until the cows come home...

relationships, relationships, relationships...

one thing us twenty year olds just can't stop talking about. ah well, might as well sit back and enjoy this ka-razy season of life. instead of waiting until we're middle-aged, married, living in a house with a white picket fence, with 2.5 children, and a pooch, let's just laugh at ourselves now. well i'll just laugh at myself now anyways. so silly.

and i say this with no bitterness.

seriously.

it's so funny. it's like a circus...sort of.

here's the consensus from a Christian viewpoint.
1. marriage is good. [point b]
2. single people should get married unless they're divinely called to a life of celibacy. [point a]
3. guys should take the lead....

that said. here's the diagram of where we are...

[point a]------>---?????????????????????????????????????--->------>[point b]

[????????????????????????]
is the part that people debate about until the cows come home, and they haven't yet....even though i live in guelph. :P it's so fun reading these articles. for your reading pleasure; the articles and the rebuttals.

ok so here's that first one:
Rethinking the Gift of Singleness

here's the theologian's rebuttal:
A Theologian's Take On The Gift of Singleness
the way he addresses the way that the author debbie maken uses scripture to back up her reasoning brings to my mind the verse about how not everyone should assume that they should be teachers. dum dum dum.

and another review of that said book...
30 and Single? It's Your Own Fault"
tsk. harsh title, eh? sounds like something an azn mum would say. "aiiiyah. 30 years old an' still no marry. own fault la! i arrange meeting with auntie so and so's daughter, but you no want. susie is nice girl. you not get younger. i want grandkids!" ahem...so in the review, the author says that one of the reason single women are unmarried is because of the lack of men as shown by a survey, BUT...

survey SAYS
There's Plenty of Men to go Around
*struggling very hard...not to...make...a...crack..about....guelph.*

then there's the lady who suggests pulling a ruth
Pulling a Ruth Part 1
Pulling a Ruth Part 2

so my point? i think we're just going 'round and 'round in circles. but it's fun watching.

what irks me is that some of these articles insinuate that praying and waiting isn't enough. life is complimacated enough as it is. can i not just wait, pray, and trust God to honour that prayer? granted 'tis may be harder for guys as your future wife doesn't have a glowing fuchsia "wife" sign on her forehead to let you know so you can initiate...on second thought maybe it's a good thing. but like honestly what about all those men who had revelations about who they're suppose to marry. i've heard quite a few real life stories. my nose has not been stuck in anne of green gables.

another random tidbit. heard from someone who heard from someone else who heard a missionary who remained single say that God heard her prayers, and God had sent, but the person sent refused to obey. is that valid????

tut tut

solitude and silence

i've been craving solitude of late. and by solitude i mean being away from people and being away from civilization. not that i hate people or that i hate the city, but it's just so refreshing to be by myself, left alone with God and my thoughts, and serene silence. for this reason i wish that i was still in calgary where the mountains are an hour drive away.

i don't know of any place outside of guelph where i could go for a one day nature retreat. that's why i'm really looking forward to summit where i can stay up, looking at the stars on the docks, or rise with the sun in the mornings, watching the mist lift. if you've read the Sacred Romance by John Eldredge and Brent Curtis, you'll know what i mean when i say it's in those times when i can feel the Romance calling out to me. our God is pretty much an awesome God.

backlog: food for thought

been mulling on these two thoughts for a bit.

1. sometimes one of the reasons that people write blogs is to make themselves known to others. regardless of whether this is the primary motive or not, when reading someone's blog you get to know a side of the person. in the same way isn't the Bible sort of like God's blog? He wrote it so we could know Him, and we get to know His Person more by reading it. except He doesn't update it anymore. (much like darren lung, but dlu isn't God. ok this is where the analogy breaks down.)

2. you know how when you're walking around and looking at the things people wear and you go "ouch, i can't believe he/she is wearing that"? (ok this is more for girls than for guys) it's my theory that no one goes out the front door of the house without being ok with what they're wearing...unless the house is burning, but i digress. i think most people leave the house, thinking they're attractively presentable even the person with the lowest self-esteem that slouches, and dresses in sweaters that look like potato sacks. this just blew my mind one day when i was being judgmental about people's sense of fashion. whatever they walk out the door with is what they're ok with; provided with the resources that they have. i.e. selection of clothes. bottomline: beauty or the "lack thereof" REALLY is in the eye of the beholder.

night life

just got back from toronto about ooohhh...20 minutes ago? went into town today to chill with some peeps that i haven't seen since winter conference. awesome time talking, chatting, catching up, and laughing!!! then decided that i would drive back at midnight to avoid toronto traffic. i'm definitely losing the torontonian in me. well at least the torontonian driver in me. i cannot stand driving in that traffic. it's just brutal. it's enough to make me want to pack up and move to saskatchewan just because of kirsten's description of the lack of traffic there. even coming back late at night wasn't that cool. people were gunning it and changing lanes like a madmen.

i was looking forward to enjoying a night drive. it was fun driving around a deserted guelph after i got off the 401. i want to do it more often. there's just somethine serene and peaceful during the hours of 10pm-8am. there's no mad rush to go somewhere or get something done. my heart just feels settled and quiet. a very restful feeling. maybe that explains why i'm struggling to stay awake even though there's nothing to do while my eyelids are leaden with sleep. it's enough to make me want to switch my schedule around.

one thing i learned about myself this summer...i am most definitely NOT a morning person. that's why i'm second cup's best customer.

oh and red bull doesn't work on me. what does that say about my caffiene immunity?

so it begins!

today as of 1:47pm eastern time i've started the process to become campus staff with Campus Crusade for Christ, Canada. this is going to be quite the year. i'm going to relish it. it's exciting to be following God and waiting on Him.

when you trust in Him, the unknown is more like a birthday surprise party than a horrible black pit that you have to watch out for.


pause. fact...sinking...in

i can't believe this is happening.

withdrawal

well it's finally hitting me that rocky mountain project is over, and i'm glad that it has. for awhile i was beginning to think that i really was heartless. i miss people and their quirks. the way they act, the things they say, and the interesting hand gestures. (i.e. simeon) i miss sharing in their lives, being a part of their everyday. now i have to read it from the blogs. 'tis not the same. a rare 3 months that was.

in the land of timmy hos' and swiss chalets

welps, i'm back HOME. in the g. dot. the other cowtown of this beautiful country. and i LOVE it. it's so beautiful and lush here. tis good to be studying at my own university again where i know the nooks and crannies and the best studying spots. currently i am on the first floor looking out the large windows towards johnston hall draped with velvet ivy.

my heart was leaping with joy as i was walking on campus praising God for bringing me here. this is THE best university i could have ever gone to, and i didn't even know it at the time when i made my decision. but He did!!! looove it!

last night was my first night in my new house. nothing's set up and nothing will be set up until my exam's over on the 12th. for now i'll be ekeing out a nomadic existence, living out of suitcases and duffel bags, while sleeping on the floor. good times.

oh life's such an adventure. let's live it up!

p.s. the massive post about banff with a bajillion pictures that will make your jaw drop and video footage of the gondola ride will be posted...later.

the mist clears and the veil lifts

every once in a while, the shocking reality and the truth about this world pierces through the intoxicating fog of materialism, mindless worries, self-centerness, and hedonism that i willingly surround myself with.

saturday night as i was coming back from my one day vacation at banff, i ran into this girl at the c-train station @ 11pm at night. she looked so young, but i didn't want to offend her by asking her age. she put up a tough, independent demeanor, but yet i could see her vulnerability. as i got to know her, my heart went out to her. @ 14 she had divorced parents. that day her dad had been yelling at her because she was late in getting home. on the other hand her mom didn't care at all. i couldn't imagine what messages the actions or the lack thereof of her parents sent her. did she feel unloved? unworthy? ugly? lonely?

that night the veil lifted just a bit and i saw the world beyond my own bubble. there are hurting and broken people out there. "hurt and broken people" wasn't just a cliche anymore, it became manifest in the physical form of a 14 year old girl at Sunnyside station.

yet even as the veil lifted, i was still engrossed with myself. the girl whom i still don't know the name of stayed behind to get picked up by her mom. meanwhile i rushed to get home on the train instead of staying with her and talk to her more. the most i could muster up was to give her a 4 laws and tell her that, that was what got me through my parents' divorce. meanwhile two drunken boys also around 14-15 who had arrived in the midst of our conversation mocked me. "did you find God?" i gave them each a booklet too. i should have stayed, but instead i jumped on the train to go home, and as the train pullled away the veil was slowly dropping again...

sunday morning at church a pastor from the congo was sharing his experiences during the civil war that ravaged the country. as everyone gasped and sat astounded through it all, i sat thinking "this isn't news to me." international development exposed me to plenty of stats, numbers, and facts about the state of the world. it just wasn't shocking anymore. except this meant i was in a worse position than most since i knew about it all, but did nothing. instead i've been justifying myself by thinking i'm poor because i'm living on a student budget. i brushed off the verses in 1st timothy 6:17-19 and attributed it to the white collared professionals that i saw going to work everyday in those tall skyscrapers downtown.

however that's not the truth. that's not the reality. in actuality i am the 761,386,272 richest person in the world out of 6 billion people according to globalrichlist.com i have access to food anytime i want, i have a closet full of clothes, i have running water, i have a car, i have a computer, i'm university educated......there is no way in the world that i am "poor".

