Monday, March 30, 2009

Millionaire Dollar Team

Would you rather always be fully supported financially above and beyond what you need but only work by yourself or would your rather always be under supported financially but work with a team?

That was one of the "Would You Rather" questions that I asked part of my staff team coming back from a weekly meeting. EVERYONE chose to be under supported financially if that meant working with a team. And despite how much I like money, I would too.

This year has really taught me the importance of working in a team. I've always appreciated teams before, but never as like this. My team has been an integral part of my healing process from burnout. What grace there was when I failed, and I had failed many a times. What truth there was when I was blinded to reality, and I'm borderline delusional [sic]. My staff team is a millionaire dollar team. I adore them all. Yes, every single one of them. I can't imagine working without them, but now I'm going to have to.

Come April, most of them are going to be across the sea while I'm still here on campus. To be honest it makes me a bit anxious when I think about being "alone". I'll have friends in Toronto of course, but the camaraderie of my team won't be fully there. There's nothing worse than going to battle alone.

I know in my weakness God will be glorified, and that His grace is sufficient in my head, but at this point it hasn't filtered down to my heart yet.

I miss them already.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Love Me Anyways

Sometimes it's like, "I'm so messed up. I need to go see a therapist. Wait, I am seeing a therapist."

Today and yesterday were those kind of days. I shouldn't be surprised by the crap that gets squeezed out of me anymore.

I've been extremely hesitant to put anything on this blog regarding my journey through burnout the past year because of a fear of misunderstanding. I was afraid that people would misunderstand God, and lose faith in Him because of what I was, and am going through.

I was afraid that people would misunderstand me, because let's face it blogs are one dimensional no matter how good of a wordsmith you are, and no matter what, people always judge.

Plus burnout is something that cannot be encapsulated through a one dimensional medium. I don't know even if multiple mediums would convey what it's like. It's something that you wouldn't fully understand unless you've walked through the darkness of the valley. And since I was never that good with words to begin with, I was hesitant.

As for people judging, if I was a blog stalker who came to this site from my Facebook profile because I am a "friend", or from another blog, the first sentence would make me think that the blogger is psychotic. Let's not lie to ourselves. We judge period.

So that's why I was silent, but I will be no more. I'm breaking the silence because leaving this kind of stuff in the dark is worse. It makes it scarier than it seems. I'll risk the misunderstanding.

Life is hard and crap like burnout and depression happen. We live in a craptacular world. But the good thing is that there is a light at the end of the tunnel though you might not see it for a loooooooooong time. And that's the honest truth.

So love me anyways.

Saturday, March 07, 2009

Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.

~Bill Vaughan

Oh good ol' gmail quote of the day.

I have recently realized that I have a distaste for and an aversion to suburbia. Even where I live now is not downtown enough. If you're going to live in the city why live in the burbs? I dream of a loft. Mhmm...one day..God willing, if I'm still in this town, and not overseas.

Sunday, March 01, 2009

Anticipation

I am so ridiculously excited for my summer plans that it's like having caffeine in my system all the time. I didn't think that I would be excited this year since I'm not even stepping off the continent, but I am!

April- Gospel Coalition (Chicago)
May- Martha's Vineyard (Vacation, time share courtesy of a very awesome friend.)
June- Arizona (Ministry Partner Development Trip)
June and July- Colorado (Institute for Biblical Studies); Whistler (Staff Conference)
August- California (Fresno, San Francisco, L.A., Yosemite, King's Canyon, and maybe just maybe San Diego)

I can feel the sun on my skin already. I can't wait to shoot all of these locations.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

25 Random Facts a la Facebook

I'd rather write it here than on FB. I'm irrationally paranoid like that.

1. I like to do random things on the fly like getting my hair cut or my belly button pierced.

2. As of yesterday I have a belly button ring.

3. The violin, the piano, the electric guitar, and the drums are the sexiest instruments EVER. I love them.

4. I am now a clean freak comparatively to what I was before.

5. One dream of mine is to have enough money to randomly jump on the next flight out of Pearson to a major city in the world.

6. I have an irrational, shallow, and superficial fear that I will marry someone ugly. By God's grace it's lessening as the years go by. :P And no, it's not that I'm learning to settle. I absolutely refuse to.

7. I have small scars of a dog bite on my right cheek.

8. Foods that I use to hate, but now love: ketchup, sour cream, pasta, and filet o' fish from McDonald's.

9. I want to have the skills of a National Geographic photographer.

10. Textbook economics literally gets my heart beating faster especially microeconomics.

11. Harvard was my childhood dream.

12. I have THE BIGGEST CRUSH on James Franco of Spiderman fame, but mostly on his character in the movie Tristan and Isolde.

13. Going through burn out was the hardest thing that I had to ever go through even considering my childhood.

14. Despite my dry and rough demeanor I am actually quite the sappy die hard romantic at heart.

15. I tried out for the Miss Chinese Toronto beauty pageant back in grade 11.

16. I thoroughly enjoy and savour every moment of being single. Taste the freedom.

17. I use to be the hugest tomboy back in junior high.

18. My Achilles heel is my insidious pride.

19. I'm becoming a homebody. I just like piddling around my apartment.

20. I am NOT an extrovert. I am an outgoing introvert. I hate big crowds, and being around people too much actually depletes my energy.

