Just a Moment of Weakness

I use to get delighted when people would ask me if I had any insecurities because to me it meant that I was successful in presenting to the world a strong image. You know the whole, "I am woman, hear me roar" kind of thing.

Any loneliness, insecurity, or fears that I had would just be a moment of weakness. In my head I was independent and INVINCIBLE.

That was why going through burnout was so frustrating because it revealed the truth that I was not independent and invincible. In fact it was quite the opposite. I'm quite dependent on the mercies of God for every little thing, the truth of which did not bode well with me during the past few months. Because even though I was dependent on Jesus for my salvation I wanted to be able to say that I could depend on myself for being able to take care of myself physically, emotionally, mentally. I mean it's everyday life, I should be able to handle it! What a subtle but insidious mentality. My worth was in again...how I performed. Darn the performance trap. I shake my fist at it!

I thought I had learned this lesson well this past year, but as I am recovering, it seems the pride comes back just as fast as the energy levels. Sigh.

I was shocked to discover that in the past week I was mentally brushing insecurities, anxieties, and the like off as "just a moment of weakness". I still had this "I am invincible" mentality. Argrgggggh.