God has truly blessed me, and i've failed to be grateful for it.
oh that the veil would not fall again.

always wanted to do this...

pie-eating contest. i lost, but i pied steve and nate in the face GOOD. hahahahaha. oh i love project.

world's longest blog post (maybe)

so much stuff that i wanted to blog about, but i didn't have any time so now i shall blog it all in one huge post.

favour
last week i had to buy paints for christa so that she could paint the backdrop for the end of the year banquet. i had found these four nice quarts of mistints that my boss said i could mistint to any colour. however they were a special brand so i had to get him to give me a reduced sticker for them. i asked him on monday, but he was busy so i thought he forgot. when i asked him again on tuesday, someone brought in a whole shmuck load of them in, and told me to slap 'em on. so i did, but afterwards he told me to take them off. i was baffled. he took those stickers and started to change the price on them from $3 to $5, and i was even more confuddled. instead of putting them on the paints he put those stickers on these rolls and rolls of masking tape. then he went and got a box for the paints, and turned me asked me if i wanted five cans because he was going to give them to me. it didn't hit at first so i just asked for four, but then it clicked and i double-checked with him to be sure that i was hearing right. he GAVE the paints to me because i was part of a non-profit organization!!! praise God for granting me favour in the eyes of my boss!!! best boss i've ever had too.

the end
project ended...so sad. project withdrawal hasn't hit full-forced yet. at first i was thinking that i should have gone back to guelph immediately, but i like this slowly trickling away of people as opposed to the sudden aloneness experienced on both OEX's. it's less shocking. there's still people to chill...although time is still of the essence as i have a brutal exam coming up in 1.5 weeks. please pray for that. i think it'll take a miracle for me to pass. that and hardwork too.

five holes
today i finally got my cartilage pierced! w00t! after wanting one on and off for five years i finally got one, and it was n't done by a stranger either. my dear OEX roomie, Zoe pierced it for me @ Claire's and my roomie from this project natalie was there so i could death grip her hands. it doesn't even hurt as much as lobe piercing, but i did freak out more than i did for the lobe piercing.

something spiritual
this project's really shown me God's providence and wisdom in the way He plans and organizes stuff. i have more reasons to trust in Him and rest in His plans. i love how faithful He is.

excitement
am absolutely and utterly pumped for the guelph ministry this year. i can't wait to get the new year started. although i have been getting nostalgic about leaving. the past three years have flown by. i entered university for the first time a hyperactive, over-emotional 17 year-old. now i enter it for the last time as a somewhat more mellow 20 year-old. a lot of changes have happened in the past 3 years. wowsers.

why worry when you're 60?

here's something i heard in passing at the beginning of project.

"most people don't worry about what will happen to them when they're 60 because by that time whatever could happen has happened." i.e. marriage, divorce, bankruptcy, sickness, deaths, etc...

i would like to adopt this mentality. can't control the future so why worry about it.

not a linear thinker

it seems like every time i have a meeting with someone i have to start by explaining that "i am not a linear thinker". there's these random thoughts floating around in my head that appear related to me, but does not make sense when i verbalize them to someone else so i often end up confusing people. because of this i wish i had wrote more during project, so that i could see the change that God has been doing in me. i should also try to organize my thoughts so that they make more sense to others.

project is ending in two days. i think i'm in denial. it hasn't really sunk in that in two days people are going to be leaving. project housing is going to be emptier, and there's going to be no more food group!!! (i really like food group! socializing+food. what could be better?)that means i'll be eating cup noodles every night since i don't have to cook for anyone and no one has to cook for me either. it's not going to fully hit until i get back to ontario and then it's going to hit hard.

one way i've been trying to deal with it is starting to prepare mentally for the campus ministry next year. i'm getting really pumped about recruiting for project and summit. september is going to be one crazy month. and i am most definitely looking forward to starting my campus for Christ staff application process.

food for thought: rethinking the "gift" of singleness

this is definitely a different take to singleness than what i've read in the past few years. i want thoughts and comments PLEASE!

Rethinking the Gift of Singleness

milestone: first friend's wedding

today i went to flora and anthony's wedding with the lovely napier as my most entertaining date.

this is the first wedding that i've been to where i actually have a relationship with one of the people getting married. wowsers. so it starts

it was a really fun ceremony. not too serious, but not flippant either. you could really tell that flora and anthony were enjoying themselves. loved the fact that they used their wedding ceremony to share the gospel. kudos. oh and the personalized vows were way cool and funny too.

afterwards it was so refreshing to hang out with napes and just talk between the ceremony and the reception. so nice to talk to someone who knew me before project and has a history with me so i don't have to explain every little detail of myself to her. i've been down of late with a melancholy, bland outlook on life, and i really couldn't pinpoint it until i talked to napes where she hit it on the dot; "it's lonely at the top".

although i definitely try to be as real as i can with everyone on project, there's just stuff that people don't get. i miss the network of friends that i had back in guelph. friends that i've gone through thick and thin with who really know me because they've experienced me through different things. friends with history.

i also miss the older wiser people i.e. staff/pastors/pastors wife back at guelph who looked out for me and who guided me. i suppose that project is used to train us in leadership, and that's why staff left. although i thoroughly enjoy directing the project, i don't think God meant us to go through life by ourselves. so i guess i learned the importance of being in a church and not just being involved in a parachurch organization where everyone's the same age.

but! i wonder...is it just me? am i just not trying hard enough? am i doing something wrong? what is this?

being lonely at the top is something i've never experienced before. is this what student interns feel like? this is definitely a learning experience. wow so i totally tangented from the wedding, but i guess this is also a milestone in my leadership training.

back to the wedding. had some good times letting loose and just chatting with last year's RMP peeps; making fun of taryn- telling him how if i was his associate director last year i would've laid the smackdown on him; and of course eating some top-notch chinese food. going to an authentic chinese wedding made me want to really get back to my roots.

flora and anthony are a really cool couple. they're so good for each other. it was really cool to see their spunky personality shine through the games and the speeches. just can't explain it. they've got very open and attractive and fun personalities. may God bless their marriage.

oh and loved the dancing, and i caught my third bouquet.

100th Post

well this is quite the momentous occasion. according to blogspot this is the 100th post.

the past month or so i've been getting cold feet about going into ministry in general. all these doubts started to rise and nag at me, but God's been faithful and patient with me in getting the head knowledge to become heart knowledge.

the three E's, He's been teaching me.

1. EXPERIENCE
to know God is to experience God. when i was reading Case for Faith, it said that Biblically, the word "know" meant to experience someone or something. for example adam didn't just know eve's name and address, he experienced her. this reminded me of the Lord's command to joshua when the israelites were crossing the jordan at flood season. He told joshua to tell the priests to stand in the middle of the river jordon to stop the river. He promised that the water would stop, but the water would only stop once their feet were in the water, but not before. the israelites experienced God's power.

one of my doubts was "Lord will You provide? i need to KNOW for a fact that You will provide."

so in the same way that the israelites were called to step into the river jordon, i hear the Lord saying to me, take that step of faith, step into the river, and experience My Faithfulness. enter into the support raising process, and then see how He will provide. that's living by faith. He's promised; now take a step of faith to experience that promise.

2. ETERNAL PERSPECTIVE
recently we've been studying the book of 1st thessalonians, and we were faced with the question of what we would do if Jesus were to return in a year, or what we would do if we were to die in five years. now this is nothing new. i've heard it before, but it just hit home all the more with trevor's talk on monday. he was talking about how he's striving to make every moment count of the ten years that the doctors give him because of his cystic fibrosis.

3. EXPECTATION
the other day pri said to me how she couldn't wait to see who i'm going to end up marrying with the expectation that of course God's going to provide one really cool dude. but that's not the entire point. the question of marriage still starts with an "if", and a big one at that, but what i really took away from that conversation was to expect really good and cool things from God. not to say life will be picture perfect through and through, but to expect an epic adventure from God. to live by faith moment by moment according to His will is an epic adventure. i'll never know what will happen next or where He'll lead. i've really learned that i can't plan out the future exactly. i can't even plan out the month of august. my summer plans have changed a lot.

so the lesson? live on the edge.

two week notice

two weeks left of project.

one last push. one final power series in DBR jargon. one final hard drive to sprint past and beyond the finish line.

already my heart aches at the thought of leaving; of saying goodbye.

if it was hard saying goodbye after a six week project...how much harder would it be after 3 months together?

but it's cool to see everyone being way more intentional now that we realize the end is coming.

community

so since i've been crippled...

i've had offers to carry me up the stairs if they could...but they can't. it's the thought that counts.

my roommates got me crutches.

people have been running to get the door for me.

myriam lent me her ankle brace and gave me exercises to strengthen my ankle with.

i've also had many people be human crutches.

and many offers of sympathy.

i love community.

twists and turns

cowboy boots may look really cool, but no one tells you about the perils of wearing them. yesterday i was running to catch the bus in those boots, and i twisted my left ankle. i couldn't walk or touch my foot down for a while after that. i thought that i would walk it off during the day because usually that's how it works, but it didn't. there's even soreness without putting pressure on it.

