say about my caffiene immunity?

so it begins!

today as of 1:47pm eastern time i've started the process to become campus staff with Campus Crusade for Christ, Canada. this is going to be quite the year. i'm going to relish it. it's exciting to be following God and waiting on Him.

when you trust in Him, the unknown is more like a birthday surprise party than a horrible black pit that you have to watch out for.


pause. fact...sinking...in

i can't believe this is happening.

withdrawal

well it's finally hitting me that rocky mountain project is over, and i'm glad that it has. for awhile i was beginning to think that i really was heartless. i miss people and their quirks. the way they act, the things they say, and the interesting hand gestures. (i.e. simeon) i miss sharing in their lives, being a part of their everyday. now i have to read it from the blogs. 'tis not the same. a rare 3 months that was.

in the land of timmy hos' and swiss chalets

welps, i'm back HOME. in the g. dot. the other cowtown of this beautiful country. and i LOVE it. it's so beautiful and lush here. tis good to be studying at my own university again where i know the nooks and crannies and the best studying spots. currently i am on the first floor looking out the large windows towards johnston hall draped with velvet ivy.

my heart was leaping with joy as i was walking on campus praising God for bringing me here. this is THE best university i could have ever gone to, and i didn't even know it at the time when i made my decision. but He did!!! looove it!

last night was my first night in my new house. nothing's set up and nothing will be set up until my exam's over on the 12th. for now i'll be ekeing out a nomadic existence, living out of suitcases and duffel bags, while sleeping on the floor. good times.

oh life's such an adventure. let's live it up!

p.s. the massive post about banff with a bajillion pictures that will make your jaw drop and video footage of the gondola ride will be posted...later.

the mist clears and the veil lifts

every once in a while, the shocking reality and the truth about this world pierces through the intoxicating fog of materialism, mindless worries, self-centerness, and hedonism that i willingly surround myself with.

saturday night as i was coming back from my one day vacation at banff, i ran into this girl at the c-train station @ 11pm at night. she looked so young, but i didn't want to offend her by asking her age. she put up a tough, independent demeanor, but yet i could see her vulnerability. as i got to know her, my heart went out to her. @ 14 she had divorced parents. that day her dad had been yelling at her because she was late in getting home. on the other hand her mom didn't care at all. i couldn't imagine what messages the actions or the lack thereof of her parents sent her. did she feel unloved? unworthy? ugly? lonely?

that night the veil lifted just a bit and i saw the world beyond my own bubble. there are hurting and broken people out there. "hurt and broken people" wasn't just a cliche anymore, it became manifest in the physical form of a 14 year old girl at Sunnyside station.

yet even as the veil lifted, i was still engrossed with myself. the girl whom i still don't know the name of stayed behind to get picked up by her mom. meanwhile i rushed to get home on the train instead of staying with her and talk to her more. the most i could muster up was to give her a 4 laws and tell her that, that was what got me through my parents' divorce. meanwhile two drunken boys also around 14-15 who had arrived in the midst of our conversation mocked me. "did you find God?" i gave them each a booklet too. i should have stayed, but instead i jumped on the train to go home, and as the train pullled away the veil was slowly dropping again...

sunday morning at church a pastor from the congo was sharing his experiences during the civil war that ravaged the country. as everyone gasped and sat astounded through it all, i sat thinking "this isn't news to me." international development exposed me to plenty of stats, numbers, and facts about the state of the world. it just wasn't shocking anymore. except this meant i was in a worse position than most since i knew about it all, but did nothing. instead i've been justifying myself by thinking i'm poor because i'm living on a student budget. i brushed off the verses in 1st timothy 6:17-19 and attributed it to the white collared professionals that i saw going to work everyday in those tall skyscrapers downtown.

however that's not the truth. that's not the reality. in actuality i am the 761,386,272 richest person in the world out of 6 billion people according to globalrichlist.com i have access to food anytime i want, i have a closet full of clothes, i have running water, i have a car, i have a computer, i'm university educated......there is no way in the world that i am "poor".

