Five Good Things Colorado Edition

1. Living in the same apartment as my BFF even though I still message her on gchat, to which her reply is "DORKFACE".
2. Learning about God despite the massive amounts of homework.
3. All the fast food joints that we don't have in Canada.
4. Southern drawls.
5. Seeing and hanging out with Canadian staff for an extended period of time.

A Pleasant Surprise

I've had quite a few number of unpleasant surprises from life this summer, so it was nice to have a nice, unplanned, pleasant surprise for once. I hadn't booked my flight to Vancouver due to laziness, but when I found out in Colorado that my friend, C.C. needed a roadtrip buddy to staff conference, I jumped at the chance. So after IBS, I'll be road-tripping it up to Vancouver for staff training and staff conference with C.C.

It's tickling me pink. I've always wanted to road-trip across the U.S., but more specifically the western half because it's different than what I'm usually used to. So another childhood dream is going to be checked off. And as a result of C.C. having a standard car, I am now learning to drive standard. SCORE!

Fa-Fa-Fa-Family

For family, I would export myself to the states.

Visiting my family is like stepping into a pool of warm sunshine from the coolness of solitude.

The Fives (Family Edition)
I love...
1a. Hearing the "baby, sugar, honey, sweetie," and all those terms of endearments that my dear aunties use.
1b. Trying to learn grace, gentleness, and sweetness from observing my beautiful aunties.
1c. Basking in the unconditional, selfless love of my mummy dearest.
2. Teasing and joking with my uncles; saying that I need to get my assisting the elderly badge by helping them; trash talking over Ticket to Ride games; asking them questions about boys.
3. Giggling over a yearbook behind closed doors with my little cousin D. as he shows me the girls he has crushes on.
4. Having Starbucks and Bookstore dates with my cousin J. We're two peas in a pod.
5. The feel of N.'s head on my shoulder when I carry her around when she's pooped out.

All this in the desert beauty of Arizona. Ahh...

For family, I would export myself to the states...were it not for the conviction of my calling specifically to Toronto with Campus for Christ, and the inspiring vision of Grace Toronto. Were it not for that, I would be giving my one year's notice, and requesting a transfer to the South.

Not "Either, Or", but "AND"

Single and content, yet desirous for marriage.

Seems like an oxymoron doesn't it? It used to seem to me like you have to hate one status in order to like the other. I use to villainize 'marriage' in my mind to hang on to what shred of contentment I had with being single, which is, in all honesty; no contentment at all. Or I'd swing the pendulum the other way and scorn singleness. Oh the folly of youth.

But it wasn't just me. It seems like a lot of people think like that too. It's not blatant. No one goes around with a bullhorn announcing: "You gotta hate being single if you want to get married or you have to hate marriage in order to enjoy being single." It's very subtle.

Like the question, "You have the gift of celibacy?" after I stated with conviction that I very much enjoy my single status. Seriously?

For the record, I don't think I have the gift of celibacy. I very much agree with my friend, M who says "You know you have 'the gift' when you're on your death bed and you've never been married."

But I digress. It's gotten to the point that I'm a bit hesitant to voice my desires for marriage or my desire for companionship for fear that I'm going to be misconstrued as being desperate and hating singleness, which in case you haven't figured out yet, I'm NOT. Recently at the hint of some of my desire for companionship, the outpouring of pity begins for the supposed plight that is 'singleness'. I might be oversensitive, but...

It is so very much possible to thoroughly enjoy and savour the season of singleness while desiring marriage at the same time. So this is my public service announcement stating thus:

I. ENJOY. BEING. SINGLE.
I like being able to do things at the drop of a time like going off to a swing dancing weekend with two days' notice.
I like staying out late without having to worry about someone needing me to come back home.
I like all the time that I have to devote to my hobbies.
I like being able to spend all that time with friends and family.
I like setting my own budget, my own timeline, my own goals.
I like eating whatever, whenever.
I like that I can work stupid, crazy, hours in ministry without anyone minding because campus ministry is definitely not a 9 to 5 job.
I like sprawling all over queen size beds when I get to hotels.
I like being in the driver seat every time I get into my car.
I like that I can buy stuff without consulting someone.
I like that I don't really need to think about anybody else except for me. I'm selfish.
I like ALL that FREEDOM.

At the same time...