BUT I'M REALLY HAPPY THAT I TWISTED MY ANKLE!!! because it gives me the much needed rest that i am desperately needing. today i didn't go to work because...well i can't really walk properly so i'm getting some precious downtime and quiet alone in my suite. praise God praise God.

in other news i'm still struggling a lot with the relational evangelism at work. i'm still very discouraged.

*edit*
actually someone did warn me about the perils of running in cowboy boots, zoe. did i listen? noooooo. pride goes before a downfall.

so i went to the doctor, and i'm unfit to work for a week.

about books and things related to books

"one man's garbage is another man's treasure."

thanks to God and pilgrim's books, this summer i've managed to get my paws on "tell it often, tell it well" and "heart to heart about men"; two out of print books highly recommended to me by staff. in terms of book hunting this summer has definitely been a success. w00t!

on another note. i really like bookstores especially chapters and libraries. they're such soothing places except during exam times, but i digress. i've found such a scenic study spot at the mackimmie (do all libbys start with a "mac"?) library here at the U of C. i will miss it. it's a corner spot on the tenth floor with huge windows and a biiiig table where i can totally sprawl out with my books and notes. it's just got an amazing view. i need to bring my camera up here sometime. from my vantage point i can see to the south, downtown calgary with its "skyline" (notice the quotes. i did live in nyc after all.)and rolling foothills with the silhouettes of the rockies to the west. absolutely gorgeous. definitely going to miss it when i return to guelph. sweetest study spot EVER!

and God shows up

everyone dreams of the ultimate evangelism experience; someone coming up to them asking about Jesus.

tonight kathleen and i went to the local wendy's for our one-on-one time. for the first part we were just debriefing about previous events and just getting updated. then in the latter half we started to do our daily devotion together for training and ...well because we both kinda skipped out today. as we were discussing hebrews 11:8-16 (which so happened to be about living in faith...i'll tell you more later)i noticed that the man who was sitting right next to us starting to take an interest in our conversation. out of the corner of my eye i kept seeing him peering over at us. then after awhile kathleen looked over at him and he apologized for interrupting and started talking about how amazing it was to see girls in the west (he's from india) being so interested in God, religion, and spirituality. so i shared a very patchy version of my testimony with him, and we talked to him for a good hour about spirituality. in the end we had to leave because we were kicked out by the wendy's crew. but before we left we got a chance to invite him out to our Jesus film movie night, and he actually said to us that he'd like to learn more of what the Bible says!!! praise God!!!

it was a totally divine appointment because of so many reasons.
1. it just so happened that we were at wendy's at the same time, in the same area when there were only two or three tables taken when he sat down.
2. it just so happened that tonight was the night i was prompted to do a devotion with kathleen instead of something else.
3. it just so happened that we actually did go to wendy's because i was just there like 5 hours ago for another one-on-one, and i was contemplating not going.
4. it just so happened that today i prayed "Lord if You give me an opportunity, i'll share. i'll really share. just give me an opportunity."
5. it just so happened last night that we had a talk about relying on God, on His power to do things, and going in the Spirit..
totally Holy Spirit led tonight. whoa.

it was really really encouraging because:
1. i was really tired of not getting anywhere at work with spiritual conversations. i was starting to force them.
2. for the past week and a bit, my faith has been shaken in trusting God to provide for me, take care of me, and His ability to guide me through tough times, and this man's faith in a god, really challenged me. i don't think that he's wrong in believing that God has brought him through his life even if he doesn't quite know this God yet. i believe that God also brought him through the trials to bring him to canada for a reason.

so i am still awestruck right now. God answers prayers. He's real. He's REAL.

enough

"if the cross of Jesus Christ is not enough for you, then nothing will ever be enough."

that line hit like a ton a brick this sunday at church. God has really been challenging me on the mini idols in my life that i go towards to make myself feel better instead of going to Him. it's been like the theme of project this summer. also because our first Bible study was on it.

we had our second retreat two weekends ago, and God showed up. you just had to be there, experiencing it to fully understand. and boy does He ever answer prayer.

PRAYER REQUESTS
~ that God would increase and we would decrease as we learn to rely on Him to pull through the final stretch
~ time management and energy. these two seem to be intertwined
~ that everyone would have refreshing quiet times
~ wisdom and insight for me! sometimes i feel like i'm overlooking stuff

you know how...

you never really appreciate something or someone until it's gone or at least threatened?

well i never really truly realized how much i prized my singleness and the freedom to choose until sunday.

mum calls me up for our weekly phone date, and i'm really distracted because i have a hard assignment due in about 5 hours. so i'm uh-huhing and mhmmming and straight out telling her that i needed to go. meanwhile on the other end she's telling me about vacation plans. how it'd be nice to fly out to washington state the same day that i get into new york from toronto to visit her old friend. it'd be a nice vacation she says. in my distracted state, vague visions of oceans, mountains, and trees popped so i agreed. never really been on a family summer vacation. then came the clincher.

auntie so and so wants you to meet this boy.

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!

he's just like you. came from China when he was 5 or 6. can't read chinese. he's very tall.

i mean i know we've joked about setting me up and everything, but this time she's actually half serious. apparently she really does mean it when she says that she's been telling my aunties to keep an eye out. i find this half-amusing and half-disturbing. I DON'T WANT TO BE SET UP. by anyone other than God that is. it's just....ugh. and i'm only 20 for pete's sake! it'd be normal for an asian mom if my biological clock was running out, but that's not for another 15 years! and even then i don't think i would submit to it. ugh. somewhat funny and somewhat disturbing.

salvation is free, but not cheap

lately i've been very frustrated with work and with myself. i feel like i've hit a brick wall in terms of discussing spiritual things with my co-workers. it's different sharing my faith relationally than during randoms. i don't know what to say anymore, and the stuff that i do say doesn't seem to make any sense to them...or even to me sometimes. so i go around feeling like i have frogs in my throat.

i get update letters from friends, and i feel like a lukewarm christian. here they are on fire for God, and i'm ready to withdraw into my shell. i know it's not good to compare...period. there's thoughts that tell me that i'm not up to par, but honestly who is. i've struggled with legalism all my life. i've had these thoughts all my christian life. "you need to pull your act together and do more." this time though another thought counteracts it, "i can't pay the price. i can never pay the price. *panic* but Jesus has. *relief*" salvation is free, but not cheap. but there's still this gnawing feeling that i'm not giving my all, that i'm not going hard enough. maybe i'm just not being efficient.

i want to pray and goodness knows there's a billion things to pray for, but then there's all these other details that i have to look after. life is busy. project is busier. argh...

i want to share, but sometimes i do wonder if people aren't better just left to their self-deceived lives. i mean they seem to enjoy it, and they don't really want to hear about the gospel. but i suppose the focus then is on this side of eternity and not on the other. oh so easy to say, so hard to apply.

so i guess this is what stretching is, eh? it's more of an annoying push than a painful rip. i thought He'd just stretch without me doing anything, but with this prodding, i have to respond to it. oh gee.

a divine appointment with politics

saturday was a day of outreach. the 26 of us were split up into 4 teams and sent out into the city of calgary. my team was sent downtown to do some mall and street evangelism. i have to admit that it was totally out of my comfort zone as i was leading the team and had to lead out in evangelism. i would have much preferred to have followed someone. we went for two rounds of one hour and one and a half hour each with a lunch break in between to share and brief each other.

during round two i went with kathleen one of the girls that i'm discipling, and after our first conversation she led out in approaching people and initiating conversations with them. the first person that she approached was a middle aged gentleman just getting to eat his subway. in my head i sort of freaked out because he was a guy (even though we had just talked to guys)and he was older. when we explained to him what we were doing he started questioning us about which organization we were with, and that made me even more on edge. i was going "uh-oh" in my head, and was bracing myself for a hard conversation. i could feel a bit of tension, but then as soon as he found out we were christians with crusade all the tension was gone.

he was all excited about what we were doing because he was a born again christian too. then he proceeded to tell us that he was one of prime minister stephen harper's personal advisors!!! it was really encouraging to talk to him about everything that was going on at parliament hill. he told us that there's more christians involved in government now. how there's been an increase in MPs. he told us that the PM was just a regular joe like us on a journey, very down to earth, grounded, and non-elitist. we asked him for prayer requests, prayed for him, and he prayed for us. he was so enthusiastic about the ministry that crusade is doing that i asked him if he would consider joining my support team in the future if i were to join CCC staff. it was WAY cool.

