preach it sistah!

now that i finally have some free time to read blogs to my heart's content, i've started to go through the archives of Solo Femininity by Carolyn McCulley. the good thing about it, is that i'm not reading pure drivel, it's solid stuff. i feel like i should be taking notes. actually i probably will be taking notes soon.

this is an excerpt from carolyn's post "How to be 'Just Friends' When You Want More". click on the link for the full post. the context of this excerpt is that a girl wrote in to ask for advice about a guy that took the "buddy approach" to dating.

And in the future, when a man wants a lot of undefined time with you, you can gently let him know this isn't acceptable though you’re not trying to make it difficult for him or be unkind to him. As a man, his role is to define and lead, and if he is unsure at this point about what that looks like, you could say you are willing to give him the time to decide...but that this will not happen while he's monopolizing your time and affections. That, however, is hard to do graciously. :) But I'm sure that God will be faithful to you to help you find this course and to keep your peace before Him.

Side note to any men reading this answer: Yes, we women are responsible for guarding our hearts and we are often fumbling in this area. But one way you can help us is by clear communication of your intentions at various points in any friendship or dating/courting relationship. Just as godly women try to guard men’s eyes by dressing modestly, godly men can help guard our hearts through clear communication, coupled with the realization that lots of time together and conversation is how our hearts are hooked. I’m not bashing you men here—I like you lot very much and hope to be able to love one man in the near future! But I would appeal to you to avoid the “buddy approach” to dating. By this I mean undefined one-on-one relationships, not group activities with the real goal of cultivating friendship—I’m all for cultivating friendships between brothers and sisters! Though this approach may seem safer at first, it reaps a harvest of habits and hurts that I think most wise, godly men would rather avoid. Finally, I also hope you appreciate that I am urging women to resist bitterness, thereby giving you the opportunity to truly pursue a previous “buddy” in the future IF that’s what you are convinced God is calling you to do. It’s not a “one strike, you’re out” policy in the kingdom of a merciful God. And aren’t we all eternally glad for that?!

hear hear!

i also found this tidbit in one of her responses interesting. it's in response to a man who wrote in to say that the marriage system doesn't work the way it use to. click here for the full article.

As a sister in the Lord, however, I want to encourage you to get out there and pursue! Even if you face rejection, keep trying! It's a masculine form of trusting God, just as the feminine form is to trust Him in the wait.

i wonder if guys see it that way. i've asked a few guys if they would pursue a girl they liked even if she was intimidating. only one guy in my memory responded with a hearty "YEAH!" it never really occurred to me how scary rejection is.