21. I have a (bad?) habit of looking at engagement rings whenever I pass by a jewellry store.

22. One day I hope to have an art show.

23. I compare myself to others way too much.

24. I am the biggest idol in my life. See 18.

25. Quality time and taking initiative are my love languages.

Eggsplosion

IcamehomefromCostco.Put18eggsintoapottoboilthem.Leftthemonthestove,andwentforanap.

In case you didn't get that.

I came home from Costco.

Put 18 eggs into a pot to boil them.
[ I was going to eat them for breakfast throughout the week]

And then proceeded to leave them on stove whilst I went for a nap.
[Unintentionally of course. I was so tired I forgot the stove was on.]

Sounds like the beginning of a bad joke doesn't it? Well it wasn't.

An hour later I awoke to explosions coming from the kitchen. Sounds made by eggs committing suicide. Sounds loud enough to wake me not only from deep sleep, but deep sleep with ipod blaring. Yes, I sleep with my ipod on.

And not only did I awake to sounds, but I awoke to a haze as well. A haze that could've been described as a fog.

You can start laughing....now.

The stench of rotten eggs is, I think still in my hair, or I just might be paranoid. Our apartment stunk until I cooked enough pasta to feed an army. Now it stinks like pasta.

This reminded me of university when I managed to set eggs I was frying on fire with the flames going a foot above the pan.

Too close of a call. TWO close calls.

I can see it now...death by eggs.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Monotonous Droning

“Shelly forgot how utterly boring lectures were. How did she ever survive four years of monotonous droning?”

For the three hours that I sat in my Basic Photography class I was thinking about various Facebook statuses bemoaning the tedium that I sat through in my head. That’ll tell you how much fun it was and how much I learned.

Honestly, I don’t think the man planned for a lecture. I would’ve have learned more if I surfed the net for three hours than the three hours that I sat in that fluorescent room.

Funnily enough I didn’t feel as much guilt dinking around my mac as I would have if I was in undergrad. If you’re so boring as to not capture my attention then you don’t deserve my attention. It’s not MY fault that you like to listen to yourself talk.

Oh yeah, and this blog post? Written IN class.

Do I sound annoyed and slightly angry? That’s because I am. Because I spent good money and time for this class. I’m already anticipating the course evaluation......

Thursday, February 19, 2009

5 Things That I'm Looking Forward To This Week

1. Sheridan Photography course
2. Dinking around in Photoshop
3. Starting a fresh journal
4. Designing a mail out for Grace Toronto
5. Steph's Oscar Shindig

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

A Picture Speaks A Thousand Words

Since that is it the case, I should have thousands upon thousands of words to fill up this little blog by now, but alas I only have two measly blog posts, this making it three for this year. It seems that all my creativity has been taken up with photography, sketching, painting, jewelry design, and design of all sorts in general.

I am at a loss for words, but I have never felt more alive than now when I'm letting all my God-given creativity flow out in the form of visual art. For once I feel like I'm living the abundant life.

This is all to say that I update my Flickr more than this so go there. :)

Monday, January 26, 2009

Did you hear the one about the agnostic dyslexic insomniac?





















He stayed up all night wondering if dog existed.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

The Ingeniously Stupid Things That I Do

Three people in one apartment with a small fridge means that there's usually a lack of fridge space. And I for one am a lazy cook so I like to make HUGE quantities of food and eat it for a week. The problem that arises of course is "Where do I store it?"

That's the one good thing about having severe weather warnings, my huge balcony automatically becomes a deep freezer.

In December I decided to make congee during one of my super lazy days and of course I made a lot. And of course there was no room left in the inn...I mean fridge. So being the ingenious person that I am, I put the whole pot of it outside...and promptly forgot about it. Until now.

Tonight when I went to retrieve it the whole load of it was frozen solid, but thankfully there was no mold or anything of the like. After I heated it on the stove to defrost it enough to flush it down the toilet I brought the pot to the bathroom and proceeded to empty the entire contents into the bowl. Little did I know that only the outer edges was defrosted, the core was still frozen. And what a large core.

There I was standing over the toilet bowl with a huge block of congee ice almost the same size, sitting in the bowl. What's a girl to do? Why, get a pair of chopsticks that shall never ever be used again and poke at it of course!

Well that didn't do any good as the core was solidly frozen, and a good pair of chopsticks was wasted. The cheap, chinese side of me cringed.

Finally after a few basin full of hot scalding water the huge ice congee chunk dissipated into the drain.

Moral of the story? Well, come up with your own

Friday, January 16, 2009

The Saga of My Tooth

Me: "I can't believe that you remembered me."
My Dentist: "You're my most expensive patient."
Me: "I've invested a lot of money into this tooth too. I could have a huge diamond engagement ring by now."