the moment of truth

i am co-directing the project with dave rennalls (mac). :) please pray for wisdom and discernment for us.

rare moment

amy and i went jogging all the way up to nose hill tonight. (nose hill is the largest prairie preserve i think) when we got to the top we saw deer grazing. we were literally 30 feet away from one that just bounded across our trail. we stood there watching them watch us. they tried to smell us, but we were downwind. it was funny as they started to sniff or should i say snort at us. at first amy thought they were trying to figure us out, but then she thought there was also the possibility that they were warning us to stay away, which is a lot scarier. in the end they left us first so we turned and went back home.

horsing around

in keeping with the animal sayings from beth's blog. i really learned the definition of "keeping a short/tight rein" on something or someone. we went horseback riding this weekend on trails. at first i gave my horse at least 3 feet of rein, but it was quite the feisty horse so by the end i had shortened it to 1.5 feet to regain more control of it.

it was a really tall horse. i was so high off the ground. i thought i was going to freak out, but once i got on it didn't seem that bad. i got nervous when it started moving when we were just waiting for the others to get saddled, but that was just silly. horses are suppose to move.

i felt very epic riding on that horse in the forest. it was like i was in the Last of the Mohicans. i kept looking through the trees to see if anyone was there to ambush us. :P

trotting was extremely ticklish. i couldn't stop laughing everytime that we started trotting. i would realy like to gallop one day though. that would be so cool. just flying on top of a horse, pounding away. it would require a lot of balance. my respect for jockeys just went up that much. imagine being on a thoroughbred that's bolting out of the gates. yikes.

milestone

over the weekend i learned how to start a fire from scratch. and by scratch i mean....from embers. it was really frustrating to learn at first. i sat in front of the stove for an hour inhaling smoke, watching newspaper blazing into flame and dying just as quickly. we had no dry kindling so the logs wouldn't catch. i gave up went to sleep, and then woke up 2 hours later to try again, this time with more incentive because i was freezing. by 4am though the log inside the stove had dried up significantly so that it did catch fire. huzzah!

lessons learned:
1. dry wood is VERY important
2.perseverance pays off

my question is...if we go on a canoe trip and it pours, where are we going to get dry wood? do we lug it around? but that would mean less food. it's a catch-22. sort of. i get to paddle in the rain, but then when we set up camp we're going to sit around like wet cats. but then if it doesn't rain...it's not that challenging paddling.

he said, she said

survey says...

things that the opposite gender should know about male/female relationships
he said:
1. don't be too friendly
2. don't assume stuff (i.e. either nothing's going to happen or something's going to happen)
3. be conscious of physical posture

she said:
1. chivalry does not need an occasion.
2. don't dump on girls emotionally. (i.e. tell her deep emotional stuff)
3. treat girls like girls
(this part i had to pull from memory since i figured i didn't need to know it since i'm a girl, but for all the guys out there...)

how the opposite gender can be a stumbling block
she said:
1. physically (i.e. touching and gun shows)
2. too much one on one time
3. special attention (i.e. singling out in a crowd or doing something that one would not normally do for other girls)

he said:
1. immodest clothing
2. flirting
3. attention-seeking

how one can best serve the brothers/sisters in Christ

he said:
1.challenge poor communication
2. be straightfoward

she said:
....
again i didn't write this one down.
i think straightfowardness would be appreciated too.

from the survey results i was really surprised that a most of the guys knew a lot about the stuff that throws girls off.
ho-humm...

project role assignments are coming out thursday. i already know mine, but we've all been sworn to secrecy so until thursday...toodle-loo

one small piece of paper

project retreat survey.
one small piece of paper. so much to say.

1. what are three things you would tell the opposite sex about male/female interactions?
2. what do men do that causes women to stumble?
3. what do women do that causes men to stumble?
4. how should your brother/sister treat you to better serve you as a brother/sister in Christ?

finally.
a chance to vent those frustrations and share those thoughts. i bet the guys have them too.
but how do you fit hours upon hours of girl talk into one teeny tiny piece of paper?
we shall see.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
saw "Bif Naked" tonight.
"space man oh space man..."

final fantasy vii: advent children

at last...the long awaited sequel to ffvii. it just goes to show that patience does pay off. i had given up hope that they would ever actually make a sequel to ffvii, but they did! highly enjoyable movie...well at least for the ffvii buffs. (non-gamers can appreciate the graphics) so fun to dive back into the world of ffvii again. wheeeeeeeee~

but still times have changed. there was a time where i thought that i could never ever live without final fantasy role playing games (rpgs), where life was school and rpgs. here's my post secret: i use to have THE hugest crush on cloud AND sephiroth. (the main protagonist and antagonist of ffvii) video games were definitely idols back in high school. now it's like "meh". they're fun, there's no doubt about that, but i can live without them. just goes to show that whatever idol i think i can't let go of...i can in Christ's strength. same thing with anime. i'm so apathetic towards it now. there are better things to do. the whole lizard analogy from the Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis comes to mind.

"summer nights"

personally i think life would be really cool if it was a musical or better yet...bollywood. that would rawk. imagine bursting into song and dance in the middle of the day or night. it would be so much fun.

the scent of dbr/summer

summer smells like sunscreen (spf 60+ are the best!), grass, lake water, and boys' deodorant. in other words, dragonboat racing.

all those smells are associated with dragonboat racing in my mind, which in turn means summer to me. when i'm racing i always smell sunscreen because it's just slathered on. the grass and lake water is self-explanatory especially when paddling in lake ontario. as for the boys' deordorant it's because the boys always put boatloads of it on after practices and races. it smells nice...to a certain degree. actually i don't know if it's deordorant or cologne. i think maybe both, but i digress.

tis sad though this is the second summer i go dbr teamless. well my team doesn't exist anymore. summer dragons is no more, and i have very little hope that it's going to be revived. such good times we had. i always had hope there will be more carefree summers like those two, but i'm starting to think that's another chapter of life that's closed. well at least i can still smell sunscreen.

tis the first summer that i've missed the toronto international dbr festival in five years. no free shampoo/tide this year. but i bet the UC waterdragons would still win the university cup. they never let me down.

why'd do i have to choose such a team-oriented sport? all the other team sports regardless of what it is you can still play by yourself or with a limited amount of players, but with dragonboat there is no way. you need that huge honking boat and the 21 other people. if 21 of my friends would invest $150 each, five hours of their lives a week, and put themselves at my mercy i could have a team going and i'd be ecstatic.

one of the girls on project told me about a corporate team her company's forming and i totally went berserk. i think i freaked her out. i actually belted out "if dragonboat was a man i'd marry it." in public. um..hahaha. but with the busyness of project, work, and school there's no way i could join. sad.

i'd move to BC just so i could dragonboat all year long except it perpetually rains there. so the point of this rambling post is that i very much miss dragonboating. very much so.

signs that i have been in guelph for far too long

~on the first day of project i kept marveling at the number of azns on project. (around 25%) this was reminiscent of frosh week. ("ohmigosh there's so many white people!") oh the irony.
~resulting in the fact that the first impression that i made on my chinese roomie from t.o. was that i was "white".
~T&T (THE chinese supermarket) was THE only place that i really wanted to visit after arriving in calgary.
~the lyrics "heaven, i'm in heaven" was on repeat in my head while i was strolling through T&T.
~i got excited over seeing chinese pastries and well...everything in T&T in general.
~after being spoiled by a car i was still willing to trek to T&T on the c-train even though it was a two hour trip round-way.
~i'm still surprised at the different accents that i hear at work.
~i didn't think that i needed to bring a rice cooker to calgary not because i thought others were going to bring it, but that i wasn't going to use it. *shock*
~i think calgary is multricultural. this coming from the girl who lived in t.o.

overall conclusion? living in guelph has whitewashed me enough so that now i'm BI-cultural. i'm not a complete banana. NEVER! i still have jay chow on itunes, but now i feel like fish in water in both cultures whereas three years ago i was so initimidated by caucasians.

on a similar note what is it with men thinking they can "impress" by saying stuff in a girl's mother tongue? ok fine...it's impressive when they can quote tang poems or something, but today this middle-aged man poked his face into mine, grilled me on my ethnic background, and proceeded to say "i love you" in mandarin. GROSS! hellooo? personal space?!?! i don't even know what he was trying to do. show off? ego-boost? no clue, but it was creepy.

i think it's totally cool when people are seriously trying to get to know the language and the culture for whatever reason (i.e. OEX/stint/ICS/general interest in certain country), and i have the utmost respect for "eggs" (white on the outside, yellow on the inside). you know caucasians who can sing jay chow, honestly at least have a basic understanding of the culture and aren't just posers. that i'm impressed by, and it's totally cool to be talesamo'ing with oexers/stinters, but despite what "yellow fever" says girls don't dig it when their mother language is butchered in a sleazy attempt to "impress" or "pick up". ugh what's with middle-age men? mid-life crisis? eww...there that's my rant of the day. i'm still shuddering.

