That Black Vortex of the Unknown

Uncertainty is a (Insert your own noun here.  Mine's not very nice.).

Upon an introspection of my soul, at the request of two darling friends, who thought I was off my rockers when I dropped my bombs about a possible STINT locale for next year, I emerged dazed, confused, and uncertain about my calling in life in general.  It's not even about deciding about location anymore, now it's about reconsidering vocation.

Not to say that STINT in any country is out of the running.  It's an option.  But it's one out of many.


A few weeks ago, one of the women on my project team asked me how I dealt with uncertainty, and I replied blithely that I was fairly ok with it, and sometimes even found it exhilarating.
Well, yeah that's because I've never tasted real uncertainty.

When I was in university, God cured me of my tendency to have 40 year plans, and then He cured me of the 10 year plans, and then He whittled my planning to about 3-5 years ahead.   Not to say that it's bad to plan, but I'm the type to trust in my own planning more so than God's.  You know, one of those control-freaks.  Although I prefer the terms organized and farsighted.

But now I've got no plans.  Zip, zero, nada, nothing.

Many options.  A plethora of options, but no plans.

The uncertainty, that black vortex of the unknown is unsettling, uncomfortable, and utterly undesired by me.

After burnout it is the worst feeling ever.  Yes, even worse than heartbreak because that affects one area of life, but this, THIS affects my entire life.
Yes, I have a tendency to use hyperboles, but I mean it this time!

My first thoughts were:

"I hate it Lord, when You screw with my plans...and I know You're just doing this to bring me closer to You."


Slightly bitter?  A tad.

He said:

"Embrace it."