A few weeks back one of my friends asked me how it felt it be living a countdown after I had told her that God-willing I was planning to move overseas in a few years.
Words that came to mind were:
Bittersweet, rejuvenating, purposeful.
I enjoy my life in Toronto and it saddens me to think of leaving. But knowing that I have a short time here causes me to savour and cherish each moment of everyday, and goads me to live purposefully.
Because the reality is even if I wasn't leaving, I'd still be living a countdown. My days are numbered. Each day is a gift from God, and at the end of each day that's one day closer to death. Morbid, but true.
I want to use each day well. I want to be a good steward of the time that I have, and in my head that means accomplishing a lot of tasks. But I'm starting to think that using my time well doesn't necessarily mean getting a lot of things done.
For one thing, I can't physically get a lot of things done. Last week I received a warning from my counsellor to start taking care of myself or face burnout again at the end of the summer. This week I've been sleeping on average 12-14 hours, and I'm still tired.
So what does it mean to "make the best use of time, because the days are evil" (Eph 5:16) when realistically I can function properly for ten hours a day?
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