your average run of the mill day

well project is in full swing now. i'm really blessed to have landed a sweet job with uber nice co-workers at home depot. at first i was a teeny bit disappointed that i didn't get placed at cash like i was suppose to, but paints is so much more fun. by the end of the summer i'll have enough knowledge to revamp a house and some strong arms from lifting those paints.

my co-workers are so nice and helpful. i'm always asking them questions and they are so patient with me in showing me the ropes. today i was sick, and they were always asking after how i felt. the only downside about work is the early wake-up call. i don't know if i'll ever get use to it.

but work is more than work it's a life lesson. it's different being at the receiving end of people's attitudes and selfishness. it's made me realize how much of an impact my attitudes and my selfishness have had and will have on people. i'm so used to throwing my attitude around and expecting others to just deal with it. it sucks to be on the receiving end of a bad attitude though, and i definitely don't want to be dishing it out anymore. it's good practice at work for Spirit-filled living especially when i'm half awake.

i'm usually pooped and cranky by the time i get home. but the project community cheers me up. it's awesome to be walking towards the rez from the subway station knowing that i'll be greeted by an awesome, bubbling community. i have a lot of fun with my roommmates randomly bursting into song, dance, and shakespeare. i just want to soak it all up.

two weeks

if rocky mountain project was just this past two weeks it would have been worth it. had outreach with band, the contact www.thecontact.ca tonight. amazing band.

mad props to mums everywhere and especially my mum as tomorrow's mother's day. seeing mums take care of kids makes me really appreciate all the hard work involved with being a mum. tis a full-time job and then some.

quick update

calgary is awesome. i'm having a blast here. i love the fact that i'm living in rez again. got a GREAT job @ home depot in the paints department. i feel like i'm on trading spaces. project is so cool. the community is rawking. am extremely tired and busy already! got sucked into christian chick lit. finished 3 books within the span of a weekend. 2 chick lit, 1 da vinci code. we have internet. hiked up nose hill yesterday and picked a bouquet of wild flowers. life is good.

lost by a bagel

Today was the third day (this was written two days ago) of Rocky Mountain Project Orientation. I have no internet connection so I’m typing this on my laptop in Microsoft Word. Handwriting this would be so tedious, but I do want to remember it. We had training for the first half of the day in evangelism, bible study, and conflict resolution. Such good training. I felt like my brain was a sponge trying to soak it all up. It was sorta like Winter Conference all over again. Except this will last for the next three months….If this is a sign of things to come, then… WOW.

The second half of the day we were split up into teams of six for the first annual Rocky Mountain Project Amazing Race. I was a proud member of team number four, affectionately known as the “Fantastic Fours”. We had a bit of a rocky start because I bumbled and thought we were going to the University of Calgary when we should have been headed NorthWest to Dalhousie station when the clue said “a university name”. It was fun trekking or should I say dashing across the city to all the different checkpoints.

We were in good shape at the beginning, coming in third. By the last checkpoint we were first. When we left the final checkpoint we were one subway ride ahead of everyone else, but alas there was a catch. Dinner needed to be eaten in order to win the race. Heading to the nearest Wendy’s, after we got off the C-train, we faced a lineup that seemed to last forever. We tried getting to the front of the line without any luck so we decided to boot it to the nearest Co-op to get something…anything. And the first “anything” that we grabbed was a six-pack of bagels, which we proceeded to shove into our mouths as we ran off to the finish line. We reached the finish line with the bagels still 90% undigested. The staff were adamant that we finish our “dinner” as they stood us out of the way to finish our bagels while waiting for the other teams to arrive. Some were helpful, encouraging us to chew and swallow. Others heckled good-naturely, pushing our buttons, while keeping a watchful eyes on the bagel bits that were falling on the ground….Ok so I tried to cheat. I lack good sportsmanship.

Sharing half a small nalgene bottle of water between the six of us, we chewed, gagged, and sometimes swallowed our one bagel, hoping that no one would show up, but someone did. The underdog. The last team to the first checkpoint. The second team to arrive, but the first to have had eaten their dinner. So the Fantastic Fours lost….by a bagel. I’ve hated bagels before this, and I’ve never hated them more. It’s just as bad as trying to eat saltine crackers really fast.

a tribute to our stellar grads

yesterday i had to say six goodbyes (eight if you count the repeats) to our grads. today i had to say yet another one. my heart just felt heavier and heavier after each successive goodbye. it was like compounding interest, but in this case compounding sadness. why feel sad you ask? they're the ones leaving, not you. yeah, but i'm the one being left behind. it's like watching your older brothers and sisters go off to university without you and leaving you alone at home.

To The Grads
and that's exactly what you grads were and are; brothers and sisters. you weren't just your average run of the mill friends. you weren't even just good friends. you were more than that. you were the siblings that i never had. the siblings that i've always wanted. the siblings that God has blessed me with through my relationship with Christ.

i was totally intimidated and terrified by all of you when i first met you gals and guys because you were and still are the "cool older kids", but you welcomed me into the crusade community with open arms and you became my family. thank you. :)

gals you were the older, wiser sisters that listened and sympathized when i was going through tough times. so many times you lent an listening ear. you gave hugs, squeezed my hands, and prayed for me. you gave great advice. you were the ones i had girl talks with, dressed up with, and had dance parties with.

guys you were the older, wise(crack) brothers that joked, teased, and annoyed. :D but you also looked out for me and not just in terms of flying balls that were heading for me. you were encouraging in sports, in ministry, and in life. my brothas from anotha motha.

all together you guys and gals were the ones that i admired,looked up to, and followed. you all set excellent examples of godliness for me and everyone else to emulate. your passion for and dedication to the Lord were evident and contagious. you guys held down the fort through the thick and thin. you've been faithful and courageous through all the campaigns and perhaps something even harder...the monotony of everyday life. but then again it was never that monotonous with you guys and gals around. all of you have your own unique, hilarious, sometimes...a bit insane sense of humour and wit. i have the utmost respect for every one of you.

we've had some unforgetful times together:
I Agree With Graydon
Euchre Tourneys (despite the cheating and fisher winning almost every time :P)
Porn Nation
Pranks (chickens, peanut butter, door numbers, evergeen trees, etc...)
Ravi (pronounced with a lisp)
Projects ("these are fajitas?"/ "i think...maybe")
Summit
Winter Conference (the short shorts were somewhat traumatizing)
Halloween Parties
Movie Nights At Someone's House
A&W + Movie Nights
East Side's
Sardines
Pep Rallies
Intramurals (back two! front one! spread!)
BBQ's
Sports Games
Games Nights
Random Times at the Stairs and in the Club's Office
and the list can go on and on...

you were all here since my beginning. you've all impacted my life in some way, shape, or form. you've definitely left a legacy here at Guelph. but now it's just going to be plain weird without you grads here. i can't imagine sitting at the stairs or in the clubs' office without ever seeing you guys in there again with your books and bags. the lack of your presence will be keenly felt. you're all going to be sorely missed. you peeps mean a lot to me. we've had some great times, but things are going to be SO different now. that's why goodbyes are so hard because it's never ever going to be the same again. ay there's the rub.

i'm so proud of all of you, and so excited to see where God's going to take you. i love you all and i'm going to miss every single one of y'all. i'll be praying for you. God Bless!

out of the heart the fingers type

does God care about our blogs? emails? instant messages? facebook? what does God think about them? what does our blogs, emails, instant messages, and online persona reflect about us and our hearts as Christians? it's about an hour long, but i highly recommend Out of the Heart of the Fingers Type. it's very convicting. heh. especially the part about wise usage of time. i can definitely relate to that guy JJ's testimony. i spent way too much time in the blogosphere. luckily going on project automatically means a hiatus away from the internet community, but things will have to change once september rolls around too.

inflatable furniture

it is in my opinion that it would be practical and wise for me as a single woman to invest in inflatable furniture. ones that you can blow up and deflate within minutes. ones that don't require heavy lifting. ones that are brightly coloured in shades of neon pink, orange, and green...perhaps with huge white daisies attached as well. ones that i can move by myself! really all this wood stuff is overrated.

ok all joking aside, this moving business has made me realize some things. one, that it actually isn't that bad of an idea to buy furniture that collapse, fold easily, and are light. i'm thinking aluminum. ikea comes to mind, but boooy their stuff is BRUTAL when it comes to assembly. you need like a translator for those instructions. they make no sense whatsoever! i'm really thankful for the bed that i have because you can take it apart and put it together in minutes very easily. it makes it lighter to move even though it is wood. no complicated "insert B2 into C2, attach H, Z, and J to P, K, L. oh and that black 'useless' piece of plastic that you just threw out? that was 'H'". doh!

two, that i am practically grown up! i was throwing a pity party for yours truly thinking "oh maannn, i don't have my parents to help me moooooove and other kiids dooooo. life in general should just cut me some slack and throw me a bone. woe is meeeeeeeeeeeee." then it hit, "hello? what do you think living on your own and being grown up means, exactly? this is it. suck it up buttercup." helllooooo life.

