What Not To Do...

Ladies, you know the drill.

There's this guy friend that you're interested in, but there's no overt signs that he's into you. i.e. Like him actually having the chutzpah to tell you so and him pursuing you. There's the way that he looks at you and the way he says your name (or so you think), but officially there's nothing going on. You're "just friends". So you stick around, talking to him late into the night on {insert your favourite mode of instant messaging here}, hanging out one on one all the time, and so on and so forth, pretty much being the dude's pseudo girlfriend, all the while hoping that one day he'll wake up to the revelation that you're a goddess. Ok fine, at least to the fact that you're great for him, and THEN FINALLY he'd ask you out.

I know, because I was there too.

Flashback: 2003, Dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeen.

'Twas the summer before university. Met the boy on my dragon boat team. Long story short, I talked to him EVERY night until 3am. When school started I would drive 40 minutes one way every weekend to see him or I would drive 40 out of my way to pick him up so we could go back to Toronto together. We hung out one on one, a LOT. In essence I was his pseudo girlfriend.

As our "friendship" progressively moved beyond "just friends" without any definition of the relationship I got impatient, confronted him, and received a "Let's just be friends" in return. (Don't do this either. If he doesn't have enough chutzpah to define the relationship, he's not worth your time.)

I spent a day and a half bawling at a friend's place before I could drive back to Guelph safely. Then I spent the next three months crying myself to sleep every night. Was that TMI?

Moral of the story?
Don't be a pseudo girlfriend.
i.e. Don't spend so much one on one time hanging out with a guy hoping he'd eventually ask you out.

Why?
Because it's dumb. Yeah, you heard me dumb. Harsh, but true, but it's tough love.
Why would anyone pay for something he already has?
In other words why would he take the risk to ask you out and commit to you when he already has unlimited access to your time, thoughts, company, and person? Because by being his pseudo girlfriend, you're giving him ALL of that without any need for commitment in return. SCORE! For him at least. Not so much for you.

Because in doing so you have just shot yourself in the foot, not once, not twice, but thrice. Assuming the goal is to enter into a meaningful relationship that has the potential to lead to marriage...

First Shot: You have now taken away any incentive for him to ask you out.
Second Shot: It now seems to other guys that you're totally into this dude so you've taken away any incentive for them to ask you out.
Third and Final Shot: You're wasting your time on a guy and a relationship that's not going anywhere.

So I know it's tempting when you like a guy friend, to spend every possible waking moment in his presence, hanging on to his every word, and etc...but DON'T DO IT. Whatever the reason you think it is for him not asking you out, you're probably over-analyzing. Don't hang on to it, and don't be a pseudo girlfriend. 'Tis not worth it.

Go read: Girl's Guide to Marrying Well
This is my second plug. It's THAT good.

Gentlemen, here's a link to your guide.