Later on...
Me: "I have nightmares about all my teeth falling out."
My Dentist: "Why don't you dream that this one does?"

Even later on...
My Dentist: "I should've taken the tooth out when I had the chance."
Me: "If you take it out now I'm going to gold plate it and put it on a necklace."
My Dentist: "I want half of it. You can have the part with two roots. I'll take the one with one root."

At the end...
My Dentist: "Wow I've known you for SIX years!"
Further exclamations about being old.
Me: "I'm sorry I make you feel old."

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Photo Editing

While I'm all for photo editing (read: addicted) these days, it still doesn't beat a picture taken right the first time.

Sunday, November 09, 2008

Tell me...why'd I have and go and be so complicated.

Being human takes a lot of work.

We are bundles of emotions, dreams, expectations, wants, needs, likes, dislikes, opinions, thoughts, beliefs, convictions, thoughts, loves, hates, annoyances, joys, frustrations, hopes, desires, passions, and...

all tangled up.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Meet J.D. (James Dean)



My Rebel XS with a cause, to capture the world and its beauty.

I scoured the Craig's list for a camera for around $500. I found some Rebel XTs and XTis for about $450, but I thought I'd give Best Buy a go.

The Rebel XS was on sale for $569 from $599. Not bad, but even better was the fact that there was an "open" box for sale at $539. Someone had bought it as a gift, but the receiver returned it. I snatched it up, but to my chagrin I found the same camera a day later for $549 BRAND NEW. So back to Best Buy I went to take advantage of their price matching deal and was all like look you either give me a brand new camera for the same price or give me credit on the opened one. They chose the latter and I got J.D. for $499 before tax. Huzzah!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

The Camera Saga

July 3- Precious Canon SD1000 mugged

August- Replaced by the new and improved Canon SD1100

October 12th- Canon SD1100 dies a very early and very premature death because of accidental droppage on zoom lens. My heart breaks.

October 12th- Diana + is purchased to redeem day of shooting. Parts are discovered to be missing.

October 15th- Diana + is exchanged for a more complete camera.

October 19th- Diana loses her shutter release, and is taken back to store yet again. Cannot replace without receipt.

October 20th- Canon Rebel XS a.k.a. James Dean a.k.a. JD is found, but questions still linger as to whether there is a lower price elsewhere

October 23rd- Diana is returned.

October 24th- J.D. stays after price drops even more.

Lust never ends

First I got sick of my little silver Nikon, and was pining for the day when I would own a Canon SD1000.

The minute the Canon SD1000 was in my hand, I started dreaming of the day when I would have a DSLR.

Last week I took the plunge and got a $599 DSLR for $499 at Best Buy. It has been a week. I've used it twice, and I'm already dreaming of more lenses and dare I even say it.....The Canon 50D?

Lust never ends.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Expectations

Expectations can be stated, implied, unsaid.

Expectations can be imposed, perceived, received, and rejected.

By you and others.

Expectations can be black and white or...you know.

Expectations can be good, bad, and in between.

Expectations can be light as a feather or bone crushing.

Expectations can be warmly welcomed or deeply despised.

Expectations can be big, small, or somewhere in the middle or at least...feel like that anyways.

Expectations can be simple, but maybe it's because you just don't get it.

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

October 7th 2008 Highlights

Exuberant would be the word of choice to describe how I feel right now. And I have not been exuberant for a while. Every little birthday thing that people did for me whether it was a card, washing dishes, buying napkins, planning a swing dance, presents meant SO much to me.

Highlights From the Day
1. Birthday Swing Dance
This was the cherry that topped the sundae. Birthday girl (me) was in the middle of the dance floor and EVERYONE danced with me.

2. Providential Napkins and Flowers
I saw both napkins (Sleeping Beauty) and flowers (sunflowers) at Sobey's when I went to get plates. Was tempted to buy BOTH, but decided against it, but I REALLY WANTED THEM. Hours later Becky shows up with the Sleeping Beauty napkins because she couldn't find blue and green ones, and the boys show up with the sunflowers.

3. Urban Decay Graffiti Eyeshadow
I've wanted Urban Decay shadow for SO long and SO much, and my roommates got me it. WA-HOOOOO. Along with some funkdadelic electric blue eyeliner. HELLO!

4. Lydia sent me a TON of hilarious e-cards that gave me deep belly laughs.

5. Things in a Box:
Things You Would Not Write in Shelly's Birthday Card
- "The only Asian woman I like is my mother.~ 'Joe Choi" (Submitted by C. Kenyon)
Things Shelly Does Not Want People to Say to Her at Swing Dancing.
- "I know I'm unattractive, but I'm the only guy talking to you." (Submitted by K. Macher)

6. G-chat Convo pasted in a Card

7. People coming from Hamilton and Guelph!!!

Sunday, October 05, 2008

So Many Issues, So Little Time

"I use to think that if I cared about something I have to care about everything."
~ Henry from Ever After

A cheesy line from a flighty prince in a girlie movie, but it fits me right now. Which battle do I pick?