God has truly blessed me, and i've failed to be grateful for it.
oh that the veil would not fall again.

always wanted to do this...

pie-eating contest. i lost, but i pied steve and nate in the face GOOD. hahahahaha. oh i love project.

world's longest blog post (maybe)

so much stuff that i wanted to blog about, but i didn't have any time so now i shall blog it all in one huge post.

favour
last week i had to buy paints for christa so that she could paint the backdrop for the end of the year banquet. i had found these four nice quarts of mistints that my boss said i could mistint to any colour. however they were a special brand so i had to get him to give me a reduced sticker for them. i asked him on monday, but he was busy so i thought he forgot. when i asked him again on tuesday, someone brought in a whole shmuck load of them in, and told me to slap 'em on. so i did, but afterwards he told me to take them off. i was baffled. he took those stickers and started to change the price on them from $3 to $5, and i was even more confuddled. instead of putting them on the paints he put those stickers on these rolls and rolls of masking tape. then he went and got a box for the paints, and turned me asked me if i wanted five cans because he was going to give them to me. it didn't hit at first so i just asked for four, but then it clicked and i double-checked with him to be sure that i was hearing right. he GAVE the paints to me because i was part of a non-profit organization!!! praise God for granting me favour in the eyes of my boss!!! best boss i've ever had too.

the end
project ended...so sad. project withdrawal hasn't hit full-forced yet. at first i was thinking that i should have gone back to guelph immediately, but i like this slowly trickling away of people as opposed to the sudden aloneness experienced on both OEX's. it's less shocking. there's still people to chill...although time is still of the essence as i have a brutal exam coming up in 1.5 weeks. please pray for that. i think it'll take a miracle for me to pass. that and hardwork too.

five holes
today i finally got my cartilage pierced! w00t! after wanting one on and off for five years i finally got one, and it was n't done by a stranger either. my dear OEX roomie, Zoe pierced it for me @ Claire's and my roomie from this project natalie was there so i could death grip her hands. it doesn't even hurt as much as lobe piercing, but i did freak out more than i did for the lobe piercing.

something spiritual
this project's really shown me God's providence and wisdom in the way He plans and organizes stuff. i have more reasons to trust in Him and rest in His plans. i love how faithful He is.

excitement
am absolutely and utterly pumped for the guelph ministry this year. i can't wait to get the new year started. although i have been getting nostalgic about leaving. the past three years have flown by. i entered university for the first time a hyperactive, over-emotional 17 year-old. now i enter it for the last time as a somewhat more mellow 20 year-old. a lot of changes have happened in the past 3 years. wowsers.

why worry when you're 60?

here's something i heard in passing at the beginning of project.

"most people don't worry about what will happen to them when they're 60 because by that time whatever could happen has happened." i.e. marriage, divorce, bankruptcy, sickness, deaths, etc...

i would like to adopt this mentality. can't control the future so why worry about it.

not a linear thinker

it seems like every time i have a meeting with someone i have to start by explaining that "i am not a linear thinker". there's these random thoughts floating around in my head that appear related to me, but does not make sense when i verbalize them to someone else so i often end up confusing people. because of this i wish i had wrote more during project, so that i could see the change that God has been doing in me. i should also try to organize my thoughts so that they make more sense to others.

project is ending in two days. i think i'm in denial. it hasn't really sunk in that in two days people are going to be leaving. project housing is going to be emptier, and there's going to be no more food group!!! (i really like food group! socializing+food. what could be better?)that means i'll be eating cup noodles every night since i don't have to cook for anyone and no one has to cook for me either. it's not going to fully hit until i get back to ontario and then it's going to hit hard.

one way i've been trying to deal with it is starting to prepare mentally for the campus ministry next year. i'm getting really pumped about recruiting for project and summit. september is going to be one crazy month. and i am most definitely looking forward to starting my campus for Christ staff application process.

food for thought: rethinking the "gift" of singleness

this is definitely a different take to singleness than what i've read in the past few years. i want thoughts and comments PLEASE!