there were quite a few times this morning when i wished i was a big guy with huge guns with a huge pickup truck so i could move myself easily. but i don't really want to be a man. that was just pride i think. i take pride in my own self-sufficiency and i don't like being dependent on other people. but God doesn't like anything "self-[insert something here]" in our lives. so here we go another stripping of the ol' pride.

funny though how it'd be ok if my parents were to help me move, but not if i have to ask friends because it would be "ma fan" (inconvenient/troublesome/etc) for them whereas with the parentals it's "expected". man i take my parents for granted way too much.

i'm a turkey

stick a fork in me cuz i'm DONE like a turkey baby. cowtown here i come! w000t!!!!! i am soo jubilant right now it's not even funny. third year is over. one more year left.

yet that also leaves a cloud hanging over my head too. times are a-changing. what can i do? you'd think with all the changes (tumultuous and smooth) that i've been through in my life that i'd be ok with change now.

it's bittersweet. smile.

milestone

tonight i went to my very first bachelorette party.

pause.

wow. still letting that sink in. bachelorette party. my friend's getting married. lauren is getting married. yiiiiikes. another milestone on this journey we call life. i'm growing up, but i don't feel like it. i still feel very much like a girl...but with more freedom.

it was fun, lauren was GORGEOUS, and i'll stop at that. no secrets shall be divulged. :) i'm glad that i'm a girl. mhmm-hmmm! i was really struck with how fleeting this season of life is. sooner or later everyone will be married off and busy with their families. with babies and diapers it won't be that easy to get together on a whim and just party. there will be responsibilities and...commitments. even if we don't all get married, we're not going to be getting any younger that's for sure. the day will come when we'll be going to bed @ 9:00pm because we just can't physically cut late nights anymore. we won't be young forever.

wherever i am, i need to be all there, and cherish every moment.

a raving lunatic

i realize that i must look like a raving lunatic laughing at blog comments and msn messages, or conjugating spanish verbs while talking a washroom break at the libs.

estuve, estuviste, estuvo, estuvimos, estuvieron, estuvieron...

i just want school to be done and over with. i wanna go home and write a book review on the post cards of corinth. i can post on not one, but TWO blogs now. check out like sparknotes for your Christian walk a blog for book reviews and discussion, started by, to use josh rob's words "my charming and brilliant peers" amac, lydders, and josh rob himself.

the inerrancy of the Bible

with the hubbub surrounding the release of the movie the Da Vinci Code, biblical inerrancy is definitely something that has been on my mind. there's a lot that i don't know, and that kinda scares me. i like having all the answers. i suppose that's one reason why i was intentionally boycotting the whole Da Vinci Code phenomenom. i didn't want to open a can of worms that i couldn't handle. but after getting an update about how Campus Crusade for Christ was going to ride the media wave of this movie and use it to share the gospel, my mind was changed. this is a great opportunity to engage people in spiritual discussions, but i digress.

i've been reading sangi's dialogue with his friend about biblical inerrancy. i haven't fully reached a conclusion yet, but i do agree with them that biblical inerrancy isn't something that's left for the the academics to 'squabble over'. it's something for the average christian to think about as well. after all it's the foundation of our faith. but the Washington Post biography of the author bart erhmann really shakes me up. evangelist gone agnostic after studying the inerrancy of the Bible.

but if the Bible and therefore the gospels were made up by a bunch of unschooled, poor, crude smorgasbord of men ranging from fishermen to tax collectors why would they amongst many others be willing to die tortuous deaths for a LIE? and how would these first century uneducated country bumpkins with the exception of the apostle paul "make up" a religion that could radically change an entire person? i'm talking about the 180 degree changes in former murders and former criminals. i'm talking about the psychological and emotional healings of horribly abused people. i'm talking about the ability to forgive and to love a nazi officer that held you captive at concentration camp.....

yet why is it that radical, fundamentalist, "gung-ho", evangelical christians like erhmann and templeton can lose their faith? a part of me wonders "could this be me"? it's interesting how they both have cited the troubles of the third world (i.e. masses of people dying) as playing a part in losing their belief in a caring God.

i study the troubles of the third world day in, day out. has something been lost on me? but it seems to me that the problems of the third world just proves the depravity of men and the need for a Saviour even more.

humanly the problem of world hunger can be solved. we have enough food to feed the entire world a few times over, but do we? no. why? because of political agendas. of both developing and developed countries. translation? self-interest/selfishness. it's the same story with HIV/AIDS, malaria, and everything else you can think of. the problem can be solved, but it's not because of some party's selfish ambition. for example there could be a cure for malaria, but pharmceutical companies don't put the effort and the resources into finding one because there's no profit to be made from the anti- malaria market. it makes me want to cry, but deep down this same selfishness resides in everyone of us.

moving limbo

i hate this horrendous mess that is my room as the result of packing. things are in limbo because they don't have a place anymore and i don't have boxes to pack them yet. it's either that or i can't pack them yet because i'm not moving for another six days and i need them. i hate "moving limbo". things are so ma fan. i just can't stand mess. it drives me cuckoo, which is weird because three years ago when i lived at home i was living in clothes 6 feet deep with paper on my desk 3 feet high. you couldn't see anything. now it's just driving me up the wall...so much that i have to blog about it.

the fantastic five

inspired by kirsten's blog, well..actually copying, inspired is just a better sounding word- here's the five books that have made the cut and are acompanying me on my adventure out west to cowtown.

the fantastic five
mere christianity by c.s. lewis
questioning evangelism by randy newman
money, possessions, and eternity by randy alcorn
postcards from corinth by rick james with betty churchhill
not even a hint by joshua harris

i can't wait. april is like "project season" when you're all revved and ramped for project. i was going to say OEX...but i'm not going on OEX this year. sorta sad. i was getting a bit nostalgic this morning remembering orientation in vancity, the annual near death landings in the capital, the street meat (and mushrooms), the bang bang chicken, the hazy skies, the rank smells, the culture shock.....at least that project's easier to pack for. hahaha i think i rather prefer the relational evangelism on OEX as opposed to the randoms on panama. but then panama was only a week. apples and oranges. it'd be fun to lead an OEX team.

on another note one of girl talk's back posts was on the habits of an effective woman. one of the habits was getting up early to have enough time to have a QT and prepare to serve the family. they called it the 5:00am club. the strategy is to set the alarm clock at five leaving the clock across the room, get up immediately once it goes off, and head straight to the coffee pot. apparently only the first 15 minutes are miserable then you'd have a productive day. so i thought i'd give it a go since i have so much to do before calgs.

i figured since i'm a single uni student with only my own hunger pangs to look after i can allow myself a few extra hours to snooze so i set my alarm for 7:00. (oh the joys of being single! w00t~) i ended waking up @ 7:30. five and a half hours later @ 2:00pm i've had two cups of joe, am tired, and cannot nap because of jittery nerves. since it's only day one i'll hold off on the verdict. it was nice to enjoy the morning air, but i don't know if crashing @ 2pm in the afternoon is worth it. but then maybe if i sleep earlier than 1:30 tonight...to be determined...

~o0o*edit*o0o~
hmm..managed to nap for an hour after all. this could potentially work.

great times all around

i love this time of the year. the weather's perking up and things are winding down. everything's a breeze. (pun intended) today i got my G license. no more road tests until i'm 80. w00t! thank You Lord! w00t~ i wonder how i would have took it if i had failed.... it was weird because there were two dudes in my car. one was examining me, and the other one was examining him. so my examiner was being examined while testing me. huh, go figure.

then i got my calgary flight changed to the 27th from the 1st for only $70 instead of the horrendous $135-200 fee that i would have had to pay for the weekend. the one time i don't read something carefully...but hey at least i'll be there for the opening banquet. this puts a bit more pressure on me though so i've started packing already. leaving in nine days. NINE. insanity. i'll be moving the night of the 26th and booting it to the airport @ 5 in the morning on the 27th. yiiikes. can we say "coffee"?

then to finish off the day i went to a BBQ (best time for a BBQ) hosted by the loverly Beth Fisher and family. it was fun times. great food, great company, and some greaaat soccer playing despite a soccer ball to the face. no worries ladies and gents my features are still intact. it only hit me on the cheek, but it's still smarting though. hrm...balls seem to be attracted to my face. i remember when we use to play beach volleyball in the summer, i would always get hit in the face by a serve without fail. i think that's why i was always scared of playing sports when i was a kid. but i digress.

it was a beautiful evening as we played on a lush green, open field with the sunset as a backdrop. it was one of those "it's GREAT to be alive and young!" moments. i was just trying to drink it in. here we are at the prime of our young lives with no responsibilities, no worries, absolute freedom and our entire lives ahead of us, just enjoying life. it was a beautiful moment. i couldn't thank God enough for it. i think David Crowder says it the best: "how could You be so good to me"?

roll with the punches

i think today i might have failed my first university final. it's true that you reap what you sow, and with stats i'm afraid that i didn't sow much. if i did fail the exam then that means i also failed my first university course. that possibility still stings my pride a little, but more than that it throws all of my course plans out of whack...and maybe my graduation plans too. scary. but what's done is done. i can either let it go or worry about it. so i decided to let it go because worrying's not a happy option.