I. WANT. TO. GET. MARRIED. SOMEDAY.
I want to be able to serve my husband, and cook yummy, delicious meals for him, do his laundry, help him find the right clothes, among other things.
I want to be able to come home at night to someone, to belong to someone.
I want to be able to bounce ideas off someone and have someone to go through life with.
I want someone to share my dreams and goals with.
I want someone to pick me up at the airport.
I want someone to freak out with like when I had chest pains and had to go to the ER.
I want someone to hold my hand at the ER.
I want to be that support for that someone, encouraging him to be all that God has created him to be and praying for him.
I want to keep a nice house so that he can return to a nice, homey, relaxed environment.
I want to start a family with someone and start a legacy with him, like Johnny Edwards.

And so much more...

So it's not either be happy with being single or desire to get married, but be happy being single and desire to get married.

Housewifely Ambitions

Things That I Think a Good Housewife Ought to Know How to Make:
(So therefore I ought to learn how to cook.)

1. Cookies from scratch.
2. Full Thanksgiving Dinner from scratch.
*Turkey
*Gravy
*Stuffing
*Sides
3. Lasagna from scratch even the noodles.
4. Spaghetti from scratch meaning...handmade meatballs.
5. Hamburger patties from scratch.
6. Cake from scratch.
7. Steak.

Anyone wanna be a guinea pig?

The Privilege of Packing

It's one thing when you're packing for a 6 week mission trip to a developing country, but it's another when you're packing for an extensive trip to a developed country. The former I could care less how I look, the latter I want to bring my entire closet and shoe collection.

It pains me that I cannot bring that sweet pair of teal kitten heels that will match that one top because....it only matches that one and only that one top. Woe is me.

What a privilege it is to have such a silly dilemma when there are millions around the world languishing for the want of food and water, the basic necessities of life when I can fret about how many pairs of shoes to bring along to a trip.

Then there's the fact that I am even going somewhere on a jet plane. And also the fact that I even have things to pack.

Privileged and blessed by God indeed for I did not do anything to deserve living in this country. I could have easily been one of the underprivileged.

The Subconscious Speaks

In my dream I'm back in school. It looks like my junior high in New York City. Dark, dingy, and dreary. Like a jail.

It starts off well. I have my books, and I go to class. But quickly, little by little I start skipping and slacking. Then before I know it finals are next week. I haven't attended any lectures, and have completed none of the readings. The knowledge of impending failure is certain, and in my dream I start to panic.

The first time I dreamed this dream, I was cramming at the end. The second time, I completely gave up, and was trying to drop the courses before the course drop deadline.

I think my subconscious is trying to say something, like the fact that maybe just maybe I might be stressed about my IBS readings?

The irony is when I was in university there were definitely some courses where I skipped completely and didn't do any readings until the few days before finals. Yet I never had such dreams.

Growing Up

Recently I've had frequent moments where I've actually felt "grown-up". Moments like when I was on the road to vacation with Lydders, or when I spontaneously decided to go to Quebec for the Canadian Swing Dancing Championships, or when I was showing my car to potential buyers, or when my credit card number was stolen. For the most part I usually just feel like a kid with a LOT of freedom, playing at "real" life. But now I'm feeling more like an adult,......................... 0.001% of the time.

If I Won Lotto 649...

and I had no social/moral obligations, I would:

1) Remove the monstrosity from my foot.
2) Sell my car and buy a baby blue mini cooper.
3) Buy a loft with a lake-shore view, and furnish it with a wanton shopping spree.
4) Pay off my loans.
5) Buy Canon's whole line of lenses, and their top o' line camera.
6) Take my family on a luxury vacation to Greece.
7) Take my best friend on a luxury vacation to Hawaii.
8) Buy my best friend a purple vespa.
[Although according to her, this would be a social and moral obligation.]
9) Put aside a chunk o' money for a possible wedding to goodness knows who.
10) Tour Europe for a year...or two.
11) Take private swing dance lessons EVERY day.

One can always dream.

BBC Book List

Instructions:
1) Look at the list and put an 'x' after those you have read.
2) Add a '' to the ones you LOVE.
3) Star (*) those you plan on reading.
4) Tally your total at the bottom.

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen (x")
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien(*)
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte (x")
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling (x")
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee (x)
6 The Bible (x")
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte (x)
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens (x)
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott (*)
12 Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller (*)
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare (*)
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien (x")
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger (*)
19 The Time Traveller's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger (x")
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell (*)
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald (*)
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy (*)
25 The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy (*)
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis (x")
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen (*)
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis (x)
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini (x)
38 Captain Corelli's Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden (x)
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown (x)
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery (x")
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood (x)
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding (x)
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan (x)
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel (x)
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen (*)
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck (*)
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov (*)
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas (*)
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones's Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville (*)
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett (x)
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce (*)
76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray (*)
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens (x")
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry (x)
87 Charlotte's Web - EB White (x)
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom (x)
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas (x")
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare (x)
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl (x")
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo (*)

27/100

If this was a test I'd failed miserably.