Rethinking the Gift of Singleness

milestone: first friend's wedding

today i went to flora and anthony's wedding with the lovely napier as my most entertaining date.

this is the first wedding that i've been to where i actually have a relationship with one of the people getting married. wowsers. so it starts

it was a really fun ceremony. not too serious, but not flippant either. you could really tell that flora and anthony were enjoying themselves. loved the fact that they used their wedding ceremony to share the gospel. kudos. oh and the personalized vows were way cool and funny too.

afterwards it was so refreshing to hang out with napes and just talk between the ceremony and the reception. so nice to talk to someone who knew me before project and has a history with me so i don't have to explain every little detail of myself to her. i've been down of late with a melancholy, bland outlook on life, and i really couldn't pinpoint it until i talked to napes where she hit it on the dot; "it's lonely at the top".

although i definitely try to be as real as i can with everyone on project, there's just stuff that people don't get. i miss the network of friends that i had back in guelph. friends that i've gone through thick and thin with who really know me because they've experienced me through different things. friends with history.

i also miss the older wiser people i.e. staff/pastors/pastors wife back at guelph who looked out for me and who guided me. i suppose that project is used to train us in leadership, and that's why staff left. although i thoroughly enjoy directing the project, i don't think God meant us to go through life by ourselves. so i guess i learned the importance of being in a church and not just being involved in a parachurch organization where everyone's the same age.

but! i wonder...is it just me? am i just not trying hard enough? am i doing something wrong? what is this?

being lonely at the top is something i've never experienced before. is this what student interns feel like? this is definitely a learning experience. wow so i totally tangented from the wedding, but i guess this is also a milestone in my leadership training.

back to the wedding. had some good times letting loose and just chatting with last year's RMP peeps; making fun of taryn- telling him how if i was his associate director last year i would've laid the smackdown on him; and of course eating some top-notch chinese food. going to an authentic chinese wedding made me want to really get back to my roots.

flora and anthony are a really cool couple. they're so good for each other. it was really cool to see their spunky personality shine through the games and the speeches. just can't explain it. they've got very open and attractive and fun personalities. may God bless their marriage.

oh and loved the dancing, and i caught my third bouquet.

100th Post

well this is quite the momentous occasion. according to blogspot this is the 100th post.

the past month or so i've been getting cold feet about going into ministry in general. all these doubts started to rise and nag at me, but God's been faithful and patient with me in getting the head knowledge to become heart knowledge.

the three E's, He's been teaching me.

1. EXPERIENCE
to know God is to experience God. when i was reading Case for Faith, it said that Biblically, the word "know" meant to experience someone or something. for example adam didn't just know eve's name and address, he experienced her. this reminded me of the Lord's command to joshua when the israelites were crossing the jordan at flood season. He told joshua to tell the priests to stand in the middle of the river jordon to stop the river. He promised that the water would stop, but the water would only stop once their feet were in the water, but not before. the israelites experienced God's power.

one of my doubts was "Lord will You provide? i need to KNOW for a fact that You will provide."

so in the same way that the israelites were called to step into the river jordon, i hear the Lord saying to me, take that step of faith, step into the river, and experience My Faithfulness. enter into the support raising process, and then see how He will provide. that's living by faith. He's promised; now take a step of faith to experience that promise.

2. ETERNAL PERSPECTIVE
recently we've been studying the book of 1st thessalonians, and we were faced with the question of what we would do if Jesus were to return in a year, or what we would do if we were to die in five years. now this is nothing new. i've heard it before, but it just hit home all the more with trevor's talk on monday. he was talking about how he's striving to make every moment count of the ten years that the doctors give him because of his cystic fibrosis.