then as i was browsing through the archives of Girl Talk i came upon a quote from C.S. Lewis:

"The great thing, if one can, is to stop regarding all the unpleasant things as interruptions of one's 'own', or 'real' life. The truth is of course that what one calls the interruptions are precisely one's real life- the life God is sending one day by day; what one calls one's 'real life' is a phantom of one's own imagination. This at least is what I see at moments of insight: but it's hard to remember it all the time."

how very true. along the same lines it reminds me not to put my life into a box. i.e. by this age i'm suppose to graduate, get married, have kids...etc 'real life' is not a figment of my imagination, but what God sends. each life is unique so i cannot compare myself to other people. i.e. so and so went to this school, got this degree, have this career, married this kind of person.

many a times i've "imagined" a life for myself, only to have to eat my words. (but in a good way!) never wanted to go to U of G. never ever wanted a B.A. never ever ever wanted to be a missionary. where am i now? U of G, getting a B.A., with the one dream of joining staff with Crusade and absolutely loving it. hahaha so i'm kind of wary of being adamant about things now especially the major life decisions. what did i say before? never joining canadian staff. and even if i did, never going to B.C. never marrying an azn guy. never marrying someone who's not at least 6 inches taller. for the record i'm retracting all of those statements...riiiighhhht NOW. never say never.

life's what God sends. anything's possible. i'll just roll with the punches.

shelly needs

i got this idea from beth fisher. google your first name and "needs" to see what pops up. i googled "shelly needs" and i got...

~shelly needs a room
~shelley *notice the misspelled name*, the hyperactive turtle (special needs collection)
~shelly needs to urinate ......umm...ok..who blogs this?!
~dr. rubel shelly needs to give up his salary and go out as an evangelist...
~shelly needs to be interested in someone her own age. shelly needs additional corrective surgery that her insurance only partly covers. hahaha...oh gee..these two were part of the same result.
~shelly needs her spirits lifted, and sponsoring a student in the academic challenge seems the answer

how very interesting...

picture perfect

today was just a lovely day. it was picture perfect.

i woke up at 5:30am to a dark royal blue sky. showered and then cooked myself a big breakfast [oj, sausages, eggs over hard, bacon, and a plum] to fuel the brain cells for my 8:30am exam. then i hopped on the 6:50am bus to school. arrived at a very empty library. such a nice feeling when there's barely no one around and i've got my pick of any of the computers, tables, and cubicles. such choice! hahaha it's like a buffet, but not really. checked my email and blogrolled for 15 minutes. then i went and reviewed for an hour.

the exam went well despite the fact that it was econ math. thanks to all those who prayed for "brilliance and perseverance" in my studies. hehehe. [i wonder what people thought when they saw that on my calgary support letter???] there was nothing that was a surprise. everything was expected. in other words a very fair exam, for which i am grateful.

ran into gbakes and trev-dawg at the grey carpeted stairs so i chilled and chatted for a bit, and then went on my merry way. i put on the ipod and sauntered my way home with a few jigs here and there depending on the song. [beth fisher caught me walking/dancing outside of staples. i can't deny it.] made a few pitstops at the biology house, the bank, pizza hut, [to check the time for the 2nd annual buffet lunch. it's next friday!] and the post office.

when i got home i settled down in the dining room with five people you meet in heaven [good, interesting, and easy read. highly recommend it. thanks jena!] and a tub of my favourite m&m's peanut butter chocolate ice cream. read for an hour or so and then did some admin stuff and chores. had a nice lunch of salad and sausages.

afterwards i headed off to a six on six baseball game. i was a bit hesitant at first because i haven't played softball in two years and when i played i could barely throw, but i was getting stir crazy. anything to do with the outside was good enough for me. as it turned out i was pleasantly surprised by my "skills". i made a few good hits, and i could throw decently...for a girl. i love that "ping" sound when the ball's hit the sweet spot on the bat except...when it's a pop-up fly. i've never enjoyed baseball/softball so much.

it was great to be outdoors standing on the emerald green grass and underneath the sapphire blue sky with the big, white, fluffy clouds. i felt so blessed to be able to be there and play ball with my brothers and sisters. every day the people at cru are becoming more like family. it's a great feeling because i've always wanted siblings. i was just soaking it in literally.

later after the game finished i took myself window shopping at the mall. ran into amy there and we bucked up our courage to go to the cult [the women's gym] to cancel my membership and suspend hers. i was lucky in that they didn't try to rope me in again. then we parted our ways. she went for a workout, i went for some stores.

this season's clothes are soo gorgeous. i love the "classic look" because it's classy and the clothes aren't trashy. modesty is apparently back in. after a few clothing stores i went to my "haven"
Chapters. mhmm....new book smell. so good. browsed through the new books and read some manga.

i left chapters and went to DQ for a dipped ice cream cone and headed over to the guelph libs. there was an old books "smell". yuck. remember my partiality towards historical fiction? well i found "the princes of ireland" and "the many lives and secret sorrows of josephine b.. i also got "the broker" by grisham. not historical fiction, but it was on a bestseller list. not that bestseller lists are always an idicator of excellent books as proved by the fact that the shopoholics books were on there. they're light reads, but not literary works of art, but i suppose grisham books aren't either.

so now i'm back home, happily blogging away, but the day's not over. in a bit i'll be heading off to my discipleship group's sleepover! i'm so excited! it's a night of girl talk, chick flicks, and junk food galore. but before that we're going to go to sears to get a family portrait. EXCITING.

oh and to top off the day when i got home i got a pretty envelope with a card of encouragement and support in it from lauren! plus trev gave me a support check this morning. what a wonderful day! :)

THANK YOU LORD. MMHMMMM-HMMM!

what's so amazing about grace?

a lot.

in the middle of march i was struck by how ungracious i am overall. i wasn't quick to extend grace to others nor was i quick to accept grace from God nor did i realize how immensely gracious God was to me nor did i understand how much i needed His grace nor did i grasp just how sufficient His grace is. so i prayed to be more gracious. that should be added to the list of scary prayers.

the past two going on three weeks have taught me about all about grace. about giving it, receiving it, realizing how much i need it, how much God has given it, and how sufficient it is. it's been rough, but it's been worth it. tonight to top it off i really learned just how amazing grace is. i think as a Christian, i've started to take grace for granted and it just became "meh", expected, and the 'norm'. except it's not the norm. it's far far far away from the norm of the world. the world is not gracious. at all.

something happened. i was at fault.

i was expecting grace, but the world is not gracious. it needs grace, and we are the vessels of it as hard as it might be.

fun house moments

it was the end of a study day. we were all sitting around the dining room table bumming together. a rare moment for me as i'm never home. i was eating peanut butter and chocolate ice cream.

elaine: "you ask her."
stacey: "no you ask her."
pause
i looked up and thought it was about bills or something.
elaine: "so who are the tulips in your room from?"

i smiled and smirked and toyed with the idea of fabricating some unbelievable story, but in the end the truth came out. the tulips were a thank you from jen, and the others were leftover centrepieces from the banquet. it was a fun bonding moment. haha oh girls, if i had hooked up with someone the house would have been filled with squeals of delight and excitement. nevertheless flowers are always beautiful and uplifting. they are a sweet and much needed reminder of God's love and grace.

"a Reflection"...

our end of the year banquet was a sweet success.

it was a night of reflection as we looked back on the year and remembered what God has done on our campus and in our lives through outreaches, discipleship groups, our grads, and our staff. it was both a celebration and a farewell. both an end to an era and the start of a new one for everyone.

i was so surprised by how smoothly everything went, and the fact that we actually stayed on time. sometimes we were even early, much to my chagrin. i was still sitting in the lobby madly scribbling thank you cards in my regular clothes when the bus pulled up to the front doors of Calvary Baptist. my heart just about dropped then. i was caught off my guard.

it was such an amazing feeling of accomplishment to see everything come together after two months of planning with jill and hours upon hours of preparation. this was especially true for the decorations. we were having a bit of a difficult time trying to decorate such a big room while accomodating the set for my church's easter play. the budget was slightly bigger than last year, but we also didn't have the use of margot's mom's wedding props.

when i got back from one of my random errands on friday to see the room set up and the tables laid out i teared up. (and got made fun of. whatevs alex wong whatevs. :P) the purple tissue screens didn't tear apart. (and they didn't fall down on the grads during the dinner for which i am thankful.) the simply decorated tables were breathtaking. we had only spent around $3 per table. the sheer relief of everything working out so beautifully (and within budget!) just moved me. (take that martha stewart!) i joked that day that i wish that it was my wedding day so that, that could have been my reception. (note: if anyone's getting married soon, jill, amanda, and i can plan a reception for around $10 a guest, but the food's all no-name brand though and the room has to be free.)

