What Time Is It?

It's TOOL time!

Anyone get the reference? It's from Home Improvement.

There are days when I feel like a complete and total tool, and today is one of those days. I've been doing some work in preparing for Orientation week at Ryerson for Campus for Christ in the past day or so, and I think I've hit the proverbial PANIC!!! button multiple times already. (Hangs head in shame.) Just when I thought I've mellowed and matured, I go and spazz out.

It's my first major responsibility since burning out, and the self- imposed Asian pressure to perform is holding a knife to my throat. I feel the need to perform and to perform well to prove my worth to myself, to my team, to my supporters, and to my organization, that I'm worthy of being on staff and that I'm not a dead weight because there have been days this past year where I've wondered if Power to Change would get more bang out of their buck if they hired someone else. Someone smarter, healthier, wiser, with more capacity, with more skills, who knows more languages, loves God more, knows the Bible better, is more faithful, etc...because you know there's plenty of people out there that fit into those categories. Now I feel the need to go talk to my shrink. Heh. :P

And ladies and gentlemen that is one of the biggest lies I've ever swallowed.

Because before God I am called to this ministry, and He has approved me, warts and all. And that is all that matters.

Because it's not about me.

It's not about me proving my worth the first week back to school.
It's about God and making His name known on campus.
It's not about me bemoaning my weaknesses.
It's about God and making His strength known through my weaknesses.
It's not even about having the picture perfect plans.
It's about trusting in Him and His sovereignty, and walking in faith.

Now I just need to play that over, and over, and over, and over, and over in my head.

So today's one of those "tool days", but they're good when I have the right perspective; a small view of me and a big view of God.