3. EXPECTATION
the other day pri said to me how she couldn't wait to see who i'm going to end up marrying with the expectation that of course God's going to provide one really cool dude. but that's not the entire point. the question of marriage still starts with an "if", and a big one at that, but what i really took away from that conversation was to expect really good and cool things from God. not to say life will be picture perfect through and through, but to expect an epic adventure from God. to live by faith moment by moment according to His will is an epic adventure. i'll never know what will happen next or where He'll lead. i've really learned that i can't plan out the future exactly. i can't even plan out the month of august. my summer plans have changed a lot.

so the lesson? live on the edge.

two week notice

two weeks left of project.

one last push. one final power series in DBR jargon. one final hard drive to sprint past and beyond the finish line.

already my heart aches at the thought of leaving; of saying goodbye.

if it was hard saying goodbye after a six week project...how much harder would it be after 3 months together?

but it's cool to see everyone being way more intentional now that we realize the end is coming.

community

so since i've been crippled...

i've had offers to carry me up the stairs if they could...but they can't. it's the thought that counts.

my roommates got me crutches.

people have been running to get the door for me.

myriam lent me her ankle brace and gave me exercises to strengthen my ankle with.

i've also had many people be human crutches.

and many offers of sympathy.

i love community.

twists and turns

cowboy boots may look really cool, but no one tells you about the perils of wearing them. yesterday i was running to catch the bus in those boots, and i twisted my left ankle. i couldn't walk or touch my foot down for a while after that. i thought that i would walk it off during the day because usually that's how it works, but it didn't. there's even soreness without putting pressure on it.

BUT I'M REALLY HAPPY THAT I TWISTED MY ANKLE!!! because it gives me the much needed rest that i am desperately needing. today i didn't go to work because...well i can't really walk properly so i'm getting some precious downtime and quiet alone in my suite. praise God praise God.

in other news i'm still struggling a lot with the relational evangelism at work. i'm still very discouraged.

*edit*
actually someone did warn me about the perils of running in cowboy boots, zoe. did i listen? noooooo. pride goes before a downfall.

so i went to the doctor, and i'm unfit to work for a week.

about books and things related to books

"one man's garbage is another man's treasure."

thanks to God and pilgrim's books, this summer i've managed to get my paws on "tell it often, tell it well" and "heart to heart about men"; two out of print books highly recommended to me by staff. in terms of book hunting this summer has definitely been a success. w00t!

on another note. i really like bookstores especially chapters and libraries. they're such soothing places except during exam times, but i digress. i've found such a scenic study spot at the mackimmie (do all libbys start with a "mac"?) library here at the U of C. i will miss it. it's a corner spot on the tenth floor with huge windows and a biiiig table where i can totally sprawl out with my books and notes. it's just got an amazing view. i need to bring my camera up here sometime. from my vantage point i can see to the south, downtown calgary with its "skyline" (notice the quotes. i did live in nyc after all.)and rolling foothills with the silhouettes of the rockies to the west. absolutely gorgeous. definitely going to miss it when i return to guelph. sweetest study spot EVER!

and God shows up

everyone dreams of the ultimate evangelism experience; someone coming up to them asking about Jesus.

tonight kathleen and i went to the local wendy's for our one-on-one time. for the first part we were just debriefing about previous events and just getting updated. then in the latter half we started to do our daily devotion together for training and ...well because we both kinda skipped out today. as we were discussing hebrews 11:8-16 (which so happened to be about living in faith...i'll tell you more later)i noticed that the man who was sitting right next to us starting to take an interest in our conversation. out of the corner of my eye i kept seeing him peering over at us. then after awhile kathleen looked over at him and he apologized for interrupting and started talking about how amazing it was to see girls in the west (he's from india) being so interested in God, religion, and spirituality. so i shared a very patchy version of my testimony with him, and we talked to him for a good hour about spirituality. in the end we had to leave because we were kicked out by the wendy's crew. but before we left we got a chance to invite him out to our Jesus film movie night, and he actually said to us that he'd like to learn more of what the Bible says!!! praise God!!!