another perk about organizing these things is that you get to know people that you otherwise would have not gotten to know. i don't usually get to chill with second years and first years all that much, but in planning i got to know jill really well. what a sweeet sweeet girl. then in the 12 hours that we were madly setting up i got to bond with all the people that helped out. oh the random, silly jokes that flew around to lessen the stress and loosen the tension. it was such a pleasure to work with everyone.

to top it all off, heather rush came and told me at the end of the night that as a fellow task-oriented person whose tendency was to boss people around, she saw that i was trying to relate to people in getting them to do things instead of treating them like objects even though there were still some moments of tyranny. score! an improvement! i was so scared that i was going to get so stressed and bite people's heads off like last year, but i didn't! i was praying the whole day that i wouldn't. thank God. next step; eradicate those "some moments of tyranny".

it was a fun night. there was a time where i held on to rebecca and cried my heart out because she was leaving, but i still had tons of fun.
we had square-dancing and two-stepping afterwards with a real fiddler for the square-dancing part. pat called for us and taught everyone square-dancing moves. it was a riot to watch everyone try to figure it out. i was lucky in that i had "previous training" and that our set had tyler to teach us.

the dress i borrowed from meredith was a dream to wear. it was PERFECT for square-dancing and two-stepping. the skirt would just billow out every time i spun, and the shoes that i got really topped it off. whenever i got the chance i would just stand in the middle of the room and spin. the last dance, my dance partner, matt asked me how long i wanted to spin, and i said for a long time, and he just ran circles around me spinning me. hahaha. i felt like a princess in that dress.

what a night!



here is the "boys" grad table. disclaimer: the segregation was not planned on my part.












here is the "girls" grad table.











all of our beloved grads. you guys are going to be sorely missed.










the good lookin' square-dancin' set next to ours.







the "before" shot.












the "after" shot. this is why i teared up. can you blame me?

time to get the ball rollin'

it dawned on me tonight [finally] that i'm in my twenties, [holy shnikers that's kinda scary], that this IS life, that i've arrived, and that i need to start living it.

in one way by living it i mean, it's time to make some solid plans about crossing some of those names off the "to visit" places. i think i have been trying to make the most of it but it's time to make some dreams happen. sometimes opportunities don't just drop into your lap. you gotta plan.

anyways i use to think that i couldn't go anywhere until i had a job, but with the air miles stacking up...the possibility of hitting europe, greece and italy to be more exact, is starting to perk up. although i wouldn't mind settling for egypt. :P ha. i think it's doable before 23. maybe before 25 if it takes a while to save up. if i'm going to go i'm going to fully enjoy it. at least a week or two. plus i'd have to find a girlfriend to come with me. that's the sucky part about being a girl. i just can't jet off like a guy and stay at a hostel. i would so totally go globe-trotting by myself if there wasn't the very real imminent threat of being assaulted.

it's weird. i keep saying that i'm 21 these days. i'm only halfway there. literally. this friday's my half birthday. i'd be 20.5 years old. huzzah. yikesers. here we go.

on an easier note, i might be able to cross that white-water rafting one off the list in calgary this summer. next summer i could do the canoe/camping trip in yosemite. i must see old faithful. God-willing i'm still alive that is. disneyland is definitely doable this year, but that's just getting old now. hahaha. do i really want to go to disneyland? i think my parents would take me if i asked...hmmmm....

it's the little things in life

sometimes it's the little things that make my heart smile.

"and by 'we' do you mean 'andrea'?"
~ vanessa re: my query about a birthday cake for one of our girls
andrea, vanessa, and i have such a good rapport together. we just mesh. automatically. we have synergy. that's the word. there are some people that you just mesh with and some that you have to work really hard at it and even then...but not me, vanessa, and andrea. we SYNERGIZE. hahaha

"when you join staff are you going to come back to guelph?...go to mac...you have to see us through the rest of our discipleship career."
~ ashley duhn re: my future placement as staff, God-willing that is.
i almost teared. that really touched me. my girls like me. man, next year at this time is going to be hard, but whatevs that's still a year away.

"no more pimple cuddling"~kirsten
no worries i'm lancing those pimples asap.

laughter

sometimes...i think that all i need in life is good friends and laughter.

had a two hour planning sesh with the banquet crew, but it wasn't stressful at all. it was so hilarious, chilled, and productive. i'm so pumped for it. it's going to be so amazing. i'm going to be so dead tired on friday night, but it's going to be so worth it. yesterday i told jill that i thought i might possibly cry that night. i loved her response, "you're going to be tired and emotional. you will cry." well, at least i'll know better than to wear mascara friday night. i love that girl. so awesome and sweet.

today i finally got to just enjoy the presence and company of people at DG and at the planning sesh. to just sit back and savour the relationships instead of going through the next thing on the to-do list.

a taste of being relationally oriented. task-orientation isn't all that's it's cracked up to be sometimes.

mhmm..books...YUM!

i don't know why i like to describe books the way i describe food. maybe it's because figuratively they're food for the soul.

but today i got a book that i wanted for a long time...for free! what a gift from above! i was milling around the carpeted stairs today for some reason, and this one book on a vendor's table caught my eye. it was Boom, Bust, and Echo by David Foot. it's a book about the demographics and economics of Canada. i heard about it in geography back in grade 9, and have wanted it since. i was so excited because rarely do i see books being sold in the UC that i have a hankering for. i madly dashed down the stairs before anyone could see my jewel of a book and snatch it before i did. i got there and i asked how much it was, and it turns out it wasn't a vendor's table. it was a stuff swap! so i got it for free! w00t. i love free stuff.

later today i finally went to the guelph library after three years of living here, and got myself a library card. i checked out The Five People You Meet In Heavenby Mitch Albom that Jena recommended, Cry, the Beloved Country by Alan Paton, and Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers. i wonder if i'll actually like any of them. good books are so hard to find these days.

i love historical fiction about the lives of women in another culture. the last good book i read that fit into that category was the Red Tent, but can we say "blasphemous"?. The Birth of Venus was good too, but the author's new book is about a courtesan's life in venice. sketch, yo. pauline gedge wrote about life in ancient egypt, but i'm pretty much done with all of her books that i can find in the library, and she doesn't seem to be turning out any new ones any time soon. teens' books use to be good too. now's it's so sketch. i seriously didn't think they were that sketch when i was at that age.

i think one of the reasons that i stopped reading was because i didn't have time to go to the library and dig through books to find the good ones. but i'm glad i did today. i'm sick and tired of non-fiction. change will be good.

Festival of Planning

this weekend was the Festival of Planning for MacGuelpherLoo. it was a solid weekend. i was concerned about how i would last around so many people since i was burnt going in, but God pulled me through. i feel much better; like a pimple that's finally been popped. the pus is no longer festering inside because it's finally oozing out. gross, i know, but it's an apt analogy.

random highlights:
~ my "dip" in the pond (scroll down for explanation)
~ "don't release the hounds" ~vanessa imitating andrea re: scary man
i still crack up thinking about it. i adore my co-leaders. they're so awesome.
~ impromptu girl talk saturday night after the main servant team planning sesh
apparently when a woman's giving birth, she might accidentally poop. if i had to find that out, you do too.
~ pride and prejudice
so clean and romantic.

i feel really blessed to be at guelph. we have awesome staff, and the ppl i get to work with on the servant team are so COOL. i can't wait to learn from them all. i'm really pumped about next year. i love this!:)

after FOP today i actually "rested" instead of loafing around. i did something that i enjoyed. i knew i couldn't push myself to go at a break neck speed anymore when i started dreading support raising. i needed a rest so i went for a walk around my neighborhood. such a cool neighborhood! there's a conservation area ish. there's woodsy places and a body of water. i love it. stopped by a park and played on the swings for a bit. swings are awesome. i felt so free and oh so good.

------
the dip:
saturday morning i went for a walk around the camp we were at. i went to the pond/lake that i went to the year before. to finish off my walk, i thought i'd go on the "dock". the "dock" was made of two pieces. a rectangular walkway that led to this square dock that was just floating next to it. i walked on to the square dock, and started to blast "rain down" by angie stone and eddice levert sr. on my ipod. it's an amazing song. i'm so addicted to it right now. but yeah i started to jam to it. then after a minute i looked down and i was floating AWAY from the mainland. my thoughts went like this "ohmigosh i'm floating away!!! i have to jump now or never. i can't get wet! i don't have a change of clothes! ok...GO!" so i took a leap. the good news was that i made it. the bad news was that i slipped and landed on the part of the rectangular walkway that was somewhat submerged. so my right leg got wet. i cracked up. i'm such an idiot. oh life.

here's the said "dock". i think it floated back.



here's how wet i got, and my upset face.




(partial)rain down lyrics
there's a storm within and i don't want to let it end. i'll give You all control. let Your love rain down on me. in my heart and mind is your love divine. i'm gonna let it flow and let your love rain down on me. gonna raise my hands and dance. gonna give Him all i am. everytime i call His name, His love rains down on me. gonna lift my voice and sing of the love and joy He brings everytime i praise His name. His love rains down on me.