It's Happened

Remember how when you were a kid and you hated those "aunties" and even some "uncles" who would attack you the minute they saw you? How they would gush about how adorable you were, and how they wanted to eat your cheeks, and pester you incessantly for hugs and kisses? How you vowed never to become one of them because you know from first hand experience how annoying that was? And how you don't want to be constantly kissing the rough surfaces of some random adult's cheek? Yeah, me too.

Artistic Aspirations

I aspire to...

1. Get a Photography Certificate
2. Swing Dance Competitively
3. Rock Out on a real Electric a la Rock Band

Let's All Say It Together Now

Sometimes we Christians and by "we", I mean, "I" tend to over-spiritualize things especially when it comes to the not so gentle knocks of life. I tend to skip over the "grieving" process and try to move straight on to the better outlook on life. I don't know why. Probably a subconscious attempt to act/behave/think more "spiritual".
[Oh, the performance trap. Will it never end?]

But it's like, "Really? Is it honestly that healthy to not acknowledge the suckiness of the situation?" Not to say that I should wallow in self-wity like a pig in mud holes, but what I'm saying is to actually recognize that said sucky situation is not cool."

So let's say it together now: "This sucks. PERIOD."

Unleash the [Punk] Artist Within

It's so short in the back that I can't even make a ponytail.

But I LURVE it. It's like I'm going through the punk phase that never happened back in high school. I didn't have enough security back then to pull this off.

Now to work up the courage to get that tongue ring, and to make a final design decision regarding the tattoo, oh and...AND to learn how to play the guitar so I can rock out on the electric. YEOOOW.

Five Good Things

I am looking forward to:

1. Hanging out with my dear friends in Waterloo.
2. Grace Toronto's Good Friday and Easter Sunday services.
3. Sushi on Saturday with York peeps.
4. Holding Elijah C. after service on Sunday.
5. Lunch with church friends on Sunday. (I have non- C4C church friends! YAY!!!)

The Cherry On Top

I am officially doing a "Trash the Dress" shoot for a couple that I know this May. This is pretty much the proverbial cherry on top of the proverbial sundae, that is my summer.

"I didn't know if it was ok to ask staff who they liked."
~ One of my girls explaining how she was so relieved that someone else in my DG 'popped the question' so to speak.

Dum Move of the Day

Wearing wide leg jeans when it's raining outside.

The Fives

Five Good Things From This Past 7 Days
1) Hearing Dr. James Orbinski speak. (It was sobering.)
2) Becoming the PR rep for Grace Centre at Grace Toronto.
3) Russ and Mere's wedding
4) Editing pics from Russ and Mere's wedding
5) Swing dancing.

Five Good Things to Come
1) Grace Toronto's Artist Symposium
2) SLEEP, and lots of it
3) Reading the Cross of Christ by John Stott
4) Getting my IBS (Institute for Biblical Studies not irritable bowel syndrome) textbooks
5) That SWEET tax return check

Millionaire Dollar Team

Would you rather always be fully supported financially above and beyond what you need but only work by yourself or would your rather always be under supported financially but work with a team?

That was one of the "Would You Rather" questions that I asked part of my staff team coming back from a weekly meeting. EVERYONE chose to be under supported financially if that meant working with a team. And despite how much I like money, I would too.

This year has really taught me the importance of working in a team. I've always appreciated teams before, but never as like this. My team has been an integral part of my healing process from burnout. What grace there was when I failed, and I had failed many a times. What truth there was when I was blinded to reality, and I'm borderline delusional [sic]. My staff team is a millionaire dollar team. I adore them all. Yes, every single one of them. I can't imagine working without them, but now I'm going to have to.

Come April, most of them are going to be across the sea while I'm still here on campus. To be honest it makes me a bit anxious when I think about being "alone". I'll have friends in Toronto of course, but the camaraderie of my team won't be fully there. There's nothing worse than going to battle alone.

I know in my weakness God will be glorified, and that His grace is sufficient in my head, but at this point it hasn't filtered down to my heart yet.

I miss them already.