it was a totally divine appointment because of so many reasons.
1. it just so happened that we were at wendy's at the same time, in the same area when there were only two or three tables taken when he sat down.
2. it just so happened that tonight was the night i was prompted to do a devotion with kathleen instead of something else.
3. it just so happened that we actually did go to wendy's because i was just there like 5 hours ago for another one-on-one, and i was contemplating not going.
4. it just so happened that today i prayed "Lord if You give me an opportunity, i'll share. i'll really share. just give me an opportunity."
5. it just so happened last night that we had a talk about relying on God, on His power to do things, and going in the Spirit..
totally Holy Spirit led tonight. whoa.

it was really really encouraging because:
1. i was really tired of not getting anywhere at work with spiritual conversations. i was starting to force them.
2. for the past week and a bit, my faith has been shaken in trusting God to provide for me, take care of me, and His ability to guide me through tough times, and this man's faith in a god, really challenged me. i don't think that he's wrong in believing that God has brought him through his life even if he doesn't quite know this God yet. i believe that God also brought him through the trials to bring him to canada for a reason.

so i am still awestruck right now. God answers prayers. He's real. He's REAL.

enough

"if the cross of Jesus Christ is not enough for you, then nothing will ever be enough."

that line hit like a ton a brick this sunday at church. God has really been challenging me on the mini idols in my life that i go towards to make myself feel better instead of going to Him. it's been like the theme of project this summer. also because our first Bible study was on it.

we had our second retreat two weekends ago, and God showed up. you just had to be there, experiencing it to fully understand. and boy does He ever answer prayer.

PRAYER REQUESTS
~ that God would increase and we would decrease as we learn to rely on Him to pull through the final stretch
~ time management and energy. these two seem to be intertwined
~ that everyone would have refreshing quiet times
~ wisdom and insight for me! sometimes i feel like i'm overlooking stuff

you know how...

you never really appreciate something or someone until it's gone or at least threatened?

well i never really truly realized how much i prized my singleness and the freedom to choose until sunday.

mum calls me up for our weekly phone date, and i'm really distracted because i have a hard assignment due in about 5 hours. so i'm uh-huhing and mhmmming and straight out telling her that i needed to go. meanwhile on the other end she's telling me about vacation plans. how it'd be nice to fly out to washington state the same day that i get into new york from toronto to visit her old friend. it'd be a nice vacation she says. in my distracted state, vague visions of oceans, mountains, and trees popped so i agreed. never really been on a family summer vacation. then came the clincher.

auntie so and so wants you to meet this boy.

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!

he's just like you. came from China when he was 5 or 6. can't read chinese. he's very tall.

i mean i know we've joked about setting me up and everything, but this time she's actually half serious. apparently she really does mean it when she says that she's been telling my aunties to keep an eye out. i find this half-amusing and half-disturbing. I DON'T WANT TO BE SET UP. by anyone other than God that is. it's just....ugh. and i'm only 20 for pete's sake! it'd be normal for an asian mom if my biological clock was running out, but that's not for another 15 years! and even then i don't think i would submit to it. ugh. somewhat funny and somewhat disturbing.

salvation is free, but not cheap

lately i've been very frustrated with work and with myself. i feel like i've hit a brick wall in terms of discussing spiritual things with my co-workers. it's different sharing my faith relationally than during randoms. i don't know what to say anymore, and the stuff that i do say doesn't seem to make any sense to them...or even to me sometimes. so i go around feeling like i have frogs in my throat.

i get update letters from friends, and i feel like a lukewarm christian. here they are on fire for God, and i'm ready to withdraw into my shell. i know it's not good to compare...period. there's thoughts that tell me that i'm not up to par, but honestly who is. i've struggled with legalism all my life. i've had these thoughts all my christian life. "you need to pull your act together and do more." this time though another thought counteracts it, "i can't pay the price. i can never pay the price. *panic* but Jesus has. *relief*" salvation is free, but not cheap. but there's still this gnawing feeling that i'm not giving my all, that i'm not going hard enough. maybe i'm just not being efficient.

i want to pray and goodness knows there's a billion things to pray for, but then there's all these other details that i have to look after. life is busy. project is busier. argh...

i want to share, but sometimes i do wonder if people aren't better just left to their self-deceived lives. i mean they seem to enjoy it, and they don't really want to hear about the gospel. but i suppose the focus then is on this side of eternity and not on the other. oh so easy to say, so hard to apply.

so i guess this is what stretching is, eh? it's more of an annoying push than a painful rip. i thought He'd just stretch without me doing anything, but with this prodding, i have to respond to it. oh gee.

a divine appointment with politics

saturday was a day of outreach. the 26 of us were split up into 4 teams and sent out into the city of calgary. my team was sent downtown to do some mall and street evangelism. i have to admit that it was totally out of my comfort zone as i was leading the team and had to lead out in evangelism. i would have much preferred to have followed someone. we went for two rounds of one hour and one and a half hour each with a lunch break in between to share and brief each other.

during round two i went with kathleen one of the girls that i'm discipling, and after our first conversation she led out in approaching people and initiating conversations with them. the first person that she approached was a middle aged gentleman just getting to eat his subway. in my head i sort of freaked out because he was a guy (even though we had just talked to guys)and he was older. when we explained to him what we were doing he started questioning us about which organization we were with, and that made me even more on edge. i was going "uh-oh" in my head, and was bracing myself for a hard conversation. i could feel a bit of tension, but then as soon as he found out we were christians with crusade all the tension was gone.

he was all excited about what we were doing because he was a born again christian too. then he proceeded to tell us that he was one of prime minister stephen harper's personal advisors!!! it was really encouraging to talk to him about everything that was going on at parliament hill. he told us that there's more christians involved in government now. how there's been an increase in MPs. he told us that the PM was just a regular joe like us on a journey, very down to earth, grounded, and non-elitist. we asked him for prayer requests, prayed for him, and he prayed for us. he was so enthusiastic about the ministry that crusade is doing that i asked him if he would consider joining my support team in the future if i were to join CCC staff. it was WAY cool.

the moment of truth

i am co-directing the project with dave rennalls (mac). :) please pray for wisdom and discernment for us.

rare moment

amy and i went jogging all the way up to nose hill tonight. (nose hill is the largest prairie preserve i think) when we got to the top we saw deer grazing. we were literally 30 feet away from one that just bounded across our trail. we stood there watching them watch us. they tried to smell us, but we were downwind. it was funny as they started to sniff or should i say snort at us. at first amy thought they were trying to figure us out, but then she thought there was also the possibility that they were warning us to stay away, which is a lot scarier. in the end they left us first so we turned and went back home.

horsing around

in keeping with the animal sayings from beth's blog. i really learned the definition of "keeping a short/tight rein" on something or someone. we went horseback riding this weekend on trails. at first i gave my horse at least 3 feet of rein, but it was quite the feisty horse so by the end i had shortened it to 1.5 feet to regain more control of it.

it was a really tall horse. i was so high off the ground. i thought i was going to freak out, but once i got on it didn't seem that bad. i got nervous when it started moving when we were just waiting for the others to get saddled, but that was just silly. horses are suppose to move.

i felt very epic riding on that horse in the forest. it was like i was in the Last of the Mohicans. i kept looking through the trees to see if anyone was there to ambush us. :P

trotting was extremely ticklish. i couldn't stop laughing everytime that we started trotting. i would realy like to gallop one day though. that would be so cool. just flying on top of a horse, pounding away. it would require a lot of balance. my respect for jockeys just went up that much. imagine being on a thoroughbred that's bolting out of the gates. yikes.